Hurt1234 Posted March 29, 2020 Share Posted March 29, 2020 I need advice. My bf and I have been dating for almost a year. Amazing man! I feel we are amazing together. Lately I have noticed he has been using Whatsapp more frequently (thanks to last online status) he never used to before. Today he was on and off all day, every 2 mins, 10 mins, 3 mins...alllll day. I saw him tonight and casually asked if he uses the app and he said no, not really. When we said our goodbyes to go to our own homes I checked his online status and he was on 1 min after he left me. I became obsessed with checking his status since I have come home and he is back to being on every few mins. How do I ask him again? He has already said he doesn't really use the app. I will look nuts (I feel I am) for checking his status so often but with good reasoning. I need to know if he is lying! Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 29, 2020 Share Posted March 29, 2020 I don't know anything about WhatsApp, but is there something to stop you from joining him on there? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted March 29, 2020 Share Posted March 29, 2020 (edited) It’s a messaging app that’s like AIM that some people still use for some strange reason even though we have text now. I always assume it’s for something shady because why wouldn’t you just text? Not sure, but best case scenario is that he is lying to you about it. Then again, if I was one of the people who used WhatsApp I’d probably hide it too(no offense, people who use WhatsApp) Just tell him you see him on WhatsApp often and what’s app with that ? Edited March 29, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 29, 2020 Author Share Posted March 29, 2020 Exactly..why not just text. Thankfully I can see this status because I wouldn't be able to on text. If I tell him I see him often..I'm stalking and he may turn around and blast me with having trust issues...which I do now! He may change his status so I dont see it then I cant 'monitir' it anymore. I may give it a few days and see how often he uses it then casually ask him again. If he says he doesnt I dont know how to handle that 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted March 29, 2020 Share Posted March 29, 2020 Why would it be stalking? Did he not give you his WhatsApp info? I thought it would shoW people online in a friends list or something... Regardkess, it’s clear you do not trust your bf, and trust is an integral part of a healthy relationship. Has he ever given you any other reason not to trust him? Link to post Share on other sites
Uptown182 Posted March 29, 2020 Share Posted March 29, 2020 6 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Why would it be stalking? Did he not give you his WhatsApp info? I thought it would shoW people online in a friends list or something... Regardkess, it’s clear you do not trust your bf, and trust is an integral part of a healthy relationship. Has he ever given you any other reason not to trust him? Yea I agree, he must know you’re on the app. I don’t think it would be like stalking if you tell him you noticed he was on a lot the other day. If after you confront him he changes his settings so you can’t see when he was last online then you’ll know for sure he’s hiding something. My bf and I both have WhatsApp we typically speak through text but occasionally send videos to each other on the app, since the video quality is better. So you could just say you wanted to send him a video and noticed he was on. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ccas93 Posted March 29, 2020 Share Posted March 29, 2020 54 minutes ago, Hurt1234 said: I need advice. My bf and I have been dating for almost a year. Amazing man! I feel we are amazing together. Lately I have noticed he has been using Whatsapp more frequently (thanks to last online status) he never used to before. Today he was on and off all day, every 2 mins, 10 mins, 3 mins...alllll day. I saw him tonight and casually asked if he uses the app and he said no, not really. When we said our goodbyes to go to our own homes I checked his online status and he was on 1 min after he left me. I became obsessed with checking his status since I have come home and he is back to being on every few mins. How do I ask him again? He has already said he doesn't really use the app. I will look nuts (I feel I am) for checking his status so often but with good reasoning. I need to know if he is lying! he has already lied to you. He told you he's "no, not really" on the app, which is a lie. You deserve to know the truth, IMO. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 29, 2020 Author Share Posted March 29, 2020 6 minutes ago, Uptown182 said: Yea I agree, he must know you’re on the app. I don’t think it would be like stalking if you tell him you noticed he was on a lot the other day. If after you confront him he changes his settings so you can’t see when he was last online then you’ll know for sure he’s hiding something. My bf and I both have WhatsApp we typically speak through text but occasionally send videos to each other on the app, since the video quality is better. So you could just say you wanted to send him a video and noticed he was on. Yes he knows I am on the app. I could very well use that excuse. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Uptown182 Posted March 29, 2020 Share Posted March 29, 2020 Also how long is “lately”? If it’s just the past day or so then he might not think he uses it much. Does he have friends or relatives in other countries? I know it’s common for people to communicate internationally on there 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 29, 2020 Author Share Posted March 29, 2020 (edited) 8 minutes ago, ccas93 said: he has already lied to you. He told you he's "no, not really" on the app, which is a lie. You deserve to know the truth, IMO. So just ask again and if he says he doesnt use it tell him I see him online often? What if he says there is a glitch in the system somewhere....a excuse a friend of mines ex boyfriend use to give her 🙄 How do I get to the bottom of it and find out the truth 😢 Edited March 29, 2020 by Hurt1234 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 29, 2020 Author Share Posted March 29, 2020 (edited) 2 minutes ago, Uptown182 said: Also how long is “lately”? If it’s just the past day or so then he might not think he uses it much. Does he have friends or relatives in other countries? I know it’s common for people to communicate internationally on there Recently was once a week or two then to every other day or so, today all day and when asked tonight, he said he doesn't use it. He could very well use it for overseas however his response tonight was I dont use it often Edited March 29, 2020 by Hurt1234 Link to post Share on other sites
ccas93 Posted March 29, 2020 Share Posted March 29, 2020 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Hurt1234 said: So just ask again and if he says he doesnt use it tell him I see him online often? What if he says there is a glitch in the system somewhere....a excuse a friend of mines ex boyfriend use to give her 🙄 yeah I think that would be up to you. It's your judgement call on much you're willing to interrogate, only accept the truth and not listen to his excuses. I can understand not wanting to play bad cop if you really like him and everything has been good so far. But still, he's been online a lot and is lying about it to you, which isn't good no matter what angle you're coming from. Edited March 29, 2020 by ccas93 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 29, 2020 Author Share Posted March 29, 2020 1 minute ago, ccas93 said: yeah I think that would be up to you. It's your judgement call on much you're willing to interrogate, only accept the truth and not listen to his excuses. Truth is he was on all day and said he didnt use it much. It is driving me nuts tonight and he is still on and offline. Ugh. I'll give it a few days and see if this becomes a habit, if so I will need to question again if he uses the app. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 29, 2020 Author Share Posted March 29, 2020 He has never given me reason to not trust him, I have my own insecurities with trust but I feel like he lied today and feel crazy for stalking his online status. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Uptown182 Posted March 29, 2020 Share Posted March 29, 2020 7 minutes ago, Hurt1234 said: So just ask again and if he says he doesnt use it tell him I see him online often? What if he says there is a glitch in the system somewhere....a excuse a friend of mines ex boyfriend use to give her 🙄 How do I get to the bottom of it and find out the truth 😢 I mean I’d ask him when you’re together and if he insists there’s nothing going on he can just hand you his phone to prove it. I don’t that WhatsApp has a known glitch like Facebook does. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ccas93 Posted March 29, 2020 Share Posted March 29, 2020 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Hurt1234 said: Truth is he was on all day and said he didnt use it much. It is driving me nuts tonight and he is still on and offline. Ugh. I'll give it a few days and see if this becomes a habit, if so I will need to question again if he uses the app. Yeah and honestly what sucks about apps that show activity, is that they can mess with people's heads needlessly. There are a lot of apps he could be using to communicate with people that you'd never know about. Like if you flip the situation, maybe he'd be alarmed at how much time you spend on IG if he could see it (hypothetically speaking) thinking you're DMing dudes Edited March 29, 2020 by ccas93 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 29, 2020 Author Share Posted March 29, 2020 32 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Why would it be stalking? Did he not give you his WhatsApp info? I thought it would shoW people online in a friends list or something... Regardkess, it’s clear you do not trust your bf, and trust is an integral part of a healthy relationship. Has he ever given you any other reason not to trust him? May be stalking because I keep checking...doing it because it is obvious he uses it Link to post Share on other sites
