Mistake to ask for additional pics before meeting someone when online dating?

[max3732]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

That's the thing: I would never ask a guy about his height.  I'd meet the person and let the cards fall where they do.

Most dating sites have a place to put your height and for some reason on Tinder and Bumble people always post it.

[max3732]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

Men and women live and function in two entirely different realities, yin and yang if you will, or whatever we wish to call it. 

And in this particular case, I wish men could see and at least try to understand a women’s reality.

As women, we are often objectified by men, viewed only as an object of sexual desire.  I’m about as sexual as they come and while I love sex with whomever I am attracted to and dating at the time, I don’t relish being treated as a commodity or an object without regard to my personality or dignity "before" ever even meeting, which is how it feels when men ask or even sometimes pressure for more pics..

THAT's the turn off, for me and many women I associate with.  That said I do (or did) have one face and one full body, fully clothed, nothing too revealing.  Don't ask for more, it's just a turn off for reason just explained. 

I’m sure there are some women who objectify men as well, and I would venture to guess, men love it!  Why?  Because his reality is entirely different from a woman’s reality.

I really try hard to understand men’s reality and all the BS they’re forced to tolerate from some women.  To the guys, could you at least try to understand a woman’s reality regarding this?

Just try?

 

I am trying, but it just seems really hard to understand how having a guy politely ask for a basic face and full body pic on a dating website would come close to objectifying a woman or treating her like a commodity or object. If you only had 2 pictures on your profile and your face and body were not clearly shown in either one would a guy asking you for pics where he can clearly see what you basically look like be seen as something sexual and a turn off? One of my friends said she asks women for additional pics if he can't see them and he's doing it for the same reason as me.

I mean, my problem has always been that I don't objective women enough in that when I was in high school and guys would be commenting on women's features I'd find that rude. Of course I noticed different aspects of them, but that wouldn't ever impact who I'd ask out and it's not something I'd obsess over. There are some OLD profiles where the woman shows a ton of cleavage or skin and if that's her only picture I probably do stare at it a bit and then block her. 

Aside from the money and time involved in actually meeting someone without knowing what she looks like it is an emotional investment for me as well. Before I'd agree to meet her I've usually texted or talked on the phone with her enough that I feel some emotional investment and it's a huge letdown if I go to see her and she is extremely overweight or I'm not attracted at all to her face. If I like her face and basic body type I'm not going to reject her because of anything else physically.  

[chillii]

Being forced to have to ask for a full pic and wanting to see a full pic just because she hasn't put one in is hardly shallow and has nothing to do with morons that'd ask for nudes or something sexual . This whole thing is ridiculous OP is only talking about wanting an ordinary pic.  BTW , saw some stats on some date site test they ran with women , yeah another one of those and guess what , surprise surprise, no not really , but somem like 90% of them clicked on a guy from the pic alone , without even reading the profile.

And they tested the women afterward asking them things about the guy they'd clicked on , and what another surprise surprise , ahh nope not at all , none of them knew anything they hadn't even read profiles .

ps , must've also read around here 50 times , a women knows whether she is interested in a guy sexually in like the first minute of meeting him welllll, l'm sure she hasn't looked below the neckline in that case ahhhh, comon, yaknow.

Edited May 9, 2020 by chillii

[chillii]

3 minutes ago, chillii said:

oopsssss

 

Edited May 9, 2020 by chillii

[poppyfields]

17 minutes ago, max3732 said:

I am trying, but it just seems really hard to understand how having a guy politely ask for a basic face and full body pic on a dating website would come close to objectifying a woman or treating her like a commodity or object. If you only had 2 pictures on your profile and your face and body were not clearly shown in either one would a guy asking you for pics where he can clearly see what you basically look like be seen as something sexual and a turn off? 

No but that's not what's happening the majority of the time. 

I and most attractive women understand physical attraction, and "will" post at least two clear shots. Ideally one face and one body.  For me the body shots were typically skinny low rise jeans and cute tee.

And OMG, the men were like dogs in heat!  Pressuring, pushing the envelope, come on send more pics!  Are you on IG, what's your address!! 

The reason why you don't understand the repulsion to that is because, again, you have "never" lived an attractive women's reality.

Edited May 9, 2020 by poppyfields

[chillii]

Yep , that's all l'd need, one or two clear pics.

ps , and l get they're gonna come across the idiots and that it'd be hard to deal with , but the serious guy would still like a couple of good pics. She'd actually save herself all the hassle really just by having a couple of good pics because then he has no reason to ask for more, it'd probably be a pretty good filter actually.

