What do Men Desire and Value in a Woman?

[basil67]

1 hour ago, amaysngrace said:

What’s that suppose to mean basil?

most don’t want it or most do have it?

Most people are ordinary people who don't have the X factor.  And sensible ordinary people don't punch above their weight waiting for the X factor to come along.  Instead, they find a great match who's also ordinary.   Frankly, I've NEVER met someone who has what I consider to be an X factor in my life.

Or perhaps I don't know what the X factor is?

Edited March 28, 2020 by basil67

[5x5]

2 hours ago, Caauug said:

I think this is the correct answer. You can make your wish list as long as you want but if she doesn't feel the need to read it, your wants will not matter. Remember what you were told when you were growing up: Except her for who she is.....    "Why can he not except me the way I am?" She says.....

It is a very tall order in some cases!!!!!!

Not in all cases.

I've never had any trouble being with women who are keen on me and meet all of my desires.

2 hours ago, Caauug said:

I agree with these two quotes. Some women or should I say most I have ever met, be them friends and wives of friends want go into retirement once married or into a LTR, kids or no kids.

I guess it depends upon what your social and professional circles are.

Most of the married and partnered women that I know, are tertiary educated full-time career professionals with high incomes.

2 hours ago, SummerDreams said:

As an early observation, men in this thread focus on two things; sex and money. Let's compare it to what women focused on in their thread...

I'm so lucky I have a good man who doesn't think like some of the above posters because if I hadn't found him, I would probably get depression with what I read here.

My list didn't mention money once. That said since this is about sexual relationships of course I have mentioned sex, since absent sex one does not have a sexual relationship.

Oh and since it's the early evening of a Saturday where I am right now, I've already shared sex with my wife twice today.

Edited March 28, 2020 by 5x5

[basil67]

😆 at the last line there @5x5

[Caauug]

5 hours ago, SummerDreams said:

As an early observation, men in this thread focus on two things; sex and money. Let's compare it to what women focused on in their thread...

I'm so lucky I have a good man who doesn't think like some of the above posters because if I hadn't found him, I would probably get depression with what I read here.

And Summer I would say your man is very lucky to have you and not have to think like some of the posters here..... Or he has heaps of money that there is no way you can burn through it. Good for you either way.

 

 

2 hours ago, 5x5 said:

Not in all cases.

I've never had any trouble being with women who are keen on me and meet all of my desires.

I guess it depends upon what your social and professional circles are.

Most of the married and partnered women that I know, are tertiary educated full-time career professionals with high incomes.

My list didn't mention money once. That said since this is about sexual relationships of course I have mentioned sex, since absent sex one does not have a sexual relationship.

Oh and since it's the early evening of a Saturday where I am right now, I've already shared sex with my wife twice today.

Lucky you. Good on you for having perfect people around you. My wish for you is this continues for you.

[snowboy91]

The answer to the question will depend on which guy you ask. I imagine the same question asked of women will also vary depending on who you asked.

For myself, I suppose it would include the following:

- Regular, good sex. I'd like her to have a reasonable sex drive. It's an important thing but not the only important thing.

- Be reasonably attractive (although I find that the emotional connection helps with that. And "attractive" is defined by me, not by convention)

- An underlying chemistry/spark. Hard to describe - I know raw lust tends to fade as a relationship progresses, but there is some underlying burn that draws us together. I think that's why I stayed in my last relationship far too long even though it wasn't good for me - it was almost like a glue trying to hold us together.

- Emotional connection - I need to feel like I can relate to her and bond over similar values, goals, hobbies, etc.

Of course, it's very unlilkely someone will be perfect on all of those, but there needs to be at least some of each. I think that's where some are confused - for example, sex or attraction may be the most important thing, but it's not the only important thing. 

[SummerDreams]

33 minutes ago, Caauug said:

And Summer I would say your man is very lucky to have you and not have to think like some of the posters here..... Or he has heaps of money that there is no way you can burn through it. Good for you either way.

Thank you for your kind words. Nah he doesn't have money, and even if he had, I'm the one who saves it more than him. I'm not the typical woman who will buy a bunch of clothes and bags and make up etc. In fact, I never wear make up, I make my hair by myself and I only buy clothes for both of us when I know we need them.

