How is your relationship in isolation?

[Inflikted]

I'm really starting to believe that this pandemic will end up killing any small amount of hope I might've had to find someone, to be honest. I don't even think it will feel "safe" to try meeting people and date until we have a vaccine, which is still at minimum 18 months off, if not longer. Even then, this pandemic is derailing a lot of the plans I had as far as moving, and stuff. I'm beginning to think I may never end up moving out of my parents house, at this point. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to fully support myself financially. And I'm certainly not going to find "love" living at home, not making enough money, through my 30s, 40s, 50s, etc. I really failed myself.

[K.K.]

49 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Well... my 8 year relationship is going to hell in a hand basket...

Omg Happy I’m so sorry! I feel so bad for you. 😣 I lmao at the way you told the story but it isn’t funny at all. 8 years! Down the drain. 

Well, you had to find out sometime. Living together just doesn’t always work, especially when you’ve been by yourself and been able to do your own thing. I’m not quite sure what’s wrong with ‘V’ but she doesn’t sound easy to live with. 

Maybe y’all can somehow go back to your old way of having a relationship before all of this started? Or did this turn you off completely? 

I’m dying to know though, what was it you liked about her in the first place? She must’ve had some decent quantities to last 8 years? 

[Woggle]

It seems like we are the only ones who actually have a better relationship because of this isolation. 

[Happy Lemming]

6 minutes ago, K.K. said:

(1) Maybe y’all can somehow go back to your old way of having a relationship before all of this started?

(2) She must’ve had some decent quantities to last 8 years? 

(1)  Yes... I'm hoping things will go back to the status quo, before this coronavirus pandemic.  I'll help her find a new apartment this fall and move her into it.  She needs to start looking soon, though; as its going to be a challenge with her limited fixed income.

(2) Yes... we get along well, for the most part, we just can't live under the same roof.

[amaysngrace]

Well @Happy Lemming, I’m sorry the way it’s all playing out but it’s better you know this now rather than after you moved in together.  

Your story cracked me up a little, not what you were saying but just the way you said it.

I wasn’t sure if I should like it or laugh because I thought it would be wrong to but you sure do have a way with words.

Hang in there brother!  

[K.K.]

2 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

(1)  Yes... I'm hoping things will go back to the status quo, before this coronavirus pandemic.  I'll help her find a new apartment this fall and move her into it.  She needs to start looking soon, though; as its going to be a challenge with her limited fixed income.

(2) Yes... we get along well, for the most part, we just can't live under the same roof.

Well, that’s good to hear. 🙂 At least y’all shouldn’t end up enemies and can hopefully go back to normal. Plus, you were there to help her out in her time of need so she probably appreciates that a lot. Good luck with this, Happy! 

[greymatter]

@Happy Leming: I know that things have been tense and she is driving you crazy, but it's really unusual for you to be sleeping on the couch. Have the two of you discussed why or is that part not being talked about?

[Happy Lemming]

3 hours ago, greymatter said:

Have the two of you discussed why or is that part not being talked about?

We have talked...  I'm just going to sleep on the couch until this pandemic is over.  I was thinking I might inflate the air mattress and sleep in the office, I can spread out more.

[Kitty Tantrum]

Things are pretty good over here. My husband and I have never had any problem spending lots of time together. Our relationship is still getting steadily better.

I've always homeschooled my kids, so we're used to having them around all the time. It's actually kind of nice that this whole fiasco has indefinitely postponed their next visit to their dad's house. I only feel a little bit bad saying that.

Funny thing, I've had the MOST friction with my younger brother (housemates!). Because I'm all tinfoil-hat-conspiracy-theorist about this whole pandemic thing (more like COVID-1984), and he's like "NO. SCIENCE. DATA. YOU ARE WRONG. IT IS SUPER KILLER VIRUS" and gets really aggro and emotional about it. But I'm the one staying home for literally weeks at a time until we run out of produce or eggs or whatever (which I buy in restaurant-bulk quantities), and he'll go out to several different stores multiple times per day for specialty ingredients, booze, takeout, etc.

I can't wrap my head around that. I see a lot of it, though. I get painted as "omg irresponsible u r literally murderer" for questioning the narrative with words... by people who are being far more lackadaisical about their actual practices than I am. That's the biggest strain on my "social media relationships" right now. It boggles my mind.

[clia]

On 4/25/2020 at 12:51 PM, Happy Lemming said:

(1)  Yes... I'm hoping things will go back to the status quo, before this coronavirus pandemic.  I'll help her find a new apartment this fall and move her into it.  She needs to start looking soon, though; as its going to be a challenge with her limited fixed income.

(2) Yes... we get along well, for the most part, we just can't live under the same roof.

Where do you see this going long term, assuming you can go back to how things used to be?

