Insight on why young girls like older guys

[mark clemson]

I'm going to repeat my post from your earlier thread (linked below) for "general info".

For your specific case, I think what you are saying about the 30-60 age gap in 10 years is important and telling. LT it would probably cause significant issues.

My take would be, IF you only are looking for a "real" LT relationship, pass this woman over. If you are good with an extended, but finite, fling that will probably be quite memorable then I say take her up on the apparent "offer".

I hope I'm never in your situation (divorced unexpectedly, etc). Speaking for myself I can pretty much tell you I would be banging this woman's brains out for 2-3 months. Ending it would be the hard, but necessary part, which I would also do after a while. If you're not up for that, then pass.

That's my $0.02 - GL...

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/topic/591985-what-do-younger-girls-see-in-older-guys/?do=findComment&comment=7743675

[sothereiwas]

Well, my wife is over 20 years my junior and we're making it work for quite a while now. I guess people vary. 

[Blind-Sided]

27 minutes ago, sothereiwas said:

Well, my wife is over 20 years my junior and we're making it work for quite a while now. I guess people vary. 

that's absolutely great !!

50 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

.... My take would be, IF you only are looking for a "real" LT relationship, pass this woman over. If you are good with an extended, but finite, fling that will probably be quite memorable then I say take her up on the apparent "offer".

I hope I'm never in your situation (divorced unexpectedly, etc). Speaking for myself I can pretty much tell you I would be banging this woman's brains out for 2-3 months........

I honestly hope you never have to experience what I went through. I'm ok now... but there was 6~7 months of no sleep, worry, crying, and heartache. Once she moved out, there was healing... but even after I thought I was good... I couldn't even bring myself to give a woman a hug. (other than existing female friends)  This girl was the first person that it just felt right, and I wanted to hug her. (or touch her hand... or give her a little peck on the forehead)  Oh... and the reason the first kiss of any kind was on her forehead is because she is much shorter than me.  LOL. To kiss her on the cheek, would have required me to bend down.... a lot. (I'm 6', she's 4'11")

As for the relationship... I don't know yet.  Once it truly develops into something... we need to just spend some time together.  Who knows... after a couple months... we may annoy each other. (That's what dating is all about)

Edited March 24, 2020 by Blind-Sided

[SummerDreams]

Well what else is a relationship other than filling each other's voids?...

 

[Azincourt]

35 minutes ago, sothereiwas said:

Well, my wife is over 20 years my junior and we're making it work for quite a while now. I guess people vary. 

I know a guy who is 40 years older than his wife.

I know another guy who is 30 years older than his wife. One guy is 50 years older than his wife. 

I reckon when there's an age gap that wide between a couple, the relationship is more based on an emotional and intellectual connection rather than on a sexual-kind of connection, especially when the young woman is hot and the guy is pretty average-looking for his age.

Now, that's great,  the problem is when times passes by and the woman starts looking around at guys her own age and seeing they look good, or the older guy develops a medical condition and needs to be taken care of for the rest of his life, or he dies and he lives a young widow with kids or something like that.

Quote

 

Well what else is a relationship other than filling each other's voids?...

 

Some women enter a relationship because they don't want to be alone. A woman I grew up with, her mother was like that. She was terrified of being alone, causing her to date broke men, or men who stole from her, or men who were more trouble than what they were worth.

Some women enter a relationship because they want to have children. Children are expensive,  and having a child on her own can be quite the ordeal for women who aren't rich.

Some men enter a relationship because they like sex but they don't feel like heading out to the nightclub every night, either to try to bring a woman with him to spend the night, or the sex is bad and not worth the effort.

Some men enter a relationship because they inherited quite a large amount of land, a highly priced house, valuable stocks, and they need a woman to have a child with so that the family's wealth can remain in the family.

Dunno, man. There's lots of reason why people form a romantic relationship with the opposite sex.

Edited March 24, 2020 by Azincourt

[sothereiwas]

3 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

I reckon when there's an age gap that wide between a couple, the relationship is more based on an emotional and intellectual connection rather than on a sexual-kind of connection, especially when the young woman is hot and the guy is pretty average-looking for his age.

Well, my wife come after me on a pretty regular basis. I'll be sure to tell her she's doing it wrong next time. On second thought, that would be crazy. 

