Naynay Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 I’d just really like some advice. This will be quite long. My partner and I were together for 2 and a 1/2 years all together. We broke up a couple months short of our 1 year anniversary due to him feeling like a failure to his daughter (his relationship before mine). We broke up for a little less then 3 months and in that time he turned into someone I didn’t recognise. Drinking, sleeping around, trying drugs (weed and mushrooms). I let him come and go during the first couple of months of our break up, and it was so emotionally draining that I initiated the no contact rule and we got back together after a couple weeks. I went through a lot during our break up and getting back together. The doubting myself, wondering if I was good enough and comparing myself to other women. I lost a lot of confidence and became insecure. I got through that, and our new relationship was great for a while. We fought like normal couples, had disagreements. A couple days before this all happened I felt like a lot of pressure was on me and broke down, we talked through everything and were so loving towards each other. We woke up on Sunday morning and gave each other kisses and hugs, we were so loving towards each other. He left to go to one of his mates and when he came back I was asking for a hand with house work and we started arguing. A lot of things were bottled up within each other I guess and It really got out of hand over something petty we started fighting and It got to the point where I ended up asking him to leave, and he said he can no longer live with me. A week passed and we were still mad at each other. He’d told me he wanted to still be together but just couldn’t live with me. I started coming around the idea and he suddenly told me he doesn’t know what he wants to do anymore. And that same week he broke up with me. I agreed, because I felt like we were going back and forth. A week after, and a couple messages between he told me he wanted to come home and start over, but I received a screenshot at the exact moment from his friend that shows my ex saying he wants to make a tinder to muck around at the exact same time he was telling me he wanted to come home. It hurt me so much and I let him know. The next morning he turned up unannounced, apologising. I believed him. He told me we were going to be okay, promised he’d deleted it all and made me feel safe to the point I slept with him. We agreed we’d get back together after a month, that we both needed time to work on ourselves. We laid and talked for hours. Like we used to. He looked me in my face and promised he wouldn’t do that he just needs to work on himself. But then a few days later I received a message from a friend that said she’s matched with him on tinder, and asked if it was ok to talk to him. It’s 3 weeks from our argument where I asked him to leave. I didn’t say anything to him, but I got multiple texts from him apologising. He said he’s in a real dark place and wants to let me go because he doesn’t wanna put me through it all again. That he loves me, and he’s so sorry for being a screw up. A long message about how he keeps screwing up and he doesn’t wanna put me through it. I wasn’t mad, I said things as nicely as I could and told him that I wish he could learn to be happy with himself. I’ve stopped texting him, even though he’s texted me little things, and even forwarded an emails to me. Today I got a text from a mutual friend of our that says my ex is planning to go camping this weekend with a girl. I felt pretty s*** that he felt the need to brag about it. i have asked all of our friends to stop telling me things as it hurts. And obviously I feel heart broken, but my question is why. Why do men sleep around when they say they’re working on themselves, I know he really loves me, but why would he do all of this even though he knows how hurt I am. Is it validation for himself or what I just can’t seem to understand what’s going on? Is he trying to forget me or trying to feel better? I just don’t understand??? I love him, gosh I do. But I don’t deserve this. I just really want an outsiders opinion of why. Why do men react this way after a break up. Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 by any chance is he a Gemini? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naynay Posted March 28, 2020 Author Share Posted March 28, 2020 He’s Capricorn Link to post Share on other sites
Supernova11 Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, Naynay said: I just really want an outsiders opinion of why. Why do men react this way after a break up. Don’t fall into the trap of “men are like this”. Some people open up a tinder account to fool around after a break up or just in general, it’s not just men. He sounds like a complete mess though. If you re-read your post, the whole thing sounds hellish. Keep yourself away from from him for both your sakes and work on yourself. That’s the way forward 😘 Edited March 28, 2020 by Supernova11 Link to post Share on other sites
