Author Dawn37 Posted April 10, 2020 Author Share Posted April 10, 2020 (edited) Agree sandylee, nothing would surprise me. I have already made my feelings clear to him regards to OW. Edited April 10, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted April 10, 2020 Share Posted April 10, 2020 7 hours ago, sandylee1 said: Considering his antics so far, I wouldn't bank on it. Does he sound like a irresponsible dad to you. Although lockdown will probably prevent that happening anytime soon. Dawn... I'm in the UK as well BTW. I meant a responsible dad. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 10, 2020 Share Posted April 10, 2020 4 hours ago, Dawn37 said: She’s no decent human in my eyes especially given that our children were also friends Do your children have mobile phones or other technology? If so, then the affair will soon filter through to your kids via her kids or through other kids that they know... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dawn37 Posted April 10, 2020 Author Share Posted April 10, 2020 elaine567 no my children don't have mobile phones Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 10, 2020 Share Posted April 10, 2020 So your kids have no way to contact their friends during lock down? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 10, 2020 Share Posted April 10, 2020 10 hours ago, sandylee1 said: Considering his antics so far, I wouldn't bank on it. Does he sound like a irresponsible dad to you. I don't know if he is a responsible Dad or not but I hope OP wouldn't be planning on letting him split custody if he wasn't. But then again they aren't just her kids but his kids too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dawn37 Posted April 10, 2020 Author Share Posted April 10, 2020 Elaine, they are 8 and 6 years old. Not sure what other peoples take is but IMO they don't need phones at this age. 4 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted April 10, 2020 Share Posted April 10, 2020 OP, Are there any local support groups for women who are in a position like yours? Even "real time" virtual support from women/ men who know how it feels can be really helpful, and as a bonus, they may also be familiar with the family law system and can offer tips for how to make it work for you and and what's best for your kids. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted April 10, 2020 Share Posted April 10, 2020 I think @elaine567 is simply making the point, that many of us I think are seeing: unfortunately, you're unlikely to be able to keep your kids from realizing what's going on for too long, unless your WH wises up and figures out it might not be good for them to witness. Unfortunately, it sounds like he is in "affair fog" and not thinking clearly about how others may eventually see his actions right now. It's a bad situation, but there may be little any of us can do except try to warn you about it. That's what I think Elaine was trying to (continue to) do, and no negativity was intended. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted April 10, 2020 Share Posted April 10, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, elaine567 said: The relevance being that the OP is determined her kids be kept in the dark regarding the OW, but if her kids are on social media or are chatting to their friends on phones then the fact one of their friends is the OWs daughter, it is not going to remain a secret for long. Her daughter: Your Dad came to see my Mum tonight... He waved to her through the window. Your daughter: Oh why would he do that? Her daughter: No idea. He texts her a lot too... Your daughter: Oh... it can be that easy. For us, we lived in a very small town, everyone knew everyone. Our neighbour's duaghter overheard her mom and dad talking about my husband's "extra ciriculars" ( they were over at the time, he'd confessed to me before this) and they promptly came over and asked my kids what they were talking about. My oldest was really young at the time. She, not knowing what "cheating" meant, came and asked me. op, I totally respect your decision to keep this to yourself. However, it might be wise to decide what your answer will be if they ever do ask. Edited April 10, 2020 by pepperbird 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dawn37 Posted April 10, 2020 Author Share Posted April 10, 2020 I fully appreciate that comment mark, the point I am trying to make though is the unnecessary mobile phone comment. Implying my kids have no way of contacting friends during lockdown , it has no relevance to my post. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted April 10, 2020 Share Posted April 10, 2020 An 8 and a 6 year old don't need mobile phones. As its lockdown and not seeing friends, I don't think they need to know the dad is having an affair at this point, considering everything else going on. If they were in school, then or might be appropriate to give an age appropriate explanation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Buffer Posted April 11, 2020 Share Posted April 11, 2020 Dawn, you are doing what you think is right. There is no universal handbook about what you are going through or who needs a Mobil phone and at what age Husband has his head up his bottom. What grown man at his age lives with his mother? keep talking and take care of yourself. Hubby won’t come back he has no idea of the hurt and betrayal to you, his children or his extended family. Love is hard right now and no matter what happens you are tied to him for the next 12 years, but would you want him in the marriage and you having to police 👮♀️ it due to the loss of trust? One day at a time. buffer 2 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted April 11, 2020 Share Posted April 11, 2020 What is your preferred outcome Dawn? If you could paint your future, what does it look like? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dawn37 Posted April 11, 2020 Author Share Posted April 11, 2020 I have no idea anymore! I think we need to just let these things take their own fate. As long as me & my children are well and happy that’s all that matters I suppose 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dawn37 Posted April 13, 2020 Author Share Posted April 13, 2020 (edited) Hi everyone, happy Easter x So yesterday things went from bad to tragic!! My exH came up to watch the kids do their egg hunt. I was so positive and confident that I wouldn’t crumble when I seen him but I did. I got so upset and had to leave and go out for a drive. When he left I called him and broke my heart, told him I love him would take him back and do anything to fix our marriage. He got really angry, told me to f@cking stop and he was hanging up. 10 minutes later he was crying telling me he will think about everything I’ve said regarding our life, what he’s walking away from etc but he’s made his choice, I’m so confused and broken it’s as though I’ve taken 10 steps back 😥 Edited April 13, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Removed timestamp Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 It's just up to you how long you want to remain being victimized. I mean, it's no skin off his back if he can have you and do whoever else he wants and treat you any which way, so really, just up to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 I agree ^. If he constantly gets angry when you talk about how hurt you are over the separation and new woman in his life then just leave him be. I don't know how he can expect you not to be emotional over the hurt he's caused. He's crying because you are upsetting his apple cart by making him feel guilty. He wants to pretend everyone is okay with his new life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 Anytime you chase in these situations you lose. That just pushes them farther away. Most just can seem to stop though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 On 4/10/2020 at 8:19 AM, Dawn37 said: Elaine, they are 8 and 6 years old. Not sure what other peoples take is but IMO they don't need phones at this age. My kids didn’t get a cell phone until high school. You are a great mom. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 (edited) On 4/10/2020 at 8:19 AM, Dawn37 said: Elaine, they are 8 and 6 years old. Not sure what other peoples take is but IMO they don't need phones at this age. I'm sure Elaine had no idea the ages of the kids when she made her comment about the phones. Edited April 14, 2020 by stillafool 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 9 minutes ago, stillafool said: I'm sure Elaine had no idea the ages of the kids when she made her comment about the phones. Then Elaine should have never posted anything but calls into question OP’s parenting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 No-one is questioning parenting. My point was that if the kids whatever their age are somehow in contact with their friends during the lock down, then the "secret" may not be a "secret" for very long... was all I was saying... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 31 minutes ago, elaine567 said: No-one is questioning parenting. My point was that if the kids whatever their age are somehow in contact with their friends during the lock down, then the "secret" may not be a "secret" for very long... was all I was saying... true enough, kids are some of the absolute worst gossips around 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 how are you holding up OP? you doing okay? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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