Mistake to ask for additional pics before meeting someone when online dating?

[poppyfields]

9 minutes ago, max3732 said:

Out of curiosity then would you date a guy that had no photos or use a dating site where you didn't have to put any pictures up? That way you could just focus on the energy/chemistry and not worry at all about looks. 

 

Actually yes max, I would, and have!  Blind dates as they're commonly referred to.

I also did something called "Dating in the Dark," where you're all placed in a very dark room where you cannot see each other, only talk, hear their voice, feel their energy.  You have no idea what anyone looks like.

In fact, I ended up dating a man for a few months I met doing that! 

The purpose is to focus on energy/chemistry and not physical appearance.

For me, may sound odd but I can sense a lot about a person from just their voice, how articulate they are.

Interestingly enough, when we all saw each other afterwards, everyone there was extremely good looking!  

It was a lot of fun and would definitely do it again!  

 

Edited April 11, 2020 by poppyfields

[nospam99]

I do find it annoying when women on OLD post many photos yet none of them clearly show their appearance. This is atypical but may happen in as many as every third profile. It's okay to post photos of their kids, grandkids, pets, art projects, meals they've cooked, scenery from trips, or their appearance decades or 40 lbs ago (I really enjoy the toddler and animal photos). But when those photos are not accompanied by photos of what they look like NOW, not okay, even suspicious. Next!

[poppyfields]

JMO guys, but I find people place too much emphasis on the physical which can detract from determining genuine chemistry and energy between two people. 

I've met men, on line and off, with whom there was very clearly ZERO chemistry between us, but yet they were all gung ho, a few even proposing marriage on the first meet!

No joke, it was ridiculous.

Now for ME, I felt nothing, no energy, no chemistry, so what's going on here?  

True genuine chemistry is something you "both" feel, it's the energy generating between you.  I'm sure you've all felt that, it's rare when it happens.  At least for me. 

When only one is feeling it (in this case the man), or thinks he's feeling it, there's something else at play -- he was physically attracted, liked my looks.  And probably couldn't wait to get me into bed. 

That's why I loved Dating in the Dark so much; it took the emphasis off the physical and placed it where it belonged, on the actual energy between you.  Brilliant concept imo, for those seeking more substance.

This bodes better for determining long term compatibility as well versus a quick roll in the hay based on physical attraction alone.

Not saying looks aren't important, they are!  But looks are subjective and often times when there is great chemistry, a person who one might not initially consider attractive can suddenly turn into a GOD!!

Again, jmo guys. 

 

 

Edited April 11, 2020 by poppyfields

[lonelyplanetmoon]

28 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

.

This bodes better for determining long term compatibility as well versus a quick roll in the hay based on physical attraction alone.

Not saying looks aren't important, they are!  But looks are subjective and often times when there is great chemistry, a person who one might not initially consider attractive can suddenly turn into a GOD!!

Again, jmo guys. 

 

 

Great post Poppy, I totally agree with you and it is how it happens for me too.  Once I feel chemistry with a person, I find them SO much more attractive.  But I am a female and attraction works more like this for f than m. Men I have found absolutely need the initial visual attraction.  It is just the way they are hard wired.

What a lot of men forget when doing OLD is that a picture is just that.  It does not have all the little details of the person in motion.  How they may smile and have dimples which may remind you of someone.  Or how their eyes twinkle when they look at you.  Or how they move when walking etc.  

Also, some people are not photogenic and can be a lot more attractive in person.

In my case I had cute pics up and am considered attractive but the guys I met in person were like you have nice photos but WOW you are way more attractive in person.

There is just so much more in person.  So if you have time to meet than just do it.  If you are crazy busy then you have no choice but to be more selective.

just more food for thought.

 

 

 

[poppyfields]

19 minutes ago, lonelyplanetmoon said:

Great post Poppy, I totally agree with you and it is how it happens for me too.  Once I feel chemistry with a person, I find them SO much more attractive.  But I am a female and attraction works more like this for f than m. Men I have found absolutely need the initial visual attraction.  It is just the way they are hard wired.

What a lot of men forget when doing OLD is that a picture is just that.  It does not have all the little details of the person in motion.  How they may smile and have dimples which may remind you of someone.  Or how their eyes twinkle when they look at you.  Or how they move when walking etc.  

Also, some people are not photogenic and can be a lot more attractive in person.

In my case I had cute pics up and am considered attractive but the guys I met in person were like you have nice photos but WOW you are way more attractive in person.

There is just so much more in person.  So if you have time to meet than just do it.  If you are crazy busy then you have no choice but to be more selective.

just more food for thought.

 

 

 

Well said!! 