Will87 Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 My ex cheated on me and went on tinder a couple of weeks later and she had a go at me. I only went on there because I was at rock bottom, more of an ego boost. I can’t even think of seeing somone else at the moment. Your situation sounds rubbish, i would walk away and go no contact Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 A man who really loves you doesn't behave like this, OP. I know that hurts, but it's the truth. He doesn't want a commitment. This isn't a "men" thing; it's the sign of someone who really isn't ready to settle down and doesn't have the maturity to be honest about it. I doubt it's about validation as much as it's just him wanting to be single and do whatever he wants. It's also got zero to do with this zodiac sign. I'm a Gemini myself and wouldn't dream of treating someone this way. Please don't pay any heed to that notion. It's time to let him go for good. Now that you know what exactly he's up to, please ask your friends to stop informing you. You already know all you need to know to move on and eventually put this guy in your rear-view mirror. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 Look, anybody who thinks a guy won't take advantage of a bump in the road to go try to have sex with other women or at least find out if they would is naive. What he wants is to keep you, but only if you'll pretend not to notice he's out catting around acting single. He even managed to talk you back into bed to accomplish that. Mind you, he'd have a cow if you did the same. He certainly doesn't want anyone else to have you, but he is craving to be single, as many men do (and some women). They don't even let the door swing all the way shut before they're out plotting how to get sex and validation. He wants to be single. He doesn't to do housework and have any kind of domesticity. He doesn't want to be monogamous. You don't need a guy who gets mad and won't do housework. That's a boy, not a man. What you need to do is start dating and not be sitting there waiting for him to apologize in a believable manner and become the man who wants to share living space with you. He's gone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naynay Posted March 30, 2020 Author Share Posted March 30, 2020 (edited) My ex partner and I spent 2 1/2 years together, we had broken up 3 months shy of our first year and got back together after 3 months. We got back together for another year and a 1/2, Things had changed but we were a lot stronger. We got into arguments, like normal couples. But we could never sort our s*** out. He’d walk away, not talk to me for a couple days, and when he was done being angry forget about the whole thing and not wanna talk about it. And I felt left wanting to talk things out. Fast forward to the present, we got into an argument, but I just couldn’t let go. We got really heated really fast, to the point I had to ask him to leave. He said he doesn’t want to live with me anymore and left. He’d said he wanted to stay together but live a part, I hadn’t agreed to it and a week later he said he doesn’t know if he wants to be with me, then a day later broke up with me. A lot happened, I heard some rumours and confronted him. He turned up here early in the morning to explain himself, he left after we promised to sort ourselves out over the month. a couple days later I hear rumours again, I don’t confront him but he knows I’ve found out and sends me a long text about he wants to let me go, he’s f***ed up again and knows I know it, he loves me but he’s in a really bad place. So I comply, I accepted and we texted goodbyes, and wished our best. it’s been 3 days since that happened, and 3 days since I last texted him. He’s sent me a text everyday since, to keep safe from this virus, then the next day saying if I need help with anything let him know, but today he sent me a text asking if we can talk. Not sure wether I break no contact and ask him what wrong, or how I’m supposed to interpret this? Edited March 30, 2020 by Naynay Link to post Share on other sites
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 Sounds like you have limited options, or at least you believe you do, but what options are available, you need to explore. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 It hasn’t worked for reasons that seem substantial. Don’t be his plan B. Don’t break no contact. He doesn’t know how to be faithful. but more concerning would be (for me) a guy who can’t talk about issues and get them resolved so that we could have a healthier future. you're never gonna change him - and that avoiding kind of style is completely unhealthy. and he should be staying home to avoid spreading this virus. Seriously, it putting you at risk if he comes to you at this time - so that offer just seems manipulative! a guy who REALLY wants you and only you would NEVER be doing these crappy things to you. make sure he doesn’t waste any more of your time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 Face up to the fact that you two are not a match. Everyone has had people in their life that they love in small doses. He's not the one that you can build a life with so it's time you got started doing just that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rex12 Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 How do you feel Naynay? Do you feel the need to tell him how you're feeling? If so, then take that phone call. Let him say what he's got to say first & foremost then work from there. No contact is great once you're satisfied you've said all's there is to say & you've got nothing left in the tank. It's not even no contact at that stage, it's just you moving on, looking to the future & getting on with your life. You're desire to make contact will have diminished significantly. So, if you still feel the need to have a discussion then go ahead and have it. It's only been three days no contact so far so don't sweat it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Supernova11 Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 11 hours ago, Naynay said: I don’t confront him but he knows I’ve found out and sends me a long text about he wants to let me go, he’s f***ed up again and knows I know it, Has he cheated on you, is that what this sentence means? Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 Why would you want to listen to a cheater and a liar? I wouldn’t take that call. silence tells him everything he needs to understand. you deserve better than what he offers. Link to post Share on other sites
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