Should I tell my live in boyfriend to move out now or wait until quarantine is over?

[Ellener]

On 4/3/2020 at 11:23 AM, Emilie Jolie said:

I appreciate that you don't want to break up,

I don't understand that. It seems like you want to fix your partner then everything will be okay, and love relationships don't work like that.

Even if you could fix him and turn him into who you want him to be, he'd be a different person and unlikely to want to be in the same relationship.

After April 30 move out let go, let him sort his own life, and if he wants to do a mundane job and keep fish...well there are worse things you know and that's his choice.

If he has a head injury they are maybe good choices for him, low stress and low maintenance.

 

 

[Mystery4u]

You said you would give him 2 weeks to move out, then gave him a month?? It doesn't take more than 2 days to move back to his parents.

For the rest of the month he is going to start being on his 'best' behaviour, and I doubt he will even move out at all. Then all the same issues will start again and you will be unhappy again.

I hope I'm wrong as you seem like a really good girlfriend who unfortunately has a loser boyfriend who doesn't know how to treat a woman.

[Emilie Jolie]

6 minutes ago, Ellener said:

I don't understand that.

I don't necessarily get it either, but people need to follow their own path.

Breaking up with someone is easier said than done, especially when you still really care. Hopefully they'll find a way to communicate with each other in a mature and constructive manner in that 'transition period'.   

 

[Ellener]

1 hour ago, Emilie Jolie said:

people need to follow their own path.

absolutely. I think it does kill any romantic or sexual part of a relationship though to be someone's 'helper', well it does for me.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

Go ahead and rip the bandaid off: break up with him now. There's better out there waiting for you. It's easier to find it the younger you are. Don't be fooled by his promises to change after you've given him his marching orders either. Fail to heed this advice, and this guy will be an albatross around your neck until you finally do cut him loose.  You get what you accept...and not all the nagging in the world will motivate a man who can't be bothered to motivate himself. You are not his mommy. He is not your responsibility. Things will never be better than they are now. He's not going to have any epiphanies about this for many years to come, if then. Good luck!

Edited April 5, 2020 by HadMeOverABarrel

[HadMeOverABarrel]

On 4/2/2020 at 8:32 PM, TexanGal28 said:

He pays rent weekly on Fridays. And yeah, I already planned on having little communication with him. I don't like the way he talks to me and how he puts blame on things. Thank you for the input!

Hey, in my state, you only have to give 3 days notice to terminate a week-to-week tenancy without specific duration.  Something to think about! 😀

 

(Disclaimer: I'm not an attorney and this is not meant as legal advice.)

Edited April 5, 2020 by HadMeOverABarrel

[Ellener]

1 hour ago, HadMeOverABarrel said:

(Disclaimer: I'm not an attorney and this is not meant as legal advice.)

Too late, i'm quoting you on legal documents right now 🤭

[HadMeOverABarrel]

4 minutes ago, Ellener said:

Too late, i'm quoting you on legal documents right now 🤭

LMAO! 😝

[stillafool]

If he parents only live 45 min away, why does he need until 4/30 to move out?

[lil_missy]

Hi TexanGirl,

your bf sound sooo much like my husband! So I completely understand your dilemma, it is so hard when it’s someone you love that keeps letting you down and you still have feelings for them and don’t want to close the door on them completely, otherwise it might be done forever. 

My husband is basically a big baby too and He is very poor at taking responsibility or keeping his word. I don’t know if he can change but we seperated coz of it. But now I’m considering moving back with him since we are in lock down and I really want to be with him and our son together as a family at a time like this. 

Will you really not miss him if you bf left and you hardly saw him anymore? When me n my hubby each moved back to our parents, we wanted to try again but being apart became really hard esp with the restriction we couldn’t go anywhere to spend any time together. 

But your bf blamed you for not reminding him to enroll in school? That is really lame excuse. I’ll give u a similar example, my husbands sister sleeps til past noon everyday, and she says she wants to wake up early but can’t because she blames her mom n dad for not waking her up. She is permanently unemployed and has zero ambition. So I think this lil comment by your bf is a huge red flag  into his way of thinking. 

Also accusing you of cheating on him when you’ve done nothing. That is extreme insecurity. My husband sometimes does that too. I don’t know what can we do about that but it’s not cool. 

 

[Highndry]

On 3/31/2020 at 12:47 PM, TexanGal28 said:

That's exactly what it feels like too. We haven't had sex in months, and why should we? I don't want to sleep with someone who isn't making me feel loved. We basically share a room together at this point.

This relationship is already over. For him, too. No man, and I repeat, NO MAN is happy in a relationship where sex is not happening. No wonder he's miserable and not showing interest.

[Highndry]

On 3/31/2020 at 6:18 PM, TexanGal28 said:

If that's what he wants to do, then that's fine with me. If we are meant to be together, God will make it happen later. But right now, we are not in a loving relationship. It is borderline toxic in my opinion, only because he is too comfortable and I am not okay with being comfortable. I feel like you should always keep chasing your partner as if they won't be there on day for you. That's how you keep love alive after the honeymoon phrase. We just didn't do that.

