Mistake to ask for additional pics before meeting someone when online dating?

[poppyfields]

Just like wealthy men will weed out woman who appear overly focused on their income or money, there are very beautiful women who will weed out men who appear overly focused on their appearance. 

It's a bit of a shyt test but it's real and it happens. 

When I did on line, I had two pics, one face, one body.

Whenever a guy started asking for more before meeting, immediate block.  Huge turn off, spoke volumes to me what kind of man he was, what he was after.  No thank you.

Just meet for 15 minutes, it's 15 minutes!  Gauge the in-person energy, which is what it all comes down to anyway.

Edited April 9, 2020 by poppyfields

[Shining One]

11 hours ago, poppyfields said:

I've had guys send me unsolicited pics of themselves, I'm not attracted, then they come back with - so what'd ya think?

Now I am left in the extremely awkward position of either lying or being brutally honest in saying, sorry dude not for me, good luck.

Just meet, if you don't like what you see, chat for 15 min and then politely excuse yourself, and chalk it up to lack of energy/chemistry, which is a perfectly legit reason to not want to meet up again. 

If I had a choice of a woman rejecting me over pictures vs. rejecting me after meeting in person, I'd choose the former. That 15 minute coffee meeting is better allocated to someone with potential.

[basil67]

20 hours ago, max3732 said:

Isn't the whole point of a dating profile to let people that might be interested in dating you know what you look like and something about your personality and who you are? What's the difference between asking for more pictures to get a better idea of what someone looks like and asking them for more detail about their job or hobbies? I'd think that the goal is to meet in person at some point and by then you'll get to see what the other person looks like, so why not post enough pictures so that the guy can tell if he's interested physically before going through the effort of meeting up?

No.  The whole point of a dating profile is to attract the kind of person you want.  If she doesn't want to be judged by her appearance, your need for more photos really isn't her problem.   For women, men reaching out are a dime-a-dozen.  She's in no hurry so will wait for the guys who aren't worried about seeing even more photos of her.

Asking someone about their job or hobbies is part of the art of making conversation and connection.   Asking for more photos is just about whether you might want to shag someone.  And for the record, I build physical attraction based on emotional connection - not looks.  If I were dating, I don't think it's silly that I would look for someone who's like minded....and not putting out a load of photos would be one way to help achieve that.  It's basically a sh*t test.

 

 

Edited April 10, 2020 by basil67

[snowcones]

On 4/8/2020 at 5:50 PM, max3732 said:

I think the key is that you provide enough pics that the guy has an idea of what you actually look like. 

Recently I asked someone for an additional picture because all her photos were from work or looked like they could have been taken from a magazine. They were great pictures and I could tell what she looked like, but they were so professional that I was suspicious someone had just downloaded them from a company website.  So I asked her if she had any more casual pictures and she got upset but did send me one and we're still chatting. 

One of my friends also said he's gotten nasty responses when asking for more pictures. It's not about insecurities, the thrill of receiving pics or entertainment, it's about verifying that you're not being misled or scammed.

I'll say this again.  If a man thinks I'm fake, his two choices are to meet me in person or move along.   I'm not sending any more pics and I'm not interested in chatting over text anyway.  If he doesn't think I'm worth meeting, then it's no loss of mine.  Men who ask for more pics don't think of this because they actually enjoy chatting without meeting for extended periods of time.  I have no interest in chatting.

[SumGuy]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

No.  The whole point of a dating profile is to attract the kind of person you want.  If she doesn't want to be judged by her appearance, your need for more photos really isn't her problem.   For women, men reaching out are a dime-a-dozen.  She's in no hurry so will wait for the guys who aren't worried about seeing even more photos of her.

Asking someone about their job or hobbies is part of the art of making conversation and connection.   Asking for more photos is just about whether you might want to shag someone.  And for the record, I build physical attraction based on emotional connection - not looks.  If I were dating, I don't think it's silly that I would look for someone who's like minded....and not putting out a load of photos would be one way to help achieve that.  It's basically a sh*t test.

Exactly, except I don't think of the number of photos as a sh*t test, more a filter.   One analogy is a guy not putting down how much income he makes, when that was a thing.   

To me a sh*t test is where someone says one thing but really means another, like asking you to get her a drink but you are supposed to say no, or putting out an opinion she doesn't hold to see if you disagree, or pushing you away to see if you will try to pull her back.  In essence it is just some BS that the other person thinks says something, when it doesn't really....well it does but about them. 

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

 Asking for more photos is just about whether you might want to shag someone. 

Exactly, its not attractive or impressive.
No wonder women then "friendzone" the OP. or block him or both...

Only a selfie queen would be pleased about a request for more pics...
 

 

[max3732]

1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

Exactly, its not attractive or impressive.
No wonder women then "friendzone" the OP. or block him or both...

Only a selfie queen would be pleased about a request for more pics...
 

 

I've only asked for additional pics once so that has nothing to do with being friendzoned or blocked.

