Mistake to ask for additional pics before meeting someone when online dating?

[max3732]

1 hour ago, preraph said:

OP, I get the impression you are an attractive outgoing enough guy that you simply find women in real life, and that is going to always be the best way.  Get out once this virus is over and be active and social.  

How? I don't find women in real life. All my friends are married and I only have a few female friends and they're married or in a relationship. No matter what I try doing all I meet or guys or older married women.

For example, while I've been stuck at home I was looking at some board games that I haven't played in a while and wish I had someone to play them with. I noticed there's a board game meetup group in my area and guess what? There's 1 attractive woman in the pictures and she's married to one of the guys in the group. The rest are all guys. No matter what I try in real life it's the same story.

I even looked at cooking classes and it's all older, married women. I've posted about this before. Women in their 20's and 30's that are single are nowhere to be found.

[preraph]

When the plague is over, go to an amusement park, go to a club, go to a gig at a club, go to a water park.  But also remember, just because there's not someone in the photo doesn't mean anything.  And also, just because there's not someone now doesn't mean there won't be next week.  And also, you could make your own meetup group and stipulate the age range and what you will do together.  How about a paranormal ghost chasing group?  I realize you're stuck now, as we all are, but when this is easing up. Volunteer for a pet rescue.  If you even foster a dog, you take them on the weekend to stores for people to meet them and in the process you might meet someone who works at the store.  

 

I do sympathize because I know people do stay in more than they used to, young people.  And do very little.  I can't even imagine wanting to meet and live with one, myself, too boring for me!  But unless you like staying in and doing nothing too, then you do need to meet people out doing what you enjoy doing.  Go to a street fair or something like Germanfest.  Go to games.  

[Miss Spider]

@cautiously I bet you still do get attn because you’re beautiful! But yes I agree completely. ‘Shallow’ is not a trait that many women are looking for 

lol @preraph you said it xD 

[Springsummer]

OK so this is not the dealbreaker only for me.

I got a long great with a guy online, then he asked me for Instagram. after I told him I don't have any. He said more in the dating app is fine. I didn't reply for days. and he made himself disappear.

That being said. I do have a whole body pic and a close up face pic. so unlike the situation here with OP. I don't think OP is really wrong if he cares if the person is over weight or not. 

Edited April 13, 2020 by Springsummer

[chillii]

ln all fairness yeah if there's one or two good pics then fair enough shut up and go meet if you like them enough but back when often there just wasn't even one or two good pics. . But l found anyone sensible with nothing to hide completely understood and often even asked for more herself too.  l mean it's on a computer and date site, your missing out on 90% of the perfectly natural things you'd normally see and feel in RL.

[SumGuy]

22 hours ago, max3732 said:

How? I don't find women in real life. All my friends are married and I only have a few female friends and they're married or in a relationship. No matter what I try doing all I meet or guys or older married women.

For example, while I've been stuck at home I was looking at some board games that I haven't played in a while and wish I had someone to play them with. I noticed there's a board game meetup group in my area and guess what? There's 1 attractive woman in the pictures and she's married to one of the guys in the group. The rest are all guys. No matter what I try in real life it's the same story.

I even looked at cooking classes and it's all older, married women. I've posted about this before. Women in their 20's and 30's that are single are nowhere to be found.

Hi max, forgot how old you are and don't recall where you live.  Around me (granted major metro area) there are board game type pubs, they have food, drink plus tons of board and card games, you can also bring your own.  There is very much a mid-twenties early thirties crowd, about half women...now I'm taken but it seems to be a bit of a single scene.  There is also like a couple dozen board game meet up groups in my area...haven't attended any though.

The other thing is friends of friends.

[snowcones]

On 4/10/2020 at 10:50 AM, max3732 said:

What if the guy you're talking to suggests meeting and lives over an hour away.

I don't date long distance.  Ever, and for many reasons, one of which is that people use it as an excuse for all kinds of bad and/or shady behavior.  So I only date locally and it solved a lot of problems.  Long-distance for me is more than 30 mins drive, because beyond that is when the excuses and shenanigans start.

