Angel29 Posted March 29, 2020 Share Posted March 29, 2020 I have been friends with a guy for a few years now. I don't get to see him that often as we live over an hour away from each other and I was unwell for a while. For most of this time he contacted me weekly or even every few days. When I was unwell he always said I could ring him if I needed to talk. About 6 weeks ago before the situation in the world happened he said twice in one week that I should come away on the group holiday our mutual friends were organising as he said it would be good to catch up. He even said I would probably get lots of Valentines off people and that he would send me one if he knew my address. A few weeks ago he and his friend went away for his birthday and yet he was messaging me while they were at a bar so I must have been on his mind while he went away. The last few weeks we have been sending each multiple daily memes. We did this when the World Cup was on too and it was nice to have a laugh and share things. After being able to think about the situation I am thinking now is this man interested in me? I know it sounds silly but I have had lots of interest from men over the years but he in particular has been persistent and supportive. I have also supportive him over the years. We have things in common and he has good morals. He is kind and caring and nice looking. Something tells me he can't let me go as one of his mates will joke on Facebook about how he should meet someone or how he enjoyed chatting to women at the party. He is not a womaniser and I understand he will still look elsewhere as nothing has happened between us. I would love to see him again once this is all over. I need to know how he feels because I don't want to miss out on the potential of a good relationship but I don't want to be pushy or come across as needy. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 29, 2020 Share Posted March 29, 2020 Wait until it's all over and see if he wants to get together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 If you're interested in him, why not suggest you do so once the situation eases? Or suggest seeing each other through Facetime? You're not going to seem pushy unless he says no repeatedly. Especially not if you already know each other. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 (edited) No reason not to keep the momentum going during this time. I think since you make jokes, send memes, and have talks with each other, now would be the time to keep that going to show your interest and give the relationship the chance where there is a moment that it "turns". Think less of having an agenda and how you should deal with not being pushy is make it reciprocal, ie you can reach out but give him the chance to respond--sounds like he absolutely will. Just let it be balanced. You can gauge the situation and throw little flirty or even romantic (more like caring) comments in from time to time and see what happens. You just need to give this guy more a green light and he will probably take it. Try not to think "boyfriend" or where the relationship is going especially if you tend to have that type of agenda since that will absolutely put pressure on a friend. Just stay in the moment. (Part of the reason I say that is cause of the title of your other thread--if you genuinely have feelings for this guy and are not operating out of a scarcity or the world is ending mentality then sure go for it otherwise you shouldn't mess with the friendship and you should be honest with yourself about which it is; also if you are "desperate" that will come across as well; no need to be desperate because you can't date and the clock is moving forward and he's just a viable option). I think guys who like their girl friends are more careful about not wanting to mess up the friendship and may proceed a lot more cautiously than other guys or even the same guy in his straightforward dating life so you might have to throw him a little more so he gets the courage to reciprocate. It sounds like he likes you though (romantically). good luck Edited March 30, 2020 by Versacehottie 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 Pay more attention to him and be a little flirty...see where that takes you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angel29 Posted March 30, 2020 Author Share Posted March 30, 2020 2 hours ago, Versacehottie said: Just stay in the moment. I agree with everything you have said. With this guy I don't feel pressured or stressed to rush anything and it feels more natural. He isn't playing games and has been consistent. I will keep communicating with him and see what happens. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
simpycurious Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 29 minutes ago, Angel29 said: I agree with everything you have said. With this guy I don't feel pressured or stressed to rush anything and it feels more natural. He isn't playing games and has been consistent. I will keep communicating with him and see what happens. That seems like a good plan Angel. Go to the Water Cooler Section Here (on LoveShack) and find the Song in Your Heart Thread...on one of the last pages there's a song someone sent that I posted. I think ??? it was sent as a message but who knows.....it talks about A HELLO..... you might wanna listen Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 Your thinking sounds good ... Here's what I would do. The key element of good dating is being real in a gradual and incremental way. Just like with a friendship, you want to go step by step. First step ... what do you feel like saying to him? When you feel like he has crossed a line (acted in a way that implies more than friendship) you want to respond to that--match that energy, assuming you are interested in being more than friends with him as well. Call someone from a bar is something I might do when I want to make clear to a woman that I'm interested in her--even though I'm at a hyper-social situation without her. Unless this guy is completely clueless, that's a deliberate move. When you FEEL that ... respond ... not by professing your deep love for him ... but just in a way that matches or near matches his energy ... even ask a question. "Wow, I get a text from a bar. Does that mean I'm more fun to talk to than all those women around you?" That's a nice little door opening ... and he can walk through it with a reply. Just pay attention to the feeling of he's acting like more than friends. If he's interested, that feeling should occur repeatedly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 2 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said: The key element of good dating is being real in a gradual and incremental way. Just like with a friendship, you want to go step by step. Just pay attention to the feeling of he's acting like more than friends. If he's interested, that feeling should occur repeatedly. Such a great post. I think the bolded could apply to so many of the dilemmas in this forum! Lots of great advice in this post. Good luck, OP 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted March 30, 2020 Share Posted March 30, 2020 Thanks Versacehottie! This wisdom is coming from a guy who used to jump all in before there was anything to jump all in for! I'd go out on a date or two and start constructing some elaborate story in my head about how our lives could work together. Which would just trigger anxiety ... and take me away from being in real time and letting things develop. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted March 31, 2020 Share Posted March 31, 2020 1 hour ago, Lotsgoingon said: Thanks Versacehottie! This wisdom is coming from a guy who used to jump all in before there was anything to jump all in for! I'd go out on a date or two and start constructing some elaborate story in my head about how our lives could work together. Which would just trigger anxiety ... and take me away from being in real time and letting things develop. I think guy or girl, anyone who does that is doing them lots of disservice. They end up stuck with someone and trying to find a way out or blow what would be an otherwise good relationship if a person just gives it a chance to discover and go step by step. If it's not balanced, a person will only get what they "want" in the short term, not in the long term. And desperation almost always drives the other person away, and if it doesn't, it's typically not a person you'd want to be in a relationship with. Being IN something can't be more important than WHO WITH. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted March 31, 2020 Share Posted March 31, 2020 You speak the truth, Versacehottie! It's definitely a form of hiding ... it's like ... play a role ... assume this relationship should work ... as opposed to building a relationship! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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