Edited April 11, 2020 by poppyfields

[SumGuy]

4 hours ago, max3732 said:

Something else I look for in photos is to make sure there's no tattoos or non-ear piercings since I don't want to date someone with either of those.

That’s going to be hard to tell unless she has 360 pics in a bikini.      That’s something you’ll have to put in your profile if a deal breaker. 

[SumGuy]

5 hours ago, Vespil said:

I have not found this to be the case. Maybe things have changed in the 8 years since I last online dated, or perhaps it's a geographic thing, or luck of the draw.

....So the next best thing is video chat. It surprises me that more people don't do this.

Could be just luck, also maybe the age demographic.  I’m dating only women 45+ so if obese at that age  figure it shows in headshots.  Also by obese I mean not just overweight, but BMI 30+.   Slim is not required. 
 

agree on the video chat thing, makes real sense if they live far away. 

[basil67]

5 hours ago, lonelyplanetmoon said:

Great post Poppy, I totally agree with you and it is how it happens for me too.  Once I feel chemistry with a person, I find them SO much more attractive.  

Agree here too.  I was set up with my husband.  Had never seen photos of him.  Yet the chemistry we established as we got to know each other was undeniable.  

[basil67]

I'm detecting a high degree of frustration from some of the men regarding how a woman sets up her profile.   What's the sense in getting annoyed or frustrated about something which hurts nobody and which you can't change anyway?    It's not as if a pack of stunning, current pictures gives any security that you'll actually like each other...so there's always a risk that the date will be a fail no matter what the pictures are.

[nospam99]

@basil. The pack of stunning, current pictures or the pack of simply 'attractive enough' current pictures DO give security that the 'looks box' will be 'checked'. For some men, I plead guilty to being one, without the looks, the woman is, at best, friendzoned.

[SumGuy]

7 minutes ago, nospam99 said:

@basil. The pack of stunning, current pictures or the pack of simply 'attractive enough' current pictures DO give security that the 'looks box' will be 'checked'. For some men, I plead guilty to being one, without the looks, the woman is, at best, friendzoned.

That is exactly what some women are filtering out for, those who require the looks box to be checked first and foremost before meeting. That is, they don’t want someone who approaches it that way, they don’t want to be primarily filtered that way.  

They are not for you, you are not for them.  Just pass and reach out to women who have the type of profile you like, with the pics you want.  Simple.  

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Max, how would you feel if a woman you were talking to asked for more pictures of your smile and your teeth?  

[poppyfields]

On 4/10/2020 at 8:50 AM, max3732 said:

 I just think there are basic things about a person that are easy to put on a profile so that the prospective match has some idea about you. One of them is how you look, but there are others that I always try to ask before meeting someone, such as whether they live in my area or if they have any children.

max, I 100% agree with you about that! 

I guess what I'm wondering is, why aren't one good head shot and one good body shot enough?   That was my issue when guys asked for more pics.

Like what the hell do you want, nudes?  My guess is YES, that's exactly what they wanted!  A few even very boldly asked for them and many also suggested sex prior to first meet.  In talking with my friends, they experienced same.  

Some guys sent unsolicited d*** pics -- immediate delete! 

So yeah many women, even very beautiful women, are REAL sensitive when a guy starts asking for more pics, when they've already posted a few on their profile. 

In my mind, it's like look, we've developed a great rapport chatting on line, you've seen pics of my face and body, you have at least "some" idea what I look like and vice versa, let's meet!!  And see if we click.

Speaking of not liking tattoos on women like you mentioned in a previous post, you could meet a woman IRL, at a club or something, think she's gorgeous, get on great, you're totally attracted, and then discover she's got one of those big "f*** me" tattoos on her lower back.

What would you do then?

Look, it's all a risk no matter what, never any guarantees.  You will never be 100% certain about someone until you spend major time together, so just take a chance. 

Apologies for the rant, just needed to get that off my chest. 

 

 

Edited April 12, 2020 by poppyfields

[simpycurious]

16 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

max, I 100% agree with you about that! 

I guess what I'm wondering is, why aren't one good head shot and one good body shot enough?   That was my issue when guys asked for more pics.

Like what the hell do you want, nudes?  My guess is YES, that's exactly what they wanted!  A few even very boldly asked for them and many also suggested sex prior to first meet.  In talking with my friends, they experienced same.  

Some guys sent unsolicited d*** pics -- immediate delete! 

So yeah many women, even very beautiful women, are REAL sensitive when a guy starts asking for more pics, when they've already posted a few on their profile. 

In my mind, it's like look, we've developed a great rapport chatting on line, you've seen pics of my face and body, you have at least "some" idea what I look like and vice versa, let's meet!!  And see if we click.

