SummerDreams Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 How old are you two? Link to post Share on other sites
Emilie Jolie Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 (edited) 26 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: I had not idea that you can 'see' the actual conversations the person is having. You can't. Unless you're in a group chat, you can only see when the app's been used last, and that's only when your settings are set on public. Whatsapp automatically recognises the numbers on your contact list so you can contact anyone who has the app as easily as you can send a text. When you use it for group chats or video calls, you may as well use it for all your comms. It's really super handy. You can also tell whether and when your messages have been received and when they've been read. Honestly using whatsapp in itself is no sign of shadiness. This guy however either lied to cover his ass or he omitted some info to spare himself a huge headache. Which he is getting anyway by the looks of it. OP has chosen the path on not trusting him regardless. As an internet random, I can't tell OP which way to go. All I can see is that she doesn't trust him. Which is not a good sign, either justified or not. Edited March 30, 2020 by Emilie Jolie 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 44 minutes ago, Hurt1234 said: he says he was chatting with his guy friends at those times and says it is no where near accurate sorry no... those records are quite accurate. How in the world would Whatsapp not fix their timestamp considering how many millions of people use their encryption features for those messages? That makes no sense except to a liar whose fat is in the fire. and if he was chatting with guy friends at those times, why not just say that initially instead of saying he hardly uses it? He's like all liars-getting caught up in the web of lack of continuity in his story. You pull one string and he's busy like a spider trying to mend that unraveling string. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 (edited) 30 minutes ago, kendahke said: and remember, he couldn't let 10 minutes pass when he left you that night and was on the app. that woman is more than just "another woman", else he wouldn't have gone to such lengths to hide her. And what man lies about texting with their boys if there was no reason to? If he was texting that much with them, why wait until he dropped you off to get back to it? Why wasn't he texting them in front of you? Edited March 30, 2020 by kendahke 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 17 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said: You can't. Unless you're in a group chat, you can only see when the app's been used last, and that's only when your settings are set on public. Whatsapp automatically recognises the numbers on your contact list so you can contact anyone who has the app as easily as you can send a text. When you use it for group chats or video calls, you may as well use it for all your comms. It's really super handy. You can also tell whether and when your messages have been received and when they've been read. Honestly using whatsapp in itself is no sign of shadiness. This guy however either lied to cover his ass or he omitted some info to spare himself a huge headache. Which he is getting anyway by the looks of it. OP has chosen the path on not trusting him regardless. As an internet random, I can't tell OP which way to go. All I can see is that she doesn't trust him. Which is not a good sign, either justified or not. 👍🏾 Okay. I thought she said that she indicated that she could "see" that he was communicating with a woman. I must have misread that and thought it was while he was online. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 Sorry you're going through this, OP. Whatever you decide, do NOT back down about you know he's been lying to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilie Jolie Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 5 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: 👍🏾 Okay. I thought she said that she indicated that she could "see" that he was communicating with a woman. I must have misread that and thought it was while he was online. I read it as she took screenshots of his timeline so she could prove to him how often he was using the app, then they looked at his phone together. That's where she caught a glimpse of him chatting with a random woman. The only thing to say is that once the trust is gone (for whatever reason), all hell breaks loose. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 5 hours ago, Hurt1234 said: No I do not, innocent texting another woman is fine but I know he lied ugh I have NO idea if their texting was innocent or not. It doesn't matter if it was innocent or not. His blatant lies about not using the app are reason enough to dump him. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 girl, let’s put this together 1. weird app activity 2. lying about it/hiding it using app 3. seeing a mysterious woman on said app 4. hiding/won’t let you messages to said woman Doesn’t take much to figure this one out. The denial is strong in this thread... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 (edited) Telling you to put this behind you is a fantastic sleight of hand evasion on his part, as slick and sly as any magician's card trick. Really slick wording ... because it sounds (if you don't really listen) that he's contrite ... sounds like he's being sincere and open. But look at the words and he's showing zero contrition. He still hasn't owned up to lying. You are not a mess. You are in pain from being betrayed and losing trust. You're stunned, disoriented, confusing. That's the normal, healthy way to feel when something like this happens. It's like the earth has moved and you no longer have your bearings. You're in agony ... because you like him and part of you wants to pretend this hasn't happened ... but the other part of you knows he lied to you. Stop apologizing for being in agony over being lied to! The question is why isn't HE a mess? Well he's not because he's apparently a very good and fluent and confident liar. Nothing's wrong with you. You're supposed to be in agony. But go ahead and dump this guy. And don't explain. It's not your job to explain. Explain only if doing so makes YOU feel better and stronger. BTW, I can't help but wonder if you've noticed him lying in the past ... and you simply gave him a pass. When that happens we really feel hurt. Edited March 30, 2020 by Lotsgoingon 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilie Jolie Posted March 31, 2020 Share Posted March 31, 2020 This can be a good confidence-booster for you in the long run, Hurt1234. You managed to deal with it in a fairly swift timescale, all things considered. In a matter of days, you went from getting weird vibes off of him to turning CIA pro to confronting him straight up. You now need to follow through. You may never get the answer you seek, and there may not be any, but it's less about whatever he's said or done and more about your emotional stability. If you give him the benefit of the doubt, do you trust yourself not to gradually question his whereabouts, track his phone activities, ask yourself what he's doing, obsess about this random woman, etc? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 31, 2020 Author Share Posted March 31, 2020 9 hours ago, kendahke said: Here's the thing: he made you an insecure girlfriend by not telling you the truth up front--don't forget that. It was really too easy to just tell the truth and say "Yeah, I use it quite a lot." That didn't require him saying anything that would lead you to believe he's chasing someone else--but him lying about it and thinking that you weren't owed the truth is a huge problem. I think it would be better to ask him how he would feel if you looked in his face and lied about something he already knew the truth about. How would he consider you going forward knowing that? Then let him crunch the algebra and see what next comes out of his mouth. It's really easy to throw this on you and try to make you the wrong one when had he just told the truth when asked, none of this would be taking place. Again, I have to ask: do you really want to be with a liar? What else has he lulled you into a false sense of security over? This is why lying is such a destructive and unnecessary action. If thing are above board, one would cop to it easily and have right on their side. Him trying to make you out to be the wrong one is him knowing right ain't no where to be found on his side. I asked him today if the roles were reversed and he said he would take my word for it. I asked how he could lie to my face that I had the activity log and all he said was he is not lying, the activity log is incorrect with how many times he was online and the woman on his first chat had just messaged him that it was not a conversation he was in the middle of. I have no concrete evidence that he was on and off the app chatting with her as he did not show me the message. I am at a dead end with this 🤷♀️ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 31, 2020 Author Share Posted March 31, 2020 9 hours ago, Uptown182 said: So you’ve doubted him before? Or you’re saying he’s just been upfront about everything thus far? I questioned once before on his whereabouts, he proved it with photos. I questioned an ex calling him a few months back and he openly had a conversation with her with me by his side. That was his 'proving' to me nothing is going on. This last time he said he had to put his foot down and I have to learn to trust him and take his word for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 31, 2020 Author Share Posted March 31, 2020 8 hours ago, preraph said: Sorry you're going through this, OP. Whatever you decide, do NOT back down about you know he's been lying to you. He says I have no evidence that he was talking to a woman on whatsapp and denies he was. He was on there with his group chat. However his story changed from I was on this morning to I checked the group chat a few times. When I confronted him about the story changing...it turned to him raising his voice telling me to figure out what I want if I dont want this anymore 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 31, 2020 Author Share Posted March 31, 2020 9 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: That jumped out at me a little, too. You say he's always told you when he got a message, who it was from, where he was going on and so on. Is this information he's just casually volunteering, or because you asked him about these things? Usually volunteer when we are in each others company or will tell me if he goes out somewhere Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 31, 2020 Share Posted March 31, 2020 5 minutes ago, Hurt1234 said: He says I have no evidence that he was talking to a woman on whatsapp and denies he was. Do you always need evidence of wrong doing to break up with someone? