Cookiesandough Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 (edited) This happened to me once... and I understand being offended...but for me, ‘offended’ is not the most accurate word to use for how I felt. The guy wanted me to take a picture with his name on it and I guess I felt.... pity? For the guy.... I don’t if that’s the right word either. I felt, first of all, he takes life/looks much too seriously.., that you’re not willing to risk something so minor...that’s just not a match for me because I have a very easy going personality and looks are secondary to me and attracted to similar. Just live a little. Also I felt like his options were so low if he had to ask me that and he was catfished before. Lastly, . I maybe felt slightly offended that he thought I thought he was important enough for me to go out of my way to proce myself to them. It was just all around sad 0/10 and I wouldn’t do it if I were a guy. Edited April 12, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 14 hours ago, simpycurious said: I don't think that makes you a gentleman to believe something like that is just WRONG. I get you, still boggles my mind that so many men on-line seem to have the mindset you see as wrong. I’m hoping it’s the nature of what the on-line medium is more likely to attract. I’m saddened by it but not surprised. Link to post Share on other sites
simpycurious Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 10 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: This happened to me once... and I understand being offended...but for me, ‘offended’ is not the most accurate word to use for how I felt. The guy wanted me to take a picture with his name on it and I guess I felt.... pity? For the guy.... I don’t if that’s the right word either. I felt, first of all, he takes life/looks much too seriously.., that you’re not willing to risk something so minor...that’s just not a match for me because I have a very easy going personality and looks are secondary to me and attracted to similar. Just live a little. Also I felt like his options were so low if he had to ask me that and he was catfished before. Lastly, . I maybe felt slightly offended that he thought I thought he was important enough for me to go out of my way to proce myself to them. It was just all around sad 0/10 and I wouldn’t do it if I were a guy. Why take a picture with your name on it? What does that prove or disprove? Cookie, you SHOULD NOT have much patience for idiots. Live A Little is some very sound advice. 3 minutes ago, SumGuy said: I get you, still boggles my mind that so many men on-line seem to have the mindset you see as wrong. I’m hoping it’s the nature of what the on-line medium is more likely to attract. I’m saddened by it but not surprised. I don't get it Sum why not just be a respectful and decent person. Why just act like you have no sense of decorum? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 (edited) 18 minutes ago, SumGuy said: I get you, still boggles my mind that so many men on-line seem to have the mindset you see as wrong. I’m hoping it’s the nature of what the on-line medium is more likely to attract. I’m saddened by it but not surprised. After my post last evening, I was recalling a woman I used to work with who use to brag about getting "such" pics from guys she met on line. In turn, she would send them lewd pics of herself, she even showed me some of them. Some of these guys she would sext with prior to meet, then have sex when they met in person. Many never called her again, and she woujd literally cry to me wondering why she got rejected so much. I felt so badly for her and would try to comfort and explain but all she heard was REJECTION, and she would try harder using her sexuality as bait, it became a vicious cycle. So while we can fault the guys for doing it, there are some women out there who do positively respond to it (even asking for them in some cases) which fosters the mindset. For me, it was an automatic delete. Edited April 12, 2020 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 (edited) 17 minutes ago, simpycurious said: I don't get it Sum why not just be a respectful and decent person. Why just act like you have no sense of decorum? A question for the ages. You got me, if nothing else enlighten self interest would counsel to act with decorum Heck even in “the scene” there is decorum. There are many reasons I can think of that would motivate men to act that offensive way. What boggles my mind is they can’t see how it could offend or even see another way. The silver lining it seems for decent guys in OLD is our basic behavior can be considered exceptionally galant. Edited April 12, 2020 by SumGuy Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 (edited) @poppyfields i think the woman that respond to it reinforce it, but believe it’s origins arise from elsewhere. I believe a lot of these guys will send dic-pics to 100 women and 1 responds positively. What they take away from that is that women like it, not that most find it offensive. Heck even women who like to look at men’s package can view it as too much, too soon. It is the same in my mind with the Red Pill and PUA advice. Sure it will work on someone, and of those it only works for a short time, but that doesn’t make it good advice unless those are the only women and relationships you are after. It certainly is not any sort of evidence of how women are or what they want in any general sort of way. Edited April 12, 2020 by SumGuy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 (edited) @Sum, very true as it was for my work friend and other women I know who ask for such pics.. Insecurity issues and low self esteem which causes them to lead with their sexuality. Truly (and mistakenly) believing sex is the way to a man's heart. Just yesterday I was reading a blog written by a woman who does this. She wrote about a man she had 4 dates with who rejected her, and she actually texted him back asking if he'd still be open to hooking up!! I nearly fell off my chair when I read that. Her mindset was if she became more sexual, she'd have a better chance. I was thinking to myself while reading "No, that's not it"! Agree with you about PUA advice as well, it does work on some women, the question is, would a man really want to date/have a