Insight on why young girls like older guys

[BaileyB]

2 hours ago, sothereiwas said:

Be aware ... women change their minds about things like that. Just repeating what you said. 

 

But then, the onus is on her. It’s one thing for her to chose a relationship when she believes she does not want children and later change her mind. That’s a hard thing to deal with and it’s not very fair to the man. But it’s difficult as a young person to know definitively what you want for your life. It’s quite another thing for a man to form a relationship with a woman who wants children when he knows definitively that he do not want any more children... 

And let’s be fair, at 26 years old she probably doesn’t know what she wants. Your twenties are basically about discovering who you are and what you want in life... it would be totally ok for her to change her mind at some point. 

Edited June 13, 2020 by BaileyB

[sothereiwas]

In theory, however 5 years in it doesn't really matter who is at fault, it's just going to be an issue. 

[elaine567]

4 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Your twenties are basically about discovering who you are and what you want in life... it would be totally ok for her to change her mind at some point. 

Agreed and when her peer group start having kids then that is when the maternal instinct kicks in.
I also think some realise the worth of legacy and without kids of one's own, there is no legacy... no mini-me.
Once parents die and siblings become preoccupied, there is no real family either... 

 

[BaileyB]

15 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Agreed and when her peer group start having kids then that is when the maternal instinct kicks in.
I also think some realise the worth of legacy and without kids of one's own, there is no legacy... no mini-me.
Once parents die and siblings become preoccupied, there is no real family either... 

 

Agree. And that’s something that you just don’t appreciate when you are 26 years old...

Motherhood is not for all, and I completely respect that decision. But, it can be really difficult to watch your friends get married, have children, and raise their families. Friendships change as you have less in common - friends are more focused on their families and have less time for social gatherings (that don’t include the children). It can be difficult to watch your siblings have children and see your parents spend time/spoil the grandchildren. There is a feeling of being excluded, from peer groups and even your own nuclear family sometimes. You just don’t appreciate that at 26 years old...

[Bluesky00]

Older guys are gross. Why the hell would let’s say a 23 year old woman want to date some 45 year old man??? What so he can pay her bills or some s$&t like that? Do you think I want to date some 70 year old geezer? Heck no. Not even if he was worth 300 billion. I don’t know about maturity thing, but guys in their 20’s should have goals, and a 10 year plan already. Don’t those guys in their 20’s go off to college and pursue a career?

[sothereiwas]

4 minutes ago, Bluesky00 said:

Older guys are gross. Why the hell would let’s say a 23 year old woman want to date some 45 year old man??? What so he can pay her bills or some s$&t like that? Do you think I want to date some 70 year old geezer? Heck no. Not even if he was worth 300 billion. I don’t know about maturity thing, but guys in their 20’s should have goals, and a 10 year plan already. Don’t those guys in their 20’s go off to college and pursue a career?

Yep, some do. By the time they accomplish something they're usually 35 year old guys at least ...

But it's cool, each person can go for what they want. The note of caution I would sound is that when that 35 year old accomplished career man is looking for someone to settle down with, a 35 year old ex-party girl probably won't be at the top of the list. 

[mark clemson]

2 hours ago, Bluesky00 said:

Older guys are gross.

"Gross" is very much in the eye of the beholder. If a woman is attracted to an older man, (or a man to an older woman), that's between them. There are plenty of things that people do sexually that are gross to many others. For example, some people (both sexes) find oral sex "gross". Many others do not.

[mark clemson]

8 hours ago, sothereiwas said:

They are quite similar, and be fair, I did say "basically"

@ STIW and @CaliforniaGirl - well, ABWT was intended to be a scientific study, so perhaps they used "competence" as a neutral word, but since they mean it in a "sexy" (or at least attractive) way, "prowess" is actually a better word for common speech.

I agree that prowess makes me think of a tiger or something (kinda, sorta) not to mention "sexual prowess", whereas competence makes me (as well) think of work related skills and an office environment, etc. So probably prowess has the better associations.

[sothereiwas]

4 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

I agree that prowess makes me think of a tiger or something (kinda, sorta) not to mention "sexual prowess"

It's hard to guess, but it occurs to me that they might have been trying to avoid that sort of specific association in their use of words. 