[chillii]

6 hours ago, SummerDreams said:

As an early observation, men in this thread focus on two things; sex and money. Let's compare it to what women focused on in their thread...

I'm so lucky I have a good man who doesn't think like some of the above posters because if I hadn't found him, I would probably get depression with what I read here.

Ummm, some men , not all. And yeah l'd be depressed with what l read all over forums too from both  actually but thank the Gods it doesn't reflect my world though either.

Edited March 28, 2020 by chillii

[Azincourt]

7 hours ago, Caauug said:

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I think this is the correct answer. You can make your wish list as long as you want but if she doesn't feel the need to read it, your wants will not matter. Remember what you were told when you were growing up: Except her for who she is.....    "Why can he not except me the way I am?" She says.....

Just like there are many men out there who don't care about a woman's list of what she desires and values in a potential romantic partner. There's millions upon millions of people out there in the world who are single for everyone to meet.

 

Quote

 

It is a very tall order in some cases!!!!!!

No, it's not. There's nothing tall about expecting someone to pull their financial weight. Male baby boomers do make a lot more money than female baby boomers, but amongst my generation(I'm an old millenial) there are far more women who graduate from college than there are men, and the women in that generation make a lot more money than the men in my generation do, so expecting her to have money and her own house is not like I, a commoner without millions in the bank,  wanting to date Princess Madeleine, Duchess of Hälsingland and Gästrikland.

 

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I agree with these two quotes. Some women or should I say most I have ever met, be them friends and wives of friends want go into retirement once married or into a LTR, kids or no kids.

From what I've experienced and witnessed, it's usually the hottest of the hottest of women who want to cash out early in life(late teens/early 20s) by getting married to a rich guy, or at the very least by having a baby or two with a rich guy and then bankrolling their lifestyle on alimony for the next 18 years.

Most women in general aren't really looking to get a rich guy to finance their lives.

Like, Georgina Rodriguez was an unknown fashion model until she started dating Cristiano Ronaldo. Suddenly, the best brands in the business are paying her 20.000 euros per photoshoot, she opened her own line of clothing, her boyfriend buys her mansions, millions-worth jewelery and he pays her 100.000 euros a month, all year-round.

I can't really blame her. If I ever meet Madonna and she offers me that lifestyle, I'm taking it , and considering how plain-looking the men she dates are, despite being like 40 years younger than her, I'm pretty sure I'll beat the other men aiming to put their hands on some of those hundreds of millions of dollars 🤣

 

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A few problems with this I have found:

Too much idle time, one income may mean the other partner will have to work longer hours to make ends meet. This leads the idle partner more time to look around for someone else. (Hypergamy) This happens a lot where the husband works away, FIFO mines in this part of the world.

Hypergamy is a patriarchal tradition that has died out in the west for the most part, it's still a very large part in the lives of Middle-Eastern and Indian and African women, but that's because their fathers force their daughters to sell themselves to men they aren't interested in.

Give a Pakistani 21 year old woman who looks exactly like a twin sister of Aylar Lie, and so she has a lot of rich men trying to buy her, the choice to pick between an unattractive rich old guy, or a western male who is physically attractive and is 10 years older than her, and she will take the 6 feet tall, 180lbs 10% body fat blonde haired , green eyed westerner with a smile that took tens of thousands of dollars to buy at the dentist's as a teenager, 100% of the time.

In Europe and in the USA and Canada, women by large and large don't care about a man's financial situation. It's when they decide they want to get married and have kids that a man's money situation becomes important. But just because someone feels the biological urges to have children, doesn't mean you oughta have kids, but grandmothers and mothers trying to introduce you to their daughters and grandaughters apparently didn't get the memo 🤣

 

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I have also noticed when not working and earning money, people loose the sense of value of money over time. Male and female.... This can lead to uncontrolled spending, and a greater load on the one working to keep up with expenses.

Not if you marry a woman who understands money is the most important thing in the world and takes good care of it. My grandmothers, great-grandmothers and mother have always known the value of the dollar and were never out there trying to buy the world.

