SweetCharity Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 So what are the rules of casual flirting/dating? I've never been good at this. I was a wild one but now if I don't have feelings for the guy it's no fun. I was flirting with a guy from LA after my breakup. He said he wasn't going to "fall in love ever" and wanted to make clear that I understood he wasn't looking for a relationship. He also told me to feel free to set my own boundaries and that he was fine with being just friends. He said he thought I was cute and charming and would like to hook up and/or hang out if we're in the same area. Obviously I'm in no place to enter another relationship so I told him I was on the same page. Well, obviously we can't hang out right now. Not only is he in LA, the whole country is on lock down. But it also seems he's cooled off. Before he was checking in on me and sending me pictures. Now when I try to message him he seems very aloof. Is this a normal thing with casual flirting? I tried to talk to him about it without sounding crazy but response was dismissive. I like him more than I care to admit but I'm not trying to force anything. I just want to be light and flirty but it's tough when you start getting one word responses or none at all. And if it's supposed to be casual, why do I feel so badly about myself? I'm just stuck alone with my thoughts. What do I do now? Let it go? Focus on myself? I've been doing that but it gets lonely. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 He told you he wasn’t into a relationship and that means he’s not going to be committed to anything even a flirtation. Stop fretting over or invest in someone you have never met. Keep your options open and find something else to occupy your time with. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 11 hours ago, SweetCharity said: He said he thought I was cute and charming and would like to hook up and/or hang out if we're in the same area. Most guys like this want sex. They may even travel to get sex. As that is clearly not going to happen, he is not interested. He is not going to keep checking up on you, stroking your ego and sending you pics for no reason is he? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetCharity Posted March 28, 2020 Author Share Posted March 28, 2020 41 minutes ago, smackie9 said: He told you he wasn’t into a relationship and that means he’s not going to be committed to anything even a flirtation. Stop fretting over or invest in someone you have never met. Keep your options open and find something else to occupy your time with. Let me clarify. We met in person while he was here for a film festival. It was a mutual friend's pool party. We had chemistry but nothing happened. Also, I can't really keep my options open during a mass quarantine. All I can do is move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetCharity Posted March 28, 2020 Author Share Posted March 28, 2020 33 minutes ago, elaine567 said: He is not going to keep checking up on you, stroking your ego and sending you pics for no reason is he? That's not very nice of you to say. I actually liked him. This isn't about my ego. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 2 minutes ago, SweetCharity said: All I can do is move on. so be it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 From what has posted on the boards these days people are still trying to make a connection regardless of the virus. As for meeting him once and there was chemistry.....the guy still stipulated he wasn’t interested in a relationship.....that’s your red flag. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetCharity Posted March 28, 2020 Author Share Posted March 28, 2020 10 minutes ago, smackie9 said: From what has posted on the boards these days people are still trying to make a connection regardless of the virus. As for meeting him once and there was chemistry.....the guy still stipulated he wasn’t interested in a relationship.....that’s your red flag. I don't know what kind of connections these people are making. I just want to talk to someone I guess. I think not wanting a relationship is pretty valid. I don't see why it's a red flag if I don't want one either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 (edited) The rules are there are there are no rules!!! The reason people want casual is so you don’t have to talk to the person regularly or abide by any kind of rules that come with rship. You just want someone around to hang out with/have sex whenever you feel like it or are in town etc. I think it you feel badly bc if he was really interested in you, he would want more than casual.... Also if it’s making you feel bad about yourself you should just cut off and find someone more interested Edited March 28, 2020 by Cookiesandough 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetCharity Posted March 28, 2020 Author Share Posted March 28, 2020 1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said: The rules are there are there are no rules!!! The reason people want casual is so you don’t have to talk to the person regularly or abide by any kind of rules that come with rship. You just want someone around to hang out with/have sex whenever you feel like it or are in town etc. I think it you feel badly bc if he was really interested in you, he would want more than casual.... Also if it’s making you feel bad about yourself you should just cut off and find someone more interested Thanks. I guess I wasn't being honest with myself. Although my head is telling me I don't need or want a relationship right now my heart is disappointed this guy isn't as into me as I initially thought. If it was a different guy I wouldn't even be overthinking everything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 Your question is confusing. You flirt however you want to flirt and in fact, most people don't need to purposely flirt. Flirt just means show you a bit of extra interest in someone. Smackie laid it out for you. This guy wants only random sex. People wanting random sex don't want to spend hours texting someone. He's moved onto targeting another person. So he's NOT going to reply to you as if he was interested in a relationship and talking and sharing ideas and feelings. No, that's not what casual no-strings is about. Seems you are not really ready for casual--if you expect a guy committing to nothing--saying upfront he wants to just hook up or be friends. Get your expectations aligned with the reality in front of you. Your question might make sense if you and he were both interested in a serious relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 2 hours ago, SweetCharity said: I don't know what kind of connections these people are making. I just want to talk to someone I guess. I think not wanting a relationship is pretty valid. I don't see why it's a red flag if I don't want one either. It's about expectations...if they don't want a relationship then they won't commit or want to invest to anything or anyone and that includes answering a text message. So complaining about them losing interest is mute. I do get it people are more lonely than ever because a lot of people have very little to no human contact at this time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetCharity Posted March 28, 2020 Author Share Posted March 28, 2020 2 minutes ago, smackie9 said: It's about expectations... I do get it people are more lonely than ever because a lot of people have very little to no human contact at this time. I am very lonely. It seemed like he wanted to talk more because of the quarantine but now I think he's more withdrawn because of it. I'm not complaining! Just sad I guess. It's not his fault. And it's not my fault. We're all just coping how we can I guess. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 54 minutes ago, SweetCharity said: Thanks. I guess I wasn't being honest with myself. Although my head is telling me I don't need or want a relationship right now my heart is disappointed this guy isn't as into me as I initially thought. If it was a different guy I wouldn't even be overthinking everything. Girl, doesn’t mean you necessarily do want one and it doesn’t have to be your heart. It could be your ego. Because you’re pretty, awesome, and a total catch, so how could he not respond back right away? Maybe you look too much like his ex that did a number on him... or a zillion other things. But it really doesn’t matter. Honestly, his whole “ will fall in love ever“ makes him sound like kind of a tool to me, but that’s just my opinion. I understand being lonely though. I just everyone off block and messaged some people I stopped talking to out of sheer boredom due to this whole thing. Hope it blows over soon but doesn’t look like it... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetCharity Posted March 28, 2020 Author Share Posted March 28, 2020 3 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Girl, doesn’t mean you necessarily do want one and it doesn’t have to be your heart. It could be your ego. Because you’re pretty, awesome, and a total catch, so how could he not respond back right away? Maybe you look too much like his ex that did a number on him... or a zillion other things. But it really doesn’t matter. Honestly, his whole “ will fall in love ever“ makes him sound like kind of a tool to me, but that’s just my opinion. I understand being lonely though. I just everyone off block and messaged some people I stopped talking to out of sheer boredom due to this whole thing. Hope it blows over soon but doesn’t look like it... I mean, I do think he doth protest too much about not wanting to fall in love. One minute he asks me if I ate because he knows how people get when they're sad. The next he's giving me one word answers. If I'm being honest, he also likes to post thirst traps on his Instagram, where he's almost naked. You would think someone who wrote and directed a sensitive queer feminist film would be less of a typical guy but I digress. I don't know. I did like him because I found him interesting and smart. And maybe it was a little bit my ego. It's hard not to take it personally when a guy loses interest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 If he lives in L.A. he is easily distracted so I'm not surprised he's drifting away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetCharity Posted March 28, 2020 Author Share Posted March 28, 2020 (edited) 14 minutes ago, stillafool said: If he lives in L.A. he is easily distracted so I'm not surprised he's drifting away. I mean, LA is on lock down so... I was wondering when you'd show up to give me that trademark no-nonsense wisdom. 😂 Edited March 28, 2020 by SweetCharity Link to post Share on other sites
simpycurious Posted April 1, 2020 Share Posted April 1, 2020 I am not sure anything is in a TRUE lock down. I have friends who are moving around pretty good in various parts of the country. Back on topic, if the guy interests you why stop communicating with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetCharity Posted April 3, 2020 Author Share Posted April 3, 2020 On 4/1/2020 at 1:28 PM, simpycurious said: I am not sure anything is in a TRUE lock down. I have friends who are moving around pretty good in various parts of the country. Back on topic, if the guy interests you why stop communicating with him? Because his behavior is making me feel lonelier. I do have an update. I had posted a picture of myself on Instagram showing off a corset I made. He slid into my DMs with a saucy message, sent me a saucy video and then promptly disappeared. It felt like the virtual equivalent of a booty call. No banter this time. No encouraging me to follow my dreams. Just straight sexting. I felt used. And ashamed. I blame myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted April 3, 2020 Share Posted April 3, 2020 10 hours ago, SweetCharity said: Because his behavior is making me feel lonelier. I do have an update. I had posted a picture of myself on Instagram showing off a corset I made. He slid into my DMs with a saucy message, sent me a saucy video and then promptly disappeared. It felt like the virtual equivalent of a booty call. No banter this time. No encouraging me to follow my dreams. Just straight sexting. I felt used. And ashamed. I blame myself. He will probably start texting you again and act all interested when everything is back to normal... but now you know he's only after one thing. He was never going to be your "friend" or at least someone you can talk to once sex is off the table (any time soon) 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetCharity Posted April 3, 2020 Author Share Posted April 3, 2020 2 hours ago, Erik30 said: He will probably start texting you again and act all interested when everything is back to normal... but now you know he's only after one thing. He was never going to be your "friend" or at least someone you can talk to once sex is off the table (any time soon) It just escalated rather quickly. He told me he wasn't a horn dog... then proceeded to act like a horn dog. That's no fun for me. I like a little bit of banter. I told him it didn't have to be just that and he acknowledged my message without really responding. Oh well. At least I know he's down if he's ever in town. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetCharity Posted April 9, 2020 Author Share Posted April 9, 2020 UPDATE: I asked him if he would read my script, (he's a filmmaker and gave me feedback before) to which he responded with, "Sure." I joked that his excitement was overwhelming and he said, "You read too much into every interaction." Followed by, "Send it over. I'd love to read it." I panicked and left it on read even though I already sent the script. Because, how the heck do I respond to that? Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted April 9, 2020 Share Posted April 9, 2020 (edited) He’s probably right. You seem to worry a lot, sweetcharity. Or at least overanalyze. That may make you a good writer but in communicating with people it just sounds stressful. He seems like he’s just looking for a good time. Try to relax a little bit and go with the flow a little more ... Edited April 9, 2020 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetCharity Posted April 10, 2020 Author Share Posted April 10, 2020 (edited) 38 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: He’s probably right. You seem to worry a lot, sweetcharity. Or at least overanalyze. That may make you a good writer but in communicating with people it just sounds stressful. He seems like he’s just looking for a good time. Try to relax a little bit and go with the flow a little more ... I was trying to but he's not giving me much to go on. The last full conversation we had was him messaging me only to sext. We used to have non-sexting conversations but now it's like I'm in the "sex only" pile. Edited April 10, 2020 by SweetCharity Link to post Share on other sites
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