[basil67]

10 hours ago, Blind-Sided said:

@basil67 I agree. If she was just a few years younger... she wouldn't have the life experiences to to know what an older guy could offer.  

I was thinking that she wouldn't know the potential pitfalls (like outgrowing the older guy or being at different life stages).....but yes, it's all about having more life experience to make an informed decision.

[CaliforniaGirl]

30 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

@ STIW and @CaliforniaGirl - well, ABWT was intended to be a scientific study, so perhaps they used "competence" as a neutral word, but since they mean it in a "sexy" (or at least attractive) way, "prowess" is actually a better word for common speech.

I agree that prowess makes me think of a tiger or something (kinda, sorta) not to mention "sexual prowess", whereas competence makes me (as well) think of work related skills and an office environment, etc. So probably prowess has the better associations.

That's what I'm saying...young girls are unlikely to be going for older men based on "prowess." Competence may be the more accurate description, or even probably steadiness,  especially with what the OP says his younger woman tells him - he takes care of her, he makes her feel safe, other adult males in her life have left, etc. (Going off memory, hard to hope the quote while scrolling back, hope I'm referring to the right relationship!)

And that has been my experience too; when a friend or two went for a much older man it was: he can take me to nicer places, he's steady, he has money, a better/upgrade car (v. the beaters some people have to start out with right out of school), he feels lucky to have me, etc., etc. Not: oohhh, his prowess. That's more like a Wall Street boyfriend or whatever. 😁

This won't be every May-December relationship, I'm just giving my experience and observation. But it's the OP's experience too, for what that's worth. I think! I really do need to go back and read.

Edited June 13, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl
I. HATE. THIS. DAMNED. KINDLE.

[5x5]

I just asked my wife about why she was in a 9 month sexual relationship, with a man who was 12 years older When she was 25.

Anyway she wasn’t with him. because of any prowess on his behalf or money either. His appeal was simply in his confidence and being forward. She liked him and thought he was fun and had fun with him. His appeal wasn’t his looks or money, he had a terrific sense of humour.

That said she relates that she was self conscious dating an older man. And felt it was a bit weird as well because of the age disparity. She also thinks it’s not the norm for younger women to prefer men 10 years and older.

She also thinks some women may want to be with older men because of money. Yet she doesn’t think that is universally applicable to all women since she didn’t care about money at all.

He had also been in a relationship with a woman 16 years younger than him, and he told her that all of her friends and family hated his guts for it. While he also relates that she was with him to deliberately upset her family.

That said my wife dumped him in the end, since she met me (I am 1 year younger than my wife) and asked me out on a date. She couldn’t get over the fact he was unattractive in his appearance. Especially since he was balding, which is something that she still doesn’t like.
 

Going back to prowess my wife also relates that she did enjoy herself with him and had fun sexually with him. Yet to her disappointment she never orgasmed with him. At first he tried harder to get her there. Then he insisted she was having orgasms, while claiming she didn’t realise she was. In the end to end arguments about it. She started faking it and telling him she had orgasms when she hadn’t, while being open to new opportunities.

At the end of the day some older men are great sexual partners, while some aren’t, and their age is not the determining factor.

We wish you luck @Blind-Sided and think you should enjoy what you have, whether it last for the short term or carries on for the long time.

Edited June 14, 2020 by 5x5

[Blind-Sided]

10 hours ago, 5x5 said:

1) That said she relates that she was self conscious dating an older man. And felt it was a bit weird as well because of the age disparity. She also thinks it’s not the norm for younger women to prefer men 10 years and older.

2) She also thinks some women may want to be with older men because of money. Yet she doesn’t think that is universally applicable to all women since she didn’t care about money at all.

3) Especially since he was balding, which is something that she still doesn’t like.
 

4) she did enjoy herself with him and had fun sexually with him. Yet to her disappointment she never orgasmed with him. At first he tried harder to get her there. Then he insisted she was having orgasms, while claiming she didn’t realise she was. In the end to end arguments about it. She started faking it and telling him she had orgasms when she hadn’t, while being open to new opportunities. At the end of the day some older men are great sexual partners, while some aren’t, and their age is not the determining factor.

