I don't know what to do

[Nosbig123]

I’m gonna start by telling you the whole relationship; before I met my girlfriend of 4 months she was my sisters best friend, (shouldn’t of got involved I know) 

we started out as just having casual sex at weekends for a couple months and it turned into abit more. We both fell for eachother and we ended up into a relationship. 2 months into our relationship her and my sister had a massive falling out and hated eachother so much so that my girlfriend said she never wants to see my sister again in her life  and the same for my sister to her. It affected us a lot with arguments and stuff as I didn’t want my sister bad mouthing my girlfriend nor did I want my girlfriend bad mouthing my sister so there was arguments between everyone I fell out with my sister because of it and me and my girlfriend constantly argued. Me and my girlfriend managed to get through it but they never did they still hated each other months on. 
2 more months down the line (4 months into the relationship) my girlfriend lied to me about something and was being a little secretive; I didn’t know what to do because I’ve never been in that situation before (my first girlfriend) so I asked for advise but the only person I thought I could ask was my sister (forgetting they hated eachother) my sister never wanted me to be in a relationship with her in the first place. 
prior to speaking to my sister we hadn’t spoke to a month due to the arguments caused by my sister and girlfriend falling out. 
So I told my sister about the lie and the secretive part and she was so adamant she was cheating, hiding s*** from me, that I deserve better, she’s no good for me literally painted a picture into my head that she’s cheating etc, the next day my sister came round to mine and said well what are you doing have you ended it, why are you still with her, she don’t love you she’s lying to you she’s hiding stuff from you, it’s all a game, she’s using you. She was so much into my head that I made the biggest mistake of my life ending it with my girlfriend I was angry, upset and vulnerable and listened to my sister, the one person who didn’t give a s*** about our relationship and wanted it ended ASAP.

(my brother in law even told me when we was talking that my sister used to ask him how am I getting on, have I left her yet, why are they still together.. (pure hate).
my girlfriend was the best ever thing that happened to me and now I’ve lost her completely. 

after the break up Me and my girlfriend, we didn’t speak for a couple days because in my head I was adamant she was cheating etc, I then realised I’ve just ended the relationship with the girl I love the most because of a little lie and because of someone else being in my head and basically making the decision for me. I then spoke to my girlfriend and said I’m sorry I never meant to do what I did I was angry but I told her the truth I said I told my sister what happened. She then told me I broke her heart by listening to someone who didn’t care about our relationship.
1 month on we are still talking everyday and she has now stated she never wants to be with me again because I ended everything so easily like it was nothing. I understand why it seemed like I ended it due to nothing but at the time I was so vulnerable and upset and angry (I’m not a strong emotion person) I was angry and upset and vulnerable I done something I didn’t want to do. 
I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life losing the best thing that happened to me in my life.  

I’ve never loved someone like this before so quickly even though it was only 4 months. 

me and my ex still talk everyday but it’s not the same I can’t not talk to her as her not being my girlfriend even though she hasn’t been for over a month, she says she’s moved on from it all, not with someone but done with the breakup. 
she said she’ll never forgive me for the way I ended it so easily and even if she can get past that and forget about it, she’ll never be with me again because of my family. 
I don’t think I can move on from her though I don’t want to..,

in the 4 months together we planned out so much stuff, literally made a 10 year bucket list with over 100 things we would do together, we was literally obsessed with each other. I don’t know what to do. 

I feel like even though we talk everyday she don’t want to and is just replying to be nice. She said we can be mates or even friends with benefits but I don’t think I can, my feelings for her are so powerful I literally think about her everyday constantly.

[preraph]

So ever stop to wonder WHY your sister hates her?  Before you dismiss that as nothing.  She probably knows her much better than you do and has her reasons.

[Nosbig123]

9 minutes ago, preraph said:

So ever stop to wonder WHY your sister hates her?  Before you dismiss that as nothing.  She probably knows her much better than you do and has her reasons.

My sister and her knew eachother for over a year before I even met her so yeah she had probably seen or heard things that I don’t know about my now ex and had seen sides to her or stuff that she didn’t want me getting emotionally involved in. But I also have seen sides to her that my sister hadn’t seen 

[preraph]

So find out why your sister hates her.  I think she's trying to tell you that she's not trustworthy.  

[Nosbig123]

My sister don’t like her due to the way she treated her last boyfriend (cheating) and didn’t want that happening to me, obviously.. but in my opinion everyone can change, but I might be blinded my love I don’t know.. 