It strikes me that you seem to have a parent/child relationship with her.  She doesn't seem to be able to take care of herself or "adult" in any capacity, even though she's near (at?) retirement age.  You cook for her,  you set up a computer for her, you figure out her car situation, you will "help her find a new apartment," you have to tell her where to put coffee table knickknacks while you eat, you have to help her financially, etc.  (Does she contribute anything around the house?)  One of your other posts really jumped out at me when you said "I put a mask and gloves on her."  I picture you with a small child putting on mittens and a mask!  Is she incapable of putting on her own gloves and mask?  Is there anything she can do herself?  It all just seems so odd to me.  And complaining about the dinner you prepared and then eating chocolate cake for dinner instead seems like something a child would do, not an adult woman.  

Even if you are able to go back to living separately, she's not getting any younger and her financial situation is unlikely to get any better.  It just seems like at some point in the future, assuming you stay together, you are going to end up caring for her and may end up having to live together to do so, just out of necessity.  You seem like a really motivated, full of life person.  You are constantly doing home projects, cooking interesting meals, keeping yourself busy with all kinds of things, etc.  And she sits around complaining and watching Hulu?  Don't you think you could find someone who is more compatible with you?  

[simpycurious]

There is no isolation.  Things are different of course but NO ISOLATION.  A few complaints though:  too many people playing golf (that aren't very good) makes the rounds take FOREVER, many people need better TANS (too much inside is hard on your tan)......

[Ruby Slippers]

@Happy Lemming, I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. I think the idea to send her home to her place for a while is a good one. Hopefully things will improve once you have your own space again.

Just as you told me, times are strange and when possible it's generally a good idea to preserve a loving relationship, even with its flaws. So I hope you'll pull through this eventually and skies will be bluer.

I've discussed in other threads that my boyfriend is back and we're happy. I totally relate on what you said about her not making an effort to do things to assist, how very annoying and disheartening that can be. My boyfriend used to be lazy in that way, but he's been getting steadily better as I've made my feelings clear. A while back I half-joked that it's cute how such a smart guy pretends not to know how to do basic things. He admitted he can be lazy and has been doing more. Yesterday he mowed and blowed the yard while I cleaned house. He helps more with the little business of our activities and is being more proactive and thoughtful. He's been much tidier in the kitchen, while I've adopted a "don't sweat the small stuff - and it's all small stuff" mentality.

For the moment we're getting along great again, both giving a little more, being a little more considerate than before. We're handling each other with more respect and reverence, as we should. Today is exactly 6 months since the day we met - half a year and we're still kickin  

You and your girlfriend were thrown into 24/7 cohabitation before you were ready, and given your personality, it's normal this would create some stress.

We're all works in progress. Try to go easy on yourselves and each other. Hugs!

[Cookiesandough]

I live with my mom and dad and we've always had a really good, close relationship...the three of us...but now we have 4...with my puppy Moose (he's my baby bro lol) He's brought so much joy to my family. Even since I moved back out, I was still busy and out and about a lot before Covid, so I never got to spend that much quality time with my folks who are getting up there in age. I felt guilty about it. But now my family has nothing but time to spend together and we've made so many memories just in these couple months alone. I guess it's one great thing that's come from this mess.

Edited April 27, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[simpycurious]

^^^ Great post and important to remember that GOOD can come out of bad situations.  Try and find the rainbow even against a cloudy sky. 

[Happy Lemming]

@clia

You make some good points and it is definitely "food for thought".

Thank you!!

[BC1980]

On 4/25/2020 at 10:43 AM, Happy Lemming said:

Well... my 8 year relationship is going to hell in a hand basket... I've been sleeping on the couch for the past couple of weeks.

My lazy shrew of a girlfriend is getting on my last nerve, if she isn't complaining about something then its 500 questions about how to complete a task.

Case in point, I'm cooking dinner last night (we usually eat at the dining room table) and she wanted to watch some TV show that was coming on.  I said "Fine, we can eat at the coffee table"  I actually have some large glass decorative cutting boards that I put rubber feet on that we use (as place mats) when we eat at the coffee table.  I told her put the glass "place mats" on the coffee table and I'll serve dinner there. 

Then the questions started... Where do I put the stuff that is presently on the coffee table? and preceded to ask about each item on the coffee table. Then more questions... Where do I move the box fan to? (it was rather warm yesterday and we put some fans on) Where should I plug it in? (how about a wall outlet, plenty to chose from and the fan works better when its plugged in)  You see when my lazy sloth of a girlfriend has to do anything that resembles work or chores, she asks 500 questions or does the job poorly, so I get frustrated and just do it myself.  

Originally, we were talking about moving in together this fall, but there is no way that is going to happen, now.

I can't wait for her to leave... maybe I'll ask her to try to go home on May 1st when she has to go her apartment complex to pay her May rent. I don't want her to get sick; we have been "sheltering in place" at my home... and its working.  We are both healthy, but I can't stand to hear her voice.

I'm miserable... I just want some peace and quiet!!