 

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This also leads to a loss of respect for what the working partner is doing. IE: "He never helps with the house work or the kids!!" Meanwhile he spends 12hrs of the day at a physically demanding job to come home to house in ruin to make his own dinner and pack his lunch for the next day.... Family responsibilities should be shared? Yes he is, when he spends his time working to support the family financially.

Yeah, so what?

My father spent 40 years working 16 hours a day and many times working as much overtime as possible,  going to school at the same time, and then he'd go home and he'd spent hours and hours cooking and cleaning and washing and going out to buy groceries. Because my mother gotta had her hands tied up with 6 kids of her own, taking care of grandma, and taking care of he nieces and nephews.

Chores are great cardio. And it's free!  Why would a man complain about it?

 

 

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You want to retire early and have me support you? Then you don't want me in your life!!! It is not number one but it is a deal breaker.

LMAOOOO.

Housewives aren't retired, bro. Raising kids is hard work. Running a household is very hard work.  Women have to pay attention to the household budget while having to get everything they need, or at least most of it. They have to change diapers, give the kids exercise, feed them, play with them, wash and dust, lift heavy furniture around, cook for almost 10 people, get the laundry done etc etc.

Especially when you have more than one kid.

I'll never figure out those guys who are barely fertile enough to produce just one kid, and when they do it and they have a stay-at-home wife they complain about going home after a long hard day of work, sitting in their their cubicule typing down at their mechanic keyboards feeling like they are the man of the house, gaining 10 pounds of fat by the day, with their hairline trying to hitch a ride to the most remote areas of Canada, and having to pick up a broom to clear up some of the dust.

My heart goes out for them. Those guys really have it hard!

Edited March 28, 2020 by Azincourt

[Azincourt]

1 hour ago, SummerDreams said:

Thank you for your kind words. Nah he doesn't have money, and even if he had, I'm the one who saves it more than him. I'm not the typical woman who will buy a bunch of clothes and bags and make up etc. In fact, I never wear make up, I make my hair by myself and I only buy clothes for both of us when I know we need them.

Typical woman?

Lots of women don't care about make-up or the hairdresser or expensive clothes, and they still get chased after by tons of eligible bachelors.

  My mother has never spent money on make-up, as for clothes, the fashion houses she worked for in her youth pretty much gave her clothes and shoes and they still do to this day.

Beautiful women don't need artificial ornaments and war-paint to be beautiful, so the women in my family have never wasted time or money in that capitalist nonsense that was created to steal money away from women with low self-esteem.

This one young woman I've had my eye on for 5 years now, but that I can't afford as she's dating the son of the President of one of Europe's richest banks, and has millions in his bank accounts and will make more millions when he becomes ready to take his father's place, spends about 3000 euros a day in clothes, 5 days week, without mentioning the brazilian waxes, the shoes, the trips to Brazil and Australia, the perfume, and the hairdresser 🤣🤑

And her boyfriend bought her a brand new R8 Spyder Quattro Plus 4S Audi, about $425, 400, paid in cash.

I can't compete with that, bro.

Quote

that suppose to mean basil?

most don’t want it or most do have it?

She means to say, most people have no option but to settle down with what they can get, which is what people have been doing for the last 300.000 years, and is what people still do to this day.

My grandma had the hots for Montgomery Clift, and if she had met him, she would most likely have gotten with him, if he was straight instead of being an homosexual, so she settled for my grandpa.

A more modern example would be the Chinese situation. There's hundreds of millions of missing women in China, leaving hundreds of million of men either settling down with women they aren't attracted to, because that's all they can afford, or moving away from China to try and find a wife in some other Country.

Or they turn into bad men and kidnap women from the Countries that border China, like what happens to many innocent young women.

Edited March 28, 2020 by Azincourt

[Piddy]

I'll put a twist on this question.  How about my ideal / fantasy woman.

