Talking/dating stage during the coronavirus

[Lamron300]

Hi,

As everyone knows, this pandemic is going around and a lot of places are on lockdown. Here in London, we are on lockdown and can only leave house for essential shopping or medical needs. I therefore haven't been using any dating apps, just taking to girls on Whatsapp I knew before the lockdown started.

The negative effect of this is I feel like I can't really get to the point. Talking behind a phone is different to talking in real life face to face. One of the girls I'm talking to takes ages and ages to reply on whatsapp, it will say she's online but not replying. This could be because she is video calling a friend or who knows or it could be because she is uninterested. When she replies she seems receptive to meeting up when this is over and has suggested maybe we can video call one day. These things seem trivial but with this major lockdown theres very little to do, apart from watch tv/read so these things play on my mind a bit more. I don't know much about her intentions/her background. I made a joke about how I would have probably chatted to her a lot in school and then she said hahah she wasn't interested in boys till late into her teens. This made me very cautious as she's from a different ethnic background and perhaps her parents are very strict on dating. We talk fine/she asks a lot of questions not just talk about herself, but talking is pointless if its just talking for the sake of it. She doesn't really flirt apart from saying she likes my pictures.

What I'm trying to say is, how can you find out if someone is a 'timewaster'. I am very laidback in nature and not pushy, but I hate being taken for a ride. An example is back in February, I arranged a date with a girl (she would video chat me/text 24/7) I texted her how are you the day before the date...she ignored. Then on the day of the date she texted me at 8.30pm to say sorry she has had so much going on and just needs to be with a friend that day. I just said ok I hope whatever it is gets sorted out. We never talked again after that. She had plenty of time to just text one word that she didn't want to meet/couldn't as I had cancelled plans for her, but she didn't. There are people who are very happy to talk/have attention but don't want to date and with this lockdown going to be around 3 months, I don't want to talk for 3 months to find out they are a timewaster.

[Miss Spider]

To answer your question: you really can’t. I got so bored last week that I went in and took everyone I had off of block on my phone. It was like  100 people lol, but anyway. , I reached out to some that were guys I used to talk to and to my surprise I got some random messages from the same. Do I have any intention on dating these people again? Absolutely not, or I would not have blocked them initially. I’m just saying I’m enjoying having someone to flirt/chat with. Low investment and alleviates boredom. Idle hands make you do funny things. 
 

Point being, don’t  invest any more than you can afford to lose because the truth is when this is over,  a lot of these people you’re talking to will drop off as they get back to normal life. Enjoy the conversation and connection  for what it is and maybe it will turn to something later,, maybe not. 

Edited March 29, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Lamron300]

25 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

To answer your question: you really can’t. I got so bored last week that I went in and took everyone I had off of block on my phone. It was like  100 people lol, but anyway. , I reached out to some that were guys I used to talk to and to my surprise I got some random messages from the same. Do I have any intention on dating these people again? Absolutely not, or I would not have blocked them initially. I’m just saying I’m enjoying having someone to flirt/chat with. Low investment and alleviates boredom. Idle hands make you do funny things. 
 

 

If I can ask, why did you block them? why bother chatting to them if you have no interest in them? I'm not disputing/arguing your logic, just curious.

I don't want any contact with women who aren't interested or I'm not interested in. It creates distrust/bitterness and some weirdo guys may turn violent/aggressive towards a woman who they perceive to be humiliating them.

But I guess you're right, you don't/can't know if someone is a timewaster. 

[Miss Spider]

Various reasons, most that I am proud of. Rarely did they do something that most would agree warranted it,  I just used to have very bad confrontation skills and to not have to deal with talking with them/dealing with the situation , I made it go away with a block. I am not like this anymore and These are blocks going back years and include people I haven’t even met from OLD. chatting.
 

But yes, these are times where you have good excuses to put off meeting, so rife with people with no intention to meet, as others have said. Just talking out of boredom. Many places are on lockdown. Women often flirt with men they don’t have interest in. We can debate the wisdom of doing so, but it nevertheless happens all the time.  Also, you have to consider that interest is a scale. She may like you a little, but not enough to pursue anything beyond the textlationship you guys have going on. Doesn’t mean she’s 100% not into it or even purposefully misleading you. E.g. one guy I took off block I was kind of lukewarm about after our first date but I’m talking to him because he was cool and it’s not like I’m going to be going out and meeting anyone new right now...
 