5) We wish you luck @Blind-Sided and think you should enjoy what you have, whether it last for the short term or carries on for the long time.

I broke it up, and added numbers to help respond to some of this....

1) I'm kind of guessing that if she was self conscious about being with him... then it would have been destined to fail in the end.  But to that point... I think an 8 to 10 year shift in age... with the man being older is kind of normal in relationships that develop later in life.   My exW was 8 years younger, and it was never even a question.  Also, the majority of th egirls I was introduced to after my divorce were in that range. (8~10 yrs younger)

2) I know this was also touched on... bur money isn't an issue. I don't really have any savings since my D, and I'm not "Rich" by any measure.  But I know there are a lot of "Gold digger" types out ther.

3) I've been bald for a long time.  My hair started going thin when I was 20. 

4) I'm sorry she didn't get there with him... but that could also be why she didn't stay. But for him to insist that she was quietly having them is just wrong.  I work hard to make sure my partners enjoy themselves. 

5) Thanks.

12 hours ago, mark clemson said:

"Gross" is very much in the eye of the beholder. If a woman is attracted to an older man, (or a man to an older woman), that's between them. There are plenty of things that people do sexually that are gross to many others. For example, some people (both sexes) find oral sex "gross". Many others do not.

I agree.  I don't think I look all that good... but recently, I've been told by several girls that I am very hansom.  I guess that's a good thing. (for me)  One thing I've heard my entire life are comments about my deep blue eyes.  I have used that as an advantage, and anytime I want to get a girl's attention... I simply look into her eyes.

15 hours ago, Bluesky00 said:

 I don’t know about maturity thing, but guys in their 20’s should have goals, and a 10 year plan already. Don’t those guys in their 20’s go off to college and pursue a career?

That's part of the issue... there are so may 20-somthing's that are perfectly fine sitting in "Mom's" house, and doing their hobbies. Especially in smaller towns. And yes... It's more the guys, than the girls. So... these mid to late 20's girls want to start moving forward... and all they see are "Kids" that don't want to deal with real life yet.   Heck... I have a early 20's cousin who works hard... but has told me point blank... He doesn't have time for a GF because he's too busy working on his car project. The majority of his friends have GF's, but fall into this category.

[sothereiwas]

15 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

That's what I'm saying...young girls are unlikely to be going for older men based on "prowess."

Perhaps your idea of what the word means is shading your perception. All it actually means is essentially a step or two after competence. A person who is competent can accomplish a thing well enough, a person who has prowess at a thing excels. For most things most people actually do in life, prowess doesn't come until later in life. Another term that nerds in my field use is kung fu, as in "I have kung fu", which simultaneously makes a claim and, due to the somewhat esoteric nature of the knowledge of what the term translated as kung fu means, bolsters the claim via nerd cred. 

For a lot of people, prowess never happens, but look around, consider the examples of older men who have landed young women. In most cases I'm aware of, the fella excels at something. In my experience people can justify their limbic urges via astonishing gymnastics, but in the end the old rules often apply. Ogg isn't young or pretty, but he's the best we have at tracking mammoth, and since his 3rd wife died birthing his 4th kid, he's available ladies. A proven winner. In our modern times women often get accused of being gold diggers, but from my observation it's again, most often just a pursuit of prowess. Modern society often rewards excellence with money, and so money just a decent proxy for prowess, or call it extreme competence if it makes one feel better. Or is Jeff Bezos a really good looking fella? Be honest. 

[CaliforniaGirl]

22 hours ago, sothereiwas said:

Yep, some do. By the time they accomplish something they're usually 35 year old guys at least ...

But it's cool, each person can go for what they want. The note of caution I would sound is that when that 35 year old accomplished career man is looking for someone to settle down with, a 35 year old ex-party girl probably won't be at the top of the list. 

She might be at the top of his list (and lots of young kids party). The reason I say this is that the overwhelming majority of U.S. marriages have a maximum age difference if 5 years, with much smaller percentage out to 10 years, and the remaining number being (again numerically) outlier status.

 

[sothereiwas]

9 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

The reason I say this is that the overwhelming majority of U.S. marriages have a maximum age difference if 5 years, with much smaller percentage out to 10 years,

That's true, and the average age for women to get married is in their middle 20s, not middle 30s. For men, it's later in the the twenties. As the age of men increases, the gap they desire increases. 

