Breakup: Ex Caught Cheating ....

[Marc878]

No contact is your best path. I might add contact is up to you not her.

You know who and what she is. Anytime you have contact it just resets the clock. 
 

Make everything a business transaction. Text only. Keep your correspondence to a minimum. No need to talk. You can control yourself and phone if you want to.

if you don’t learn to ignore you’ll just keep yourself in this.

[Marc878]

15 minutes ago, Will87 said:

My ex broke zero contact today after cheating on me, been very insensitive and emailed me about buying the dog from me.

Bare in mind I only found out she cheated on me a couple of days ago.

Shes only interested in herself at the moment and doesn’t give a damn about me.

Since emailing back and forth i’m now having flashbacks of her having sex with her boss in the office.

The wave of emotions is killing me.

How do you guys cope?

At the moment?

She’s shown you who she is. It seems like you have some hopium that this isn’t really her. It maybe that you just never noticed it before but I wouldn’t waste time on this. If she’s done this once there’s a good chance she’ll do it again.
 

No contact will bring clarity. I think once you wake up to reality you’ll see what you didn’t before.

 

[Will87]

Thanks Marc good advice 

[Marc878]

Sometimes it’s hard to see the truth when you’re to close. You tend to want to see what you want to see versus what it really is.

you'll be fine just step away from the madness and let her go. If you can do that you’ll free yourself in the process.

you're a good guy so it’s tough to see the bad in others.

[Will87]

Finding it very difficult, cannot stop thinking of what’s happening.

Soemtimes I feel like it’s all a bad dream and i’ll wake up with her.

Ive had to go on medication it’s hit me hard, trying not to be the victim but it’s killed me.

The fact that she says she’s proud of what she’s done and it’s taken guts to follow her heart and do what she’s done to me has broken me.

She said he’s a good guy etc etc and she didn’t leave him for me.

Yet she’s now in a relationship with him and completely blind sided me by it all.

I hope this will pass, day 1 no contact 

[Will87]

This will be day 1 of NC, feel dreadful.

Still getting the flashbacks and can feel the wave of anxiety move over me 

[S2B]

Not answering anything she asks is an answer.

dead silence is what she deserves. Block her. 
 

remember what a cheater she is - that makes it easier to never contact her again.

you deserve better. 
 

keep the dog.

[Will87]

I’m struggling to even function at the moment, i’ve never felt so low.

in my eyes she doesn’t give a dam a bout me and i’d only interested in herself.

Shes said that she is “proud” of what she did and followed her heart and sees a future. it’s destroying me 

the fact she has no issues taking the dog off me to further deepen my troubles so that she’s happy has ruined me .

 

Im now have to medicate myself, i’m so lost

Edited March 27, 2020 by Will87

[Supernova11]

4 hours ago, Will87 said:

Finding it very difficult, cannot stop thinking of what’s happening.

Soemtimes I feel like it’s all a bad dream and i’ll wake up with her.

Ive had to go on medication it’s hit me hard, trying not to be the victim but it’s killed me.

The fact that she says she’s proud of what she’s done and it’s taken guts to follow her heart and do what she’s done to me has broken me.

She said he’s a good guy etc etc and she didn’t leave him for me.

Yet she’s now in a relationship with him and completely blind sided me by it all.

I hope this will pass, day 1 no contact 

It will pass but it will take time. Are you currently working from home as part of the corona outbreak? I know its hard but it might help you to structure your days and by this I mean, start at the beginning of each day for 10 minutes making notes on what you are going to do today. These don’t have to be massive things, it can be as simple as “I want to find a good film to watch”. Do you have a couple of hood friends that you can skype or talk to on the phone about this?

[Marc878]

You aren’t losing much. Once you wake up to who she really is, was and will always be you’ll be fine.

[Sinful]

11 hours ago, Will87 said:

Finding it very difficult, cannot stop thinking of what’s happening.

Soemtimes I feel like it’s all a bad dream and i’ll wake up with her.

Ive had to go on medication it’s hit me hard, trying not to be the victim but it’s killed me.

The fact that she says she’s proud of what she’s done and it’s taken guts to follow her heart and do what she’s done to me has broken me.

She said he’s a good guy etc etc and she didn’t leave him for me.

Yet she’s now in a relationship with him and completely blind sided me by it all.

I hope this will pass, day 1 no contact 

I feel your pain. Trust me I know because I had a very similar situation happen with my ex, and believe it or not she betrayed me worse than your girl did you. She's obviously a low and deranged individual to take pride in the hurt and pain of another like that. You need to cut all contact with her and ignore any attempt she makes to try and reach out to you, and definitely do not allow her to try and suck you back in once she realizes the error of her ways when that relationship with her boss fails.

The betrayal hurts like a mofo. There's nothing you can do but to try to keep your mind occupied on other things as much as possible. It's been 2 months since my breakup and I'm still hurting and trying to heal. Focusing on work helps a lot for me, but it's just going to take time. Stay strong!

[Will87]

I was playing the computer last night with my friends, looked at my watch and thought ah she’ll be home in a bit after work! 

She left me a couple of weeks ago for her boss, my head is an absolute mess.

On day 2 of no contact, my heart is breaking.

She emailed me a couple of days ago saying she missed the dog and wanted to buy him. She didn’t ask once about me.

Then went on and said that she’s followed her heart etc and i’ll thank her one day.

Im an absolute mess, do not know where to turn.

Im reaching out to friends and even they do not know what to say except she’s gone and move on.

I feel so betrayed but I still love her,  all I can do is see them having sex in the office etc in my imagination.

I don’t understand how she could do this about me.

It seems she’s obvious to what she’s done, do you think she’ll regret it? I don’t know.

She only appears to care about herself 

 

Any advice?

