So He's Referring to me as 'kiddo'

[major_merrick]

As I tried to indicate, there is a lot of context involved.  Some of which we don't have.  IDK where you're from or where the OP is from.  Where I live, it would not be considered inappropriate or unusual. 

Perhaps you're blessed with good looks in your 30's, but not everybody is.  Even when I was younger, I was regularly mistaken for being my little sister's mother.  I'm in my mid-30's now, but I look about 10 yrs older.  My husband has aged similarly, gray hair before his time.  He's also in a position of authority in our community, and in some cases he's kind of like a teacher.  So for him to call a teenager or a younger guy around age 20 "son" isn't that unusual.  Obviously it isn't something that would be said to a total stranger, but to someone you know....and in the context of training, employment, or something like that.  Around here, it would mostly be taken as a positive form of address, rather than something demeaning.  And the greater the age gap, the more appropriate (and the less strange) it is. 

We also don't know exactly if there's some kind of humor involved.  I've seen construction workers, for example, address same-age coworkers as "son" in a sarcastic or imitative way.  That may be the sense in which the OP was called "kiddo."  Sometimes attempts at making humor don't get understood in the way they are meant. 

[elaine567]

Whether it is said in a friendly way or not, it is patronising and designed to put a perceived "lesser person"  down.
"I am a grown up. YOU are just a kid.. I am superior to you..."
It may be something some people see as harmless, a mark of affection even, but the underlying message is still there.
No-one calls anyone they respect or they see as an equal... "Kiddo"

[Emilie Jolie]

Humphrey Bogart to Ingrid Bergman in the classic movie Casablanca (one of the most iconic love stories of all time) 'Here's looking at you, kid'. Goosebumps just thinking about it. 

Ask him if he likes Casablanca.

 

[basil67]

1 hour ago, major_merrick said:

We also don't know exactly if there's some kind of humor involved.  I've seen construction workers, for example, address same-age coworkers as "son" in a sarcastic or imitative way.  That may be the sense in which the OP was called "kiddo."  Sometimes attempts at making humor don't get understood in the way they are meant. 

I agree that context - and tone of voice - is important.

The word 'mate' is much the same here.   It can mean anything from 'you're a knob' to 'congratulations' depending on tone and pronunciation.

[Azincourt]

11 hours ago, major_merrick said:

As I tried to indicate, there is a lot of context involved.  Some of which we don't have.  IDK where you're from or where the OP is from.  Where I live, it would not be considered inappropriate or unusual. 

I'm from California.

Still, it doesn't matter if I am strolling Monica Beach, or if I'm in some tiny Italian village.

No one calls me a boy, not even when the guy's a 100 years old, but everyone calls my mother, a woman in her 60s a girl, a kid, and I ain't even talking about my sisters.  No one takes them seriously because they're very feminine,  and very slight of build which makes them look even slighter as they're all 5'9'' + and that makes them look younger, and in turn they were never taken seriously as a man is, no matter his age. 

I've seen cases of public distress where groups direct their attention to who should be the leader onto the 16 year old kid because he's a male, instead of choosing the 30 year old woman to do it.

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Perhaps you're blessed with good looks in your 30's, but not everybody is. 

 

No, that's not it.

Most men can look attractive well into their 40s if they are smart about it.

It's just that they are lazy and men for the most part don't really take care of their apparearance because they think it's not manly to do so, like they all want to be John Wayne, but people seem to forget John Wayne wasn't born a perpetual 50 year old.  Take notice of how he looked like when he was in his 20s and 30s.

Most men can stay physically attractive if they truly want to.

Don't smoke. Don't drink. Don't eat sugar. Don't eat fast food. Don't drink soda. Don't eat chocolate. Practice a mediterranean diet. The average lifespan for men in my family is 90 to 100. I have one in my family who is 110 years old, and he only looks to be about 80.  

My dad's in his 60s and he looks like he's in his 40s, still gets approached by atttractive women in their 30s.  Because my dad takes care of himself. This is something most men can have happen to them if they put value on themselves.

True, there are men who lose their hair as they enter their 30s, but they can do what I do.  There's no case of receding hairlines, bald spots or thinning hair in either side of my family for at least the last five hundred years, but I've been taking medication since I was 18 that was designed to prevent hair loss, just in case, and I got money saved up for an emergency surgery, like if I lose my hair, I'll head out to the hair transplant clinic.

And seriously, there's nothing ''gay'' about a man buying and using high-end skin care products. I don't because I'm cheap like that, but I know many men who do.

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Even when I was younger, I was regularly mistaken for being my little sister's mother. 

And?

Back when I was a kid, and Halloween was around the corner, my parents would dress me up as a girl, and people would actually believe I was a Disney princess.  From the moment I was 14 up to the day I was 22, I pretty much looked like Leonardo Dicaprio. very feminine, very slight of body. Does that sound masculine? attractive?

I had a lot more gay men interested in me than women, it's only now that I'm in my 30s that I get a lot more attention from attractive 18-25 year old women, and I suspect that's only so because overnight my shoulders went wide, my biceps got thick, and my jawline went from a feminine triangle-shaped jawline to a square jawline, and it seems to be getting more and more square. Thank freaking god.

Check out the body of Cristiano Ronaldo .- that's the male ideal of beauty. And that's something the vast majority of men can achieve, if they put themselves to work. It's hard work, it's pain and blood and sweat, but it's beautiful, bro. It's gorgeous. Every man should look like that.

 

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I'm in my mid-30's now, but I look about 10 yrs older.