Speaking of not liking tattoos on women like you mentioned in a previous post, you could meet a woman IRL, at a club or something, think she's gorgeous, get on great, you're totally attracted, and then discover she's got one of those big "f*** me" tattoos on her lower back.

What would you do then?

Look, it's all a risk no matter what, never any guarantees.  You will never be 100% certain about someone until you spend major time together, so just take a chance. 

Apologies for the rant, just needed to get that off my chest. 

 

 

What sort of dude would just out right send an UNSOLICITED "junk" shot?  I have a very hard time believing that ANYONE would do that.  I hope you are joking. I heard an analogy once that stats/pics associated with OLD were like how teams INFLATE how big or how fast a player really is.  I started a new NetFlix Series All-American about a highly touted high school player and the guy on the show has ZERO athletic prowess....he can't run..

[poppyfields]

16 minutes ago, simpycurious said:

What sort of dude would just out right send an UNSOLICITED "junk" shot?  I have a very hard time believing that ANYONE would do that.  I hope you are joking. I heard an analogy once that stats/pics associated with OLD were like how teams INFLATE how big or how fast a player really is.  I started a new NetFlix Series All-American about a highly touted high school player and the guy on the show has ZERO athletic prowess....he can't run..

No simp, I am NOT joking, I would never joke about that, in fact guys doing that was and still is pretty common place round here.

What type of guys do it?  Guys who have zero class, don't respect women and have one thing on the brain.

Only a few did, but it was enough to get me off OLDing and sticking to meeting men in real life. 

 

Edited April 12, 2020 by poppyfields

[simpycurious]

3 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

No simp, I am NOT joking, I would never joke about that, in fact guys doing that was and still is pretty common place round here.

 

Where were these dudes raised?  Don't answer that. 

Here's the thing....manners and respect HAVE ZERO BOUNDARIES...OLD or in person dating whatever.....

Edited April 12, 2020 by simpycurious

[poppyfields]

7 minutes ago, simpycurious said:

Where were these dudes raised?  Don't answer that. 

Here's the thing....manners and respect HAVE ZERO BOUNDARIES...OLD or in person dating whatever.....

simp, I am actually wondering where you are from that you're so shocked by this.

Not all men were raised to be such gracious gentlemen as yourself, far from!

Once I started OLDing, I discovered that REAL fast! 

Edited April 12, 2020 by poppyfields

[simpycurious]

I 

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

simp, I am actually wondering where you are from that you're so shocked by this.

Not all men were raised to be such gracious gentlemen as yourself, far from!

Once I started OLDing, I discovered that real fast! 

I don't think that makes you a gentleman to believe something like  that is just WRONG. 

[poppyfields]

5 minutes ago, simpycurious said:

 

I don't think that makes you a gentleman to believe something like  that is just WRONG. 

Yeah well, that's life I guess. Gotta take the good with the bad.  The wrong with the right.

I've learned a lot these past four years, not much shocks me anymore. 

Still trying to stay positive though, even now with this monster virus and all.

Life's too short.  xx

Edited April 12, 2020 by poppyfields

[Shining One]

2 hours ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said:

Max, how would you feel if a woman you were talking to asked for more pictures of your smile and your teeth?  

While this wasn't directed at me, I'll answer. I've had various women ask for additional pictures over the years, including one who asked for pictures with intact EXIF data. However, I've never been asked for teeth pictures. None of the women's requests for additional pictures offended me.

[lonelyplanetmoon]

OMG this forum is a riot. Lol.

 

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

1 hour ago, Shining One said:

While this wasn't directed at me, I'll answer. I've had various women ask for additional pictures over the years, including one who asked for pictures with intact EXIF data. However, I've never been asked for teeth pictures. None of the women's requests for additional pictures offended me.

I asked him that specifically because of his other thread about how he doesn't like his smile/teeth/lips and always tries to "hide it" in photos of himself.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Shining One said:

 None of the women's requests for additional pictures offended me.

That’s an interesting angle.  Have women refusing to give more pictures frequently said that they were offended at the request?  I would have imagined it was more about not pandering to guys who they felt were demanding or picky.   

[Shining One]

5 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Have women refusing to give more pictures frequently said that they were offended at the request?

Yes, within my circle of friends. My female friends say it's offensive to assume they are being deceitful about their appearance.

[basil67]

If the guys assume they are being deceitful, but the photos are true, I can see the women’s point.  I’d also be vaguely offended if a guy who I didn’t know thought I was deceitful. (For better or worse, I am honest to a fault) Not that I’d waste time worrying about feeling offended - I’d just block and move on.  

Edited April 12, 2020 by basil67