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, sothereiwas said:

That's true, and the average age for women to get married is in their middle 20s, not middle 30s. For men, it's later in the the twenties. As the age of men increases, the gap they desire increases. 

For men it is just under 30 and for women, just under 28. As far as what people desire v. what they get, well, that's the age-old dilemma, now isn't it? 😂 But sure, either sex can desire a younger partner. And it's socially acceptable either way.

But for long term relationships, people still on average choose approximately a same-age partner. The average age difference among all hetero couples in the U.S. is less than 2.5 years. The overwhelming majority are well less than 10 years. Then there are outliers and they make it work too.

Edited June 15, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[CaliforniaGirl]

9 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

For men it is just under 30 and for women, just under 28. As far as what people desire v. what they get, well, that's the age-old dilemma, now isn't it? 😂 But sure, either sex can desire a younger partner. And it's socially acceptable either way.

But for long term relationships, people still on average choose approximately a same-age partner. The average age difference among all hetero couples in the U.S. is less than 2.5 years. The overwhelming majority are well less than 10 years. Then there are outliers and they make it work too.

I should add...I'm not saying everyone follows the above numbers to a T. Average is, or course, math. And of course exceptions can exists they're just a lot more rare.

My husband was barely within my age range. I never like to go more than 5 years either way. I don't know, that's just always worked for me. My husband is 4 years younger than I am. It is my second marriage, his first. He came closer to his first marriage "average" than I did. When we married he was 31 and I was 35. So I get it.

But really big age differences...there's a reason they are comparatively very rare.

The OP seems happy so I'm rooting for him. He seems like an awesome guy. They may just to the distance. 😍

[sothereiwas]

8 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

As far as what people desire v. what they get, well, that's the age-old dilemma

Absolutely. I think that's sort of the point, not all guys can pull it off but those who can, do. 

EDIT:

Here's a study that quantifies it: https://advances.sciencemag.org/content/advances/4/8/eaap9815.full.pdf

[SummerDreams]

I was thinking about you these days Blind-Sided and I was wondering how you're doing with your relationship with the younger woman. Of course if you want to share.

[ssm617]

Various reasons. Some younger women may feel men around their age are too immature. They might think older men are more financially stable and responsible. Or they might want marriage/children and men around their age aren't ready to settle down yet.  

[Angelle]

I was never really attracted to men a lot older than me, outside of a few celebrity crushes, that wouldn't amount to more than that. I felt weird getting hit on by guys who were a lot younger than me, too.

I've liked a couple of younger guys, but I haven't dated them. One of my best friends was in love with a man who was ten years younger, but she lost him in June.  He died. He loved her, too. The actress Katee Sackhoff, is engaged to a man who is ten years younger than her. I follow her on instagram, so I saw the engagement announced. 

[Blind-Sided]

On 8/17/2020 at 10:14 AM, SummerDreams said:

I was thinking about you these days Blind-Sided and I was wondering how you're doing with your relationship with the younger woman. Of course if you want to share.

Just noticed this post came back up.   

Things are going great. We see each other almost every day.  We do as much as we can... but with COVID, the options are limited. (I won't go to a restaurant yet, but we do a lot of take out)  We have gone camping, we have gone on bike rides, gone Kayaking, and just hung out to watch movies.  One of the fun things has been with my retro game collection.  I'm not a hard-core gamer...  sitting around playing games all day.  BUT... I do talk about the history of it... and since the lock-down, I have been repairing systems for a local store. (I traveled for work) So she will show up, and I will be down in my workshop.  But, she has been asking about some of the obscure systems lately, and she even has asked to play some of them. (Virtual Boy, Atari Lynx, Sega Nomad, so on)   Just yesterday... after dinner... she wanted to race me... so I fired up the N64, and we played Mario Kart. On that note... she told me about a couple games she liked when she was younger... so needless to say... I went out and found a couple of them to play. (Common interests) 

She is playful, and fun... but can be serious when needed.  And, we enjoy a lot of the same things.  Oh... and my kids really like her too... so that's a bonus.