Yikes! Are y'all sleeping in the same bed? I thought I read where y'all had decided against that.

[Happy Lemming]

5 hours ago, BC1980 said:

Yikes! Are y'all sleeping in the same bed? I thought I read where y'all had decided against that.

I'm on the couch... luckily my couch is quite comfortable.

[lana-banana]

It's been tough. Despite living in the same house and sleeping in the same bed, there are days when it feels like we barely see each other. We have very different schedules; I'm usually up before 5 to exercise, and he will stay up til 2 AM or even later to help out his employees in Europe. (I tell him that when people in Europe start answering his emails, it's time to go to bed...he only sometimes listens.) I do the weekday cooking and make sure he always has lunch and dinner, and we try to at least spend an hour or two in the living room at the end of the day just to relax, but we don't necessarily connect---if I'm looking at recipes, reading a book, etc, and he's researching house projects, then it doesn't really feel like "together time" even if we're sitting next to each other. And now that we have two extremely tiny and needy kittens in the house it's been even more difficult.

So I took matters into my own hands. This Friday we're getting four-course carryout and cocktails from a super-cool neighborhood restaurant and we're going to watch Tabloid. A local mixologist who's relatively famous is taking money for personalized cocktail recipes, so I paid her to make drink recipes for my husband and I. I will spend Saturday turning the dining room into a cocktail bar where we'll make our drinks together (my husband makes incredible cocktails and sodas), and I'll make some appetizers with all the homemade tapenades and preserves and spreads we have in the fridge. Also probably popcorn because who can say no to popcorn? On Sunday I got him a coveted reservation at the city's biggest farmers' market, because that is a thing now in the age of COVID-19. Since the reservations are limited to one person, he'll be able to pick up all the ingredients for Sunday dinner. He's a super-talented and imaginative cook. I'm also planning on a walk through some of the beautiful parks near our house.

I wrote everything down in gold ink on some fancy invitation paper to make it look like a pretty party invitation, put it in an envelope from our wedding RSVPs, and tucked it under his laptop. He'll see it when he wakes up.

Edited April 28, 2020 by lana-banana

[Realitysux]

On 4/25/2020 at 12:29 PM, Inflikted said:

I'm really starting to believe that this pandemic will end up killing any small amount of hope I might've had to find someone, to be honest. I don't even think it will feel "safe" to try meeting people and date until we have a vaccine, which is still at minimum 18 months off, if not longer. Even then, this pandemic is derailing a lot of the plans I had as far as moving, and stuff. I'm beginning to think I may never end up moving out of my parents house, at this point. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to fully support myself financially. And I'm certainly not going to find "love" living at home, not making enough money, through my 30s, 40s, 50s, etc. I really failed myself.

Is your only goal in life to find love? 

[Inflikted]

17 minutes ago, Realitysux said:

Is your only goal in life to find love? 

It's probably the most "meaningful" goal I have.

[The Outlaw]

3 minutes ago, Inflikted said:

It's probably the most "meaningful" goal I have.

I hope you do, brother. I still believe that everyone needs someone. 

[thecrucible]

@Inflikted - I know what you mean. No one knows what's going to happen with this pandemic so it almost feels like the year is a write off for dating. At the same time, it's a good opportunity to work on yourself and do things you've put off so you emerge stronger.

[Inflikted]

3 hours ago, The Outlaw said:

I hope you do, brother. I still believe that everyone needs someone. 

I wish, but I wouldn't count on it at this point. I think it's going to be a long time before dating is even "safe", and I think the economical ramifications of the pandemic are going to set me back at least a year or two, if not more, from being able to live on my own and have any semblance of financial security. By then, I'll probably be in my mid or late 30s, or pushing 40. I kinda think this is it for me, as far as dating goes. Either way, it's incredibly saddening to know that it's now a guarantee that I'll be alone for at least the next 2+ years. Granted, I likely would have been anyway, due to my own inabilities to date, but at least there was some mild hope. Now, it's locked in.

1 hour ago, thecrucible said:

@Inflikted - I know what you mean. No one knows what's going to happen with this pandemic so it almost feels like the year is a write off for dating. At the same time, it's a good opportunity to work on yourself and do things you've put off so you emerge stronger.

Yeah. Part of me wonders if "dating" is just going to be over, in general. Like, anyone who already has someone is set, but everyone else will just have to make due with a life spent alone. Heck, some are saying we might never see a vaccine for COVID-19, so the entire social process could die out, and the world as we know it may end up being a very different, and alienated, place, going forward.

[chillii]

On 4/26/2020 at 2:42 AM, Woggle said:

It seems like we are the only ones who actually have a better relationship because of this isolation. 

Ahh, not quite, l really dunno what the fuss is we grow closer if anything.

[basil67]

16 minutes ago, chillii said:

Ahh, not quite, l really dunno what the fuss is we grow closer if anything.

Yeah, we're going strong here too.