Putting relationship on pause due to Coronavirus

[ljwentworth32]

I need some advice and would love to hear everyone's input because I'm torn on what to do.   I apologize for the long text in advance but needed to explain the situation. 

 

I started dating a girl in the medical field 2 months ago. Been on probably 10 dates now.  We were very into each other and things were going great, until recently when the whole coronavirus thing blew up. 

This past weekend she was acting more withdrawn and distant in a way. During our date time, she found out her family member got a positive test for COVID. 

I tried to comfort her but was terrible at it. She had closed off body language, arms folded and obviously I did not sexually escalate like usual as she wasn't receptive. 

When we said our goodbyes that night, she said in a matter of fact way that if I decided to stop seeing her she'd understand (she's on the front lines). 

 

Now the texts are getting more sparse. No more emojis in her text. I tried to flirt over text and it didn't work as well as before. 

 

Meanwhile, I'm personally having a great deal of anxiety and stress with all that's going on. I haven't been my best, cheerful self and not sure it's great for her to see me like this.  I figured if she continues to see me in a mopy, solemn manner, it's going to kill attraction but at the same time, I think this thing might be at least a year/ year and a half before it resolves so I worry that the passage of time will cause loss of attraction and feelings since we only dated for 2 months. 

 

I don't want to lose her but at the same time very worried about continuing to see her for many reasons. 

Almost thinking of sending a text and letting her know that we should pause or dating and contact until this whole thing passes over. 

Don't really know how to put it or how she's going to respond to it. Also can't tell if her behavior is due to her losing attraction to me or because she is just distracted by all that's going on in her life. 

 

How do you guys see the situation? Advise on what I should do? should i keep in text contact here and there or go no contact while not seeing her? 

 

THANKS SO MUCH!

[smackie9]

I hope to god you were face-timing and not physically seeing each other, the risk is NOT WORTH IT....Put it all on the back burner and focus on yourself. Keep in contact as usual. Hey it is what it is. The better everyone follows the rules and self isolates, the quicker this crap will be over with.

[Erik30]

3 hours ago, ljwentworth32 said:

This past weekend she was acting more withdrawn and distant in a way. During our date time, she found out her family member got a positive test for COVID. 

I tried to comfort her but was terrible at it. She had closed off body language, arms folded and obviously I did not sexually escalate like usual as she wasn't receptive. 

When we said our goodbyes that night, she said in a matter of fact way that if I decided to stop seeing her she'd understand (she's on the front lines). 

It does kind of sound like she wants to end it, but she doesn't have the guts to do it herself... (could just be temporarily because of the virus)

If you want to continue dating her, I would keep texting her. It's probably best not to meet up with her right now anyway. (For your own health) She'll probably understand, especially because of her work 

[xxcazaxx]

These are stressful times for everyone right now, especially those in the medical profession.  Some are seeing things that we should never have to see and make decisions that we should never have to make so from that point of view I can understand why she feels withdrawn.  I think that phoning when there are opportunities can strengthen relationships  as you are 100% devoting time to chatting rather than doing an activity.

[Uptown182]

1 hour ago, xxcazaxx said:

These are stressful times for everyone right now, especially those in the medical profession.  Some are seeing things that we should never have to see and make decisions that we should never have to make so from that point of view I can understand why she feels withdrawn.  I think that phoning when there are opportunities can strengthen relationships  as you are 100% devoting time to chatting rather than doing an activity.

I agree.  People in the medical field right now are in the front lines, they are over stressed, over worked and basically dedicating their lives to what’s going on right now.  Sounds to me like her mind is just not in the right place right now to be working on a new relationship.  If I were you, I’d just let her know you’re hear for her if she needs someone to talk to (over the phone or FaceTime of course) and see what happens.  I wouldn’t give up on the relationship just yet, these are tough times everyone is ridden with anxiety and feels down.  I think if you weren’t feeling the way you do right now that would be odd.  We just all need to help one another get through this, these are the times we need each other the most.

[somywatchends]

Just let her know that you are here for her and all of this will pass and that you'll be there.

 

Im in a similar situation as yours. I'm just keeping contact, its just not as rosy as before 

[justwhoiam]

On 3/25/2020 at 10:30 PM, ljwentworth32 said:

I'm torn on what to do.

I tried to comfort her but was terrible at it.

What does she do in the medical field? Is she a nurse? A doctor? An operator? Comforting someone who's risking one's life every day means telling her you believe in her, that even if she might have moments of discouragement, she is strong and can make it. Let her free to be herself, which includes some emotional distancing. The emotional stress right now is high. There are people dying and hospital staff feel powerless. And there's the side of communication with relatives that is unusual: personnel doesn't talk to them in person anymore. They are making calls to let people know their loved ones have died. Relatives can't come to the hospital to visit family members. Nothing. No one of us ever experienced this on a large scale like now.