[Rex12]

Hey Will87, this is a tough one. You're only at the very beginning of your recovery though so whilst it will not feel like it at present, it will get better. 

It's good that you're reaching out to your friends but if the feedback you're getting from them is stretching to just 'she's gone, move on' then I would concentrate on using forums such as these to bring you some comfort. I'm not knocking your friends - obviously I don't know them & I'm sure they've got your best interests at heart - but that's lame.

A lot of people on here will have gone through what you're going through at the moment. I have too.

6 months after my ex did it to me I received a call saying she'd made a mistake. This may or may not happen to you too but the point I'm making is, at the moment, your ex is in total infatuation with the new guy. Can't see the wood for the trees.

She probably doesn't know him as well as she thinks & they're living in blissful ignorance of the day - and it will come - when the honeymoon period is over and real life begins.

The old adage of one day at a time applies here. Don't look too far ahead and try not to torment yourself with thoughts of your ex & her boss. At this moment, a win is getting out of bed, showering & getting dressed. If you have work or study obligations that you can still fulfill then that's a bonus. 

There is a ton of advice out there on how to get over a heartbreak. There's no quick fix but definitely focus on guidance that recommends concentrating on you. What are your dreams? Do you have a goal in life?Anything that just belongs to you moving forward. Use the 'you'll thank me one day' comment as extra motivation. Best revenge - massive success.

You may or may not have already done this but usually, I would also recommend telling your ex how you feel about her. When you have been betrayed like this however, she's just not worth it. 

You'll get through this.

 

[Will87]

Thanks Rex, it’s only now reality has set in.

I told his wife she has 2 kids, yes they have my best intentions at heart but this really has blown me away.

She lied that she wasn’t seeing somone else for almost 5 weeks, i had to find a birthday card off him just after we split up. 

there where also new underwear, feel like i’ve been taken for a ride 

[Will87]

Had a couple of beers, i feel like saying what the hell have you done? honestly in disbelief about what’s gone on the last few weeks.

its killing me 

[Supernova11]

8 hours ago, Will87 said:

Thanks Rex, it’s only now reality has set in.

I told his wife she has 2 kids, yes they have my best intentions at heart but this really has blown me away.

She lied that she wasn’t seeing somone else for almost 5 weeks, i had to find a birthday card off him just after we split up. 

there where also new underwear, feel like i’ve been taken for a ride 

I’m not sure I’ve been through anything like you’re suffering in terms of a breakup right now but believe me, even though your situation is unique, there are thousands of people going through a breakup right now who are experiencing hell - your breakup ‘brothers and sisters’ if you will. You will get through this, as they will.

Rex12’s post is so helpful. You really do need to focus on yourself and congratulate yourself for everything you achieve, whether you think it’s small or large.

The hardest breakup I’ve personally been through is I was with a guy for four years. We’d bought a place together. I was totally mixed in with his family and friends would have a big Sunday lunch at his family’s house every other week - this had been going on for years, was very close with his sister - used to go shopping together (and I don’t even like shopping!) But I completely lost my feelings for him. Out of nowhere, there was no one else, I just stopped finding him attractive, found myself drifting away from him. We had two conversations about it and he just got upset both times. Long story short, I split up with him. It may not sound like much but I felt like it wasn’t my choice. I no longer felt the same way about him that I used to but it crushed me because I used to think the world of him (and yeah at four years you are long out if the honeymoon phase).

I felt numb for such a long time. I was confused because I’d always seen my future with him and now he was gone but I still wanted him, just feeling the way I used to feel about him.
 

The wrench of not only him but missing his family was awful. I even wrote his mum a letter saying what they meant to me because I wanted them to know and I couldn’t get the words out in person. 

It was a horrible time and even months later, I was thinking what is the point in a relationship if you can lose those feelings for someone and not even understand why. People have split up with me but that breakup was by far the hardest even though initiated it.

But time does heal. I must admit it’s taken a couple more relationships since to make me realise you need to focus on yourself after a breakup but it is self focus all the way and there are so many areas of your life you can improve: physical, financial, work, mental health...

 

Edited March 28, 2020 by Supernova11

[Sinful]

2 hours ago, Supernova11 said:

he was gone but I still wanted him, just feeling the way I used to feel about him.

I just can't make sense of this. 

[Will87]

Thanks Supernova, i’m just at a loss at the moment.

Im at the point that I think of the almost constantly, this quarentine is definitely not helping.

Im trying my best but lying in our bed, in our home with our dog is killing me.

To sleep with her boss is like I never knew her at all. This will take a long time for me to get over, it’s absolutely destroyed me.

Today i’m going to try harder 

[Marc878]

He’s such a good guy inform their HR department. I’m sure they’d like the heads up.

[Will87]

i’ve thought about it, not sure if so should. i’ve told his wife

[Will87]

Spoke to her best friend today, whom was also cheated.

She obviously cannot bad mouth her but has told me that my ex told her that this has happened since we split up. 

She will not and cannot stop lying, I have heard that his wife are now separating.

My heart is shattered into a million pieces, I cannot get my head around it.

I hope to god that this pain will go away soon, I cannot cope with it anymore.

[Sinful]

@Will87 I feel your pain. If you want you can read my story as it may help you to know that you're not the only one and that it could be worse! The best thing you can do right now is to go NC and that means for her "friends" too. 

[elaine567]

I guess by your name you are 33
How old is she?
Why after 5 years were you not engaged/married?
What were the "vague reasons" she gave for splitting up with you?

[Will87]

Yes i’m 33 she’s 30 her boss is 39 with two kids and married.

I guess i thought we where happy as we where, just bought a house together and got a dog.

She completely blind sided me

[elaine567]

So what were the reasons she gave for the split?