relationship with the women it works on? But perhaps a relationship wasn't what they were after anyway. Many of those PUA guys are simply looking to get laid, with as many women as possible in the shortest time frame as possible. Edited April 12, 2020 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 (edited) @poppyfields At this point figure I need to say to each there own sexuality. If sexing with strangers and sharing pics is your thing fine, your cake and not just your icing, just realize it’s not everyone’s and is not considered OK as an opening by most (to put it mildly) It’s sad though to think this is a good way to a decent mans heart, even worse when they show themselves not to be decent, that more of the same will change them. I’m certain there are decent men and women who share this kink and who want more than the kink, but there are also plenty where the kink is the whole cake, icing and all. To add anything more, like actual connection and intimacy in other forms, takes away from it. Edited April 12, 2020 by SumGuy Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted April 12, 2020 Author Share Posted April 12, 2020 18 hours ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said: Max, how would you feel if a woman you were talking to asked for more pictures of your smile and your teeth? I'd send it to her. It's something I've struggled with, but not something I want to hide from anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 4 minutes ago, max3732 said: I'd send it to her. It's something I've struggled with, but not something I want to hide from anyone. What if you already had two or three up on your profile and she still wanted more? Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 @Sum, agree to each their own re sexuality and anything else and also agree it's sad when women believe it's the way to a man's heart. It still breaks my heart though when I watch it happening, and women continue getting rejected and there is nothing I can do about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted April 12, 2020 Author Share Posted April 12, 2020 16 hours ago, poppyfields said: max, I 100% agree with you about that! I guess what I'm wondering is, why aren't one good head shot and one good body shot enough? That was my issue when guys asked for more pics. Like what the hell do you want, nudes? My guess is YES, that's exactly what they wanted! A few even very boldly asked for them and many also suggested sex prior to first meet. In talking with my friends, they experienced same. Some guys sent unsolicited d*** pics -- immediate delete! So yeah many women, even very beautiful women, are REAL sensitive when a guy starts asking for more pics, when they've already posted a few on their profile. In my mind, it's like look, we've developed a great rapport chatting on line, you've seen pics of my face and body, you have at least "some" idea what I look like and vice versa, let's meet!! And see if we click. Speaking of not liking tattoos on women like you mentioned in a previous post, you could meet a woman IRL, at a club or something, think she's gorgeous, get on great, you're totally attracted, and then discover she's got one of those big "f*** me" tattoos on her lower back. What would you do then? Look, it's all a risk no matter what, never any guarantees. You will never be 100% certain about someone until you spend major time together, so just take a chance. Apologies for the rant, just needed to get that off my chest. Well a head and body shot are enough! There's a woman I'm chatting with on the phone now that has exactly that. The only other time I asked for additional pics was when all the pictures looked liked they were taken from a company website and either had been edited or taken with a professioal camera and were heavily staged. I asked her if she had a picture that wasn't from work that was more casual. My fear was that it was a scammer who had taken some pictures off a website. If possible I try to ask about tattoos in the 1st few dates so I don't fall for someone with them. Sometimes I go through a few great pictures and I'm about to message someone when I notice a tattoo or there's a picture with a ring through her nose or something. I don't understand why any woman would think I'm asking for nudes. That's crazy! Sex before meeting? I've never had sex in my life. That's gross that guys would send those unsolicited pics. You're right there is no guarantees until you've at least met someone a few times, but if possible I like to weed out people I know I'm not going to be interested in. Onetime I met someone who checked all the right boxes but it turned out she was just visiting! Why did I waste my time driving to meet someone who I'd never see again? Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 5 minutes ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said: What if you already had two or three up on your profile and she still wanted more? I think men's experience with this is so very different from a women's, it's difficult for them to reach a proper understanding of it. Yin and yang. I've often wondered if men were to live as a woman for a while, experience what she experiences, not just about OLD and asking for more pics, but everything, they'd have a better understanding. Same for women living as men, as men have their own share of BS to deal with too. Which I do try to understand and empathize with. No one is immune from the struggles both genders face and the misunderstandings that result therefrom. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 I think people should Facetime or whatever the going face app is these days before meeting up, especially women. That way you can see the person isn't actually a 57 year old truck driver advertising themselves with their niece's photos on the dating site. And you see them in motion, which is important. You still aren't going to get a full body shot that way, and it would be kind of awkward if you did, but you can see their general looks and demeanor. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 max, I wasn't suggesting YOU ask for nudes, I was speaking in the general about that, as there are some men out there who DO ask for nudes. My experience. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 And unless you're a prostitute, those men should be nexted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted April 12, 2020 Author Share Posted April 12, 2020 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: @Sum, very true as it was for my work friend and other women I know who ask for such pics.. Insecurity issues and low self esteem which causes them to lead with their sexuality. Truly (and mistakenly) believing sex is the way to a man's heart. Just yesterday I was reading a blog written by a woman who does this. She wrote about a man she had 4 dates with who rejected her, and she actually texted him back asking if he'd still be open to hooking up!! I nearly fell off my chair when I read that. Her mindset was if she became more sexual, she'd have a better chance. I was thinking to myself while reading "No, that's not it"! Agree with you about PUA advice as well, it does work on some women, the question is, would a man really want to date/have a relationship with the women it works on? But perhaps a relationship wasn't what they were after anyway. Many of those PUA guys are simply looking to get laid, with as many women as possible in the shortest time frame as possible. Something else I look for in the pictures are if she has pics where she'd tying to show off her cleavage or otherwise suggestive. If I see that I figure she has low self esteem and don't message her. That's not the kind of woman I want to meet 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted April 12, 2020 Author Share Posted April 12, 2020 19 minutes ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said: What if you already had two or three up on your profile and she still wanted more? I would think it's a little odd and would probably ask why. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: I think men's experience with this is so very different from a women's, it's difficult for them to reach a proper understanding of it. Yin and yang. I've often wondered if men were to live as a woman for a while, experience what she experiences, not just about OLD and asking for more pics, but everything, they'd have a better understanding. Same for women living as men, as men have their own share of BS to deal with too. Which I do try to understand and empathize with. No one is immune from the struggles both genders face and the misunderstandings that result therefrom. This is true. When I was younger I got a lot of attention from boys/men because of how I looked. I never dressed provacatively at all; I just was naturally thin, attractive, etc. But even though I got attention for how I looked, I still very often hated it because I was so much more than what I looked like! It really annoyed me if I found out some guy "liked me" in college without ever having a conversation with me (and then call me "cold" if I didn't reciprocate the crush). If I was online dating in my twenties I would have gotten real annoyed real fast if I was asked continually for more pics because it would tell me that the guy was only interested in what I looked like and nothing else. That was one thing I grew to hate about my ex-husband, too. He never cared to get to REALLY know me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 (edited) 12 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: This happened to me once... and I understand being offended...but for me, ‘offended’ is not the most accurate word to use for how I felt. The guy wanted me to take a picture with his name on it and I guess I felt.... pity? For the guy.... I don’t if that’s the right word either. I felt, first of all, he takes life/looks much too seriously.., that you’re not willing to risk something so minor...that’s just not a match for me because I have a very easy going personality and looks are secondary to me and attracted to similar. Just live a little. Also I felt like his options were so low if he had to ask me that and he was catfished before. Lastly, . I maybe felt slightly offended that he thought I thought he was important enough for me to go out of my way to proce myself to them. It was just all around sad 0/10 and I wouldn’t do it if I were a guy. Oh, some of these effing young guys want a guarantee that you're all into them and perfect looking because they want to skip the whole awkward dating phase and know you're their future wife, for once they move out of their mother's basement in another seven years. They're awkward and scared if they're doing that. And so afraid they won't get their $5 worth from buying them that cup of Starbuck's. The smart dater goes out with people and maybe even meets their friends and widens their network of possibilities in real life. Edited April 12, 2020 by preraph 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 (edited) @ Cautiously, ahh yes, beauty "can" be a curse sometimes, and only those who experience it could ever understand it. I'm sure you are still beautiful, true beauty never dies, it changes, but never dies. xx Edited April 12, 2020 by poppyfields 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 OP, I get the impression you are an attractive outgoing enough guy that you simply find women in real life, and that is going to always be the best way. Get out once this virus is over and be active and social. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
simpycurious Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 (edited) 27 minutes ago, poppyfields said: @Sum, agree to each their own re sexuality and anything else and also agree it's sad when women believe it's the way to a man's heart. It still breaks my heart though when I watch it happening, and women continue getting rejected and there is nothing I can do about it. you still answered my question about having the ultimate workout partner? No woman should compromise herself for any man. Edited April 12, 2020 by simpycurious 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 11 minutes ago, preraph said: And unless you're a prostitute, those men should be nexted. Which they are! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 (edited) 15 minutes ago, simpycurious said: No woman should compromise herself for any man. Amen. Edited April 12, 2020 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
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