 

Edited March 29, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Miss Spider]

Oops I meant not proud of lol. 

[dangerous]

4 hours ago, Lamron300 said:

If I can ask, why did you block them? why bother chatting to them if you have no interest in them? I'm not disputing/arguing your logic, just curious.

I don't want any contact with women who aren't interested or I'm not interested in. It creates distrust/bitterness and some weirdo guys may turn violent/aggressive towards a woman who they perceive to be humiliating them.

But I guess you're right, you don't/can't know if someone is a timewaster. 

In this example, Cookies is a time-waster for someone like you. This kind of disparity of objectives between people is crucual and will grow in this time of crisis. Get real: you cannot date in a virtual lockdown world!

[smackie9]

As I always say, if it doesn’t feel right then it’s not. Simply move on. 
 

how to know if someone is wasting your time? When things are not fluid, when they are not receptive to your advances, don’t reciprocate, don’t respond or react the way you expect.....it’s a no brainer this girl isn’t into you in a romantic sense. 

[Miss Spider]

1 minute ago, smackie9 said:

As I always say, if it doesn’t feel right then it’s not. Simply move on. 
 

how to know if someone is wasting your time? When things are not fluid, when they are not receptive to your advances, don’t reciprocate, don’t respond or react the way you expect.....it’s a no brainer this girl isn’t into you in a romantic sense. 

Well that’s the issue in these times,,, it’s hard to know if someone is just not receptive to your advances or not responding normally because They aren’t into you or because of the pandemic ..

[smackie9]

If someone is really interested, pandemic or not, they will have np showing it. 

[stillafool]

6 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Well that’s the issue in these times,,, it’s hard to know if someone is just not receptive to your advances or not responding normally because They aren’t into you or because of the pandemic ..

It's definitely giving the emotionally unavailable a real excuse not to reply or follow up.

[Els]

If you are concerned about the possibility of having your "time wasted" in talking to someone over the phone, this is a bad time to be dating. Spend your time on other things instead for the time being IMO.

[Lotsgoingon]

Love and lust and desire and passion survive wars, trauma, death camps, political terror, tyranny, torture, the black plague. The idea that someone will not have interest in you "because" of the current pandemic misreads human history.  We wouldn't have a alive species called "humans" if bad times blocked romance.

So ... the answer is that she is not interested ... now, you can qualify this ... by saying she is not interested right now.  So yes, some people are likely withdrawing from social interaction, but that can't last and won't last ... Humans are endlessly creatively and resilient when it comes to romance and sex. 

Leave her alone for now ... if you want, you can check back in a few months ... but likely if she is interested, she would reach out to you when she comes out of isolation. 

 

 

[Miss Spider]

 

25 minutes ago, stillafool said:

It's definitely giving the emotionally unavailable a real excuse not to reply or follow up.

Yea  Especially when it is illegal in a lot of places in my country to go out unless you have to for food and necessities and the news is saying on repeat if you go out you will catch this and might die, but you will definitely spread it to grandma and grandpa or mom and dad and they  will certainly die.. Oh yea and it’s basically like suffocating to death. Yea... that’s a perfectly reasonable excuse to postponing a date ...who’s gonna argue 

 

Edited March 29, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Els]

16 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Love and lust and desire and passion survive wars, trauma, death camps, political terror, tyranny, torture, the black plague. The idea that someone will not have interest in you "because" of the current pandemic misreads human history.  We wouldn't have a alive species called "humans" if bad times blocked romance.

Ummm, I hate to say this but the majority of pregnancies that happened from those events were really not created by "romance" or "love"...

[Lamron300]

5 hours ago, smackie9 said:

If someone is really interested, pandemic or not, they will have np showing it. 

I agree. I guess I'm not going to invest in someone if they don't invest in me. I hate starting conversations after they haven't replied to my last message. I spent £100 ($123) on a steak dinner on my last date. She had a voucher for a 3 course meal and her friend dropped out so she asked me to come with her instead. It was a good date and she seemed into me, kissing me and grabbing hand over table...but since then on whatsapp she seems reserved/not talking much. If it wasn't for the virus I could ask her out for second date, which would show if she is a timewaster or not.

The girl this thread is about, I haven't met her yet so I haven't wasted any real life time/money yet. 

But I'm determined to avoid time wasters in 2020.

[smackie9]

Believe it or not, some kiss and paw on a date just for the sake of needing touch/attention, and not emotional connection or attraction. That's why there isn't any follow up on these type of dates.