Pure fantasy.

[S2B]

You expect him to chase you?

heck it would be wonderful if he would make ANY effort to date you.

the guy isn’t making effort! This relationship has been done for a long time because he stopped making effort!

if he expects to have a healthy relationship with no effort he’s not being realistic.

every happy relationship has partners making loads of effort for their partner.

Edited April 6, 2020 by S2B

[Juha]

 

He does not take you out

You do not want to have sex with him

You want him to chase you all the time

He is content maybe, maybe not.  Possibly has deperession/ptsd from his accident that was never handled in therapy

You telling him to leave and saying/thinking this will help the relationship or think it will make it better is confusing

Going from living together to not is putting the relationship in reverse and the only time I see that work is with married couples with kids

Never seen it work in a live in dating relationship

 

I wish you luck

[S2B]

Are you afraid he is in such a fragile state that you can’t tell him you don’t want to date him anymore?

[TexanGal28]

Hey guys! Sorry for the dead silence! I want to give you an update on what’s going on. 
 

So my boyfriend is in the process of signing up for classes with WGU. I bought a book called “The 5 Languages of Love” and him and I both read it. My love languages are quality time and receiving gifts, and obviously we can’t really spend do much together, but he’s been buying me a lot of things lately. It makes me feel bittersweet because even though I really appreciate the sweet cards, love letters, and small gifts, I’m thinking he’s trying his best to make me change my mind about us not living together anymore. 
 

He hasn’t told me where he plans on going by the end of April. But he’s extremely adamant about not moving in with his parents. Maybe he’s embarrassed to do so? 
 

Does anyone have any ideas on how I can gently bring up the conversation about him moving out? I don’t want to hurt his feelings. He’s really trying to make me happier. 
 

Oh! I was fostering puppies at the beginning of April and he ended up adopting one of them. He had asked me if I thought it was a good idea and I said a pro would be the puppy would keep him company once he was moved out 😕 

[basil67]

Of course he's trying to change your mind - he doesn't want to go.   And him doing nice things because he feels he has no other choice if he wants to keep a roof over his head doesn't count as a 'nice thing' anyway - that's why it feels bittersweet.    That said, throwing him out but not breaking up was always going to be a more complicated way to go about things because of all the mixed messages you're giving.

I wouldn't gently bring up the idea of when he's moving out.  That's just more of the same mothering you've been doing all along.  Just give him some packing boxes about three days before he's due to go.   I assume he's sleeping on the couch?    

 

Edited April 18, 2020 by basil67

[Emilie Jolie]

You could say something like 'I noticed all the things you have been doing for me lately. While I appreciate them all, I still think you moving out is the right course of action for both of us. I have a suitcase (or whatever) that you can borrow for your stuff, if you want?'

You can bring it up next time he gets you something if you need a prompt.

[Ellener]

17 hours ago, TexanGal28 said:

Hey guys! Sorry for the dead silence! I want to give you an update on what’s going on. 
 

So my boyfriend is in the process of signing up for classes with WGU. I bought a book called “The 5 Languages of Love” and him and I both read it. My love languages are quality time and receiving gifts, and obviously we can’t really spend do much together, but he’s been buying me a lot of things lately. It makes me feel bittersweet because even though I really appreciate the sweet cards, love letters, and small gifts, I’m thinking he’s trying his best to make me change my mind about us not living together anymore. 
 

He hasn’t told me where he plans on going by the end of April. But he’s extremely adamant about not moving in with his parents. Maybe he’s embarrassed to do so? 
 

Does anyone have any ideas on how I can gently bring up the conversation about him moving out? I don’t want to hurt his feelings. He’s really trying to make me happier. 
 

Oh! I was fostering puppies at the beginning of April and he ended up adopting one of them. He had asked me if I thought it was a good idea and I said a pro would be the puppy would keep him company once he was moved out 😕 

Do relationships really work like that, go back and start over, it seems like there's a lot of mixed messages, 'I love you here's a puppy now move out and change'. 

You have too much power in this relationship for it to be romantic I'd say. 

But good luck.

 

 

[Highndry]

8 hours ago, Ellener said:

Do relationships really work like that, go back and start over, it seems like there's a lot of mixed messages, 'I love you here's a puppy now move out and change'. 

You have too much power in this relationship for it to be romantic I'd say. 

But good luck.

 

 

No, they don't. This one is over for a number of reasons.

[Juha]

 

It seems like this thing is over when you throw him out.  You seem to think things will change for the better by telling him to leave.

 

I really do not follow that line of thinking but to each their own.  You tell him to leave I would say he will be done with you.

He will probably take it as you don't really care for him.  You do seem to have too much power in this relationship and seem to be driving the bus

His recent changes in behavior may be real or just so you don't throw him out.  No idea, seems like it would be the latter but who knows.

 

I wish you luck and hope kicking him out works for you but really don't see it happening

If you want to kick him out then just break up because it will be over anyway...