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I don't want to lose her but at the same time very worried about continuing to see her for many reasons.

You don't have to see her right now. But you can be there to support her morally, psychologically, lovingly. It's up to you. If you want to back down, just do it. It's her profession and if you can't deal with it, there's no point in going on.

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Almost thinking of sending a text and letting her know that we should pause or dating and contact until this whole thing passes over.

Pausing? Just break up. If you disappear in times of need, then what good are you? It's as if she got raped and you said: ok, I'll see you again when you'll have managed all your fears and will have recovered from it. No. Why would she want to resume seeing someone who left when she was in a bad place?

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can't tell if her behavior is due to her losing attraction to me or because she is just distracted by all that's going on in her life.

There's a deadly virus around and you think about attraction? If you were a soldier and fighting for your life, you'd have other things on your mind.

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what I should do?

It all depends on your feelings for this girl. If they're mild, just stop communication and it'll fizzle out by itself. If you have feelings for her and don't want to lose her, then act like his boyfriend. Don't pressure her, she'll be able to get in touch less than before maybe. Don't make her feel guilty about it. There's a chance going on that she'll be tested and result positive to the virus. If that's the case, she'll be quarantined at home for at least 14 days. Then she'll have more time to be in touch with you. Unless she feels sick, in which case, communication won't be great. If you really care, be patient.

[elaine567]

Sounds to me that sex is uppermost in your mind.
A woman on the medical front-line whose family member is likely positive will not be thinking about sex. or attraction...
 

[ljwentworth32]

On 3/27/2020 at 8:27 PM, somywatchends said:

Just let her know that you are here for her and all of this will pass and that you'll be there.

 

Im in a similar situation as yours. I'm just keeping contact, its just not as rosy as before 

can you clarify not as rosy as before? is she texting less? more distant?      

[ljwentworth32]

21 hours ago, justwhoiam said:

What does she do in the medical field? Is she a nurse? A doctor? An operator? Comforting someone who's risking one's life every day means telling her you believe in her, that even if she might have moments of discouragement, she is strong and can make it. Let her free to be herself, which includes some emotional distancing. The emotional stress right now is high. There are people dying and hospital staff feel powerless. And there's the side of communication with relatives that is unusual: personnel doesn't talk to them in person anymore. They are making calls to let people know their loved ones have died. Relatives can't come to the hospital to visit family members. Nothing. No one of us ever experienced this on a large scale like now.

You don't have to see her right now. But you can be there to support her morally, psychologically, lovingly. It's up to you. If you want to back down, just do it. It's her profession and if you can't deal with it, there's no point in going on.

Pausing? Just break up. If you disappear in times of need, then what good are you? It's as if she got raped and you said: ok, I'll see you again when you'll have managed all your fears and will have recovered from it. No. Why would she want to resume seeing someone who left when she was in a bad place?

There's a deadly virus around and you think about attraction? If you were a soldier and fighting for your life, you'd have other things on your mind.

It all depends on your feelings for this girl. If they're mild, just stop communication and it'll fizzle out by itself. If you have feelings for her and don't want to lose her, then act like his boyfriend. Don't pressure her, she'll be able to get in touch less than before maybe. Don't make her feel guilty about it. There's a chance going on that she'll be tested and result positive to the virus. If that's the case, she'll be quarantined at home for at least 14 days. Then she'll have more time to be in touch with you. Unless she feels sick, in which case, communication won't be great. If you really care, be patient.

You make excellent points. Great to hear you're perspective. It's honestly so hard for me to navigate because I'm trying to think from the female perspective in a time that has never happened in any of our lifetimes.  

[Ellener]

On 3/26/2020 at 9:57 AM, Uptown182 said:

 We just all need to help one another get through this, these are the times we need each other the most.

Amen to that.

[rainfall]

She’s probably stressed about this. I could never do human medicine, but I can tell you working in the veterinary field our job is stressful even without having to deal with something like corona. I don’t even want to think about what the human side of medicine is going through. 
 

Worst  part for me is people not being able to care for their Pets anymore because they lost their jobs.

 

My thoughts are with all the human nurses and doctors who are dealing with this. 

[Fletch Lives]

For whatever reason - and stress could be a factor.........she's just not that into you. 

[ljwentworth32]

On 3/27/2020 at 8:27 PM, somywatchends said:

Just let her know that you are here for her and all of this will pass and that you'll be there.

I'm going to do just that. Thanks!

[DC77]

i was going to say exactly what somywatches said. Just let her know you’re there for her and let go for now. Distancing could just be her way of handling stress. Maybe check in with her from time to time maybe in a week or two just to reassure her you’re there and you care. And what will be will be.

Edited April 11, 2020 by DC77