elaine567 Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 12 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: If he's totally innocent, he will come begging back to you If he's totally guilty, he may do the same... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 30, 2020 Author Share Posted March 30, 2020 On 3/28/2020 at 11:43 PM, kendahke said: and there will be your answer. You'll have caught him out in a lie. Question is: do you want to be with a liar? No I do not, innocent texting another woman is fine but I know he lied ugh I have NO idea if their texting was innocent or not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 30, 2020 Author Share Posted March 30, 2020 On 3/29/2020 at 12:56 AM, SummerDreams said: How did you notice he was on this app? It was a wrong question to ask. You should have said, I saw you on this app these days, anything I should know? Now he lied and you accepted it and it's done. The only way to correct this is be up front: you said you don't use it but I checked 3-4 times today and you are on it every time I checked so this makes me uncomfortable. The time frame that we were together his activity was online twice, that's because we checked his phone together. Drives me nuts that is activity with Skyrocket for a few days and stops while with me.. .really? a glitch in the system? I Know he is lying. Walking away is tough but I know it needs to be done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 30, 2020 Author Share Posted March 30, 2020 On 3/29/2020 at 9:18 AM, RedOlive said: Sorry about your predicament, OP. Even if your “amazing” boyfriend is not doing anything shady on WhatsApp, it is very telling of his character that he is lying to you. Yes, it is possible he is just keeping tabs on relatives and responds to family members in another country... if so, he is a “fine print” liar. Let me explain. I’m with an “amazing” boyfriend who is this type of liar. We are not going to get into why I’m still with him, but I have years invested in this relationship now. Anyway, I can imagine that I would catch him on a lie like this and somehow found a way to press him about it, and his excuse would be :”Oh, I NORMALLY, never use WhatsApp, only to keep communication with family during the pandemic. I though you were asking about the regular times”. Let me tell you, it’s very difficult to live with a person like that. Everything they tell you is questioned and needs to be vetted for “fine print”. You are only a year in, I would consider getting to the bottom of this so you can make a choice if this type of relationship is acceptable to you. I do agree, only I can make that decision. I have become insecure due to this. I do know he loves and cares for me but is he doing something Unfaithful behind my back...no idea. Was it innocent chat...no idea. Did he lie about being on the app and refuse to show me all messages...yes. We were perfect in so many ways and now this has screwed me over. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 12 minutes ago, elaine567 said: If he's totally guilty, he may do the same... Yes, true! ... Which is why, I think with extreme rare exceptions, it' s best to Never let a lie early on go ... best not to forgive a liar or cheater if you're not married. Liars take "forgiving" to to mean no consequences. You forgive them, a liar's mind doesn't go to gratitude and humility. Their mind goes to "Just two weeks of tension. I can deal with that." And then they're off to lying again. And liars are fine with faking humility and regret in the first place. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Uptown182 Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 1 hour ago, Hurt1234 said: No I do not, innocent texting another woman is fine but I know he lied ugh I have NO idea if their texting was innocent or not. The fact that he didn’t show you his exchange with her signifies it’s not innocent. Ugh I’m sorry this happened to you, is he trying to contact you? Or you went your separate ways and you haven’t heard from him since? I know everyone is telling you to dump him, and they’re probably right, I also know it’s ways easier said than done. If he does contact you and you entertain the possibility of working it out, I wouldn’t move forward until he comes clean about the woman he was messaging with. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 30, 2020 Author Share Posted March 30, 2020 1 hour ago, Uptown182 said: The fact that he didn’t show you his exchange with her signifies it’s not innocent. Ugh I’m sorry this happened to you, is he trying to contact you? Or you went your separate ways and you haven’t heard from him since? I know everyone is telling you to dump him, and they’re probably right, I also know it’s ways easier said than done. If he does contact you and you entertain the possibility of working it out, I wouldn’t move forward until he comes clean about the woman he was messaging with. Hi, he messaged last night and said he was sorry that I do not trust him or his word...that I mean the world to him..he wouldn't jeopardize us..I know I should have ignored his message but I responded a few hours later with 'I don't know what to think or feel at the moment' and thats the truth. I'm a mess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 30, 2020 Author Share Posted March 30, 2020 2 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said: Yes, true! ... Which is why, I think with extreme rare exceptions, it' s best to Never let a lie early on go ... best not to forgive a liar or cheater if you're not married. Liars take "forgiving" to to mean no consequences. You forgive them, a liar's mind doesn't go to gratitude and humility. Their mind goes to "Just two weeks of tension. I can deal with that." And then they're off to lying again. And liars are fine with faking humility and regret in the first place. I agree, this is a first for me and us. I don't know how to deal. I don't want to lose him however my only thoughts since yesterday is him messaging another woman. I can't stop driving myself crazy over it. Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 8 hours ago, Hurt1234 said: UPDATE: I confronted him face to face. I showed him the screenshots of his activity online, he said he spoke to guys in a group that morning. I asked to explain his afternoon activity right up until he met me, he said he has no idea that I can't go by these social media apps they aren't always accurate. I asked to see his phone, it was an arguement but he did. When he opened Whatsapp I did see the top unread message with a womans photo on it but could not read the message as he scrolled down to hide the top message and show his group chat with his guy friends. He said he didn't scroll, not hiding anything and wouldn't show me again. We went our separate ways and he deleted his Whatsapp as he is no longer on my list....like you'r not talking to her through regular text now??? I'm not stupid and I am devastated! SO sorry. You did what you needed to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 1 minute ago, Hurt1234 said: I agree, this is a first for me and us. I don't know how to deal. I don't want to lose him however my only thoughts since yesterday is him messaging another woman. I can't stop driving myself crazy over it. The first time or the 5th time, this needs your full attention. There is a reason why he is looking elsewhere. Talk about that! Why is he looking elsewhere? Talk about what is missing in the relationship that has led him to this...talk! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 30, 2020 Author Share Posted March 30, 2020 1 minute ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: SO sorry. You did what you needed to. He denied it all. I can't handle that. Even if it was in an innocent chat, he never openly admitted it 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 30, 2020 Author Share Posted March 30, 2020 1 minute ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: The first time or the 5th time, this needs your full attention. There is a reason why he is looking elsewhere. Talk about that! Why is he looking elsewhere? Talk about what is missing in the relationship that has led him to this...talk! We are amazing with communication. He says he is not looking elsewhere so now what do I say to that? I can't keep accusing. Sadly, I need to either believe him and get over it or walk away. Both are difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilie Jolie Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 (edited) This is a strange one. I use whatsapp all the time, that's where all my group chats are and I find it super convenient. I've set my privacy features so no one can tell when I used the app last. I'm not shady, but I had a crazy ass jealous, paranoid ex who would track my every move so now I know better. I'm sure your guy knows of this feature; so either he's not cheating (doubtful), or he is a next level mental case or he's not thought this through at all. Either way, best thing you can do is to follow your guts. Edited March 30, 2020 by Emilie Jolie 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Uptown182 Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 (edited) 25 minutes ago, Hurt1234 said: We are amazing with communication. He says he is not looking elsewhere so now what do I say to that? I can't keep accusing. Sadly, I need to either believe him and get over it or walk away. Both are difficult. Sorry if I missed it, but did you tell him you saw the message from the girl?? And also, I don’t want to make you doubt yourself but are you positive you saw him scroll by a message from a girl? If so, I think you need to just flat out tell him that there’s not way you can move forward unless he admits to it. If he really loves you and he’s afraid of losing you, he’ll admit to it Edited March 30, 2020 by Uptown182 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 30, 2020 Author Share Posted March 30, 2020 10 minutes ago, Uptown182 said: Sorry if I missed it, but did you tell him you saw the message from the girl?? And also, I don’t want to make you doubt yourself but are you positive you saw him scroll by a message from a girl? If so, I think you need to just flat out tell him that there’s not way you can move forward unless he admits to it. If he really loves you and he’s afraid of losing you, he’ll admit to it I saw that the top message was a picture of a girl and the msg was unread. He says that message just came in a little while ago however I could not see time stamp on it as I did not have the phone in my hand. I have asked him to admit it, phone record is there of him on and off the chat app, he says he was chatting with his guy friends at those times and says it is no where near accurate (it was an app that I downloaded so not sure how accurate the app actually is) After all his denial I do not think he will admit if I ask again..then he would look like a liar after denying it since yesterday. Ugh..so frustrating Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 30, 2020 Author Share Posted March 30, 2020 21 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said: This is a strange one. I use whatsapp all the time, that's where all my group chats are and I find it super convenient. I've set my privacy features so no one can tell when I used the app last. I'm not shady, but I had a crazy ass jealous, paranoid ex who would track my every move so now I know better. I'm sure your guy knows of this feature; so either he's not cheating (doubtful), or he is a next level mental case or he's not thought this through at all. Either way, best thing you can do is to follow your guts. I do not think he knew about the last seen feature..since then he deleted the Whatsapp so that my mind doesn't wander and believe he is doing anything wrong. I know you can easily chat elsewhere so that didn't help ease my mind. He wants to put this behind us and move forward and just trust him but how do I do that now?!?! Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 Sounds like you don’t trust him. Where did that come from? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 30, 2020 Author Share Posted March 30, 2020 1 hour ago, Uptown182 said: The fact that he didn’t show you his exchange with her signifies it’s not innocent. Ugh I’m sorry this happened to you, is he trying to contact you? Or you went your separate ways and you haven’t heard from him since? I know everyone is telling you to dump him, and they’re probably right, I also know it’s ways easier said than done. If he does contact you and you entertain the possibility of working it out, I wouldn’t move forward until he comes clean about the woman he was messaging with. He said he has always proved everything to me in the past. If a message cones through he says who it is, tells me where he goes and what he is doing. This time he said he is putting his foot down and not giving in..I said even if its to save us? And he said no...you mean the world to me and need to just trust my word like he trusts mine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 30, 2020 Author Share Posted March 30, 2020 3 minutes ago, Malin889 said: Sounds like you don’t trust him. Where did that come from? Just recently when I noticed he was on and off a chat app, noticed a womans msg on his chat. Thats when it started. Just a few days ago Link to post Share on other sites
Emilie Jolie Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 (edited) Like you said, you either trust him or you don't. Walking away is hard for sure but it looks like you're past the point of believing what he says anyway. Edited March 30, 2020 by Emilie Jolie 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 On 3/29/2020 at 10:04 AM, Hurt1234 said: Thank you for your thoughts. Will it seem crazy if I send a screenshot or allow him to know I have been monitoring his activity? Do I look like the insecure girlfriend? At the moment I am! Here's the thing: he made you an insecure girlfriend by not telling you the truth up front--don't forget that. It was really too easy to just tell the truth and say "Yeah, I use it quite a lot." That didn't require him saying anything that would lead you to believe he's chasing someone else--but him lying about it and thinking that you weren't owed the truth is a huge problem. I think it would be better to ask him how he would feel if you looked in his face and lied about something he already knew the truth about. How would he consider you going forward knowing that? Then let him crunch the algebra and see what next comes out of his mouth. It's really easy to throw this on you and try to make you the wrong one when had he just told the truth when asked, none of this would be taking place. Again, I have to ask: do you really want to be with a liar? What else has he lulled you into a false sense of security over? This is why lying is such a destructive and unnecessary action. If thing are above board, one would cop to it easily and have right on their side. Him trying to make you out to be the wrong one is him knowing right ain't no where to be found on his side. Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 Like someone else said, either he is innocently unfamiliar with the technology he is using or not cheating. I had not idea that you can 'see' the actual conversations the person is having. Wouldn't this only be possible if all parties in question were in the same group chat? So, he accidentally added this mystery lady to the group chat? I could be wrong. I haven't seen any reason to use WhatsApp when I have my own default, native texting app. Link to post Share on other sites
Uptown182 Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 15 minutes ago, Hurt1234 said: He said he has always proved everything to me in the past. If a message cones through he says who it is, tells me where he goes and what he is doing. This time he said he is putting his foot down and not giving in..I said even if its to save us? And he said no...you mean the world to me and need to just trust my word like he trusts mine. So you’ve doubted him before? Or you’re saying he’s just been upfront about everything thus far? Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 4 hours ago, Hurt1234 said: No I do not, innocent texting another woman is fine but I know he lied ugh I have NO idea if their texting was innocent or not. and remember, he couldn't let 10 minutes pass when he left you that night and was on the app. that woman is more than just "another woman", else he wouldn't have gone to such lengths to hide her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 2 minutes ago, Uptown182 said: So you’ve doubted him before? Or you’re saying he’s just been upfront about everything thus far? That jumped out at me a little, too. You say he's always told you when he got a message, who it was from, where he was going on and so on. Is this information he's just casually volunteering, or because you asked him about these things? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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