[thefooloftheyear]

I have no experience with OLD or anything, but asking for additional photos from a random woman(unless the person had only one vague photo and you asked politely) is never going to go over well...

To be fair to the guys perhaps, I can tell you that of the women I know that have photos that are just part of their social media,(these are women I know personally,  that are married or in committed LTR's)  , just about all of the pictures show these women looking nothing like they do in real life...I can only imagine the level its taken when someone is trying to date, id think  its taken to a whole 'nuther level...but I don't know....I do know that several friends of mine have walked out on women that they met from OLD, because they were unrecognizable...One had to go through a restaurant 4 times to find a woman he had a date lined up with, and probably wouldn't have ever found her if she didn't call out his name...

I guess my only point is maybe some of these guys are just so used to expecting deception, that they try to avoid it by taking extra measures....

As a gym/fitness enthusiast, I saw an ad recently for a dating site that caters to fit people...The ad showed photos of shirtless men and women in yoga pants and sports bra's...If you are a guy(or woman) looking for that, then maybe go that route, this way there is little to nothing to hide, I guess.......I dunno....just a suggestion..

TFY

[Miss Spider]

Yep. Which is why it’s better to just meet ASAP. Asking for more pics could be just asking for more photoshop sorcery 

Edited April 13, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[CaliforniaGirl]

I wonder what would happen if women casually asked if guys would send pics of the top and back of the head. You know, because why waste one another's time and anyway, what's he hiding? Also pics standing next to a big vertical tape measure. 'Cause we all know THAT old lie. A pic standing next to a calendar would be good too...we're interested in what you look like now, not 5 years ago when you were fit and way less gray.

I mean...I get preferences and fears of catfishing, but if you're wondering why women might take offense, maybe this can help make it relatable? That's not facetious, I'm being honest.

Edited May 6, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[SumGuy]

10 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

... pics of the top and back of the head. Y... pics standing next to a big vertical tape measure. ... A pic standing next to a calendar would be good too...

You just described my OLD profile, no wonder I've had few woes    

Not really on the profile pics, my woes have been few though.  I do put a date (month & year) to all my photos, have seen women do it and think it is a good idea, especially with the older pics.

Edited May 6, 2020 by SumGuy

[max3732]

11 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I wonder what would happen if women casually asked if guys would send pics of the top and back of the head. You know, because why waste one another's time and anyway, what's he hiding? Also pics standing next to a big vertical tape measure. 'Cause we all know THAT old lie. A pic standing next to a calendar would be good too...we're interested in what you look like now, not 5 years ago when you were fit and way less gray.

I mean...I get preferences and fears of catfishing, but if you're wondering why women might take offense, maybe this can help make it relatable? That's not facetious, I'm being honest.

Funny you should mention that. Something I heard is to not have a hat in your profile or 1st few pics because the women may assume you're bald. All 3 of your pics would be rather odd since most people naturally don't take pics of the top and back of their head, next to a tape measure, or a calendar. Normally when people take pictures they don't just take it from the neck up. I still don't get why women would take offense to having a full body shot just say you have an idea of what they look like.

As far as the calendar I've seen women that will put the date on the picture. In fact the first woman I ever met through OLD told me that she knows a lot of guys are concerned that the pictures might be old without me ever asking anything.

Most OLD sites also have a place to put your height. They don't all have a place for body type. Do you really think that many women are concerned with the kind of hair guys have? If you are you could just ask. Whereas asking a woman how much she weighs or if she's extremely obese is a bit more offensive.

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

Funny you should mention that. Something I heard is to not have a hat in your profile or 1st few pics because the women may assume you're bald. All 3 of your pics would be rather odd since most people naturally don't take pics of the top and back of their head, next to a tape measure, or a calendar. Normally when people take pictures they don't just take it from the neck up. I still don't get why women would take offense to having a full body shot just say you have an idea of what they look like.

As far as the calendar I've seen women that will put the date on the picture. In fact the first woman I ever met through OLD told me that she knows a lot of guys are concerned that the pictures might be old without me ever asking anything.

Most OLD sites also have a place to put your height. They don't all have a place for body type. Do you really think that many women are concerned with the kind of hair guys have? If you are you could just ask. Whereas asking a woman how much she weighs or if she's extremely obese is a bit more offensive.