Edited May 9, 2020 by chillii

[basil67]

29 minutes ago, max3732 said:

I am trying, but it just seems really hard to understand how having a guy politely ask for a basic face and full body pic on a dating website would come close to objectifying a woman or treating her like a commodity or object.

You don't understand it because you've never been treated this way.  I've lost count of the number of dateless men here who "just want a pretty woman to like me".  Nothing about emotional connection, just a trophy on his arm.  Objectification.   

And there is still the underlying fact that if she wanted to show more before meeting, she would already have done so on her profile.   You would do well to remember that there are plenty of guys who aren't asking for extra photos and they will naturally appeal to her more than someone who wants more pics.

29 minutes ago, max3732 said:

Aside from the money and time involved in actually meeting someone without knowing what she looks like it is an emotional investment for me as well. Before I'd agree to meet her I've usually texted or talked on the phone with her enough

So meet before you make an emotional connection.  And if she's too far away, either write her off or meet half way.   And if meeting for coffee will bust your budget, then perhaps you need to be in a better financial position.   Or if the pics aren't good enough, don't meet her at all.  These issues can be worked around very easily. 

Edited May 9, 2020 by basil67

[CaliforniaGirl]

26 minutes ago, chillii said:

Being forced to have to ask for a full pic and wanting to see a full pic just because she hasn't put one in is hardly shallow and has nothing to do with morons that'd ask for nudes or something sexual . This whole thing is ridiculous OP is only talking about wanting an ordinary pic.  BTW , saw some stats on some date site test they ran with women , yeah another one of those and guess what , surprise surprise, no not really , but somem like 90% of them clicked on a guy from the pic alone , without even reading the profile.

And they tested the women afterward asking them things about the guy they'd clicked on , and what another surprise surprise , ahh nope not at all , none of them knew anything they hadn't even read profiles .

ps , must've also read around here 50 times , a women knows whether she is interested in a guy sexually in like the first minute of meeting him welllll, l'm sure she hasn't looked below the neckline in that case ahhhh, comon, yaknow.

It isn't about somehow just not wanting to be physically attracted. Of course both men and women want to be physically attracted.

It's about why asking for *more* pics can push that wrong button in women, and why.

The OP already had some pics. He didn't like them. They weren't full on, they were from the side. He asked for more pics than he had. He specifically asked for face shots. She *sent those.* Plural. To reiterate...she sent more than one *additional* pic. Then he wanted more than that and he specified body shots this time.

That doesn't sound like feeling a horse's flanks and checking its teeth to you? 'Cause it does to me.

How many "more" pics was she just going to get asked and asked for...by this total stranger?

"WhoTF is this guy, the Grand Wazier? Does he think this is ebay?" she thought, and. promptly dumped his azz.

I truly can not believe this is hard to understand. Yes, we all get that if there are literally no clear pics at all, few people will take that chance. CLEARLY that is not what quite a few women are referring to...to wit: repetitive and/or very specific requests that make us feel like somebody pushed the Ask Seller button.

That triggers us. It just does...and no arguments will change that. 

If you literally click on a profile where the woman looks like she's in the Witness Protection Program, and you politely ask for a clear pic and she freaks out and loses her sh*t, okay. That is weird and off, and all you need to know not to pursue.

Asking again...and again...is simply not the same. Even asking once of it's a reasonable profile with basic pics isn't the same. Both bother us.

We are sorry. 😁

It won't change.

Swipe whichever way (can never remember which) and keep looking for the right one.

Edited May 9, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[chillii]

Ahhh you know horses huh , cool , me too. 😔

ps , l could actually still understand though if she didn't show any front on type pic. lf she did then yeah l agree,  enough , it's really not nice to go on asking more.

Edited May 9, 2020 by chillii

[CaliforniaGirl]

17 minutes ago, chillii said:

Ahhh you know horses huh , cool , me too. 😔

ps , l could actually still understand though if she didn't show any front on type pic. lf she did then yeah l agree,  enough , it's really not nice to go on asking more.

I actually don't know horses, I just know that you apparently grab and stare into various parts of them if you want to buy one, LOL. 😅😅😅

Edited May 9, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[chillii]

haaaa, classic.

[thefooloftheyear]

Just to be clear here, to a casual observer, one would think by especially upon going over a thread like this, that it's only men that objectify women...Not true, and if you don't believe it, just ask any good looking man and they'll tell you the countless times it's happened to them...And here's the thing...Because it's not socially acceptable(especially now #metoo) to do it, that faucet has been shut off as far as what men may say to a woman....But there is no #metoo male version and no one says anything when a woman does it to a guy....And if he dared say anything about it, he'd get lit up in a second.. Plenty of pretty sassy women out there(moreso the 40+ crowd ...wow😂)..