[Azincourt]

21 minutes ago, sothereiwas said:

Well, my wife come after me on a pretty regular basis. I'll be sure to tell her she's doing it wrong next time. On second thought, that would be crazy. 

Some men look like Brad Pitt well into their 60s and 70s, like how Brad Pitt still looks like Brad Pitt.

That said, I'm pretty sure the 21 year old 5'10'' 130lbs model that I know of married to the 50-something, 5'4'', overweight bald,  with yellowed-out teeth and a plain face, is married to him because of how emotionally attracted to him she is, instead of her marriage with him being based on any carnal connection - but what do I know?

Maybe there are 21 year old women out there who are attractive enough to be the next Miss Italy, actually sexually attracted to guys who look like they could play the role of The Phantom of the Opera or the role of the Hunchback of Notre-Dame.

I just wonder if all of these women I know of who are married to men old enough to be their dad/grandfather would still be interested in marrying them if these guys worked as grunts in the civil construction industry instead of being the Presidents of said construction companies bringing several millions home after taxes 🤣

Edited March 24, 2020 by Azincourt

[SincereOnlineGuy]

6 hours ago, Blind-Sided said:

Wellllllllll.  You aren't actually wrong with that. I worked with this girls mother years ago. I was a research chemist, and I left on good terms. I go back to that place of business all the time to answer questions, and to help when there are production issues. (I spec'ed out almost all SOP's while there) So, I've stayed in touch with her mother over all these years. Part of the problem is... when this goes public... I will have to talk to her mother who may not approve. And not just that... but because I've kown her mother for 20 years... I can just imagine the talk will be like I'm a kid. (Mom yelling at me. LOL) The other thing is... I remember looking at a picture of this girl on her mothers desk, every day.  And back then... she was only 6 years old.   Out of any of this... that's the image I'm trying to overcome. LOL. So... I was 27 the first time I saw that picture.  (I was adult, and she was still very much a child) 

So yes... there is some internal questioning.

 

This is remarkably interesting  (I merely want to turn to the back of the book to find out how it plays out) although NOT a deal-breaker for any reason.

A research chemist  (sounds good enough to warrant extra points from onlookers) and if the mom (is similarly of sharp mind) that (sounds AS IF it should help the mom (have at least the potential to be more fair  than might the similar mom who didn't finish high school).

Also, after the (anticipated yelling {won't term it a 'match' the first time} ) ...  that mom will lie awake at night staring at the ceiling, and counting/recognizing reasons  why a daughter of hers may have an extra draw to older men (possibly a function of the mom's own love life or lack thereof).  The mom has the mental tools  to be fair about it all...  so there's hope...   in no small part because, quite often, disapproving parents are best when refraining  and silently hoping for things to run their course without interference (ending for the 'reasons' the parents felt they had {even IF the parents needed to invent new reasons AS IF they'd listed THOSE particular reasons all along} ).

Some of the chapters I want to read in the book contain the answers to ... has the OP been at all  prominent  nearby to the path of this once-6yo girl as she pressed through life?

 

And this just can... not...  BE...   a case of where this young child was anything beyond significant-then-ONLY-because-the-mom-was-a-colleague relative TO our OP.

 

Yet like the case when any 17yo senior is on the doorstep of the home of a 14yo freshman, to project confidence toward the parents at that time is the only sensible move.

 

And don't forget... every single present-day 47yo who is dating today's 26yo was 27 when the other was 6... as of 20 years ago.

The fact that you can document it with a memory...  isn't that important to the core 'right or wrong?'  concern here.

 

 

(pause to contemplate:    ...   and,  twenty-six  is plenty old enough to have a lot more social foundation  than does the typical 19yo tart who may indeed become an easy conquest for the unconfident 40-year-old man) (POSS-ibly even a case where 'mom'  has alternately been hoping  the daughter would find a mate)   (MIND you,  once the age issue is {silently resolved in the minds of ALL tangent parties, we hope}...  the connection between 'mom' and OP could indeed be such that Mom has a helpful sense OF our OP, based on his own independent sharp-mindedness)

 

Had this been the case of a neighbor  then and through all of these years...   the parents would think back to the one time in 2008 when they thought they saw 35yo Blind-sided  ogling the ass of their 14yo daughter out by the pool one day.  His steady, nearby presence would also have a unique effect on her parents weighing  just how much of  ***THIS***  was her doing, vs. how much was HIS ('independent') ("perversions").   (clarity: that is only me projecting what some random parent might think re: their 14yo)

 

But for god's sake, you're harming evvvvvvvvvvvveryone if not capable of and willing to march forward with internal confidence  about the whole issue.

