Mistake to ask for additional pics before meeting someone when online dating?

[elaine567]

You asked for opinions regarding asking a woman for more pics.
Plenty women have replied telling you why that request will not go down well yet you continue trying to defend your own actions...
You then basically ask how you can get more successful with women
How about listening to them?

[elaine567]

42 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said:

.I cant go on the net and visit practically any site without getting my brain bombarded with images of sub 25 year old women with perfect flat bellies, ample breasts, tight asses, etc..

... and we all know why that is....😀
 

[SumGuy]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

When my profile had Mr. Muscles with his shirt off in some pics saying "hey" with everything else the same I somehow got tons of messages. So I'd say attractive men probably have the same issue.

Of course.  There are women out there just like men who are all about that, and DTF.  OLD makes it very easy for them, easier than those who are interested in LTR, marriage and kids.  

It really is all about the woman you want to attract and what she likes.  Not saying change who you are, just understand how to get across who you are to that woman, and not come across as a guy that you are not.  That is just me though.

Of course a person can be anyway they want.  However, the more out there you are the less likely they will find someone in a reasonable time but when you do it could be a match made in heaven.

[SumGuy]

22 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Only one thing to add.  It can be a problem when your projection affects your ability to understand what many women do experience with some guys, and thus invalidating their experiences. 

So true.   It's not necessarily a male trait by any means, or really all that uncommon.   

Projection in my view only helps by happenstance, as in a broken clock is still right 2 times a day.   I believe what helps is empathetic understanding..or "there but for the grace of god go I"..   

[CaliforniaGirl]

3 hours ago, max3732 said:

Well if she had sent pics that looked like most pics on dating sites where you can see something I'd agree with you. Like I mentioned before all the ones she sent obscured her face and body like she was in the witness protection program. When asking for additional pics I said something like "I'd like to have some idea what you look like and the ones you've put so far are unclear". I'd say quality over quantity

If she has 100 pics with cartoon animals covering her, ones with a huge hat and glasses, etc do you think that's enough?

What's nice on these dating sites is to have pics where they're doing activities so I can see if we have common interests.

This is sort of off topic, but what kind of message do attractive women like to get? My approach of sending things like "Noticed you're reading a book in your pic by the pool. What kinds of books do you like to read" or "How did you get into kite boarding?" has been a disaster

As I said, if literally she is hiding in this way, obviously, you should just move on. Given this description, what are you expecting from a follow-up round of pics? It's all been said already: she could be hiding something, or she could be feeling objectified and sick of that and wanting to get to actually know someone, or she might be weeding out the creepers. You'll never know which so why sorry about it? Why wouldn't you just move on? If the assumption is that she's an ugly hosebeast you'd never lower yourself to touch then why push push push? Shouldn't you be celebrating? God. Just move on.

[CaliforniaGirl]

8 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said:

Just to be clear here, to a casual observer, one would think by especially upon going over a thread like this, that it's only men that objectify women...Not true, and if you don't believe it, just ask any good looking man and they'll tell you the countless times it's happened to them...And here's the thing...Because it's not socially acceptable(especially now #metoo) to do it, that faucet has been shut off as far as what men may say to a woman....But there is no #metoo male version and no one says anything when a woman does it to a guy....And if he dared say anything about it, he'd get lit up in a second.. Plenty of pretty sassy women out there(moreso the 40+ crowd ...wow😂)..

Also, as I stated, no dog in this fight and no OLD experience (other than what guy friends have told me), I would imagine that it is a shytshow of pervs and trolls in that game...I completely believe that...I am sure there are guys on there with no real intention of serious dating, but only set it up to just agitate women for their own personal gag reel and/or potentially find one that may be weak or whatever for some quick fun....Who knows?  But I get that...My thoughts there is that it's probably not all that indicative of the real world and its not something someone should be using to characterize the entire male species...

Also, and before anyone gets their undies wadded, this doesn't apply to anyone in particular on this thread, just something I have noticed on numerous occasions....Women often are selective in how they may apply their own moral values or perhaps if they agree/like a comment that may be objectifying....Sometimes it just boils down to who happens to be asking...One guy can't say a word to a woman without getting her angry/resentful while a different type of guy(usually good looking/desirable type) could say practically anything to that same woman and she's gushing and blushing and starting threads on sites like this wondering if the guy that just told her she looked nice in a dress or whatever likes her and "OMG what should I do to get to know this amazing guy" etc...

Now back to the issue with regards to this thread...No disrespect to the OP, but while she bristled at his request for a pic,  a different guy may have gotten not only a body shot, but a pic of her in sexy lingerie...without even asking....

Anyway, I stand behind what I said before...I think it's best to at least provide a photo(s) that represents who you really are...Man or woman...Not just a head shot..And I would have no issue with any woman asking any question about it....TBH, knowing me, I would not ask for one...I am just not that ballsy in that arena..Never was...I may have done what another poster suggested and assumed there was a reason(something to hide)...but it's immaterial in this case..