Also, as I stated, no dog in this fight and no OLD experience (other than what guy friends have told me), I would imagine that it is a shytshow of pervs and trolls in that game...I completely believe that...I am sure there are guys on there with no real intention of serious dating, but only set it up to just agitate women for their own personal gag reel and/or potentially find one that may be weak or whatever for some quick fun....Who knows?  But I get that...My thoughts there is that it's probably not all that indicative of the real world and its not something someone should be using to characterize the entire male species...

Also, and before anyone gets their undies wadded, this doesn't apply to anyone in particular on this thread, just something I have noticed on numerous occasions....Women often are selective in how they may apply their own moral values or perhaps if they agree/like a comment that may be objectifying....Sometimes it just boils down to who happens to be asking...One guy can't say a word to a woman without getting her angry/resentful while a different type of guy(usually good looking/desirable type) could say practically anything to that same woman and she's gushing and blushing and starting threads on sites like this wondering if the guy that just told her she looked nice in a dress or whatever likes her and "OMG what should I do to get to know this amazing guy" etc...

Now back to the issue with regards to this thread...No disrespect to the OP, but while she bristled at his request for a pic,  a different guy may have gotten not only a body shot, but a pic of her in sexy lingerie...without even asking....

Anyway, I stand behind what I said before...I think it's best to at least provide a photo(s) that represents who you really are...Man or woman...Not just a head shot..And I would have no issue with any woman asking any question about it....TBH, knowing me, I would not ask for one...I am just not that ballsy in that arena..Never was...I may have done what another poster suggested and assumed there was a reason(something to hide)...but it's immaterial in this case..

TFY

[simpycurious]

1 hour ago, thefooloftheyear said:

Just to be clear here, to a casual observer, one would think by especially upon going over a thread like this, that it's only men that objectify women...Not true, and if you don't believe it, just ask any good looking man and they'll tell you the countless times it's happened to them...And here's the thing...Because it's not socially acceptable(especially now #metoo) to do it, that faucet has been shut off as far as what men may say to a woman....But there is no #metoo male version and no one says anything when a woman does it to a guy....And if he dared say anything about it, he'd get lit up in a second.. Plenty of pretty sassy women out there(moreso the 40+ crowd ...wow😂)..

Also, as I stated, no dog in this fight and no OLD experience (other than what guy friends have told me), I would imagine that it is a shytshow of pervs and trolls in that game...I completely believe that...I am sure there are guys on there with no real intention of serious dating, but only set it up to just agitate women for their own personal gag reel and/or potentially find one that may be weak or whatever for some quick fun....Who knows?  But I get that...My thoughts there is that it's probably not all that indicative of the real world and its not something someone should be using to characterize the entire male species...

Also, and before anyone gets their undies wadded, this doesn't apply to anyone in particular on this thread, just something I have noticed on numerous occasions....Women often are selective in how they may apply their own moral values or perhaps if they agree/like a comment that may be objectifying....Sometimes it just boils down to who happens to be asking...One guy can't say a word to a woman without getting her angry/resentful while a different type of guy(usually good looking/desirable type) could say practically anything to that same woman and she's gushing and blushing and starting threads on sites like this wondering if the guy that just told her she looked nice in a dress or whatever likes her and "OMG what should I do to get to know this amazing guy" etc...

Now back to the issue with regards to this thread...No disrespect to the OP, but while she bristled at his request for a pic,  a different guy may have gotten not only a body shot, but a pic of her in sexy lingerie...without even asking....

Anyway, I stand behind what I said before...I think it's best to at least provide a photo(s) that represents who you really are...Man or woman...Not just a head shot..And I would have no issue with any woman asking any question about it....TBH, knowing me, I would not ask for one...I am just not that ballsy in that arena..Never was...I may have done what another poster suggested and assumed there was a reason(something to hide)...but it's immaterial in this case..

TFY

TFY that was well said.  I would also take it a step further in that IT'S NOT ONLY MEN but also WOMEN as far as preconceived notions for example a woman sees a very athletic fit guy automatically HE'S A "MEAT HEAD", dumb, just a pretty "Thing" to look at with no substance.  What's the old saying...."don't judge a book by it's cover"

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, thefooloftheyear said:

Just to be clear here, to a casual observer, one would think by especially upon going over a thread like this, that it's only men that objectify women...Not true, and if you don't believe it, just ask any good looking man and they'll tell you the countless times it's happened to them...

