Boyfriend bought a house and wants me to pay 'rent'

[basil67]

No, her thread was about her expecting to build a future with him and finding out that he had no intention of doing so.    I can't see where she tried to 'weasel' or 'hoodwink' him into anything.  

[littleblackheart]

3 hours ago, SincereOnlineGuy said:

LOL - there is no 'extrapolation' needed

You are using the words victim / innocent a lot. Are you sure you are not projecting a little? If you believe things to be so bad, can you explain why they went to the lengths of buying a property just so they could protect their interests, as opposed to simply ask OP to move out / the bf breaks up? This buying a house is the mother of all passive aggressive moves in your scenario, no?

He won't marry, he won't take a mortgage with her but he will take her money to help pay his mortgage - this is not a committed relationship, she's just a glorified lodger who shares her 'landlord''s bed. This is as good as it's ever going to get, as far as their relationship. The 'rent' may be cheap, but there is no future in the relationship. 

[CaliforniaGirl]

I simply would not do this. He's leaving himself an "out" and could literally toss you into the street at any time. You two aren't on the same page. I am sorry.

[Mystery4u]

Interesting thread.

Firstly the moment he viewed the house without you and decided to buy it with only his parents insight was such a massive red flag. His actions showed that he did not care one bit about your future together. Especially after you both moved to his parents house so you could both save up for a deposit. That should have been a potential relationship ender.

Secondly the fact he did that, should have meant he should have been able to afford the mortgage by himself without your monetary input. Assuming you would pay rent to help him, without even having a say in the house purchase is incredibly selfish of him.

Thirdly him saying he will never own a joint house with you well... that says it all. He sees no future with you. Dump his ass. Sounds like you can do a lot better.

I'm in a situation where I am looking to buy a property here in the UK before I marry my girlfriend and she moves here from another country. All the places I am looking at, are within the budget that I can pay myself. I would never assume or expect her to pay me any sort of rent when she comes. Once she finds a job then sure she can help out with bills and food etc, but only once she is financially secure would I want to add her name on the mortgage and then we can both pay it off as it would be ours together.

Oh and the whole 'planning takes the fun out of things' line from him is complete BS, something a teenager would say, not a man looking at his future responsibilities and looking to build an empire with the love of his life.

Not sure if you are still reading this topic OP but you seem like a woman who has her head screwed on and is being let down by a so called boyfriend. Don't waste any more time or money with him.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

On 4/13/2020 at 1:24 AM, littleblackheart said:

You are using the words victim / innocent a lot. Are you sure you are not projecting a little? If you believe things to be so bad, can you explain why they went to the lengths of buying a property just so they could protect their interests, as opposed to simply ask OP to move out / the bf breaks up? This buying a house is the mother of all passive aggressive moves in your scenario, no?

He won't marry, he won't take a mortgage with her but he will take her money to help pay his mortgage - this is not a committed relationship, she's just a glorified lodger who shares her 'landlord''s bed. This is as good as it's ever going to get, as far as their relationship. The 'rent' may be cheap, but there is no future in the relationship. 

 

Your logic is upside down.

When you start from the point of recognizing "no future in the relationship" then the only logical step is for the financially involved parents to protect their offspring.

Anyone analyzing this whole equation simply must see as much, or they're not analyzing the same equation.

Nothing else matters.

It will be relatively easy to "ask the OP to move out" when her name is NOT on the mortgage.

How difficult can this concept be?

[Tamfana]

On 3/24/2020 at 4:05 AM, Poppy93 said:

We were looking at properties together originally and we both did not have the deposit money.  My boyfriend was increasingly getting stressed living with his parents and the conversation arose for his parents to lend him the deposit money, and that was that. He would still look through houses with me like he was still involving me, but he went to see the property with his mum and put an offer down. I didn't see the house until I moved in. 

To me, this is key.  His parents bought the house because neither of you could afford to. That's very nice. But that is a gift to their son. To be honest, if I were putting down the money for a house for my kid, I can't imagine anyone even considering my child's boyfriend or girlfriend being on title.  If they were married, sure. But not a GF or BF.  And yes, pay rent, share expenses.  

Edited April 14, 2020 by Tamfana

[stillafool]

19 minutes ago, SincereOnlineGuy said:

 (thus entitling our OP to half of the equity in the home even though she doesn't feel she should put up a darn thing toward it)

......and can't be bothered with the paperwork.

[preraph]

I don't think him buying a house with his parents' help even meant he was ready to break up with her.  She's just not getting what she wants, so it may turn out that way.  No parent would put the uncommitted girlfriend on the note.  They are nothing officially.  

Edited April 14, 2020 by preraph

[Emilie Jolie]

I didn't read the whole thread, but what Poppy said she wanted was for them to buy a house together, not for his parents to buy him a house.

[preraph]

She had no money to put on a house. 