Not my experience. Men all over the internet moan and rage about the height thing and the apparent injustice of being judged on it and it is probably the most common lie men tell. The wearing hats or showing an old pic with hair (and no gut) thing runs a close second. I wonder why so many people would lie about something you say is no big deal to them? That seems odd. The age thing: again, ask a woman. My very first OLD ever - this was 20 years ago - I literally did not recognize my date when I walked into the restaurant. Old, fat and 100% gray. What he had left. Literally he looked like a different person. I started walking right past him! He was huge and ancient. My experience is far from unique.

As for "just ask" a guy to verify that he's telling the truth about his height or weight...LOL!!!I

My point in that post was to give real examples of how being judged on the physical can indeed hurt. Obviously it does or guys wouldn't also be catfishing left, right and center. It seems dishonest, to say the least, to judge women on the physical and decide there's nothing wrong with that, but not the expect them to also want to be sexuallh/physically attracted. If men universally don't mind being asked the truth then it makes no sense that they would so frequently hide it. That's just illogical.

 

Edited May 6, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[basil67]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

I still don't get why women would take offense to having a full body shot just say you have an idea of what they look like.

Go back and read what Preraph wrote about guys not being willing to risk $5 and half an hour at Starbucks.  Honestly, if he needs more photos to take such a small risk, he's just not worth the effort.   And as I wrote earlier, less pics are a way to help filter who responds.  

[basil67]

On 4/14/2020 at 5:11 AM, thefooloftheyear said:

To be fair to the guys perhaps, I can tell you that of the women I know that have photos that are just part of their social media,(these are women I know personally,  that are married or in committed LTR's)  , just about all of the pictures show these women looking nothing like they do in real life...

It's not just dating.  How many of us keep photos of us which don't look good?  My personal photo album and FB is mostly of our family looking how we want to look.  Fresh, happy, having fun.  Take half a dozen shots and choose the best.  That said, I put a selfie of myself on FB while I was cuddling a sick hen wrapped in a towel.  No makeup, messy hair, no smile looking dead on at the camera.  Hubby commented about how it wasn't a very good photo and why did I put it on FB.   

All the photos in a box from my parent's family history are the same.  No photos of mum looking tired doing the washing up.  It's all happy smiley.

 

Edited May 6, 2020 by basil67

[CaliforniaGirl]

On 4/13/2020 at 12:16 PM, Cookiesandough said:

Yep. Which is why it’s better to just meet ASAP. Asking for more pics could be just asking for more photoshop sorcery 

This too. You could ask for a hundred photos and still not get any accurate ones for all you know. Just arrange to meet at a Starbucks. It's cheap and you can get out fast if you need to. Honestly if someone is really lying to the extent she is unrecognizable when you meet her, she already knows it, so a quick getaway will be no surprise to her.

Or to him. Although I gave my liar a chance. Women are supposed to, or else we're horrible and shallow and just terrible people., etc., etc. But that doesn't mean anyone here has to do the same.

FaceTime or whatever first can help too although I've seen some hella creative angles with that too (not me personally with a prospective date, but from other people's Online Dating Tales of Wonder and Horror).

Neutral, cheap, easy to get out of place for a first meeting (once quarantine restrictions are lifted). You'll never be 100% assured you're not being catfished ahead of time no matter how many pics you ask for. some people are honest. Some are not. Dating is a gamble, of sorts.

Edited May 6, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[max3732]

3 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Not my experience. Men all over the internet moan and rage about the height thing and the apparent injustice of being judged on it and it is probably the most common lie men tell. The wearing hats or showing an old pic with hair (and no gut) thing runs a close second. I wonder why so many people would lie about something you say is no big deal to them? That seems odd. The age thing: again, ask a woman. My very first OLD ever - this was 20 years ago - I literally did not recognize my date when I walked into the restaurant. Old, fat and 100% gray. What he had left. Literally he looked like a different person. I started walking right past him! He was huge and ancient. My experience is far from unique.