[preraph]

Well, a cheater is someone without ethics and enough empathy, and no, that usually does not change.  Now, I am sensing you may be quite young.  So if you are, let's say, under 22 and so is she, then it's an age when people learn the hard way and aren't very serious and the part of the brain that can foresee consequences isn't even fully formed, so yes, crap happens.  We passed men around like cookies in college.  But once you're a few years older, you should be able to make better decisions that cause less chaos in your life and others.  I certainly wouldn't assume this woman wouldn't cheat on you.  I do think you're blinded by love.  Just because she hasn't done  it yet doesn't mean she won't, though.  But you never really know about a person going into a relationship.  It's always a gamble.  In this case, you do have some warning from your sister, who I assume cares about you.  

 

Ask your sister if she knows of anything the girl has done since she's been with you.  And again, consider her age.  You really can't even expect young people to be all that focused.  They're still growing and exploring, and when you're young is the time to do it.  If you do get back with her, do it knowing that this isn't going to be forever (unless I am wrong about your ages and you're way older).

[Nosbig123]

13 minutes ago, preraph said:

Well, a cheater is someone without ethics and enough empathy, and no, that usually does not change.  Now, I am sensing you may be quite young.  So if you are, let's say, under 22 and so is she, then it's an age when people learn the hard way and aren't very serious and the part of the brain that can foresee consequences isn't even fully formed, so yes, crap happens.  We passed men around like cookies in college.  But once you're a few years older, you should be able to make better decisions that cause less chaos in your life and others.  I certainly wouldn't assume this woman wouldn't cheat on you.  I do think you're blinded by love.  Just because she hasn't done  it yet doesn't mean she won't, though.  But you never really know about a person going into a relationship.  It's always a gamble.  In this case, you do have some warning from your sister, who I assume cares about you.  

 

Ask your sister if she knows of anything the girl has done since she's been with you.  And again, consider her age.  You really can't even expect young people to be all that focused.  They're still growing and exploring, and when you're young is the time to do it.  If you do get back with her, do it knowing that this isn't going to be forever (unless I am wrong about your ages and you're way older).

Yeah I’m 24 and she’s 22. 
the thing is I dowant to get back with her, I don’t trust her at the moment no due to she lied to me and kept something secretive so I wouldn’t take her straight back without resolving that issue of the two things I wasn’t happy with. But I know regardless of the trust lost from her the final decision of ending it completely I would of never done it on my own, I don’t know what reason like I said I might of been blinded by love because she was the best thing that happened to me but regardless I was lied to and hid from which I would never do to anyone.. regardless of who they are.

I didn’t wanna restart with the relationship with her with a lie and told her the reason for ending it, so I told her the whole truth, I wasn’t prepared to lie and say nah I didn’t tell anything and go on like nothing happened because I lost the trust with her for lying so I wasn’t going to do the same. 
Now she wants nothing to do with me, I don’t know if I should cut off all contacts with her because I know I can’t just text her as a mate because I don’t want to be just mates. She’s already stared there’s no going back due to what’s happened; family being involved, how we broke up etc. But with the friends and benefits side of it, the sex was amazing I loved the girl but I don’t think I could do that again while I still love her and i haven’t moved on and she has from the breakup. I feel like I’m the one that’s gonna get hurt if she’s talking to someone else while we’re still talking. I don’t want to talk to anyone else nor do i want her to but she’s single and wouldn’t be doing anything bad. 
 

 

Edited March 25, 2020 by Nosbig123

[preraph]

Well, she probably doesn't want to be in the middle between you and your sister anymore and doesn't see how that can work.  Did she even try to talk you out of it or say she'd done nothing wrong?  If she just gave in and got out, your sister may well be right.  But again it doesn't mean she did cheat, but maybe that she has a history of it or just isn't serious.

[Nosbig123]

That’s fair enough my sister has always wanted the best for me obviously (she’s older) but I still can’t get through the break up side of it, I’ve told my sister already regardless of the trust gone and the lies I didn’t want to end it and I told her the truth as that I didn’t feel so peer pressured to end it when I was full of the angry and upset emotions. I know it will never work between me and her again due to everything that’s happened but I want it to. We even said recently maybe in a couple years time or something once everything’s settled and we’re older see what happens. 
 

but for now I can’t make the decision of what to do in regards of talking, still sleeping with each other when my emotions are still so high for the girl. I literally still feel like waking up every morning hoping for a text from her, I don’t think I can get over this that easy without not talking to her at all but I want to. I’m stuck between 2 massive choices; speak with the girl I’m massively in love with everyday knowing it’s not going to go by where other than sex or not speak to her until the emotions have gone and potentially lose everything with the girl I care about.

i feel like everything’s still so in the air and anger and upset emotions are still so high that me and her are saying stuff that we don’t mean or out of spit, we even had an immature argument about it all earlier now we aren’t speaking