First the physical / looks:   First age.  Since I'm a boomer (old) I'd want a younger woman as my fantasy woman.  Yup maybe 25 years younger.😲  Hey it's my fantasy.  😉 Let's go with a roundish face with large brown eyes, high cheek bones and chubby cheeks, the kind you can squeeze with your hands.  About 5'4", 125 lbs, long dark chocolate brown hair, small framed / petite.  Small boobs, maybe a B cup.  Nice small-ish / bubble butt-ish ass.  Toned, firm legs.  

Personality:  I'm a more of a Beta male.  I'm more relaxed and easy going.  Not easy to anger etc..  Don't always have to take charge etc..  Not to be confused with a milk toast male who likes getting walked all over.

  So, a woman who is more Alpha would work well with me.  So a stronger more confident personality would be fine.  We should complement each other nicely.

Sense of humor would be a strong suit.  I don't laugh easily so having someone who could make me laugh would be ideal.  Someone who doesn't take herself too seriously.   Could tell a good fart joke and almost pee her pants type.  A good quick wit.

Also, obviously she needs to be into me as much as I'm into her.  Wanting to please me because she wants to and not because she feels she needs to.  Doesn't necessarily have to have the same interests, but respect each others interest and allow them to pursue those interest.

  No hard drugs.  A little Pot here and there to help her relax and take the edge off is fine.  Social drinker.  Non smoker, but if she sneaks one in at times and doesn't stink up the place with cigarette smoke, that's not a deal breaker.  See I'm flexible. haha  

Compatibility is the key though.  Being on similar pages culturally, ethically, morally and politically would be ideal.  We need to be compatible in most ways including in the bedroom.

  Ideally she would have a little naughty/ slutty side in the bedroom (OK maybe a lot of that) .  Anything would go within reason.  Not prudish.  Outside the bedroom she has a lot a of class and acts like a lady.  

She may only exist in my mind, but in my fantasy this is close to what I'd ideally look for in a woman.  Hey again, it's my fantasy.  🙂  It has to be, because I've been off the market for decades. 😉

Edited March 28, 2020 by Piddy

[Caauug]

19 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

Hypergamy is a patriarchal tradition that has died out in the west for the most part, it's still a very large part in the lives of Middle-Eastern and Indian and African women, but that's because their fathers force their daughters to sell themselves to men they aren't interested in.

I strongly disagree, it is alive and well in Western culture..... Maybe you do not see it as I do. 

 

20 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

This one young woman I've had my eye on for 5 years now, but that I can't afford as she's dating the son of the President of one of Europe's richest banks, and has millions in the banks, spends about 3000 euros a day in clothes, 5 days week, without mentioning the brazilian waxes, the shoes, the trips to Brazil and Australia, the perfume, and the hairdresser

Hummm…. and you said hypergamy has died???? Ya, ok..... What ever you say.....

 

29 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

My father spent 40 years working 16 hours a day and many times working as much overtime as possible,  going to school at the same time, and then he'd go home and he'd spent hours and hours cooking and cleaning and washing and going out to buy groceries. Becuase my mother gotta had her hands tied up with 6 kids of her own, taking care of grandma, and taking care of he nieces and nephews.

You forgot the part about barefoot in 6 feet of snow fighting off bears with no power or running water..... Ya, ok..... As long as you believe it..... Your father is a true saint!!!

 

39 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

LMAOOOO.

Housewives aren't retired, bro. Raising kids is hard work. Running a household is very hard work.  Women have to pay attention to the household budget while having to get everything they need, or at least most of. They have to change diapers, give the kids exercise, feed them, play with them, wash and dust, lift heavy furniture around, cook for almost 10 people, get the laundry done etc etc.

Especially when you have more than one kid.

Housewives no.... But I will say motherhood is hard, I have seen this. From the inside and the outside. It's never ending and sometimes 24hrs or more when the kids are sick with the flu resulting in no sleep. For the most part it is a thankless job where she has to look for the silver linings in the dark clouds, that little look of relief or maybe happiness in the child's face after many days of discomfort and pain. Over time there will be little wins followed by major setbacks in the child's learning, each having to be covered by the mother of the child. You as the father will be spared so much of the pain and anguish of the failures experienced at home. You are right, kids or being mom is hard work and it doesn't end at shift change..... or does it?