TFY

There absolutely are women who objectify men and men are 100% within their rights to tell those women to shove off and never contact them again. 

At the same time, I think it would be tough to argue in court that men are objectified as often, as thoroughly and as consistently as women and that the average man could possibly understand the experience, over a course of decades, particularly that objectification being considered their initial value and a requirement for even a cup of coffee.

But even given that, so what? You're 100% as within your rights to be disgusted by a woman who objectifies you, and to tell her off and refuse to date her. Please do. You'll have support for that.

[CaliforniaGirl]

6 hours ago, simpycurious said:

The above references men "grabbing" and "stalking" and how that behavior has an impact on women.....of course it does....IT'S PYSCHO/Illegal behavior.  What man would truly do something like that? I am going to venture to say VERY VERY FEW. It really portrays men in a bad light to even allude to behavior like that.  

Most women I know have had to literally fight someone off or shout someone down at least once. You can't imagine you literally can't. 

At my first-ever job my female co-worker and I both repeatedly reported the guy who would wait for us to be in the hallway with files (cramped space) so he would "have to" get tightly past us, facing his groin to the butt and slowly rubbing it past. (Against the rear, sliding/rubbing.)

ETA: each of us did directly tell this guy to STOP before taking it to a higher authority. The solution given to us - by our female boss - was to instruct us never wear button-down shirts without a jacket closed over the shirt because we were tempting the older men to imagine unbuttoning them, and to always carry a file so we could put it up over the chest if a male co-worker approached. 

There are loads of great guys in the world but even absent anything that gross, guys just overlook that looking/staring, comments and so on, consistently, *as the woman's worth of lack of it*, literally from puberty to old age does harm to women and desensitizes men.

Most healthy women realize most men are indeed good guys and we want to give them a chance and we want to love them but we *have to* do some screening first, we just do. And we *have to* do our own self-protecting. We've been told often enough that it's our own fault of we don't. We *have to* be more vigilant of predatory behavior than the average man does, unfortunately for the great guys, who are many (the few f*ck it up for the rest). Which I think is the divide here.

So, okay. This is easy.

Not enough pics for your liking = move on.

You risk coming off as a d*ck otherwise.

And what are you losing out on? Are assumption is that this woman just isn't up to your standards anyway.

She has her reasons.

You're not a match.

Next.

Edited May 9, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[max3732]

2 hours ago, elaine567 said:

You asked for opinions regarding asking a woman for more pics.
Plenty women have replied telling you why that request will not go down well yet you continue trying to defend your own actions...
You then basically ask how you can get more successful with women
How about listening to them?

Absolutely I defend my own actions since they were completely logical and I think everyone understands where I was coming from. That said I've also learned that if women don't post pictures where you can see them there is probably a reason for that going to their own issues (such as low self esteem) so it's best to just ignore her.

The reason I asked about how to have more success was because various women here said they get all kinds of horrible messages from guys or messages that just talk about their physical appearance. If that's the case you'd think asking about hobbies or their interests would get at least some kind of response from women, but it doesn't. 

I have very few interactions with women my own age and that's been the case my whole life. So how can I listen to them if I don't know any? That's why I asked on here since there are women who have had experience with OLD

[nospam99]

As a self-professed 'gentleman', I wonder two things:

Aren't there guys in the offices who would defend the women PHYSICALLY? and

What's wrong with a slap across the face?

BTW, going back 45 years I always had white collar jobs either at Fortune 100 businesses or in local government. I never saw NOR HEARD OF any 'sexual harassment' of the nature being described. I did however see plenty of instances of women being given their positions to fulfill affirmative action quotas AND sleeping their way towards (not usually to) the top.

[preraph]

Trust me, going back decades not that long ago, there was an unbelievable amount of sexual harassment, Nospam99.  On an appropriate thread you can find some of the stories I've seen.  Some are so gross I can't even write it on here.

[poppyfields]

I was sexually harassed (severely) at a job as recent as 5 years ago.

I complained to the higher ups in a meeting that lasted two hours; they offered me $50K to shut up and leave quietly. 

I could've gotten way more if I chose to hire an attorney and file suit, but I took the money, left and found a better job where the men were much more respectful. 

Yes it still happens, A LOT. 

[simpycurious]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

I was sexually harassed (severely) at a job as recent as 5 years ago.

I complained to the higher ups in a meeting that lasted two hours; they offered me $50K to shut up and leave quietly. 

I could've gotten way more if I chose to hire an attorney and file suit, but I took the money, left and found a better job where the men were much more respectful. 

Yes it still happens, A LOT. 

