Hurt betrayed wife

[usa1ah]

On 4/9/2020 at 1:41 PM, Dawn37 said:

Stillafool - he has told them that because he has told lies, mummies and daddys sometimes argue and that its better that he lives with gran, but that we both still love them.  I wont allow him to tell them the full truth, nor does he ever want that to be revealed to them. He doesn't want to come out as the bad guy in any of this.!!

Age appropriate truth. I found out that my mom cheated on my dad when I was 8 or 9. They divorced when I was 4. My mom had full custody of us. We all went to live with our dad as we turned 12. 

[usa1ah]

On 4/9/2020 at 5:15 PM, Dawn37 said:

Stillafool, he is living with his mum so the OW will never be there!! I also want it stated in my legal agreement that the terms of him having the children is that he has them and stays at his parents house. If he decides to move in with her that's a bridge we will need to cross if or when it arises. I however, don't see my kids being ok with that or wanting to stay there

Talk about turning their world upside down. “Mommy why is daddy sleeping with xxxxxx’s mommy?”

[usa1ah]

Is there anyway to go after your ex for abandonment? Or do you already have a separation agreement?

[Dawn37]

Usa1ah, thank you. I didn't see what relevance (regardless of their age) my children having mobile phones to contact friends had to this post whatsoever! Regardless of their age, I am their mother and I decide at what age is best for them to have a brain melting device to sit on all day.

I think I can possibly go for half of his police pension for the length of time that we were married. As yet I cant get anything official due to lockdown but I will be applying for legal separation. He told me yesterday that at some point we probably will get a divorce so he can go for it, it will probably cost him a fortune. That, on top of having his new place to run, aswell as the mortgage on this house and a new girlfriend to keep should keep him busy!!!

[usa1ah]

Take him to the cleaners. 
 

Get the best solicitor you can fine. 
 

talk with the top five divorce lawyers in your area. See if they will do it over the phone. That way he cannot use one of them

Edited April 14, 2020 by usa1ah

[lifeoflies]

you slapped him?  and you wonder why he sought out a woman who didn't abuse him?  no excuse for cheating. 

it is wrong for a man to hit a woman.  it is wrong for a woman to hit a man.

 

no disrespect intended.  it astonished me that you could blow it off as silly

Edited April 16, 2020 by lifeoflies
add point

[Dawn37]

I don’t think I blew anything off so easily! I admit I should never have done it but that’s no reason to “seek a woman who didn’t abuse him” and FYI said woman attacked her own mother in my house on NY eve, she upset my children and he still chose to be with her!

[schlumpy]

It's very emotionally satisfying to get revenge by taking him to the cleaners but may I suggest that you limit that to a mind movie?

At this point I'm reading you have decided and accepted that you will be moving on which I see as a reasonable attitude given the circumstances. If you have accepted this then an acrimonious divorce will steal time that could be better spent putting this behind you.

May I suggest you go for a fair settlement that takes care of your financial needs and the kids for whatever period of time it takes you to be financially independent. What a fair settlement consists of is for you and your solicitor to decide. Just make sure that no matter what your demands are that he can see a way forward where he can survive no matter how minimal that future is. 

Waste as little of your precious time as you can in the divorce process. Once the decision is made that the marriage is irretrievable it is best to move swiftly.

From what I see in your writing you will come through in fair shape. You have a strong will, a sharp mind, and you know what you want. Good character traits to carry you through.

[Buffer]

Dawn37 

I have nothing but respect for you.

Your focus has always been on your children hope you start looking after yourself. 180 him, he is just a selfish person.

one day at a time and cyber hugs

buffer

[Dawn37]

Buffer thank you 😊 

I spoke with my lawyer today and have my separation agreement sorted aswell as access agreement which prevents him from showing up late, leaving kids with his parents to go out with ow or having them around the OW. If he breaks any of this agreement his access will be stopped. He’s made a fool of me and disrespected me and my children enough, I’m not playing his game anymore. My focus is my children and they should have been his focus in all this given he decided to leave us.

[usa1ah]

Stay strong Dawn! 
 

You and your kids are the most important thing now. You are fighting for their welfare. 

[lifeoflies]

35 minutes ago, Dawn37 said:

He’s made a fool of me and disrespected me and my children enough, I’m not playing his game anymore.

Best of luck to you!

[usa1ah]

You really need to let your kids know who took their father away. 
 

Also that she was a false friend To you. 

