Luna66star Posted March 29, 2020 Share Posted March 29, 2020 I have been texting a male friend for about 3 months. Sometimes we have coffee or go for a walk after work. He has a girlfriend but all is good with her and we just talk politics, sports, world affairs and his motorcycle. I'm happy to just find a good platonic male friend with all the sexual stuff. Anyway, I did start to really like him but haven't verbalized my feelings and wont because he is attached. Feel I must distance myself from the friendship for this reason. I have purposely started to text less and not initiate as much so I don't think of him so often. It's to protect myself. I think he's getting annoyed as I get some one word answers or cryptic ones that make no sense. Have I done the backing off in a rather cruel manner, hurt his feelings? I cannot for the life of me explain I have "feelings" for him. He has never shown or stated he feels the same for me. I appreciated his friendship very much yet I cannot see him anymore. It's complicated now. Last text i sent to him was playfully saying "knock knock, anyone home today"? He didn't say much other than "hopefully soon ". Haven't heard a word from him in 2 wks. Does his reply mean for me to get lost now? I'm thinking I made a mess of things now and he's fed up? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 29, 2020 Share Posted March 29, 2020 I mean you are distancing from him which is what you should be doing. So of course he's going to notice. Maybe you should tell him you're spending time with a new guy or something so you don't even have to tell him you had a thing for him and get him all stirred up. I mean this is what you wanted right? You needed to call the whole thing off and it worked. I would just let it drop entirely if you can't be friends with him.. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 29, 2020 Share Posted March 29, 2020 women love men who are already taken 3 Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted March 29, 2020 Share Posted March 29, 2020 Hey, this whole post is screwing with my head. I don’t get it at all. 53 minutes ago, Luna66star said: I have been texting a male friend for about 3 months. Sometimes we have coffee or go for a walk after work. Texting friend. Got this part. 53 minutes ago, Luna66star said: He has a girlfriend but all is good with her and we just talk politics, sports, world affairs and his motorcycle. I'm happy to just find a good platonic male friend with all the sexual stuff. Whaat? You mean without all the sexual stuff? Cause if you mean with all the sexual stuff ... that’s just f’ed up. 53 minutes ago, Luna66star said: Anyway, I did start to really like him but haven't verbalized my feelings and wont because he is attached. Feel I must distance myself from the friendship for this reason. Got this part but still needing clarification on the other part up there^^. 53 minutes ago, Luna66star said: I have purposely started to text less and not initiate as much so I don't think of him so often. It's to protect myself. I think he's getting annoyed as I get some one word answers or cryptic ones that make no sense. He’s getting annoyed because you’re texting less or because you’re texting him period and he doesn’t want to text? 53 minutes ago, Luna66star said: Have I done the backing off in a rather cruel manner, hurt his feelings? I cannot for the life of me explain I have "feelings" for him. He has never shown or stated he feels the same for me. I don’t get it. He’s got a girlfriend why would it hurt his feelings if you backed off? 53 minutes ago, Luna66star said: I appreciated his friendship very much yet I cannot see him anymore. It's complicated now. It happens. It doesn’t feel good. I’m sorry. It does suck to feel this way. 53 minutes ago, Luna66star said: Last text i sent to him was playfully saying "knock knock, anyone home today"? He didn't say much other than "hopefully soon ". Haven't heard a word from him in 2 wks. Who is “anyone” in the anyone home text? Is that some kind of code? Is anyone him? And how could it be him if he answered “hopefully soon”. Did he mean his girlfriend? I izzzz dumbzz. 53 minutes ago, Luna66star said: Does his reply mean for me to get lost now? I'm thinking I made a mess of things now and he's fed up? How do you get ‘get lost’ out of “hopefully soon” which were his last words? I don’t understand this at all. Help! 😩 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Luna66star Posted March 29, 2020 Author Share Posted March 29, 2020 There is some misunderstanding about my post. I sent him a playful text which said "knock, knock, anyone home"? Most people would reply with "whose there?" to keep the conversation going. In this case he didnt. He just answered with "hopefully soon". I dont understand his reply. Its vague and ambiguous. How would others interpret it? That's all I was asking and if the answer he gave meant was a subtle message to me that he's not interested in pursuing conversation anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 29, 2020 Share Posted March 29, 2020 You're trying to read something into this. It was a nonsense text to him that I wouldn't even call flirty and his response doesn't really mean anything. I mean you asked him if he was home basically and he said hopefully soon instead of who's there which usually only happens after the only thing you say is knock knock. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted April 3, 2020 Share Posted April 3, 2020 He picked up on the fact that you backed off, text less. It probably confused and annoyed him, but you are doing to right thing to protect yourself. Keep your disatnce for now and when you are over your feelings then maybe you can explain it all to him. Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted April 15, 2020 Share Posted April 15, 2020 You're deliberately injecting drama into this man's life, because you resent the fact his girlfriend has his attention instead of you. There are many single men out here to choose from. This one should be off limits. You need to move on. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 15, 2020 Share Posted April 15, 2020 Yes it seems he's noticed you've backed off and he probably thinks it's for the best so he's moved on. No you were not rude. It's best to make friends with single men. Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted April 17, 2020 Share Posted April 17, 2020 I would assume that his reply text, "hopefully soon" meant that he was on his way home and hoped to be there soon. The other possibility is that he meant he hopes to catch up with you soon. I'm wondering how your friendship actually started, and if his girlfriend knows about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Luna66star Posted April 19, 2020 Author Share Posted April 19, 2020 I think everyone is right. I haven't heard a word back from him since that last text. Pretty obvious it's totally over. I guess he got pissed off at my lack of effort in the texting department. I thought it was best, even though I really liked him. I will focus on single men I the future so this uncomfortable predicament doesn't happen again. I deleted his number. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mystery4u Posted April 19, 2020 Share Posted April 19, 2020 7 minutes ago, Luna66star said: I think everyone is right. I haven't heard a word back from him since that last text. Pretty obvious it's totally over. I guess he got pissed off at my lack of effort in the texting department. I thought it was best, even though I really liked him. I will focus on single men I the future so this uncomfortable predicament doesn't happen again. I deleted his number. No, he probably got pissed off that you were texting him at all. He has a girlfriend, why would you try to keep your 'friendship' going when you like him? You did the right thing by deleting his number and moving on. In future, when you like someone, make it clear you are romantically interested in them, instead of wasting time with all this friendship texting and coffee or walk after work that leads nowhere until they find someone else and drop you anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted April 21, 2020 Share Posted April 21, 2020 Lune, I once had a friend I just repeatedly fell in love with. I broached the topic once ... dead ...She had no interest, was stunned ... W e recovered ... became good friends again (with me pushing for nothing more) ... and then I fell hard for her again ... but didn't want to tell her. This happened one last time ... and the bottom line is ... your situation is incredibly awkward and there is no way to communicate consistently if communicating just pulls you back into strong feelings for the person. You have the right to withdraw and be distant and to NOT explain yourself. I finally just stopped talking to this woman ... been about a decade ... I'm sure she thinks I'm angry at her for something she did. No, the problem was, I kept falling in love with her. And btw: she was a great friend ... I mean ... I wasn't just crushing. The friendship was wonderful ... it's just I couldn't keep it there and she had no interest in more than the friendship. Sometimes I miss the friendship, but what can I do? I don't think it's my job to call her and say, "I stopped talking to you because I kept falling in love with you." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 21, 2020 Share Posted April 21, 2020 If she had a brain in her head, she knew why. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted April 21, 2020 Share Posted April 21, 2020 I know, Preraph! You would think so. This person had a high-level sophisticated job but was clueless about guys. She would pick destructive guys, then stew in bitterness over the inevitable destruction. I imagine she's past cluelessness now ... but she called me a few years after I stopped talking to her. She had thanked me in a major project she had completed but not mention of anything more. So, wouldn't surprise me if she truly were clueless ... but you're right: she probably cannot be clueless at this point. Maybe! Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted April 21, 2020 Share Posted April 21, 2020 It doesn't mean anything. You aren't really close and you aren't a priority in his life. And I can assure you he definitely knows you're interested. He's letting things die naturally, as they tend to do when relationships get serious. You have to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Luna66star Posted April 22, 2020 Author Share Posted April 22, 2020 We were not in a serious relationship, true, but I always try to be open in my communications except this time. How do you say to a casual male friend that you must stop talking to him because you have feelings? On the one hand, I want things to be clear as I have no idea what his thoughts were. I ask myself: did I handle this appropriately, given it was only casual? Was my behavior hurtful, disrespectful? On the other hand, in some cases some things are best left unsaid since we weren't that close. I struggle with tweeking that balance. For all I know, it might have left a sour taste in his mouth after all was said and done. Or, he didn't care either way. Hard to gauge. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 22, 2020 Share Posted April 22, 2020 I'd say to that casual male fried "I've been having some feelings towards you. I know it's not appropriate, so I must distance myself to do what's right" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Luna66star Posted April 22, 2020 Author Share Posted April 22, 2020 What you suggest sounds reasonable. Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted April 22, 2020 Share Posted April 22, 2020 I'm usually all about clearing the air, but I would advise against saying anything at all. It would be appropriate if you guys were close friends or if he was asking why you went AWOLD but neither of those are the case. If he hasn't initiated anything in two weeks he's almost certainly not thinking about it. My suggestion is to just continue laying low. Maybe in a few months your feelings will subside and you'll be able to see him; maybe they won't. But expressing your feelings right now will only make things uncomfortable, as well as confuse both him and his girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted April 23, 2020 Share Posted April 23, 2020 I think it's a complete waste of time--and a completely gratuitous slap at your ego--with no gain, no advantage, no benefit ... to tell this friend, who isn't even answering your texts with enthusiasm ... that you have developed feelings and want to stop. That just postpones the reckoning. You need to ... stop ... with only your permission ... now ... nothing to negotiate and no he is not owed and explanation. Your friend is attached, so he could easily find your confession to be a betrayal. I was trusting that we were friends. Damn, you've been wanting more and not telling me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Luna66star Posted April 23, 2020 Author Share Posted April 23, 2020 I certainly won't be bringing up this conversation. It's best to let it die which it has. Casual friendship that's all it was. Bit sad I can't put my feelings aside and handle casual friendships with men. It always ends in me getting way too attached for my own good. Even with single men friends I have had in the past. Possibly it is related to the fact my father was distant and remote with me as a child. No mother to speak eirher of as she left the family when I was 3 yrs old. Some people should never be parents. I applaud all the wonderful, caring parents who are out there though! Link to post Share on other sites
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