Mistake to ask for additional pics before meeting someone when online dating?

[max3732]

Is it wrong to ask for additional pictures if the ones on the OLD site don't show the whole body. This one match only had pics from the side and I asked for pics of her face and she sent me some that were like from the neck up. She looked really cute and we kept texting, then we did a call and she called me back and we talked for a while and she said she wanted to talk again.

Then I asked if she had any pics where I could see the rest of her since the other ones were basically headshots and then she unmatched me on the app. I just sent her another text on something unrelated and I don't know if I'm blocked there as well. 

She was pretty far away and seemed a bit unstable despite having some common interests so I don't think it would have gone anywhere, but it still hurts to have someone block me. In the future is that something I should avoid asking?

The other match I had a phone conversation with also seemed a bit taken back that I asked for additional photos. It's not like I'm asking her for pics wearing a bikini or anything. I just want to know what she looks like and is a real person

[Cookiesandough]

Yea.... Asking for more pics is telling someone who are shallow with a big neon sign and marquee. A lot of women will lose interest rather than deliver to prove themselves. If I saw a guy and I wasn’t sure about him based on the pics he provided, I would just swipe left. 

Edited March 28, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Foxhall]

Yes that was a mistake if its a potential relationship you are looking for, no need to overly declare your sexual intent at such an early stage,

you were getting cute headshots- less is more as they say, let things develop naturally

[littleblackheart]

39 minutes ago, max3732 said:

I just want to know what she looks like and is a real person

Then maybe ask her to meet up in real life? 

[salparadise]

I agree w/ cookies&$. It screams superficially. It's sort of a Catch 22 though –– everyone knows that it matters whether they're obese, but it's treated like a secret... you're supposed to act like you're only interested in their mind and personality, and so open minded that you'd date anyone of any size. They hope you'll be so charmed by their sweetness that size won't matter. That's dating site PCness. On the other hand, women wrote the friggin book on pickiness... hell, they even brag in their profiles about how "selective" and virtuous they are! Which is probably true (except for the latter part). The solution: swipe left on chin shots. If you choose to engage, don't ask for more pics, but assume the worst.

 

Edited March 28, 2020 by salparadise

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I find it very, very icky.  It screams "the only thing I really care about here is sex and I wanna make sure you look good enough to get me off."  She's a human being with a personality and it seems like you saw enough of her to know you were not immediately turned off, so why did you need even more?  Don't do that.  Next time, meet in person, and if you're not attracted to her, don't have a second date.

[chillii]

Ahh yessa , brings back memories from way back when. Some were great about it but some like getting blood out of stone with pics sooooo frustrating, lt ends up feeling like you've insulted her just because you wanna see who the fk your talking to, l had one send me face after face , which was all that was on her page anyway , didn't matter how l worded it , yeah sure but then she sends yet more face pics . She blocked me in the end, how dare l wanna see what she really actually looks like. Another kept saying well if you really like me it shouldn't matter what l look like - really - oh right , silly me,

But then there were plenty of women as blunt as bricks would just ask straight out for better bod pics or face , many would say right on their page l'm not talking to you unless l can see exactly what you look like head to toe or something, others had no full pics no chat . To me that's very understandable though your on a date site ffks , you gotta see who your talking to.

Edited March 29, 2020 by chillii

[lonelyplanetmoon]

Yes agree with the others.  Don’t do it.
Don’t the sites have descriptors like slim, athletic, a little extra etc, anyway?
or were you looking for more specific like C cup vs D cup?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

49 minutes ago, chillii said:

Ahh yessa , brings back memories from way back when. Some were great about it but some like getting blood out of stone with pics sooooo frustrating, lt ends up feeling like you've insulted her just because you wanna see who the fk your talking to, l had one send me face after face , which was all that was on her page anyway , didn't matter how l worded it , yeah sure but then she sends yet more face pics . She blocked me in the end, how dare l wanna see what she really actually looks like. Another kept saying well if you really like me it shouldn't matter what l look like - really - oh right , silly me,

But then there were plenty of women as blunt as bricks would just ask straight out for better bod pics or face , many would say right on their page l'm not talking to you unless l can see exactly what you look like head to toe or something, others had no full pics no chat . To me that's very understandable though your on a date site ffks , you gotta see who your talking to.

"This one match only had pics from the side and I asked for pics of her face and she sent me some that were like from the neck up. She looked really cute and we kept texting"

 

This seems to me like he got "enough" but I guess we dont know what "from the side" means.  If he needs shots from every single angle of her body, to me that's a turn off.  He should meet someone in person if he needs that much scrutiny of her body.  Online dating is not Consumer Reports.  