What I meant was that I CANNOT believe or fathom a man doing that to a woman.  What's the end game in doing that stuff?  I guess once a creep always a creep. 

Edited May 9, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[CaliforniaGirl]

3 hours ago, nospam99 said:

As a self-professed 'gentleman', I wonder two things:

Aren't there guys in the offices who would defend the women PHYSICALLY? and

What's wrong with a slap across the face?

BTW, going back 45 years I always had white collar jobs either at Fortune 100 businesses or in local government. I never saw NOR HEARD OF any 'sexual harassment' of the nature being described. I did however see plenty of instances of women being given their positions to fulfill affirmative action quotas AND sleeping their way towards (not usually to) the top.

1. I don't hit people. 

2. Trying my darndest to reconcile "As a self-proclaimed gentleman..." with the parts about all the women who got hired only to fulfill a quota and then attempted to "sleep their way to the top" but apparently even putting out couldn't get them a decent career. Amazingly, these assertions all happened (gentleman to...yeah, that other stuff) within approximate!y two seconds of one another...and followed basically a complete negation of the possibility that women get sexually harrassed; passively, though so there's an "out" - I mean this was only at Fortune 500 companies, who knows, perhaps harassment victims work loser jobs for the lesser companies? Neatly done, sir. I am sitting here in awe.

Edited May 10, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[poppyfields]

2 hours ago, simpycurious said:

What I meant was that I CANNOT believe or fathom a man doing that to a woman.  What's the end game in doing that stuff?  I guess once a creep always a creep. 

I dunno simp, why do people kill, abuse, steal, rape or commit any egregious act against another?   

It's an impossible question to answer other than to say there are sick, twisted people in this world; best to be aware and stay away from such people when possible.

Edited May 10, 2020 by poppyfields

[basil67]

5 hours ago, nospam99 said:

Aren't there guys in the offices who would defend the women PHYSICALLY? and

What's wrong with a slap across the face?
 

Assault isn't justified for sexual harassment.  Only for self defence or defending another who is being assaulted.

[basil67]

5 hours ago, max3732 said:

Absolutely I defend my own actions since they were completely logical

A woman sets up her profile how she wants it to be and you're not happy with her choices and complain about it.   I don't see your logic at all.

The major failing in your argument is that you're making her choices about you.  But logic says that her choices are about her.

Edited May 10, 2020 by basil67

[CaliforniaGirl]

9 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said:

In fairness to all the women out there...guys are absolutely saturated with images of the hottest of the hot....I cant go on the net and visit practically any site without getting my brain bombarded with images of sub 25 year old women with perfect flat bellies, ample breasts, tight asses, etc..

Even LS...Open it up to be greeted by a cute  young girl in a green tanktop with awesome DD tits and an inviting smile..I dont even know what she's trying to sell,. but its there...Then you see ads for Asian dating sites with scantily clad women in perfect form...IG and Kupid models hawking every guy for page likes...I'm actually pretty conservative as to what sites I visit, so I think they are just targeting male populations based on data that I have no conception of...Even my buddies spend half their days sending me junk you wouldn't friggin believe...I don't even know where they find this crap...😂

I dont even know if women are aware of this, but its happening, and it's probably clouding a lot of guys senses of entitlement and what they expect every Susan out on the street to look like,,, I'd imagine if women were getting bombarded with images of ripped up and tattooed guys with all the goods, and they had the same clouded mindset, then a lot of guys would be crying foul at everything....

I understand that struggle...I have no idea how you could stop it, but I do understand...(the woman's perspective)...

TFY

 

OK, but...isn't this based on cookies? So IOW, what the user is seeking out already? All I know is, there are no t*ts (ETA: except hidden under clothes for sale ones...def not what you meant, I'm certain of that ) on my ads here or literally anywhere else, none, zero, not even one t*t artfully placed to suggest there's a second one at the ready if I only CLICK HERE. But if I bought every $21 sundress that marched across my screen plus its BOGO mate I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have to re-wear the same dress until approximately 2025.

So...if you're asking how to stop the t*t parade...well...dur. 😂 I like ya but dur.

Edited May 10, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[thefooloftheyear]

1 minute ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

OK, but...isn't this based on cookies? So IOW, what the user is seeking out already? All I know is, there are no t*ts on my ads here or literally anywhere else, none, zero, not even one t*t artfully placed to suggest there's a scene one at the ready if I only CLICK HERE. But if I bought every $21 sundress that marched across my screen plus its BOGO mate I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have to re-rear the same dress until approappro ximately 2025.

So...if you're asking how to stop the t*t parade...well...dur. 😂

Not asking for it to stop...hey...I'll take it...😂

I know how it's happening, Most of my hobbies include some "involvement" of sexy women on some level...but not like you may think...They know their audience...