(more so for the idea that this young woman who may evolve to mean so much more to you, should see a poised and confident *you*  as you work through this interesting issue, than for any other reason)

 

 

(darn, where's the chapter on who the girl's prominent male role models were in her formative years??? -  I want to see that)

 

You and the lady can have a most interesting conversation about     "How do you project that your mom will respond to all of this?  both immediately and over time???"

 

Keep us updated! 

 

 

[Blind-Sided]

33 minutes ago, SincereOnlineGuy said:

This is remarkably interesting  (I merely want to turn to the back of the book to find out how it plays out).......

Keep us updated! 

LOL.... Man... love your writing style.  Feels like I'm either reading a service manual, or Physics text book.

OK... mom wasn't also a chemist.  She was in QC. But, since I re-spec'ed everything... I worked close with her on a daily basis. (for around 8 years)  "Mom" also brought productions samples down to the lab for analysis.  She always liked me.  So, there isn't any predetermined lean to this.

For the chapter on pedophilia... no... I wasn't around when the girl was growing up.  Over the years while "Mom" and I worked together... there was a few company picnics, and I remember seeing her a few times. (as a kid) There was no interaction other than mom saying "Hi" as a family.  Also... somewhere during that... my oldest daughter would have been born, and I would have had a young child there myself.  (FYI, my oldest and her are only 13 years apart)  Now... going back 6 or so years ago... there was a birthday party for the son of our common friend. (This is the female friend who helped me cope with my divorce)  This friend was the analytical chemist at this place, and we have remained friends thought-out the years since we had kids that crossed years. (FYI, the girl in question worked there also during collage, but I was gone by that time) So, she would have been 21 or so.  At the time, I remember asking her if she would babysit my kid... but I never had her do that. (we lived 40 min apart at that point)  So... up until a couple months ago... the interaction between us was almost nothing other than a few random run-in's.

I will keep you posted.  Right now... she has expressed interest in coming over... but since I have both my kids, I told her that may be a bad idea.  They have both met her, and like her... but my youngest is very much on the "Social Distancing" thing... and she may panic if she sees us too close.

[Blind-Sided]

1 hour ago, SincereOnlineGuy said:

...(darn, where's the chapter on who the girl's prominent male role models were in her formative years??? -  I want to see that)

You and the lady can have a most interesting conversation about     "How do you project that your mom will respond to all of this?  both immediately and over time???"

OK.. I just went back and read it all again.  Do you write code for a living??   LOL

Anyway... the male roll model was addressed.  Her dad (who I also worked with, but he was just in production) and her had issues I guess. And, he got very upset when she got a tattoo on her foot.

And yes... we kind of touched on that a couple weeks ago while we were still just "Hanging out", and there hadn't even been more than a hug. The comment then was... "I'm not telling my mom."  (and a laugh)  But the reality is... if this moves forward... they will have to know. If we aren't dead from Corona, I will post about the outcome of that conversation.

Thanks everyone.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

OK,

Let me assure that I wasn't pursuing the latest report from any standpoint near to pedophilia...  I most wanted to know IF the young lady could have had the slightest gleam of awareness and admiration of you, in HER eyes, from long before.  (everything you say suggests not)  (OTHER than the chance that you simply always presented as a stand-up human being no matter how distant) (potentially in contrast to {males who she got/had to know more fully, who didn't impress her} )

 

And I don't even think 'mom' need have been a research chemist  herself to qualify for (what I needed in this area)...  that she can interact and engage with such people is probably plenty enough.

 

And the   (slight connection at age 21 or so)  does NOT matter to any contributing underlying psychology I was searching for.

 

Obviously some of the near term is going to be a (most interesting) social adventure  (where it relates to mom)...   BUT the more confident you could be, together, the more easily it should be to win mom over.