And here's the thing...Because it's not socially acceptable(especially now #metoo) to do it, that faucet has been shut off as far as what men may say to a woman....But there is no #metoo male version and no one says anything when a woman does it to a guy....And if he dared say anything about it, he'd get lit up in a second.. Plenty of pretty sassy women out there(moreso the 40+ crowd ...wow😂)..

Oh I DO believe it, very much so.  Perhaps you missed the part of my earlier post where I said I know there are women who objectify men.  And that many men (not all) not only have no objection to it, they like it! 

I don't think it has much to do with social acceptance; men's sexual natures are different AND men's realities are different from a woman's. 

They simply don't know or understand what it's like, day in and day out, to experience what we experience, to walk a mile in our shoes. 

And even if they did, being their sexual natures are different from ours, their reactions would be (and are when it happens) different from a woman's.

I dunno, as CG has been saying, it's not that difficult a concept to grasp IF you were to imagine a woman's experience - the lewd comments walking out and about, being grabbed at while out at a club, sexually solicited, stalked, sexually assaulted, etc, ALL of that has an impact on our psyche and adds to the feeling of objectification.

Another thing I noticed when I did OLDing is that with all the pics, men can fall in love with a face, a body, a fantasy of who she is based on her physical appearance. 

Then when they meet in person, given the build up, the idealization, that fantasy is never as exciting as reality, it all goes to sh**.

Physical and mental "energy" and chemistry between two people goes much deeper and far beyond anything you mighr see in a picture(s).

You need to feel and experience that energy in person, and being sent 100 different pics at every possible angle will never change that.

Edited May 9, 2020 by poppyfields

[simpycurious]

The above references men "grabbing" and "stalking" and how that behavior has an impact on women.....of course it does....IT'S PYSCHO/Illegal behavior.  What man would truly do something like that? I am going to venture to say VERY VERY FEW. It really portrays men in a bad light to even allude to behavior like that.  

Edited May 9, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[poppyfields]

31 minutes ago, simpycurious said:

The above references men "grabbing" and "stalking" and how that behavior has an impact on women.....of course it does....IT'S PYSCHO/Illegal behavior.  What man would truly do something like that? I am going to venture to say VERY VERY FEW. It really portrays men in a bad light to even allude to behavior like that.  

This is precisely what I meant when saying men don't understand a woman's experience, or worse they deny it even happens!!  

You do this a lot, you did the same thing when I posted how men send unsolicited d*** pics. You flat out said you didn't believe it, as if to suggest I was lying!  Just like you're doing now.

Same with other things I have mentioned that are part of a woman's experience.  Completely invalidating our experiences.

Wake up to "reality."   No, I am "not" lying, I am not even exaggerating. It happens!  Enough wherein it has an impact. 

 

 

Edited May 9, 2020 by poppyfields

[thefooloftheyear]

14 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

This is precisely what I meant when saying men don't understand a woman's experience, or worse they deny it even happens!!  

You do this a lot, you did the same thing when I posted how men send unsolicited d*** pics. You flat out said you didn't believe it, as if to suggest I was lying!  Just like you're doing now.

Same with other things I have mentioned that are part of a woman's experience. 

No, I am "not" lying, I am not even exaggerating. It happens!  Enough wherein it has an impact. 

 

 

But Pop....let's be honest here....

Ok...let's put aside OLD for a moment...I get it....its a shyt show...;like a lot of the internet....If I were  a woman and didn't like that behavior(most wouldn't), then simply I can choose to not participate...Problem solved...

And from what I have heard, on here and IRL, its seemingly the low rent OLD sites where guys act like ass hats...The pay sites or some other higher end sites are supposedly not like this...I dont know this to be fact, I have no experience so I could be wrong...

That being said, having been around a while, its NOT NEARLY as bad now as it was.,...In fact, some women are now even complaining that guys do/say nothing to women anymore, don't hold a door. etc and they are feeling unappreciated or cant validate their own ego with a nice compliment or gesture......The "new" society that the MeToo program  helped to institute , along with the general zero tolerance policy towards ANY random objectification of women, leave me not so sure what to believe, when women are saying it's "happening all over the place"...

.02

TFY

 

[poppyfields]

Thnx TFY for at least acknowledging our experiences and that they do happen.

Perhaps not as often as in earlier days, for the reasons you mentioned, or perhaps it's being done more quietly.

