How is your relationship in isolation?

[chillii]

2 hours ago, amaysngrace said:

My guy is being all paranoid now since my daughter’s test came back positive yesterday.  

I don’t get it.  He knew she worked there, had covid patients, worked with covid nurses yet still had no problem eating dinner with us just this week where he sat right next to her and now because the test came back positive he’s skittish all of a sudden?? 

She was pissed he was in our house and ate with us and he knew that too but now I guess a positive test changes everything? 

What did he expect??

 

 

Ahhhhh, does that mean he actually has any concern for your daughter , or he's just worried he's caught it ?

 

 

 

 

[amaysngrace]

53 minutes ago, chillii said:

 

Ahhhhh, does that mean he actually has any concern for your daughter , or he's just worried he's caught it ?

 

 

 

 

He thinks he already has it just like everyone where I live.  He’s being beyond ridiculous.  He just called me to say he’s getting his haircut by his pregnant daughter, I told him he should tell her about my daughter and let her make the call on whether she is okay with having him in her house or not but ti wear a mask at the very least, he texted me and told me he was done.  I asked him if he wore his mask and he didn’t reply.  I’m taking that as no. 

I’m so mad at him. 

[greymatter]

4 hours ago, preraph said:

Yes I'd say you have dropped the ball. She's sixteen and you are still responsible for her. If you can't get her to stay in school then you need to get your family into family therapy to find out what has gone wrong and why it's dysfunctioning. It's never just one person. It's usually the whole dynamic. 

Wow, what a helpful post, Preraph. You are incredibly judgemental and seem to have no empathy, not to mention you clearly haven't read his posts about his daughter and the treatment that she is receiving. You are not even a parent and have no idea what it's like to be part of a family with children, not to mention a child who is struggling. To my knowledge, you are not a psychologist or psychiatrist either, or a therapist, or an expert in the psychology of family systems. There are mental health experts who are not parents, and provide treatment to families because they have developed expertise and experience in that area. I'm pretty sure you are not one of those, based on  your posts. You don't know as much as you think you do. Telling 5-x-5 that he is still responsible for her is so condescending. They have been pursuing intensive treatment and interventions to help her. 

When a child is at risk for suicide or is self harming, education sometimes comes second to recovering from anxiety, depression, anorexia, etc. It's not as simple as you seem to believe.

[chillii]

 

Sorry 5x5 . l didn't read all this stuff earlier gm has just talked about here and didn't mean to make light of her other issues , l really hope she's doing ok atm mate , within herself l mean. Best of luck , love and support for her.

[basil67]

8 hours ago, preraph said:

Yes I'd say you have dropped the ball. She's sixteen and you are still responsible for her. If you can't get her to stay in school then you need to get your family into family therapy to find out what has gone wrong and why it's dysfunctioning. It's never just one person. It's usually the whole dynamic. 

Why would you assume therapy is not already happening?

I know many good and capable parents who have one child who didn't grow up to fit the 'perfect' mold.   Nature can and does throw curve balls more than you realise.  

 

[preraph]

I would ask those parents if their child still has a smartphone or video player or internet access or TV access. Because if they're so bad that they're not even going to school and they still have all those privileges than the parents simply isn't trying hard enough.

[basil67]

Why are you assuming that naughtiness is the only thing which can cause problems?    

 

 

[5x5]

14 hours ago, preraph said:

Yes I'd say you have dropped the ball. She's sixteen and you are still responsible for her. If you can't get her to stay in school then you need to get your family into family therapy to find out what has gone wrong and why it's dysfunctioning. It's never just one person. It's usually the whole dynamic. 

Last time I looked anorexia-nervosa is a metabolic disorder with evident and specific DNA markers, that when combined with certain personality types can creates the perfect storm.

As to dropping the ball, I'm not sure what else we could have done. I mean when we first noticed the first changes in her behaviour, we immediately booked her into a service that provided professional psychological support for her. Of which we were on top of this early even before she lost any weight, even while we were dealing with my wife was having her airway crushed by a thyroid problem that saw her have half of her thyroid removed. Yet as soon as we got her that help, it wasn't enough since she wouldn't engage with the counsellors. So we sought other help and took her to another GP (in the absence of our regular one who was on holidays) in order to get a mental health plan for her. Yet that GP thought their was nothing wrong.