[chillii]

I'd agree with him really , a side shot might not really show right butttt,  if l was really into her and she looked ok at that yeah l'd just meet her too from there myself.  For me too l think l had something like trim and looks after herself on mine or something like that , but eh trim can also be all kinds of shapes too so just because she was still didn't mean much but it was a good start.

Edited March 29, 2020 by chillii

[Cookiesandough]

1 hour ago, chillii said:

Another kept saying well if you really like me it shouldn't matter what l look like - really - oh right , silly me,

 

Haha it’s almost like she doesn’t realize OLD is almost entirely shallow. She must be new. 
 

 I think if the woman sticks around and tries to justify why she hasn’t put adequate pics up she’s probably up to some trickery. Most would just lose interest in the guy ... 

Edited March 29, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said:

Haha it’s almost like she doesn’t realize OLD is almost entirely shallow. She must be new. 

True, true.  Good point, Cookies.  

[chillii]

4 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Haha it’s almost like she doesn’t realize OLD is almost entirely shallow. She must be new. 
 

 I think if the woman sticks around and tries to justify why she hasn’t put adequate pics up she’s probably up to some trickery. Most would just lose interest in the guy ... 

But why should she lose interest because she won't show pics of herself , l lost interest , wasn't wasting my time on someone l couldn't even see .

ps , but yeah some were obviously a bit heavy and stuff too so they didn't wanna show full pics , which to me is just stupid  he's gonna find out if they meet anyway.

Edited March 29, 2020 by chillii

[Ellener]

( Julia Roberts voice ) huuuge mistake...

You are basically saying I cannae be arsed to meet with you for an hour and see for myself!

And if it's 'trickery' or whatever- what's to stop her sending pics from 10 years/50 lbs ago?

 

[Ellener]

6 hours ago, max3732 said:

She was pretty far away and seemed a bit unstable

oh and this...isn't that more important than what she looks like? 

[salparadise]

7 hours ago, chillii said:

But why should she lose interest because she won't show pics of herself , l lost interest , wasn't wasting my time on someone l couldn't even see .

It's a defensive thing. She either has body image issues, or more likely knows she's significantly overweight. She's trying to sidestep the consequences of being undesirable due to weight. She seeks unconditional acceptance and is trying to avoid rejection. Women do not handle rejection well, and if it's about body size/shape then it's doubly humiliating. I think most men do not realize how closely this is tied to identity for many women. So, the assumption is (and reasonably so) that a guy who is asking for add'l pics is quite concerned about it––it's his tipping point. So rather than face the rejection she believes would follow, she unmatches YOU, and gets to rationalize that it's because you are a Neanderthal who only cares about one thing.

Is it rational? Yes, in a sense. You've revealed that it's important to you, and unconditional acceptance is not one of your virtues.

[Cookiesandough]

8 hours ago, chillii said:

But why should she lose interest because she won't show pics of herself , l lost interest , wasn't wasting my time on someone l couldn't even see .

ps , but yeah some were obviously a bit heavy and stuff too so they didn't wanna show full pics , which to me is just stupid  he's gonna find out if they meet anyway.

Well for a lot  people shallowness is not a desirable trait in a partner. They want to believe that you would desire them for their personality alone,  even if they know deep down you didn’t message them solely because of their  riveting self-summary. Asking for more pics just shatters the illusion. 

7 hours ago, Ellener said:

( Julia Roberts voice ) huuuge mistake...

You are basically saying I cannae be arsed to meet with you for an hour and see for myself!

And if it's 'trickery' or whatever- what's to stop her sending pics from 10 years/50 lbs ago?

 

Giving fake pics would probably feel more like lying to them than omission.

Edited March 29, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Fletch Lives]

Hold on - this is not just a sexual issue. And attractiveness regarding dating is not shallow - it's biology. That said, what's on the inside is more important in the long run.

Some people feel it's rude to ask for pics - you are supposed to have them on your dating profile.

Some alternative suggestions:

1) Date women who have body shots on their profile.

2) Text her a body shot - maybe she will return the favor.

3) Or you can take a chance and just meet the woman - but sometimes that can be a problem, by just prolonging the rejection and agony.

4) If they don't have pics on their profile you can ask for one.

At any rate, this can be a problem......don't worry too much about it, it's just reality. Welcome to dating, the world's biggest cat-and-mouse game.

Edited March 29, 2020 by Fletch Lives

[salparadise]

I had a woman with NO pics message me once, and after a few exchanges I asked for pics. She resisted and tried to turn it around by asking if looks are all that matters to me. She claimed to be a very private person, but would send pics once we got better acquainted. I told her that she had now painted herself into a corner... because if she sends pics and I am not interested the reason will be obvious. I finally told her I was done because,  a) its unequal and unfair- she can see me but refuses to reveal herself, b) physical attraction does matter, and c) her expectations are unreasonable, and I have to assume that is a personality feature.