I never suggested it was "all over the place" but even a few times is enough to feel the impact.

Speaking personally, I "have" had men get "grabby" at clubs (probably drunk), I have been stalked, sexually harassed and assaulted, had men say some horrific things to me when rejected, and of course the d*** pics.

I have not done OLD in YEARS so cannot say if still happening but you're right, they were not on paying sites, my mistake in choosing low grade apps.

Anyway, this is NOT in any way to suggest all men are bad, I've had great experiences too!   I like men, I try to relate to them and all the BS they experience too with women.  And I'm in a great relationship now.

My post was only to explain why many women feel as they do about being asked for more pics, when already having uploaded one or two clear ones.

Meet in person for 15 minutes.  It's 15 minutes!  If the physical energy isn't there, politely excuse yourself.

I don't see the harm in that. 

 

Edited May 9, 2020 by poppyfields

[max3732]

13 hours ago, poppyfields said:

No but that's not what's happening the majority of the time. 

I and most attractive women understand physical attraction, and "will" post at least two clear shots. Ideally one face and one body.  For me the body shots were typically skinny low rise jeans and cute tee.

And OMG, the men were like dogs in heat!  Pressuring, pushing the envelope, come on send more pics!  Are you on IG, what's your address!! 

The reason why you don't understand the repulsion to that is because, again, you have "never" lived an attractive women's reality.

That sounds horrible! That's not at all what I'm talking about though. Are you saying that with the woman that didn't post any clear pics me asking for a basic head and body shot caused her to assume that I was after tons of pics that I'd want to ogle?  I don't ever ask for IG since I don't really use it.

If attractive women get these kinds of messages you'd think that my polite ones asking about the book she listed on her profile or something about a hobby from the picture she posted would get a response. Nope. When my profile had Mr. Muscles with his shirt off in some pics saying "hey" with everything else the same I somehow got tons of messages. So I'd say attractive men probably have the same issue. Yet the men seem to be more understanding of wanting additional pics so I have some idea what she looks like.

[max3732]

13 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

It isn't about somehow just not wanting to be physically attracted. Of course both men and women want to be physically attracted.

It's about why asking for *more* pics can push that wrong button in women, and why.

The OP already had some pics. He didn't like them. They weren't full on, they were from the side. He asked for more pics than he had. He specifically asked for face shots. She *sent those.* Plural. To reiterate...she sent more than one *additional* pic. Then he wanted more than that and he specified body shots this time.

That doesn't sound like feeling a horse's flanks and checking its teeth to you? 'Cause it does to me.

How many "more" pics was she just going to get asked and asked for...by this total stranger?

"WhoTF is this guy, the Grand Wazier? Does he think this is ebay?" she thought, and. promptly dumped his azz.

I truly can not believe this is hard to understand. Yes, we all get that if there are literally no clear pics at all, few people will take that chance. CLEARLY that is not what quite a few women are referring to...to wit: repetitive and/or very specific requests that make us feel like somebody pushed the Ask Seller button.

That triggers us. It just does...and no arguments will change that. 

If you literally click on a profile where the woman looks like she's in the Witness Protection Program, and you politely ask for a clear pic and she freaks out and loses her sh*t, okay. That is weird and off, and all you need to know not to pursue.

Asking again...and again...is simply not the same. Even asking once of it's a reasonable profile with basic pics isn't the same. Both bother us.

We are sorry. 😁

It won't change.

Swipe whichever way (can never remember which) and keep looking for the right one.

Well if she had sent pics that looked like most pics on dating sites where you can see something I'd agree with you. Like I mentioned before all the ones she sent obscured her face and body like she was in the witness protection program. When asking for additional pics I said something like "I'd like to have some idea what you look like and the ones you've put so far are unclear". I'd say quality over quantity

If she has 100 pics with cartoon animals covering her, ones with a huge hat and glasses, etc do you think that's enough?

What's nice on these dating sites is to have pics where they're doing activities so I can see if we have common interests.

This is sort of off topic, but what kind of message do attractive women like to get? My approach of sending things like "Noticed you're reading a book in your pic by the pool. What kinds of books do you like to read" or "How did you get into kite boarding?" has been a disaster

[poppyfields]

Max, there is a very simple solution when a woman posts obscure pics that hide her face with toy animals (or whatever) or blurs her features. 

Instead of hounding her for more pics telling her you'd like "some" idea what she looks like (which is fair) simply block her or stop communicating with her.