 

IF one could only choreograph some purpose for you to be in mom's office...   and beginning by just shooting the breeze about company politics, or whatever is still there and relateable from your vantage point... and THEN the daughter just happens to arrive there (pre-planned between you and daughter, but not expected by mom)...   and daughter boldly stands in front of mom, as you just happen to stand up behind daughter...  before daughter says:   

"Mom, what would you think if Blind-sided and I were dating?"

 

I think it's gonna be fine...    but hopefully it stays ***comfortable*** for all parties involved along the way.

 

 

Edited March 25, 2020 by SincereOnlineGuy

[MsJayne]

It's as simple as this. If, in ten years time, you're still an attractive guy, then it's very possible the relationship will go the distance, especially if you have children together. But, if you gain weight, grow an extra chin, or develop some old person illness, (especially something to do with your bowels or your pee pee), she'll probably fall out of love at a startling speed. There's also, as someone else said, a big chance that she'll grow out of the need to have the approval and love of a father figure - may even swing towards being a feminazi if she ever realises how her father's coldness shaped her attitudes and affected her life choices. But, she's 30, not 20, and that ten years does make a big difference. 

[Blind-Sided]

10 hours ago, MsJayne said:

.... But, if you gain weight, grow an extra chin, or develop some old person illness, (especially something to do with your bowels or your pee pee), she'll probably fall out of love at a startling speed. ..... 

Well... we are in luck there.  I'm not trim, and I do have a bit of a double chin.  (not bad though) and... I did have surgery on my "Pee Pee" already. (short thread on that in the water cooler section)  I guess we will se how she sticks around, after seeing the scar.  LOL

11 hours ago, SincereOnlineGuy said:

OK,

Let me assure that I wasn't pursuing the latest report from any standpoint near to pedophilia...  .....

Obviously some of the near term is going to be a (most interesting) social adventure  (where it relates to mom)... 

IF one could only choreograph some purpose for you to be in mom's office...  before daughter says: "Mom, what would you think if Blind-sided and I were dating?"...

I think it's gonna be fine...    but hopefully it stays ***comfortable*** for all parties involved along the way.

I know... it was very "Tongue-in-cheek"... and I didn't mean anything by it.  Just keeping humor alive in the thread since we were referencing a teen.

Yes... I believe it will be an interesting adventure indeed.  Now... as far as needing a reason to be at her mom's desk... that's not even a thing.  Even though I have not worked with the company officially for 13 or so years... I show up to grab lunch with friends who still work there.  I still have the ability to walk into the labs, or production, and no one gives it a second thought. So... for example... I could go and sit at "Mom's" desk today, and she would simply say... "How have you been?" and/or "What are you up to?"  The expected response would be "I'm getting lunch with xxxx"  (obviously COVID would keep that from happening TODAY)

I'm sure the comfort level will be... strange.  But since the girl is an adult... I'm sure it will be ok.

[simpycurious]

Blind, my vote (not that I get one of course) would be to proceed ahead.  Who knows what next month let alone tomorrow might bring.  You are NOT breaking the law, you like her, she likes you, life is short and meant to be LIVED.  I, for one, am happy for you and wish you the best of luck.  There are always going to be naysayers who are looking for reason to malign most anything so don't  sweat it if someone says anything. 

[Blind-Sided]

Thanks @simpycurious things are progressing at this point. I've decided that if we like each other... then why fight it.  As you said... she's an adult, and we aren't breaking any laws. Heck... if I don't get things started now... I may not even be here in another month with this outbreak. LOL.

[simpycurious]

On 3/25/2020 at 3:52 PM, Blind-Sided said:

Thanks @simpycurious things are progressing at this point. I've decided that if we like each other... then why fight it.  As you said... she's an adult, and we aren't breaking any laws. Heck... if I don't get things started now... I may not even be here in another month with this outbreak. LOL.

Yep, I agree Blind.  Life is short, I think that we are all seeing just how much so. So GO FOR IT and you won't have to wonder about the WHAT IF'S.    

[Blind-Sided]

thanks @simpycurious .  Just as an fyi... we have both been home from work, and staying home. (because of covid)  Her house is only 6 min from mine.  So, because of that... we decided to not exactly worry about social distancing. (LOL)  She has been over the last couple nights... and things have been great... and there was talk about BF/GF.  So... I guess that's that.