Uptown182 Posted March 29, 2020 Share Posted March 29, 2020 8 minutes ago, Hurt1234 said: Recently was once a week or two then to every other day or so, today all day and when asked tonight, he said he doesn't use it. He could very well use it for overseas however his response tonight was I dont use it often I use it once or twice a day a few times a week, but I think if someone asked me if I use it often I’d probably say not really. Sounds like he just started using it more frequently. Could be totally innocent but worth asking about, however if he’s never given you reason to doubt him before don’t lose sleep over it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ccas93 Posted March 29, 2020 Share Posted March 29, 2020 1 minute ago, Uptown182 said: I use it once or twice a day a few times a week, but I think if someone asked me if I use it often I’d probably say not really. Sounds like he just started using it more frequently. Could be totally innocent but worth asking about, however if he’s never given you reason to doubt him before don’t lose sleep over it. This could totally be the case with him as well Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 29, 2020 Share Posted March 29, 2020 30 minutes ago, Hurt1234 said: Yes he knows I am on the app. I could very well use that excuse. Thank you. Write him on WhatsApp. That will fluster him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 29, 2020 Author Share Posted March 29, 2020 27 minutes ago, Uptown182 said: I mean I’d ask him when you’re together and if he insists there’s nothing going on he can just hand you his phone to prove it. I don’t that WhatsApp has a known glitch like Facebook does. We have never had the need to look at one anothers phone. We never have. There was always trust. This threw me off. I asked and he said he doesnt use it, but clearly did today. Thank you, everyone here is so supportive 💝 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 29, 2020 Author Share Posted March 29, 2020 28 minutes ago, ccas93 said: Yeah and honestly what sucks about apps that show activity, is that they can mess with people's heads needlessly. There are a lot of apps he could be using to communicate with people that you'd never know about. Like if you flip the situation, maybe he'd be alarmed at how much time you spend on IG if he could see it (hypothetically speaking) thinking you're DMing dudes This is true with other apps and sites but whatsapp is strictly chat and video calling. No surfing the web there..that is what throws me off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 29, 2020 Author Share Posted March 29, 2020 50 minutes ago, Uptown182 said: Yea I agree, he must know you’re on the app. I don’t think it would be like stalking if you tell him you noticed he was on a lot the other day. If after you confront him he changes his settings so you can’t see when he was last online then you’ll know for sure he’s hiding something. My bf and I both have WhatsApp we typically speak through text but occasionally send videos to each other on the app, since the video quality is better. So you could just say you wanted to send him a video and noticed he was on. If he was smart he would just move on to another app to chat on 🤷♀️ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 29, 2020 Author Share Posted March 29, 2020 30 minutes ago, Uptown182 said: I use it once or twice a day a few times a week, but I think if someone asked me if I use it often I’d probably say not really. Sounds like he just started using it more frequently. Could be totally innocent but worth asking about, however if he’s never given you reason to doubt him before don’t lose sleep over it. Thank you, no he has never given me reason. I assumed he would say something like not often but I used it today to talk to so and so...it could very well be innocent but a chat app all day when you normally use regular text smells kind of funny to me. You have all been so supportive 💝 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 29, 2020 Share Posted March 29, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, Hurt1234 said: I need advice. My bf and I have been dating for almost a year. Amazing man! I feel we are amazing together. Lately I have noticed he has been using Whatsapp more frequently (thanks to last online status) he never used to before. Today he was on and off all day, every 2 mins, 10 mins, 3 mins...alllll day. I saw him tonight and casually asked if he uses the app and he said no, not really. When we said our goodbyes to go to our own homes I checked his online status and he was on 1 min after he left me. I became obsessed with checking his status since I have come home and he is back to being on every few mins. How do I ask him again? He has already said he doesn't really use the app. I will look nuts (I feel I am) for checking his status so often but with good reasoning. I need to know if he is lying! You already know he's lying--you don't need him to look you in the face and lie about it some more and cop an attitude. The question is: are you ready to end your relationship by the end of the weekend? While he may have a legitimate reason for using the app, more likely he's talking to someone else. Take a screenshot of his activity on the app and send it to him and tell him this doesn't look like "not really". Be prepared for your relationship to end in that moment. The easy thing to do, if he wasn't up to something he couldn't let you see, is to say to you "yeah, I'm talking to whomever" and not play you out by saying "not really" when, as you say, 1 minute after leaving your side, he was on the app. Quote but a chat app all day when you normally use regular text smells kind of funny to me. that is your gut telling you there's a disturbance in the force Edited March 29, 2020 by kendahke 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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