Boots87 Posted March 27, 2020 Share Posted March 27, 2020 Please someone help me get the strength to leave. I have made the decision I need to leave, I am just finding it so hard to actually say it to him. I feel so certain about it when he isn't home, but as soon as he is with me I chicken out. I'm worried that he will make things as difficult as he can. I'm worried about making him angry. He scares me sometimes. I'm worried about what I will do about a house, a car, my job,... I need to do this. I don't have any friends or support, my family doesn't know. I know it's up to me to do it, I just really need someone to tell me it's the right thing to do, that I CAN do it, that things will be better in the end. Please, please help me leave him. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted March 27, 2020 Share Posted March 27, 2020 Turn to the church. I think you can find a Pasteur, priest, rabbi, etc to stand in your corner for support. Your other choice would be organizations that help abused women. If you fear violence then a court order for him to stay away from you might be a good move on your part. Whatever you choose I think a third party needs to be present and you or him need to part ways the same day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 27, 2020 Share Posted March 27, 2020 If you have any physical fears, then you move out while he's gone and don't let him or anyone know where you're at and then serve him papers. Do you not have an attorney? Because your attorney can help support you in some ways. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted April 3, 2020 Share Posted April 3, 2020 (edited) On 3/27/2020 at 9:10 AM, schlumpy said: ....... Your other choice would be organizations that help abused women. If you fear violence then a court order for him to stay away from you ....... That's a very slippery slope. My ex went down that path and tried to destroy me when never once in 20 years did I lay a finger on her. She was convinced that was what she needed to do by a "Woman Power" friend of hers. The reality was... it was her own fears, and the Zoloft that she had been taking for 9 years created a false reality in her mind. @Boots87 has he ever been physically abusive? If not... then why worry that's the way it will go? Yes, without a doubt, he won't be happy, and there could be some yelling and crying. If he does have a history of being physical... then get real help. Regardless... line up the lawyer first, and get something drawn up. If he really has been physical with you... then @preraphis correct. Move out when he is not home, and leave a note. Then talk with him in a public place, or with someone else there. Heck... have him meet you at the local PD and I'm sure an officer there would be more than happy to sit with you. Also... if you do get a lawyer set up... they can have some resources for you on this. If you talk first... it will just drag out. Get your "Ducks in a row", and then move forward. I'm sorry for what you are going through, and you should not be un-happy in life. Regardless of what the real reasons are... move on if it's what you need. ***EDIT**** I just red your post again... I know you say you are worried about a car and house, but this is why you will need a lawyer. Laws are different everywhere depending on income and how long you were married. You may be entitled to some $$$ to get you on your feet. But don't automatically assume you will get the house. Edited April 3, 2020 by Blind-Sided 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted April 3, 2020 Share Posted April 3, 2020 (edited) Locate the Woman’s Resource Center nearest you. They are experts at providing everything women need to exit abusive relationships. It doesn’t have to be physically abusive either. They have lawyers, counseling, social workers and will arrange physical and emotional support. Call and talk with someone about what you need. Edited April 3, 2020 by salparadise 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 3, 2020 Share Posted April 3, 2020 You should let your family know so they can help you get out of there. Make a plan to leave while he's gone. Have someone with you when you pack you stuff. You family will give you shelter. You will get another home and car. How far is your job from your parents home? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 3, 2020 Share Posted April 3, 2020 In reviewing your previous threads I see you have been trying to get the courage to leave this man since 2016. Nothing is going to work until you start loving your son and yourself more than him. There is help out there if you truly want to leave and start a new life. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 3, 2020 Share Posted April 3, 2020 Quote Since you have a small child, you need to start informing the police of these attacks so they are documented and/or reach out to a women's shelter who can help you with an exit for you and your son that is both legal, doesn't damage your court case for custody, and gets you out of danger. The police can help with that too and there are apps that can discretely call 911 for you if need be. If you have bruises and such now, you can go and at least file a report and get photographed. His mother could have all the money in the world, but that doesn't litigate away abuse. As long as what you're doing is on the up and up (not an alcoholic, drug abuser, abusing him, active criminal lifestyle or past criminal conduct), it would be really hard to have proven abuse on you result in you losing custody to the abuser. This is what Lady Hamilton told you to do back in 2016. It still applies today. Link to post Share on other sites
ThePhoenixStillRises Posted April 6, 2020 Share Posted April 6, 2020 You have the strength and you can do this. You have taken the hardest step already...and that is making the decision to leave. There are resources out there to help you...you just need to find out where and what they are. Many have 24 hour hotlines that you can call, even now. My first suggestion would be to get a prepaid phone that you can use to reach out to these centers/resources on. I would also suggest creating a new email address that you can use to be in touch with counselors or attorneys if you need to be. Your fear is real...do not let anyone convince you otherwise. You have obviously experienced reactions from him before that would lead you to believe that you should be afraid of telling him that it is over. The next step in the process may result in a highly emotional response..especially if he is not expecting it from you. You are taking a stand...you are doing what you need to do for YOURSELF and YOUR SON. DO NOT worry about HIS feelings. I was where you are now a year ago...and I can honestly say it was the best thing I could have done. The weight that was crushing down on me on a daily basis was lifted as soon as I left for good. Link to post Share on other sites
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