[max3732]

2 hours ago, snowcones said:

I'll say this again.  If a man thinks I'm fake, his two choices are to meet me in person or move along.   I'm not sending any more pics and I'm not interested in chatting over text anyway.  If he doesn't think I'm worth meeting, then it's no loss of mine.  Men who ask for more pics don't think of this because they actually enjoy chatting without meeting for extended periods of time.  I have no interest in chatting.

What if the guy you're talking to suggests meeting and lives over an hour away. So you drive over an hour to meet him and find out he's actually 20 years older than in his pictures and is now extremely obese. Or he took the one headshot from an angle where you couldn't tell that he was overweight and then you meet him and aren't the slightest bit physically attracted. When you're sitting there looking at him at the restaurant or whatever you're doing would you think it's a good use of your time to meet him in person without knowing what he looks like? This happened to me once and I felt like I wasted several hours of my weekend I would never get back that could have been put to better use.

I'm all for meeting in person soon. For me the sooner the better.Just before I do I like to do a basic screening to ensure we're not wasting each other's time. Onetime I drove 45 minutes to meet someone who was only visiting. So when she told me that I felt like I had just wasted my time. Same thing when I met someone who had kids and didn't put it on her profile. 

I just think there are basic things about a person that are easy to put on a profile so that the prospective match has some idea about you. One of them is how you look, but there are others that I always try to ask before meeting someone, such as whether they live in my area or if they have any children.

[poppyfields]

max, choose to meet half way, or date more locally. 

More seriously, you had two women who became turned off by it, the women here are telling you it's a turn off. 

But heck, if you feel you need more pics, continue to ask, and best of luck!

Edited April 10, 2020 by poppyfields

[max3732]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

max, choose to meet half way, or date more locally. 

More seriously, you had two women who became turned off by it, the women here are telling you it's a turn off. 

But heck, if you feel you need more pics, continue to ask, and best of luck!

I'm not going to do it anymore. I'm just going to view them the same way as people who put cartoon characters or celebrities on their profile and ignore them.

[lonelyplanetmoon]

23 minutes ago, max3732 said:

I'm not going to do it anymore. I'm just going to view them the same way as people who put cartoon characters or celebrities on their profile and ignore them.

Exactly!  That is what I do with guys who have only a crappy pic and/or nothing written about them.  I view these people as not seriously looking and would not waste my time on them.

 

[basil67]

And yet my daughter is currently having quite an engaging conversation with Kermit the Frog.  It probably won't lead to anything, but connecting with someone else is never a waste of time even if it is brief.   

[basil67]

8 hours ago, SumGuy said:

To me a sh*t test is where someone says one thing but really means another, like asking you to get her a drink but you are supposed to say no, or putting out an opinion she doesn't hold to see if you disagree, or pushing you away to see if you will try to pull her back.  In essence it is just some BS that the other person thinks says something, when it doesn't really....well it does but about them. 

Ah, I must have been confused.  Some male writers seem to use it to describe anything she's doing which they don't like or don't understand.   

[Shining One]

First, let me be clear that I understand that most women will be offended if more pictures are requested, hence why I don't do it. However, I just don't understand women's preference regarding the potential rejection scenario. I've gotten the impression that most women would prefer that a man reject her after an in-person meeting rather than before while looking at her pictures. Considering the level of effort many women put into getting ready for these dates, it just seems odd to me. As I said earlier, if I'm going to get rejected, I'd rather have to put in less effort (sending additional pictures) than more effort (planning and going out on a date) into getting that rejection.

[poppyfields]

Shining, I can only speak for myself about this first part, but the times when a man rejected after first meet, it never bothered me as it was typically a mutual rejection anyway based on the fact there just wasn’t enough energy/chemistry between us.

Which is a perfectly legit reason for rejection.  Nothing to take personally, like I said, it was a mutual rejection anyway. 

Actually, I never even considered it a rejection, we were two people who simply didn't click.  It happens. 

On the other hand, If a man were to reject a woman based on her photos before first meet, he’s not allowing for the possibility that they may have great energy in person, not to mention some folks simply aren’t photogenic.

That type of mindset is typically considered shallow, and a turn off for many women.

[simpycurious]

3 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Shining, I can only speak for myself about this first part, but the times when a man rejected after first meet, it never bothered me as it was typically a mutual rejection anyway based on the fact there just wasn’t enough energy/chemistry between us.

Which is a perfectly legit reason for rejection.  Nothing to take personally, like I said, it was a mutual rejection anyway. 

Actually, I never even considered it a rejection, we were two people who simply didn't click.  It happens. 

On the other hand, If a man were to reject a woman based on her photos before first meet, he’s not allowing for the possibility that they may have great energy in person, not to mention some folks simply aren’t photogenic.

That type of mindset is typically considered shallow, and a turn off for many women.

Something tells me it was YOU (Poppy) that did most of the rejecting and not the other way around.  If we are being REAL and ALL.

[chillii]

On 4/10/2020 at 5:39 AM, poppyfields said:

Just like wealthy men will weed out woman who appear overly focused on their income or money, there are very beautiful women who will weed out men who appear overly focused on their appearance. 

It's a bit of a shyt test but it's real and it happens. 

When I did on line, I had two pics, one face, one body.