Ok, maybe I did not make myself clear about the last part of my comment above, I apologize, I was taking about housewives not motherhood.... Major difference looking after a bunch of children or looking after just yourself!!!! 

My original comment still stands: You want to retire early and have me support you? Then you don't want me in your life!!!

[Caauug]

21 minutes ago, Piddy said:

I'll put a twist on this question.  How about my ideal / fantasy woman.

First the physical / looks:   First age.  Since I'm a boomer (old) I'd want a younger woman as my fantasy woman.  Yup maybe 25 years younger

Boomer M + 25 yr F = You got to be kidding!!!

25F + LTR = Kids    No Boomer wants to be in that equation... 

As a Boomer you should be making good money, if you want a young one (or one that says she is) pay for it.... It is safer. "What did you want my name to be?" she asks....

30 minutes ago, Piddy said:

Hey it's my fantasy.  😉 Let's go with a roundish face with large brown eyes, high cheek bones and chubby cheeks, the kind you can squeeze with your hands.  About 5'4", 125 lbs, long dark chocolate brown hair, small framed / petite.  Small boobs, maybe a B cup.  Nice small-ish / bubble butt-ish ass.  Toned, firm legs.

 Hummmm…. Philippines? Maybe somewhere in that area of the world. Some very attractive ladies from that area. Be careful on import to America and expecting them to stay the same....

42 minutes ago, Piddy said:

Also, obviously she needs to be into me as much as I'm into her.  Wanting to please me because she wants to and not because she feels she needs to.  Doesn't necessarily have to have the same interests, but respect each others interest and allow them to pursue those interest.

Depends how much money you have and how free you are with it.... Boomer + money = 25yr + same interests as you + what ever your wish may be +(KIDS IN TIME)

Money is the deal breaker here...

52 minutes ago, Piddy said:

  A little Pot here and there to help her relax and take the edge off is fine. 

She might need it, you might also.... But not suggested that you let your guard down. Look after your tadpoles....

 

55 minutes ago, Piddy said:

Compatibility is the key though.  Being on similar pages culturally, ethically, morally and politically would be ideal.  We need to be compatible in most ways including in the bedroom.

  Ideally she would have a little naughty/ slutty side in the bedroom (OK maybe a lot of that) .  Anything would go within reason.  Not prudish.  Outside the bedroom she has a lot a of class and acts like a lady.  

As a tail end Boomer myself I say good luck to you. "We are here good good time, Not a long time". 

Be careful with the age difference. Anything is possible. Expect the unexpected. Look in Southeast Asia or someone from there.

Dreams are cheap until they become real..... 

[Realitysux]

I'm really not too interested in this thread personally. I would say if you are seeking something then go seek it but don't make what you are looking for in a women my problem if I am not what you are looking for! 

[Piddy]

21 minutes ago, Caauug said:

Boomer M + 25 yr F = You got to be kidding!!!

25F + LTR = Kids    No Boomer wants to be in that equation... 

As a Boomer you should be making good money, if you want a young one (or one that says she is) pay for it.... It is safer. "What did you want my name to be?" she asks....

 Hummmm…. Philippines? Maybe somewhere in that area of the world. Some very attractive ladies from that area. Be careful on import to America and expecting them to stay the same....

Depends how much money you have and how free you are with it.... Boomer + money = 25yr + same interests as you + what ever your wish may be +(KIDS IN TIME)

Money is the deal breaker here...

She might need it, you might also.... But not suggested that you let your guard down. Look after your tadpoles....

 

As a tail end Boomer myself I say good luck to you. "We are here good good time, Not a long time". 

Be careful with the age difference. Anything is possible. Expect the unexpected. Look in Southeast Asia or someone from there.

Dreams are cheap until they become real..... 

How do you know she's not real?  😉

[Caauug]

5 minutes ago, Piddy said:

How do you know she's not real?  😉

I do not know..... But for your safety I hope she is not. 

If she is real.... "Be wise my friend"....

[amaysngrace]

Sexuality is the driving force in all of nature, 

I don’t know why women get bent about it so much.  Instead get all bent up for it, live a little. 

[Piddy]

Just now, Caauug said:

I do not know..... But for your safety I hope she is not. 