Nah, that's just your impression, probably. There's lots of people who think you're younger. And remember that the way you dress can also make someone look younger or older.  When I go out wearing a suit, or wearing those Peaky Blinders bakerboys caps, or when I am lazy and don't want to shave my face or body, yeah, people will correctly assume my age.

But when I'm out with a baseball cap, with a muscle t-shirt or with jeans, clean-shaved, people assume I'm younger. I also act like a young man. I don't want responsabilities, I don't want to get married, I don't want to have children, I don't want to hav a long-term girlfriend, and I don't want to put to good use my college degrees and instead I work as a bartender because that's how you meet young, attractive women who are looking to just get laid.

 

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  My husband has aged similarly, gray hair before his time.  He's also in a position of authority in our community, and in some cases he's kind of like a teacher. 

See, that's one of the main factors that ages a man and a woman before his and hers time. A friend of mine is 3 years younger.  But if you would look at him, you'd think he's the oldest one, by far. heck, if you were to line up my father and if you were to line my friend up, you'd believe my father to be younger than the dude.

Why?

Because he's married and has children. Unruly teenagers(he married a woman who already had a kid) and he has a high-stress job. So my friend has grey hair, the top of his hair is balding, and he has more lines on his face than there are lines in the U.S military budget.

Meanwhile.. I still get carded in nightclubs, and clubs here you can enter at the age of 18. Because my life is completely, absolutely, stress-free. I have no financial obligations, I have no relationship issues, and I live like I used to live when I was 15 and my only concern was when I was going to get laid next.

I admire men like your husband. I really do. We need men like your husband. People who sacrifice themselves for others. I could never do that. I'm too much in love with what I see in the mirror to risk losing it.

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So for him to call a teenager or a younger guy around age 20 "son" isn't that unusual.  Obviously it isn't something that would be said to a total stranger, but to someone you know....and in the context of training, employment, or something like that.  Around here, it would mostly be taken as a positive form of address, rather than something demeaning.  And the greater the age gap, the more appropriate (and the less strange) it is. 

We also don't know exactly if there's some kind of humor involved.  I've seen construction workers, for example, address same-age coworkers as "son" in a sarcastic or imitative way.  That may be the sense in which the OP was called "kiddo."  Sometimes attempts at making humor don't get understood in the way they are meant. 

Sure,  but honestly if I was to call a dude in his 20s or even in his teens, ''son'' I'd really feel old. My dad is in his 60s and he was trained and taught everything about the job by a man who is now 95.  Yeah, my dad was called a kid back then, but really, how come I'm considered a kid but when I behave like a kid I'm told I'm irresponsible and immature and that I don't want to take responsability and grow up?

Edited March 31, 2020 by Azincourt

[Azincourt]

9 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said:

Humphrey Bogart to Ingrid Bergman in the classic movie Casablanca (one of the most iconic love stories of all time) 'Here's looking at you, kid'. Goosebumps just thinking about it. 

Ask him if he likes Casablanca.

 

Yeah, and then he ended up marrying a woman her age.

Creepy as hell if you ask me, when you look at her, and then you look at him.

If the dude was Brad Pitt, I would understand why she'd marry him, but that guy was like 5'8'' although he pretended to be 5'10'', scrawny, and was very old-looking, and he wasn't even attractive in his youth.

Only goes to show that the hotter the woman is, the less she cares about a man's looks and more about his $$$ €€ ££

Edited March 31, 2020 by Azincourt

[smackie9]

Kiddo, dear, sweetheart, are all old skool terms of endearment. He's being fatherly, protective, cares.

0 romantic view of you.

[major_merrick]

@Azincourt  I think it is interesting how you're more worked up about a man calling a woman "kiddo" than I am.  And I've been absolute girl-power all my life, but I'll admit that California seemed like a totally alien planet to me.  I suspect we could make a totally new thread on your perspectives in order not to sidetrack this one. Goes to show that where you are matters A TON. 

**For the record, I looked up a photo of that Cristiano Ronaldo fellow..... I'll pass.  I'll take my husband's looks any day of the week - gray hair and all.  By mentioning it, I did not intend to run down his looks.  For a man (and I much prefer women) he looks damn good.  Suit, uniform, or armor....it doesn't matter.  Men can age and look classy doing it...and looking like that, he definitely gets respect.**  

I'm waiting for the OP to come back and provide more context for the situation...

[poppyfields]

On 3/30/2020 at 4:52 PM, Azincourt said:

Kids are those who are younger than the age of 18. If she is 18 and above,  she's a young woman.

Aw Azincourt, I actually find your attitude about this ^ to be quite charming.

I don't mind being called "girl" but as a woman in my 30s, "young woman" sounds lovely.

My bf sometimes calls me "young lady" and I like that too.  He's 15 years my senior. 

Edited April 3, 2020 by poppyfields

[CaliforniaGirl]

I wouldn't be offended, but I'd wonder at his very old-fashioned terminology. That was a "little pal" sort of name when I was a kid, and I'm 52.

If someone were to call me that today for any reason I'd just figure he was elderly and trying to be friendly but not romantic.

[CaliforniaGirl]

On 3/30/2020 at 4:42 PM, basil67 said:

When I was a younger woman, I would have found 'kiddo' a much more pleasant reference than 'young lady'.   To me, 'young lady' reminds me of school teachers telling us to behave as such.   Whereas kiddo is warm and without behavioural expectations.

 "Young lady" was the preface to every single time I was about to get in trouble or already was in trouble as a child. 😂