And the difference between not showing any pics vs. showing only tight headshots is merely one of degrees. No woman would ever give a man a pass on this, but for some reason believe it's okay for them. It's just that pickiness thing again... a badge of honor for them, but utterly wrong in the other direction.

Edited March 29, 2020 by salparadise

[Fletch Lives]

salparadise, I think that's just one of those cases where you have to delete the message and move on, and talk to other women.

Something else: Everyone has a different attraction bar. The person of interest must meet or exceed that attraction bar. This goes for both men and women.

If attraction was not an issue, men would not need dating sites - they could just marry the horizontally challenged woman down the street!!! 😛

Edited March 29, 2020 by Fletch Lives

[Cookiesandough]

17 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said:

Hold on - this is not just a sexual issue. And attractiveness regarding dating is not shallow - it's biology. That said, what's on the inside is more important in the long run.

Some people feel it's rude to ask for pics - you are supposed to have them on your dating profile.

Some alternative suggestions:

Date women who have body shots on their profile.

Text her a body shot - maybe she will return the favor.

Or you can take a chance and just meet the woman - but sometimes that can be a problem, by just prolonging the rejection and agony.

It is biology, but it is still considered shallow in comparison to other things that draw people together, like bonding over shared interests. 

Men are completely in their right to account for physical in choosing a partner, like anyone else. But they shouldn’t be surprised if they show this blatantly and women don’t like it...
 

For example, most women know that when they are in low cut top on a date that the guy they’re with would love to see her breasts. But will he tell her how much he wants to motorboat her? Probably not if he intends to eventually do that.Same with requesting more pics. Just next them if you think there is a possibility they are not your physical type. There are many other women on dating apps. A woman puts up the pictures she wants to...

Edited March 29, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Fletch Lives]

4 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

A woman puts up the pictures she wants to...

 - yes they do. And some are in denial. I'm just sayin'

[nospam99]

[sigh] Just opinions as usual ....

MY opinion ...

Not necessarily a 'mistake'. But I'd call it tacky. First point, I simply left swipe any woman's profile with no photos OR only photos that don't show her clearly e.g. posing by a tourist trap but taken 200 ft away OR clearly unattractive to me. I have never asked for more photos. The ONE time I met an OLD woman whose photos were 'false advertising', I still sat there for about an hour having a pleasant PLATONIC conversation, gave no indication that I intended to ask her out again, and didn't ask her out again. And that's the way I plan to handle it if there's a next time. My life is not so full that I can't invest an hour or two in meeting a woman who has potential as a dating partner. And I see no reason why that level of investigation and politeness would be too much for any other man to invest.

Only slightly related to the topic, but worth mentioning - I do indeed notice women who include miniskirt, tight clothing, nice cleavage with bare arms/shoulders/neck, or bikini photos in their profiles. But only if they've got the bodies to 'pull it off'. Clearly they are showing off, but have earned the 'right' to do so. ''If you've got it, flaunt it.'' Natalie (for those who remember who she was) is a very attractive woman. In addition to photos that didn't show off her body, she posted miniskirt, shorts, and strappy top photos. Her appearance was not the reason I decided to meet her, only a threshold filter which she passed .... very easily.

Edited March 29, 2020 by nospam99

[chillii]

1 hour ago, salparadise said:

It's a defensive thing. She either has body image issues, or more likely knows she's significantly overweight. She's trying to sidestep the consequences of being undesirable due to weight. She seeks unconditional acceptance and is trying to avoid rejection. Women do not handle rejection well, and if it's about body size/shape then it's doubly humiliating. I think most men do not realize how closely this is tied to identity for many women. So, the assumption is (and reasonably so) that a guy who is asking for add'l pics is quite concerned about it––it's his tipping point. So rather than face the rejection she believes would follow, she unmatches YOU, and gets to rationalize that it's because you are a Neanderthal who only cares about one thing.

Is it rational? Yes, in a sense. You've revealed that it's important to you, and unconditional acceptance is not one of your virtues.

 

Doesn't matter what bs logic she wants to justify it with or name call it,  it's still ridiculous. Especially when 90% of women on mine back when wouldn't even talk to anyone without full pics but eh , imagine if men threw that bullshyt at them  , unconditional acceptance is not one of any woman's virtues , just read ls , opposite in fact. Every women in this place says if they wouldn't wanna sleep with them they wouldn't date them, ahh, well.

And the idea of it meaning he only cares about one thing is equally as ridiculous and just more exscuses, out in the real world seeing each other is the very first and most natural thing that brings two people together in the first place.

 

 

 

 

[Ellener]

@max3732 you say she seems 'unstable'?