[Dawn37]

My exH and her will get their day!! I think my eldest has already worked it out, my daughter is only 6 and given that the OW is her friends mum I think it’s best not to put that on her just now. She’s been through enough since new year she’s a worrier, she has developed eczema on her little hands. I’m also worried she is showing signs of anxiety as she is frequently complaining about her heart beating fast and struggling to breath at times 💔

[usa1ah]

I hope you’re able to find help for your little girl. I was four years old when my parents divorced I don’t remember anything about it.

 

I hope you’re able to find help for your little girl. I was four years old when my parents divorced I don’t remember much about. I do remember blaming myself. 
 

If you take your daughter to see a doctor about it, see if it’s because of the stress your ex-husband has put her through. If the doctor agrees that it is caused by your ex-husband and his girlfriend, use it to get full custody of your kids. 

[lifeoflies]

11 minutes ago, Dawn37 said:

I’m also worried she is showing signs of anxiety as she is frequently complaining about her heart beating fast and struggling to breath at times

This is really difficult for children.  they process everything.  i'm sure their doctor will be of some help.

[mark clemson]

Sorry to go against the grain a bit here, but think twice if you want to take the kids away from him LT. You don't know where he'll be in 1 year, 2 years, 3 years, etc. Right now, I honestly don't blame you and I'm not suggesting you shouldn't take full custody. DOWN THE ROAD, depending on where he's at/how he is, it MAY do more harm than good. They'll probably miss him and they might even idealize him (completely unrealistically) since there will be a gap in their lives and he won't be in front of them for them to see the flaws, etc.

I'm saying this with them in mind, not you or him.

Now, if he just stays an irresponsible goof off who doesn't bother with them, etc and they end up hating him, well, that's on him.

[usa1ah]

I don’t mean take them away never see again. 
 

I mean full custody where the ex gets them on the every other weekend. 
 

If the daughter’s doctor thinks it is the best for her. She needs stability not moving every week. 

[pepperbird]

13 hours ago, Dawn37 said:

My exH and her will get their day!! I think my eldest has already worked it out, my daughter is only 6 and given that the OW is her friends mum I think it’s best not to put that on her just now. She’s been through enough since new year she’s a worrier, she has developed eczema on her little hands. I’m also worried she is showing signs of anxiety as she is frequently complaining about her heart beating fast and struggling to breath at times 💔

Times like this can be so hard for kids. They are being impacted by forces they can't really understand and can't control.

I am assuming that your soon to be ex is a half decent dad? If so, could you talk to him about maybe getting some family counselling to help make this easier for everyone? Even if you and he split, you're still a family.

Once you've done that, book yourself the first spot available at a spa or other retreat ( once they re-open). You need some TLC too.

[BaileyB]

14 hours ago, Dawn37 said:

My exH and her will get their day!! I think my eldest has already worked it out, my daughter is only 6 and given that the OW is her friends mum I think it’s best not to put that on her just now. She’s been through enough since new year she’s a worrier, she has developed eczema on her little hands. I’m also worried she is showing signs of anxiety as she is frequently complaining about her heart beating fast and struggling to breath at times 💔

Poor baby girl. I’m so sorry.

[S2B]

Stay strong and get the court papers filed ASAP. It will cause him to see what his reality is going to be!

don't for one minute get soft with him... you need to fight for every dollar he is going to pay to support the family.

if he complains remind him that his actions caused this and it’s what he asked for!

[Dawn37]

Today was exH birthday, as ever I showed up with myself and children looking immaculate & respectable, dropped them with their dad along with cards, gift & balloons then cried the whole drive home. Completely surreal day 

[pepperbird]

17 minutes ago, Dawn37 said:

Today was exH birthday, as ever I showed up with myself and children looking immaculate & respectable, dropped them with their dad along with cards, gift & balloons then cried the whole drive home. Completely surreal day 

Some days you'll feel like you're sprinting along, some days it's all you can do to put one foot in the other. You did what you needed to do for your family, and these are the things that count.

[Buffer]

Hi Dawn,

You are doing great. Look after the little ones, yourself as well. You are also showing that you are still in charge, as per his birthday. I would have given him a card with a bill for the present.

Thats me, one day at a time

Buffer

 

 

[Dawn37]

My little girl and I were out walking our dog tonight. We walked past OW house across the street and my daughter could hear her dads voice. I listened and could hear him! I put my daughter into house with her older brother and went back over, I called him then I went round into her garden. ExH had his hood up and was trying to run through the house to avoid me.

He was drunk, I went mad, slapped him told him he’s disrespectful in every way and that he owed our daughter an explanation! He refused to come over then grudgingly came over and told me I was a disgrace for being upset and involving our children. I feel this man is just in another world he blames me for everything.

My kids asked him to leave and go home to grans house, he told them he was going back Iver to her for a few drinks then would go home. He can’t even respect his children’!!