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted March 31, 2020 Share Posted March 31, 2020 What do you expect him to say? He's gonna deny. Why are you wasting time with these questions? Liars enjoy these kinds of questions. Time to believe your gut that is screaming betrayal. And here we get to the real issue: you don't trust your own judgment. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 31, 2020 Share Posted March 31, 2020 @Hurt1234, I don't know where your username came from, but if it's in response to being hurt in relationships - then you're about to land yourself in another world of hurt if you don't change your approach. You can dump a person for any reason. A good reason, a bad reason, a wrong reason or no reason at all. They don't have to agree with you. They might be telling you that you're crazy. But if you feel a relationship is wrong, trust your gut and walk away with your head held high. This is how self esteem works. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 31, 2020 Author Share Posted March 31, 2020 9 hours ago, SummerDreams said: How old are you two? 44 me 38 he Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 31, 2020 Share Posted March 31, 2020 5 hours ago, Hurt1234 said: When I confronted him about the story changing...it turned to him raising his voice telling me to figure out what I want if I dont want this anymore You caught him out on his lie and he knew he had no credible explanation, so he had to try to shut you up. You can't talk rationally when someone raises their voice. He thus escaped your cross examination and put the blame back on you. "Its not my fault that you don't trust me..." 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 31, 2020 Share Posted March 31, 2020 5 hours ago, Hurt1234 said: I asked him today if the roles were reversed and he said he would take my word for it. It's usually pointless to ask someone who is lying how they would feel if the roles were revered. Of course they're going to tell you they would trust you, simply because that supports their own agenda. It doesn't mean he actually would practice what he preaches. He's just covering his own skin here. Whatever he may or may not have been doing on What's App, it is clear he isn't being honest with you and you consequently don't trust him. It's time to end it and move on from each other. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 31, 2020 Author Share Posted March 31, 2020 6 hours ago, S2B said: If he isn’t doing everything in his power to make you feel secure... then I wouldn’t stay with a guy who doesn’t seem trustworthy. trust is earned. He isn’t earning it. I’d dump him - without giving any reason - he knows why. you don’t owe him any explanations - if you give one just say “this isn’t working for me” He's never done anything to make me feel insecure. We have had a great relationship. This is the first time I have had concerns with his online activity and the msg from another women that I did not read, gives me doubts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 31, 2020 Author Share Posted March 31, 2020 1 hour ago, elaine567 said: You caught him out on his lie and he knew he had no credible explanation, so he had to try to shut you up. You can't talk rationally when someone raises their voice. He thus escaped your cross examination and put the blame back on you. "Its not my fault that you don't trust me..." I know he is lying, it is why he would not show me his phone and when he did try to hide that one message. Its enough evidence for me and so many others on here...why am I having such a hard time saying goodbye. I want to trust and believe him so badly thats why. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hurt1234 Posted March 31, 2020 Author Share Posted March 31, 2020 15 hours ago, kendahke said: And what man lies about texting with their boys if there was no reason to? If he was texting that much with them, why wait until he dropped you off to get back to it? Why wasn't he texting them in front of you? I know he did not respond in front of me because that was the day I approached him with it and the argument was heated. Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted March 31, 2020 Share Posted March 31, 2020 8 hours ago, Hurt1234 said: I questioned once before on his whereabouts, he proved it with photos. I questioned an ex calling him a few months back and he openly had a conversation with her with me by his side. That was his 'proving' to me nothing is going on. This last time he said he had to put his foot down and I have to learn to trust him and take his word for it. I have no idea what's actually happening now, but the stuff above is not good, OP. He had to prove his whereabouts with photos? I don't know why you put "proving" in quotes, because it seems like that's exactly what you forced him to do. Something is seriously wrong here. Trust is fundamental to any relationship. If he's inherently untrustworthy, you need to leave. If you're inherently unable to trust, that's something you need to work on before you embark on a new relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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