If she is real.... "Be wise my friend"....

🤫  I'll never tell.

[SummerDreams]

13 minutes ago, amaysngrace said:

Sexuality is the driving force in all of nature, 

I don’t know why women get bent about it so much.  Instead get all bent up for it, live a little. 

I don't want to throw the R word out there cause we'll get off topic, but no, sex is not the driving force for humans, love is. We see the results in countries where sex is the driving force; girls who are being forced to marry older men, little girls and boys who are sold to pedophiles, sexual assaults, trafficking and so on. Lets not make this thread more serious than needed.

[Caauug]

9 minutes ago, SummerDreams said:

I don't want to throw the R word out there cause we'll get off topic, but no, sex is not the driving force for humans, love is. We see the results in countries where sex is the driving force; girls who are being forced to marry older men, little girls and boys who are sold to pedophiles, sexual assaults, trafficking and so on. Lets not make this thread more serious than needed.

WTF!!! That escalated quickly...… Please call out and report any child abuse..... I DO NOT WANT TO GO THERE!!!

I am trying to bring this together in one post.... it may not work...

"Love is the driving force for humans"?? But love is different for a man than it is for a woman in a relationship.... In a "normal" relationship there is a woman in a relationship with a man, AND there is a man in a relationship with a woman. Both sides have different wants and needs. Two different relationships..... Two different types of love. What has been stated heaps as #1 need/want for the man?? Sex. So if sex is ignored and is a major want/need for the man in the relationship then love will also be lacking (missing).... This also applies to any woman's wants or needs (protection, providing, etc...).... This likely applies to other types of relationships I just have not worked through it.....

Simply.... Love is when your wants and needs are met..... Ya'all can shoot me for that!!! 

Just the way I see it.....

[amaysngrace]

Men desire sex and sexual women to procreate with.  It’s what is natural for them.

Shaming them for prioritizing their natural instincts isn’t something that I’d do but you do you SummerDream. 

 

 

Edited March 28, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
wrong name

[preraph]

Well, we also are supposed to have functioning brains, not just sex organs.  I like to think we've evolved some for the better.  It's still a struggle, no doubt.  

[amaysngrace]

Isn’t this thread titled “desire” and “value”?

We shouldn’t have to leave the desire part out of it just because it makes some people uncomfortable to go “there”, especially when it’s a major component on what attracts a man to a woman.

Women do it too, well some women, who choose their mate based on their genetics to give their offspring those similar qualities.  

It’s not a bad thing, it’s just how it is.

 

 

[preraph]

Well, I think it goes without saying that "desire" has to be there, but desire is about a combination of things for most women and to a lesser degree for a lot of men, not all, but more.  I think very few people keep dating someone if they have no desire.  

[Els]

1 hour ago, preraph said:

Well, we also are supposed to have functioning brains, not just sex organs.  I like to think we've evolved some for the better.  It's still a struggle, no doubt.  

I think we probably have, at least partially. I personally don't see any correlation between people who are very conventionally physically-attractive and the strength of their relationships... among the folks I know, at least, the vast majority of the people in happy marriages/LTRs are not supermodels.

That being said, I wouldn't necessarily say sex-organ chemistry is a terrible thing as long as it's not someone's sole or main priority in relationships. I already know that H loves me for my mind and person... but when we are in bed together, I am glad that all of that can go out of the window and I can be desired for my body. I have been valued for my brain all my life, in every aspect of my life (and I wouldn't change anything about that), but being able to take an occasional break from being an intellectual human being and yet still be valued is pretty nice.

 

[preraph]

The guys who did care about me, it wasn't just physical.  It was they thought I was cool and "one of them" or whatever.  We related well to each other about things like music and other things.  One of them was pretty simple and not intellectual or well read (hardly at all and that bugged me), but we connected on music and he had other attributes, like remembering something you mentioned sometime and then showing up with it or something like that.  One was a long-winded guitarist who was very well read and poetic.  He worked a lot of people's nerves (and he would mine today) but I could listen to him back then and loved how poetic he was.  I did shudder a bit when he told me he was reading Proust because I knew that would be a long tangent...hah.