Meb88 Posted March 27, 2020 Share Posted March 27, 2020 Hello all, I'm looking for advice in a living situation. My SO and I live together and have been for the past 6 months. Due to the virus, I am currently out of work because our area has been greatly impacted and businesses have closed. My SO on the other hand, has been able to work a LOT of Overtime for the past 2 weeks. We live in a home my SO purchased. All mortgage fees (including taxes and insurance etc) total $530/mo. Utilities averaged $180/mo (water trash sewer, internet and electric). A total of approx $700/mo 2 months ago my SO's sister and her BF move in with us. The electric increased approx $70 and water approx $30. I had been paying him $250/mo to share a bed. And I have my own house payment on top of that as it is. He felt I should pay 50% of the increased utilities or an extra $50. I disagree with that, but he wants to argue. He started charging them rent, which is also $250 but charges them no extra for the increased utility bills. They are unable to pay this month--- he said 'thats ok'. They are both still working! Truth is, their extra money is going towards eating out and weed. Neither of them clean. I have have to pick up after them, doing their dishes and taking out the trash. Since I've been off from work (just this week), I have kept the house spotless, now the yard, do my SO's laundry, take him food to work, cook his dinner, landscape, and other responsibilities at my own expense of time and money, and today he has asked that I pay him an extra $100 ($250, +$50 extra utilities, +$100) totaling $400 to help cover 'his sister not being able to pay' this month. I am livid. I don't feel this is fair at all, but he plays it off that im not 'being a responsible adult'. I am leaving today to spend a week with family. And I am contemplating moving out entirely. My employer has offered me an apartment, free of charge including utilities, as a benefit of moving here to accept the job offer in the first place. I feel like I am being taken advantage of. Am I being inconsiderate or unfair? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted March 27, 2020 Share Posted March 27, 2020 There is a saying . . . never do laundry for a man you aren't married to. Get the drift? He's increasing your payments to accommodate his sister and her boyfriend!!!! That's outrageous. Are you sure he's your SO? Because he's treating you like just another roommate and treating you badly even on that level. I'd take your employer's offer. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted March 27, 2020 Share Posted March 27, 2020 Definitely take your employer’s offer! Move out and do not return. His expectations are ridiculous. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 27, 2020 Share Posted March 27, 2020 Oh, yeah, don't know where his head is out, except apparently you are his only avenue to get paid, so I am VERY glad to hear you have a great exit opportunity. Don't look back. He's ridiculous. You need to get to work anyway. No way I'd clean up after those two for any reason and carry their $$ load. Nope. You're not his mother!! Congratulations on your new beginning! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meb88 Posted March 27, 2020 Author Share Posted March 27, 2020 He just texted me and said 'not to worry about the $100". But he still expects me to pay the extra $50 for their utilities and is allowing them to skip payment. I STILL don't feel that is fair? I'm still going to be out of work and they are not. And I'm still cleaning up after all of them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meb88 Posted March 27, 2020 Author Share Posted March 27, 2020 I just don't feel mine should increase at all. My living situation hasn't changed except more people to deal with 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 27, 2020 Share Posted March 27, 2020 Just about everyone here has, quite rightly, advised you to leave. Have you considered it? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 13 hours ago, Meb88 said: My SO and I live together and have been for the past 6 months. All mortgage fees (including taxes and insurance etc) total $530/mo. Utilities averaged $180/mo (water trash sewer, internet and electric). A total of approx $700/mo 2 months ago my SO's sister and her BF move in with us. The electric increased approx $70 and water approx $30. I had been paying him $250/mo ... He felt I should pay 50% of the increased utilities or an extra $50. I disagree with that, but he wants to argue. You lose your job and he wants to increase your contribution for the household expenses?? Where did you find this man? I thought my man was stingy, but he'd never make me pay anything. Come on. Quote I have have to pick up after them, doing their dishes and taking out the trash. Since I've been off from work (just this week), I have kept the house spotless, now the yard, do my SO's laundry, take him food to work, cook his dinner, landscape, and other responsibilities When you were still working, how were household duties shared between you too? Fairly 50/50? Because I don't see why I should pay whem it's just me cooking, cleaning, washing, etc. Housekeepers don't come for free. So why are you putting in work for free? He wants $300 to $400 a month. Make an estimate of all the time and expenses needed to run things properly: gas, time back and forth to store to buy food, time for cooking, who puts in money for food, time to do the laundry and dishes, time to dust of rooms, cleaning floors, etc. Chances are it's going to be more than $400 a month. Get out of there. Get the new job offer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 (edited) You're away for the week; tell him that's one week of you using zero utilities / facilities, so that's $50 covered off bat, and leave it at that. No negociation necessary. You are not responsible for his sister's financial difficulties; that's his job as a brother and as the one who's name is on the mortgage deed. But rather than arguing over rent, I'd ask how long his sister and partner are planning on staying for. If it's very short-term, try and deal with it as best you can. If longer or there's no clear end date, you should definitely consider moving out. When you moved in with him 6 months ago, presumably you didn't think you'd be moving in with his sister too! Your living arrangements have clearly changed, and you are in a lucky position because you have an alternative option; you are within your rights to take a step back and do what's right for you. Edited March 28, 2020 by littleblackheart 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 Hey it would be enough to me that he tried it. when he sensed how it was going to backfire he back down some but that doesn't change the fact that he was going to take advantage of you. You need to go take that job. Too good a deal to pass up. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 22 hours ago, Meb88 said: My employer has offered me an apartment, free of charge including utilities, as a benefit of moving here to accept the job offer in the first place. Take it, if you don't want to 'break up' officially yet use the 'self-isolation' as a reason, since the other people are all still coming and going. You mention weed, is that a factor in all this? Because I'd need to be pretty out of it to pay someone else's bills for no good reason 🚭 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 It's absurd for him to ask you to pay more for his sister and boyfriend's utility use or any of their expenses. That he would even ask shows you what his mindset is. I'd definitely move out. Link to post Share on other sites
Juha Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 Think it is time to move out and kick this guy to the curb. Not showing he cares one bit about you or your well being. Dump Dump Dump this guy!!! I wish you luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meb88 Posted March 31, 2020 Author Share Posted March 31, 2020 Hello all, I had made a post last week in the corinavirua forum And I followed through with the advice I was given (thank you all) and packed my things and left. What I don't understand, is that, our relationship wasn't really 'bad' at all. We were together for a little over 4 years in total. But there are 3 facts I have with 100% certainty learned and have proof of. All 3 regard cheating. And with the same 3 people each time. It goes back to our first week of dating. There are probably other countless messages and calls that I don't know about as I discovered he deletes his text and message history after every contact that he wouldn't have wanted me to see. I just don't understand the constant lies, the constant cheating. For 4 entire years. Literally our entire relationship. What really throws me off is that I had questioned something suspicious a couple of weeks back and I had reasonable cause to suspect he had cheated. He responded by saying that 'you are delusional and just making things up in your head. There's a huge hole in your logic'. And I believed he was right and ended up apologizing and felt terrible for over 2 weeks about it. Guess what? He did. He cheated. He lied. And even after presenting evidence he still denied it, until I demanded to see the call log. Then he cried and begged and pleaded for me to stay. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 31, 2020 Share Posted March 31, 2020 I'm so glad you moved out. Did you also tell him that you were going to move out anyway because of the domestic situation with his sister and b/f? Cheating aside (which made the relationship bad in secret), was it actually a good relationship? There's a whole lot of space between a good relationship and a bad relationship. He took advantage of you terribly with his sister and her b/f, so perhaps there were other ways he took advantage of you? Prior to the sister moving in, would you have called him a terrific boyfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 31, 2020 Share Posted March 31, 2020 5 minutes ago, Meb88 said:I just don't understand the constant lies, the constant cheating. For 4 entire years. Literally our entire relationship. When it’s not a bad relationship? 4 years of lying and cheating doesn’t make for a bad relationship? You need to raise your standards when it comes to your definition of a healthy and nurturing relationship. The fact that you accepted such disrespect for such a long time is evidence that you have a warped sense of expectations. This would be a good time to work on yourself and internally grow emotionally and mentally. Also, it’s textbook for cheaters to 1) make you doubt the truth 2) come back crying. Throw all that in the garbage. It means absolutely nothing. Cheaters hope they’ll be able to sucker you back into their black hole so they’ll manipulate your emotions. In his mind you tolerated 4 years of deceit so why not try to get more years from you? They usually want their doormats back when they get caught hence their crying and begging. Been there done that...don’t you do it. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 31, 2020 Share Posted March 31, 2020 I'm really glad you moved out and are taking this good opportunity you have. It's not often that it's that easy to just move on. I know you'll struggle some with emotions but at least you have a job to go to.. The cheating alone was a reason enough to leave and so was him trying to take advantage of you and letting those people move in and be your burden. I'm so glad you're out. Best of luck in your new place and new job. Block his sorry ass. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted March 31, 2020 Share Posted March 31, 2020 Sometimes it can be hard to see that a partner or a friend even is simply using you for their own gain, when you have stayed 4 years together, it suggests that you needed the guy in some emotional way, you will likely doubt yourself and so on for a while now, but well done you have taken a stand and walked away- knowing you deserved better, this will make you stronger and pave the way to better relationships ahead. Link to post Share on other sites
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