Yet we didn't accept that, since she had also dropped a tremendous amount of weight in a short period of time and she wasn't fat to begin with. So as soon as our regular GP came back (just over a week later) I took her in, to be immediately told she had anorexia-nervosa. Which then led to a blood test and ECG, seeing her then quickly admitted into a specialist eating disorder treatment programme with a dangerously low heart rate for re-feeding and other treatment.

15 months later, she has had 13 hospital admissions with two of them under compulsion being sectioned under the mental health act, where she has spent the lions share of those 15 months mostly in hospital. Through that time she has been treated with family based therapy, which has seen us participate in an intensive day program, plus mostly everyday visits to hospital. Engagement and participation with all family meetings and counselling.

Yet despite all of that plus having an internationally recognised adolescent and child psychiatrist, who is a leading expert in treating eating disorders, treating her with a team of psychiatrists, paediatricians, psychologists and nutritionists, she is still not getting better.

Oh and to top of that we have also successfully taken her to a state tribunal, to force her to have treatment (since legally once she's past 16 we have little say otherwise) for her eating disorder and self harm. Although even with that we have still been unable to get her to do her schoolwork.

We have also had multiple meetings with her school throughout these difficulties, which is above and beyond the usual twice yearly parent teacher meetings and other keeping in touch that we already did before that.

That said since she is one of their more difficult cases, we have been told we are doing more than most parents do, given the extent of her disorder. Since apparently given how ill she is, it is not uncommon for parents to abandon their children altogether in the face of such issues.

Plus to add to the difficulty my wife also developed breast cancer last year as well, yet despite her having a dual lumpectomy  earlier this year and having just recently finished radiation treatment, a lot of our efforts have still been concentrated on trying to help our daughter recover from her terrible affliction. And you assert we have dropped the ball.

So given your extraordinary expertise in parenting a child with a terrible physiological and psychiatric illness rolled into one. Please do tell me how to cure our daughter, so that she doesn't die through suicide or organ failure and tell us how to make her do schoolwork as well. Since as it stands my wife and I are looking at her funeral. being likely anytime from now through the next few years, and we would rather not have that happen.

Can you also tell us how to stop her repeatedly cutting her wrists and arms open when she can, with any item she can find =that will cut flesh improvised or otherwise.

What should we do when she throws glass tumblers at us, kicks us, screams, punches us, threatens us with knives, threatens to kill herself

Can you also tell us how to stop her from trying to throw herself out of a moving car into traffic, sure we know how to stop her achieving that through child locks, central locking, ambulance  etc, yet that doesn't stop her trying to, so do help?

5 hours ago, preraph said:

I would ask those parents if their child still has a smartphone or video player or internet access or TV access. Because if they're so bad that they're not even going to school and they still have all those privileges than the parents simply isn't trying hard enough.

For a time I used to be a recruit and infantry instructor,  plus I have training in and experience of prisoner handling and conducting tactical questioning as well. So discipline and rule enforcement isn't something I am shy of. Yet at the moment my daughter has access to her mobile phone, including the internet, albeit with a range of restrictions both on her phone and her laptop.  which is required for her to do schoolwork. Given my states education system and as a consequence of restrictions that are still in place for Covid-19.

Likewise while she has been in and out of hospital she has not had a mobile phone for much of that period for days, weeks and even months at a time, and has frequently had no social media access when she has had that phone as well. Yet that hasn't provided the incentive for her do schoolwork either, so again please do share your expertise and give me the solution for that as well.

 

...

 

As to how my relationship is going in isolation aside from our ongoing problems with our daughter. My wife and I are still doing great, since we enjoy spending time together, like each other, support one another and still enjoy sex together. Our son also misses going out and misses seeing his girlfriend yet they are still in frequent contact and getting on okay with their respective tertiary studies in isolation. On that though I don't need your advice, since I already have considerable experience in maintaining a successful ongoing long term marital relationship.

How about you?