There is a certain mindset that goes with sending obscure pics of oneself (she's hiding something), and asking for more is not going to change that, it only makes you appear obnoxious (sorry  ).

Easy peasy. Block, delete, next.  

Edited May 9, 2020 by poppyfields

[thefooloftheyear]

48 minutes ago, max3732 said:

. When my profile had Mr. Muscles with his shirt off in some pics saying "hey" with everything else the same I somehow got tons of messages. So I'd say attractive men probably have the same issue. Yet the men seem to be more understanding of wanting additional pics so I have some idea what she looks like.

In fairness to all the women out there...guys are absolutely saturated with images of the hottest of the hot....I cant go on the net and visit practically any site without getting my brain bombarded with images of sub 25 year old women with perfect flat bellies, ample breasts, tight asses, etc..

Even LS...Open it up to be greeted by a cute  young girl in a green tanktop with awesome DD tits and an inviting smile..I dont even know what she's trying to sell,. but its there...Then you see ads for Asian dating sites with scantily clad women in perfect form...IG and Kupid models hawking every guy for page likes...I'm actually pretty conservative as to what sites I visit, so I think they are just targeting male populations based on data that I have no conception of...Even my buddies spend half their days sending me junk you wouldn't friggin believe...I don't even know where they find this crap...😂

I dont even know if women are aware of this, but its happening, and it's probably clouding a lot of guys senses of entitlement and what they expect every Susan out on the street to look like,,, I'd imagine if women were getting bombarded with images of ripped up and tattooed guys with all the goods, and they had the same clouded mindset, then a lot of guys would be crying foul at everything....

I understand that struggle...I have no idea how you could stop it, but I do understand...(the woman's perspective)...

TFY

 

[SumGuy]

14 hours ago, max3732 said:

I am trying, but it just seems really hard to understand how having a guy politely ask for a basic face and full body pic on a dating website would come close to objectifying a woman or treating her like a commodity or object.

Hi max3732, it is as simple as this.  We judge ourselves by our intentions and often assume others are like us.  In this case your intentions are good and reasonable, no argument with that from me.  And that you don't deep down grasp the sleazy guys out there and how they operate to me says you are projecting your good self onto the world, again no problem.  

However, others judge us by our actions.  Or even more specifically the actions of others that are similar to ours.  So a woman that has experienced the sleaze ball guys who ask for photos (or have heard their girlfriends stories)...and they don't necessarily ask for nudes up front...are going to bucket you into that group of men.  Of course wrongly, of course they are not thinking of it from your perspective.  Likely because this is a a safety issue for them, for you it is a waste of time issue.  

So it is not that you are polite, it is that there are plenty of men who are not.

In any case the question you asked was is it a mistake to ask for more photos in OLD, my responses are why as a practical matter it is a very bad idea with little upside for what you are looking for, that is marriage and children.  That there are better ways to address the issue of being cat-fished and avoiding wasting time in my opinion.

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

When my profile had Mr. Muscles with his shirt off in some pics saying "hey" with everything else the same I somehow got tons of messages. So I'd say attractive men probably have the same issue. Yet the men seem to be more understanding of wanting additional pics so I have some idea what she looks like.

max, not sure why but it's apparent you're struggling to understand that men and women have different experiences, different realities, which form the basis of their respective reactions, such as how they react when being asked for pics.

I have no doubt being asked does not bother men, in fact I'd venture to say they might even be flattered by it!  As in their minds, being asked reflects interest.

This is simply not a woman's reality for the reasons already explained.

And just to know, when I did OLD 4-5 years ago, and then a little bit  two years ago, if a men sent me pics of himself shirtless, with muscles bulging, no matter how hot he looked, automatic delete.

Why?  As with women, it reflects a certain mindset to send those types of pics unsolicited, or have them uploaded on your profile. 

I don't have time to go into what type of mindset that is. Perhaps "Look at ME!  Look how HOT I am"!! would be the quickest way to describe it. 

Some women may go for men like that, which is fine to each their own

For me, no thank you. Not my style. 

Edited May 9, 2020 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

23 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

Hi max3732, it is as simple as this.  We judge ourselves by our intentions and often assume others are like us.  In this case your intentions are good and reasonable, no argument with that from me.  And that you don't deep down grasp the sleazy guys out there and how they operate to me says you are projecting your good self onto the world, again no problem.  

This^ is a great point, thank you SG! 

Only one thing to add.  It can be a problem when your projection affects your ability to understand what many women do experience with some guys, and thus invalidating their experiences. 

Edited May 9, 2020 by poppyfields