[Emilie Jolie]

Neither did he...which is why his parents bought it for him ('or lent him the deposit' as middle class people say). When I bought my home, I raised the deposit on my own, paid the mortgage on my own so I can say I bought it. He hasn't raised the deposit and isn't even paying the mortgage on his own. If he was serious about building a future with Poppy, he'd have waited. He didn't, and he told her he'd never buy a house with anyone anyway. So yeah, obviously closing quite a few doors straight away and they're still quite young. Not leaving a lot of room to maneuver on this one.

Edited April 15, 2020 by Emilie Jolie

[Emilie Jolie]

4 hours ago, SincereOnlineGuy said:

Where does it show in this thread that the OP stated she didn't ask for her name to be on the deed?

Look, I'm not as invested as you seem to be in that story with all the bolding and underlying ;). Like other posters previously said, they are not compatible. It doesn't mean they have bad intentions towards each other, does it? She said she doesn't want his house, and she is concerned about equity in the future?

It's not crazy to want equal stakes in a house with your long-term bf, with whom you had planned to buy a house anyway, right? It's also not crazy for his parents to want to buy him (not them) a house. 

My impression is that nobody is crazy in that story, but that this RL has an expiration date. He's lucky (or pampered) he has parents who can buy him a house at such a young age in the current market in the UK, she's lucky she found out now that this not the RL she thought she had. They are both young, they'll find better suited partners.

I've no further advice for Poppy. I'd personally have moved out straight away because I don't like the idea of my SO being my landlord, but that's up to her.

 

 

Edited April 15, 2020 by Emilie Jolie

[SumGuy]

@Emilie Jolie

Spot on. 

It also shows how short sighted he is. 

I understand this is the UK, but in the US, in most if not all the states I've lived in, if she paid him rent then automatically landlord tenant law and all that comes with it protects her.   Except for the term of one's lease, where I live, the lease protects and extends the landlord's rights.  The default law is very favorable to tenants especially those who pay their rent and do not damage the property.  Also where I've lived, once she could establish the monthly rent and she decides to pay him 3 months rent (and he cashes the check) she has 3 months, or more depending on the eviction proceedings, and even more of a strong position if she has a room that is hers.

That she is his girlfriend and sleeps with him doesn't matter, in fact if he ever brings up the rent was less because of this relationship or some how contingent on it watch out.   That's almost certainly improper, i.e. sex and even affection can not be contracted for.  In fact such a statement like this from him is going to make it harder to evict, as she can say (likely rightly) it is because she refuses to sleep with him.   That's just the tip of the iceberg of what she can legitimately do.   It gets much worse if she is vindictive or he foolishly retaliates.  It is just all downside for him except for the 300 pounds a month, which it sounds like he doesn't need.   

He's a fool, he can't think of this correctly as even a business relationship let alone a personal relationship.   

[preraph]

15 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said:

Neither did he...which is why his parents bought it for him ('or lent him the deposit' as middle class people say). When I bought my home, I raised the deposit on my own, paid the mortgage on my own so I can say I bought it. He hasn't raised the deposit and isn't even paying the mortgage on his own. If he was serious about building a future with Poppy, he'd have waited. He didn't, and he told her he'd never buy a house with anyone anyway. So yeah, obviously closing quite a few doors straight away and they're still quite young. Not leaving a lot of room to maneuver on this one.

He wanted to quit flushing money away on rent, a very sensible decision.  And we don't know that he didn't put a lot of money in.  I didn't get that impression.  His parents helped out and probably signed the note since he's too young to have the ability to get one on his own credit merit.  That's often how it works out.  And probably had the couple done it together, they would have had the same issue.

[Emilie Jolie]

Going on what Poppy said in the OP, the parents put down all the deposit.

Imo, if you buy a house, you pay for it solo if you can and/or you get a lodger who is not your long-term partner. Too messy.

I can see his side - how can he say no to becoming a young homeowner with a ready-made paying lodger -, I can see his parents' side - they're helping him, not her -, and I can see her side - she's become a lodger-with-benefits, she has nothing to gain from this arrangement long-term other than 'cheap rent'. This is not a relationship of equals, and they appear to have conflicting priorities. 

[SincereOnlineGuy]

This equation isn't about renters legal rights.

 

of COURSE she warrants the same rights as do all renters.

 

But as with everything else, those with the money call the shots.

And anyone who cannot see the ONLY priority of the boyfriend's parents in all of this, is just blind.

 

The boyfriend's parents owe the OP nothing, and that she can't identify as much is absurd.

 

Even if the boyfriend wanted to put her on this deed, his parents would be idiots to allow it.

Nobody cares if the OP moves out - maybe it's the best thing she could do right now.

 

But the ONLY logic that applies to any of this is that never ever ever should the boyfriend's parents give-in to allow her to have any cut of the value of the equity on the home, until they are no longer invested in that home.

[Tristian]

Since the OP hasn't returned to update we'll close this one for the time being.

If the OP wishes to update at a later date you can request the thread reopened by sending a report on this post.