[simpycurious]

13 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said:

thanks @simpycurious .  Just as an fyi... we have both been home from work, and staying home. (because of covid)  Her house is only 6 min from mine.  So, because of that... we decided to not exactly worry about social distancing. (LOL)  She has been over the last couple nights... and things have been great... and there was talk about BF/GF.  So... I guess that's that.

That's GOOD NEWS.  I don't care what anyone else says....I am HAPPY FOR YOU.  

[preraph]

Be careful she's not just looking for a "debt daddy" or something.  You can find that outright away by not spending money on her or giving her anything for free except a nice dinner.  And by telling her you'd never pay off someone else's debt, just casually, in unrelated conversation.  

[Azincourt]

5 hours ago, preraph said:

Be careful she's not just looking for a "debt daddy" or something.  You can find that outright away by not spending money on her or giving her anything for free except a nice dinner.  And by telling her you'd never pay off someone else's debt, just casually, in unrelated conversation.  

No. Don't give her a nice dinner. You can cook her a nice dinner. Don't take her out for dinner. Same applies for women your own age.  Don't spend money on anyone other than yourself exceptions are allowed if she spends money on you.

[simpycurious]

3 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

No. Don't give her a nice dinner. You can cook her a nice dinner. Don't take her out for dinner. Same applies for women your own age.  Don't spend money on anyone other than yourself exceptions are allowed if she spends money on you.

That sounds SO CRAZY.  I would take her out to dinner if she was older, younger, same age, etc.  There is WAY too much banter that concerns dating and MONEY.  Why does it always come back to MONEY?  The dude likes her, she likes him....what's the PROBLEM.  I say take her to a SUPER nice dinner, a evening boat ride, a carriage ride in the park ....whatever. 

IT'S YOUR MONEY to spend as you see fit. Again, just my opinion.

[Azincourt]

7 minutes ago, simpycurious said:

That sounds SO CRAZY.  I would take her out to dinner if she was older, younger, same age, etc.  There is WAY too much banter that concerns dating and MONEY.  Why does it always come back to MONEY?  The dude likes her, she likes him....what's the PROBLEM.  I say take her to a SUPER nice dinner, a evening boat ride, a carriage ride in the park ....whatever. 

IT'S YOUR MONEY to spend as you see fit. Again, just my opinion.

 

It always comes back to money because money is the most important asset in the world. It buys you food and medication and housing and clothes and eletricity and running water. The more money you have in the bank the safer you are from ending up destitute. My daddy always said. It's not how much you make but how much you save and since I'm not making 3.7 million euros after taxes a month like Cristiano Ronaldo - I gotta be smart with the €

When a woman really is into you she doesn't care where you take her as long as you are with her. I usually take women to this coffee shop that is a few meters away from my house. If there's chemistry present she will come back home with me, if she's not that attracted to me, the only money I spent on her would be the 50 cents for the bottle of water I drank at the coffee shop.

Take her to the public park. Take her to a coffee shop. Take her to the library. Have her take a walk with you all over the city.

Take her to the beach if it's close by. Don't be like those older guys I see spending $500 to impress women. Either impress women with your abs, your biceps or your shoulders, or move on to the next young woman.

Edited March 27, 2020 by Azincourt

[simpycurious]

Azin, you have your ways (not knocking them) but that scenario you described above would never work for me.  It's never about trying to impress as much as it is to just have fun

regardless of what the date involves or COSTS.  

[Azincourt]

7 minutes ago, simpycurious said:

Azin, you have your ways (not knocking them) but that scenario you described above would never work for me.  It's never about trying to impress as much as it is to just have fun

regardless of what the date involves or COSTS.  

It's possible to have fun without spending money. Now if we're talking about someone spending money on me, then that's a different matter. I might consider opening my money bag strings if I get the feel she's not looking for a free meal but again. There's lots of ways to have fun without spending money. I got a whole lot of board games in my house that we can play.

Edited March 27, 2020 by Azincourt

[simpycurious]

I think this is my cue to take the puppy for a walk and maybe get an ice cream.  Azin, I DO NOT want a lady spending ANY money on me.  If ask for the date, I pay for

the date.....kinda that simple for me.