Whenever a guy started asking for more before meeting, immediate block.  Huge turn off, spoke volumes to me what kind of man he was, what he was after.  No thank you.

Just meet for 15 minutes, it's 15 minutes!  Gauge the in-person energy, which is what it all comes down to anyway.

 

Well it depended a lot l found out. lt was amazing how she could have even 10 pics but yet not even one where you could just see her properly, it was fkg incredible they can be very sneaky with this stuff. . lt's perfectly natural to wanna just see who the hell your talking to before even bothering to meet someone most of the women on mine even said stuff exactly like that themselves right there on their page , and things much much blunter than that too.

Even just one real and recent, full pic was fine with me. Not a dozen of the sneaky bullshyt where l couldn't even see her properly or she was 1o yrs older, more in many cases.  Be damned if l was going to all that trouble just to meet ghosts or someone 10 or 15yrs older than her pics. As a guy you soon discovered it paid to be sure she was honest with pics first.

 

 

 

 

Edited April 11, 2020 by chillii

[basil67]

4 hours ago, Shining One said:

However, I just don't understand women's preference regarding the potential rejection scenario. I've gotten the impression that most women would prefer that a man reject her after an in-person meeting rather than before while looking at her pictures

Why do you assume that this is the main reason that women don't want to provide extra photos?  

[basil67]

@max3732 Why do you choose to contact a woman who doesn't have enough photos in the first place?   I would suggest you look for profiles who offer what you want rather than asking more of those who haven't offered stuff.  

[Shining One]

57 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Why do you assume that this is the main reason that women don't want to provide extra photos?  

I never thought or said this was the main reason.

[basil67]

2 hours ago, Shining One said:

I never thought or said this was the main reason.

My mistake.  I thought you were saying that women weren't putting up more photos because they didn't want to be rejected.

[Art_Critic]

On 3/28/2020 at 6:53 PM, max3732 said:

Then I asked if she had any pics where I could see the rest of her since the other ones were basically headshots and then she unmatched me on the app.

 

I think in the end you need to reach a point where you have to trust a person, you asked for more pics and she sent your those, you continued to text and then started talking on phone but then you showed her that you didn't trust her at that point and wanted more pics.. you basically accused her of lying about the pics she already sent you trying to cover up an obese body and she felt it it.. any person worth their salt would have blocked you.

Could she have provided better pics.. maybe but maybe she doesn't feel good about taking pics of her body and being judged on that alone..

Trust but verify works.. you went even further, trust but verify and verify and verify till it put you on a bad light and got blocked.

Loosen up a bit... even if you weren't a physical match you might have had some really good dates..

[max3732]

11 hours ago, chillii said:

 

Well it depended a lot l found out. lt was amazing how she could have even 10 pics but yet not even one where you could just see her properly, it was fkg incredible they can be very sneaky with this stuff. . lt's perfectly natural to wanna just see who the hell your talking to before even bothering to meet someone most of the women on mine even said stuff exactly like that themselves right there on their page , and things much much blunter than that too.

Even just one real and recent, full pic was fine with me. Not a dozen of the sneaky bullshyt where l couldn't even see her properly or she was 1o yrs older, more in many cases.  Be damned if l was going to all that trouble just to meet ghosts or someone 10 or 15yrs older than her pics. As a guy you soon discovered it paid to be sure she was honest with pics first.

 

 

 

 

It amazes me too. The woman I'm chatting on the phone with now and I seem to have good chemistry with (so far) only has 3 pictures up, but they are 3 good ones. 2 full body from different angles with interesting backgrounds and 1 head shot. That gave me something to talk about and I know what she looks like. 

[max3732]

11 hours ago, basil67 said:

@max3732 Why do you choose to contact a woman who doesn't have enough photos in the first place?   I would suggest you look for profiles who offer what you want rather than asking more of those who haven't offered stuff.  

There aren't exactly thousands of profiles for me to choose from. I send out a ton of messages to anyone that looks promising based on things other than photos and most never get back to me. If from the headshot she looks attractive I figured it's worth a shot talking to her. Not anymore though

[max3732]

13 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Shining, I can only speak for myself about this first part, but the times when a man rejected after first meet, it never bothered me as it was typically a mutual rejection anyway based on the fact there just wasn’t enough energy/chemistry between us.

Which is a perfectly legit reason for rejection.  Nothing to take personally, like I said, it was a mutual rejection anyway. 

Actually, I never even considered it a rejection, we were two people who simply didn't click.  It happens. 

On the other hand, If a man were to reject a woman based on her photos before first meet, he’s not allowing for the possibility that they may have great energy in person, not to mention some folks simply aren’t photogenic.

That type of mindset is typically considered shallow, and a turn off for many women.

Out of curiosity then would you date a guy that had no photos or use a dating site where you didn't have to put any pictures up? That way you could just focus on the energy/chemistry and not worry at all about looks. 

That wouldn't work for me since I want to know that the person is physically what I'm looking for in addition to energy/chemistry and basic background info like age, non-smoker, etc. Something else I look for in photos is to make sure there's no tattoos or non-ear piercings since I don't want to date someone with either of those.