As for "just ask" a guy to verify that he's telling the truth about his height or weight...LOL!!!I

My point in that post was to give real examples of how being judged on the physical can indeed hurt. Obviously it does or guys wouldn't also be catfishing left, right and center. It seems dishonest, to say the least, to judge women on the physical and decide there's nothing wrong with that, but not the expect them to also want to be sexuallh/physically attracted. If men universally don't mind being asked the truth then it makes no sense that they would so frequently hide it. That's just illogical.

 

The reason a lot of guys complain about height is that it's something you can't change. You also can't grow back your hair. How much you weigh is something you can change. I have no idea why any guy would lie about his height or his hair. You've really had a lot of experience with that? If that's the case would you find it odd to see 10 pictures of a guy on a dating site where he's wearing a hat in all of them? If I had a hat in my all my pictures and someone asked for a picture without a hat I wouldn't get offended. One of the difficulties with me getting a good profile pic is that most of my good pictures are when I'm out doing something and I'm often wearing a hat even though I've got pretty good hair.

Obviously being judged on basic physical appearance like hair, height, or weight can hurt, but being judged on anything can hurt. When you're trying to find someone to date aren't you trying to learn about them to see if you want to date them? What also bothers me are when women have children and they don't mention it on the site even though there's a place for it and then throw it on me at the last minute or keep it from me. 

Again, I don't think men hide what they look like as often as women. Where did you get the idea they "frequently hide it"? 

[max3732]

2 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

This too. You could ask for a hundred photos and still not get any accurate ones for all you know. Just arrange to meet at a Starbucks. It's cheap and you can get out fast if you need to. Honestly if someone is really lying to the extent she is unrecognizable when you meet her, she already knows it, so a quick getaway will be no surprise to her.

Or to him. Although I gave my liar a chance. Women are supposed to, or else we're horrible and shallow and just terrible people., etc., etc. But that doesn't mean anyone here has to do the same.

FaceTime or whatever first can help too although I've seen some hella creative angles with that too (not me personally with a prospective date, but from other people's Online Dating Tales of Wonder and Horror).

Neutral, cheap, easy to get out of place for a first meeting (once quarantine restrictions are lifted). You'll never be 100% assured you're not being catfished ahead of time no matter how many pics you ask for. some people are honest. Some are not. Dating is a gamble, of sorts.

Meeting at Starbucks isn't cheap and easy to get out of if you have to drive an hour each way in horrible traffic. Most of my matches are at least 30 minutes away and some involve some horrible driving. Is it really that hard to post a picture that clearly shows your face and one that shows your basic body type?  If I'm going to drive an hour it's tough to meet at Starbucks for 5 minutes and then drive all the way home when a simple body picture would have saved us both the time.

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 minute ago, max3732 said:

Meeting at Starbucks isn't cheap and easy to get out of if you have to drive an hour each way in horrible traffic. Most of my matches are at least 30 minutes away and some involve some horrible driving. Is it really that hard to post a picture that clearly shows your face and one that shows your basic body type?  If I'm going to drive an hour it's tough to meet at Starbucks for 5 minutes and then drive all the way home when a simple body picture would have saved us both the time.

Well, you know what? Okay. You're right. About all of it. So just keep doing what you're doing, and here's to your continued success.

Edited May 7, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl
Kindle autocorrect error

[basil67]

Why all the foot stomping about how women should do their profiles?  If she doesn't have enough photos and lives an hour away, just move on to the next profile. 

[CaliforniaGirl]

5 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Why all the foot stomping about how women should do their profiles?  If she doesn't have enough photos and lives an hour away, just move on to the next profile. 

No. Nooooo...(stroking fake beard slowly) That's just what they THINK he'll do.

I say OP goes with what he knows is right. Text prospective date with "Can you send me a full-body pic? Because I'll be damned if I drive all the way to Starbucks and fiver down only to find out I don't like your ass. "

it just might work. You never know.

Edited May 7, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl
Frigging autocorrect!!! I can't even!

[basil67]

19 minutes ago, max3732 said:

What also bothers me are when women have children and they don't mention it on the site even though there's a place for it and then throw it on me at the last minute or keep it from me. 