 

Edited May 18, 2020 by 5x5

[CaliforniaGirl]

5 hours ago, preraph said:

I would ask those parents if their child still has a smartphone or video player or internet access or TV access. Because if they're so bad that they're not even going to school and they still have all those privileges than the parents simply isn't trying hard enough.

Can you stop?

It isn't your place to ask.

[5x5]

6 hours ago, chillii said:

 

Sorry 5x5 . l didn't read all this stuff earlier gm has just talked about here and didn't mean to make light of her other issues , l really hope she's doing ok atm mate , within herself l mean. Best of luck , love and support for her.

It's okay chillii I like your style, I was also glad to read that things got better for your daughter as well.

[Happy Lemming]

Actually, my relationship with my girlfriend is getting better during this isolation.

It took me over 60 days to figure out the key to avoiding arguments with her.  All I have to do is keep a good supply of cookies in the fridge for "V" to munch on.  If cookies are readily available and easily accessible, girlfriend is happy & life is just fine.

Today I made a quick "no-egg" batch of sugar cookies, when those get low I'll make a batch of molasses cookies, then I'll make another batch of "Alton Brown's" peanut butter cookies.  This morning I ordered up a 10 pound bag of sugar... I will not run out of sugar, my survival depends on my ability to keep baking cookies.

Boy am I dumb... It took me all this time to figure out the key to happiness (during the pandemic) was so simple... COOKIES!!

[BC1980]

Maybe it was just the initial shock of living together. Now that you've had some time to learn each other's quirks, it's getting better. 

[Prudence V]

On 5/18/2020 at 5:51 AM, 5x5 said:

anorexia-nervosa

I’m sorry, @5x5. Anorexia is tough. I’ve lost friends to it and know how hard it is to reach someone who is in its grip. You’re putting in a superhuman effort. 

[gamon]

On 5/17/2020 at 10:28 AM, preraph said:

Yes I'd say you have dropped the ball. She's sixteen and you are still responsible for her. If you can't get her to stay in school then you need to get your family into family therapy to find out what has gone wrong and why it's dysfunctioning. It's never just one person. It's usually the whole dynamic. 

Are you licensed and trained in the area of family therapy? Are you even a parent at all?

If not you are crossing a line.

 

[RecentChange]

I have to say, in more ways than not, I LIKE this "new normal".

We have been on shelter in place for 10 weeks now. I am working from home full time, and my husband is working from home most of the time (but he does go to headquarters a few times a week). 

We reconfigured things a bit, the old extra bedroom is now my office, and he tends to do his work in the living room. I am busy with work from 8-5 every day, so we stay out of each others hair. 

I love all the extra time I have, now that I do not have a commute. I love that the pace of life feels slower now (I was always go go go before).  While I have "more time" I am also more productive. I take a break and toss the ball with the dog, or weed in my garden etc. Before SIP, when I needed a mental break, I would come to pages like LS - which honestly isn't the best de-stresser (it seems like I hardly have time for this site any more). I am SO MUCH more relaxed now that I am working at home. 

My husband and I have been getting a long great, less bickering than before, more sex, and just enjoying quiet time. I think its because we aren't as stressed out with the rat race as we were before. 

Sun is shining and my tomatoes are growing, I have a few projects going around the house. I have time to spend with my pets.  It just feels PEACEFUL. 

We used to go out super often - and I do miss some of that. But we make great cocktails at home, and have been ordering to go from our favorite spots.

I am looking forward to the day we can travel again, go to concerts etc. I will really miss the lack of traffic and crowds we are enjoying right now though. 

 

 

[5x5]

20 hours ago, Prudence V said:

I’m sorry, @5x5. Anorexia is tough. I’ve lost friends to it and know how hard it is to reach someone who is in its grip. You’re putting in a superhuman effort. 

Thanks, I am also sorry for your friends and your loss.

[Happy Lemming]

After talking to her therapist (via Zoom) yesterday, my girlfriend decided to try to go home to her apartment on June 1st. Apparently, the therapist convinced her to face this fear of living (completely alone) isolated in the micro apartment & not going out everyday. 