Eh....As for this thread, it's amazing how it(and most others) just wind up mostly turning into a 10 page thread knocking every guys dick in for, what the most part, is just being a guy..😂

TFY

[CaliforniaGirl]

4 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said:

Not asking for it to stop...hey...I'll take it...😂

I know how it's happening, Most of my hobbies include some "involvement" of sexy women on some level...but not like you may think...They know their audience...

Eh....As for this thread, it's amazing how it(and most others) just wind up mostly turning into a 10 page thread knocking every guys dick in for, what the most part, is just being a guy..😂

TFY

 "Knocking every guy's dick in" 😅 OMG I can't 😂😂

[basil67]

56 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said:

Eh....As for this thread, it's amazing how it(and most others) just wind up mostly turning into a 10 page thread knocking every guys dick in for, what the most part, is just being a guy..😂

Did you just make that expression up?

Threads like this mostly make me keep my faith in men.  Most have said that a couple of decent photos on a woman's photos is all they need and if that's not supplied, they just move on.   Perfect.

[thefooloftheyear]

2 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Did you just make that expression up?

Threads like this mostly make me keep my faith in men.  Most have said that a couple of decent photos on a woman's photos is all they need and if that's not supplied, they just move on.   Perfect.

I'd love to take credit for it, but I probably heard it somewhere before and it just stuck in my head...waiting for the right opportunity....😂

I dunno, though....Who comprises the  "most"?? I don't start threads or seek advice, but just about any guy that has an above female testosterone level reads through these pages sometimes will want to castrate himself out of pure shame for ever wanting to lust after a beautiful/sexy woman......Not necessarily even about the original intent of the thread or even the OP......it seems to follow script, it just morphs into a Molotov Cocktail throwing fest by most of the ladies...Not trying to be argumentative, but just making an observation from a male perspective..

The nuttiest part about it, is that IME, women have been far more sexually inappropriate than I ever would be...And unsolicited no less....I guess it just depends on the perspective....

TFY

[Shining One]

40 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said:

The nuttiest part about it, is that IME, women have been far more sexually inappropriate than I ever would be...And unsolicited no less....I guess it just depends on the perspective....

That's largely due to the fact that they are far, far less likely to face repercussions. If men were equally likely to face no consequences, I'd expect men to do it far more often than women.

[basil67]

TFY, I think there's a great conversation to be had, but I fear hijacking the thread.  So I will have it on another day

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, thefooloftheyear said:

I'd love to take credit for it, but I probably heard it somewhere before and it just stuck in my head...waiting for the right opportunity....😂

I dunno, though....Who comprises the  "most"?? I don't start threads or seek advice, but just about any guy that has an above female testosterone level reads through these pages sometimes will want to castrate himself out of pure shame for ever wanting to lust after a beautiful/sexy woman......Not necessarily even about the original intent of the thread or even the OP......it seems to follow script, it just morphs into a Molotov Cocktail throwing fest by most of the ladies...Not trying to be argumentative, but just making an observation from a male perspective..

The nuttiest part about it, is that IME, women have been far more sexually inappropriate than I ever would be...And unsolicited no less....I guess it just depends on the perspective....

TFY

I guess the problem is...we suggest, and are not heard...so we say, and are not head...so we say louder...nope, not heard...we get louder...are sort of heard, just enough for the argument "no, this isn't what you think or want. Let me correct you" to emerge, right on cue...so we give examples...nope, we're still wrong about what we ourselves think and want...so we give a BIGGER example...no dice...

...so we BLAST with, "Fine! Here's the bottom line worst case scenario! For Christ's sake! Do you fughin' hear us yet!!!" Well, unfortunately...no, not yet 😂 so the craziest among us keep trying to explain...for like 10 pages...eight million examples...

EACH shot down and denied...

. ..and the finishing consensus is...

"...Well, it's clear that women just wish men didn't have sex drives."

...The women who don't subsequently either have an instantaneous seizure or jump off a cliff in response just sort of give up, wander away and eat a tub of ice cream.

Unless, or course, they're me.

 I almost never shut up.

But right now I have to because I have pressing business (a quarantine at-home DIY balayage watch party) so I'll just say this one last thing...and then slink off.

We just want to be listened to, and really heard, and we want to make CHOICES of our own and if that means pics our way, it means pics our way and of you don't like it, can you just move on? 

It is so...so...so...so simple.

And...hear us. Just listen, and hear.

If I'm hiding I'm hiding for a reason. Don't push.

There is someone else out there for you. And for me.

Just...listen...

...please?

Everybody have a good night.

 

Edited May 10, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[CaliforniaGirl]

21 minutes ago, Shining One said:

That's largely due to the fact that they are far, far less likely to face repercussions. If men were equally likely to face no consequences, I'd expect men to do it far more often than women.

I know you're kidding.

Sorry, I know I promised to slink off. 😂 Slinking now. 'night.