Are you upfront about your lack of relationship experience?  There's probably a lot of women who would like to know that upfront too.    But whether it be kids or lack of experience, OLD is about marketing and no decent marketer is going highlight the product flaws upfront.  

 

[thefooloftheyear]

3 hours ago, basil67 said:

It's not just dating.  How many of us keep photos of us which don't look good?  My personal photo album and FB is mostly of our family looking how we want to look.  Fresh, happy, having fun.  Take half a dozen shots and choose the best.  That said, I put a selfie of myself on FB while I was cuddling a sick hen wrapped in a towel.  No makeup, messy hair, no smile looking dead on at the camera.  Hubby commented about how it wasn't a very good photo and why did I put it on FB.   

All the photos in a box from my parent's family history are the same.  No photos of mum looking tired doing the washing up.  It's all happy smiley.

 

True....

But I don't know any guys that actually "doctor" their pictures...Photoshop, filters, erasing of facial; lines, etc...I don't think most mature guys would even know how to do it...

Most guys would find that to be a mortal sin of manhood...They'd find that to be the equivalent of wearing makeup...

And these are photos of women not even trying to date(I think?)...And I could show you plenty of photos of guys I know that they posted, where they actually look far worse in the picture than they would in real life..Not deliberately, I just don't think they GAF...

I get it...Its a harder game for women to play here....If it takes some sleight of hand, I don't even know that I can blame them...If they can pull it off and its not done to the extreme..good for them!

TFY

[CaliforniaGirl]

24 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said:

True....

But I don't know any guys that actually "doctor" their pictures...Photoshop, filters, erasing of facial; lines, etc...I don't think most mature guys would even know how to do it...

Most guys would find that to be a mortal sin of manhood...They'd find that to be the equivalent of wearing makeup...

And these are photos of women not even trying to date(I think?)...And I could show you plenty of photos of guys I know that they posted, where they actually look far worse in the picture than they would in real life..Not deliberately, I just don't think they GAF...

I get it...Its a harder game for women to play here....If it takes some sleight of hand, I don't even know that I can blame them...If they can pull it off and its not done to the extreme..good for them!

TFY

She had a bunch of pics already. He said, "Now send me some face shots." She sent him face shots. ..exactly like *he asked*. He said, "Okay. Now body shots." WTF??? Just...eew? She was creeped out, being "directed" which body part to display to this total stranger next. She dumped his azz from her contacts. I mean for all she knew she'd send the full body shots and he'd go "Good, good. Now some from the back." Or whatever. You don't ORDER a woman to present herself to you body part by body part for your approval before agreeing to that five-dollar date out of your benevolent generosity.

I'm assuming the OP is gorgeous, in order to merit commanding women to present for him in any position or stance or angle he requires? Boy please. She undoubtedly said, f... it, I'll just go buy myself my own coffee and go binge-re-watch Westworld. 

Edited May 7, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[thefooloftheyear]

1 minute ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

She had a bunch of pics already. He said, "Now send me some face shots." She sent him face shots. ..exactly like *he asked*. He said, "Okay. Now body shots." WTF??? Just...eew? When was creeped out. She dumped his azz from her contacts. I mean for all she knew she'd send the full body shots and he'd go "Good, good. Now some from the back." Or whatever. You don't ORDER a woman to present herself to you body part by body part for your approval before agreeing to that blue-dollar date out of the goodness of your heart. I'm assuming the OP is gorgeous, in order to merit commanding women to present for him in any position of stance he requires? She undoubtedly said, f... it, I'll just go buy myself my own coffee and go binge-re-watch Westworld. 

Thanks for the update,  and I agree with your commentary/evaluation, but my response is more geared towards just average people posting online photos...wasn't referring to the OP's story...

But you did bring up a point, and bear in mind this is coming from someone that knows nothing of OLD, except what guys I know tell me...

If you(or use any random women dating) had made a connection or whatever it's called with a guy on OLD, and he had a photo of himself which showed that he was good looking, well built, etc... would that then change the dynamic of whether or not it would be appropriate for him to ask for photos of full body(assuming there wasn't any on her profile or at least not any that a guy could get a clear picture of what she looked like?)

Or I am assuming that would still be inappropriate?

TFY