I will send her home with food and toilet paper, so she can continue to "hunker down" until she sees an acceptable downward trend in Covid-19 cases.

YEA!! There is light at the end of this tunnel!!

I've started counting down the days... 12 days and counting.  I feel like @MeadowFlower when she was dealing with the house guests.

I might even write a song similar to the 12 days of Christmas and count down these final days.

On the twelfth day of countdown, my girlfriend gave to me... her intention to finally leave my home.

[Foxhall]

I participated in a radio debate yesterday,

taking an anti-lockdown stance was enough for me to decide to not tell my girlfriend,(who is pro lockdown)

however one of my friends let her know,

not sure how it may affect the relationship,

on the one hand she finds it worrying that I wanted to keep this a secret but also likes when I get bold and come out of shell.

[Happy Lemming]

Countdown to my girlfriend leaving and going home to her apartment...

11 days...

I feel like a prisoner "X-ing" the days off the calendar until his release.

[Art_Critic]

On 5/20/2020 at 9:15 AM, Happy Lemming said:

On the twelfth day of countdown, my girlfriend gave to me... her intention to finally leave my home.

I feel terrible for you HL, while I know some of it is levity the truth behind it is that you are not compatible and that should open your eyes to whether or not you should have a future with her, I wouldn't want to be making the decision..

 

 

[Happy Lemming]

7 minutes ago, Art_Critic said:

 ...whether or not you should have a future with her.

Our relationship is fine in metered doses, we just can't live together. We've done well dating (living apart) for 8.5 years.

The stimulus check ($1,200) bought her any extra year in her apartment ($100/month for rental increase).  So we "kick the can" down the road until Fall of 2021, before we have to decide what to do about her living arrangements.

Edited May 21, 2020 by Happy Lemming

[Gaeta]

BF and I are still doing great in isolation. I am busy all day working from home and he keeps busy doing home repair and maintenance. Now that the sunny days are here we spend many of our evenings relaxing outside on the patio. 

Now, my teen girl has not seen her boyfriend for 2 months and is coming to some realization that she should have broken up this relationship months ago. She opened up this week about the things she doesn't like about him, the pressure, the judgement, the manipulation she had been enduring. Being away from him for a while helped her see the big picture...and spending all of her days with me made her feel close enough to me to share her story. 

Edited May 21, 2020 by Gaeta

[K.K.]

On 5/20/2020 at 9:15 AM, Happy Lemming said:

I might even write a song similar to the 12 days of Christmas and count down these final days.

On the twelfth day of countdown, my girlfriend gave to me... her intention to finally leave my home.

Today is day 11. May I ? 

On the 11th day of countdown, my girlfriend gave to meeee ... her rounder butt and internal gleeeee.  🎶
 

Edited May 21, 2020 by K.K.
P.S. hope that wasn’t insensitive you know I’m playing and wuv you Happy.

[Ruby Slippers]

Things are good here. Yesterday my boyfriend said he can afford for us both to retire early to his mountain home in the North, so let's do it. For now, I'm holding out for my dream - designing and building our own home and gorgeous swimming pool in this hot climate. But his idea isn't a bad fallback option

[Happy Lemming]

16 hours ago, K.K. said:

Today is day 11. May I ? 

On the 11th day of countdown, my girlfriend gave to meeee ... her rounder butt and internal gleeeee.  🎶
 

Actually, she handed me an empty apple juice jug, yesterday.  I had 5 of those 64 ounce jugs in stock when the pandemic started and she just finished off the last one.  She handed me the empty and asked where the next jug was located.  I told her we were out and she had drank them all (by herself).

As for my countdown song, I was thinking about...

On the eleventh day of countdown, my girlfriend gave to me... our fifth and final empty apple juice jug.

I don't really care if her butt gets bigger, as long as I can get her into her Dodge on June 1st.  I'll check the air in the tires, prior to her leaving... Got to give that old car a fighting chance to get rolling after it being holed up in the garage for so long.

Yesterday, I boxed up some extra food and dry goods I had in stock and staged them by the door.  She really liked the peanut butter cookies I made, so I'll make up another batch for her to take home, as "Freedom Day" gets closer.

10 days and counting.