Should I tell my live in boyfriend to move out now or wait until quarantine is over?

[Highndry]

On 3/31/2020 at 12:47 PM, TexanGal28 said:

That's exactly what it feels like too. We haven't had sex in months, and why should we? I don't want to sleep with someone who isn't making me feel loved. We basically share a room together at this point.

This relationship is already over. For him, too. No man, and I repeat, NO MAN is happy in a relationship where sex is not happening. No wonder he's miserable and not showing interest.

[Highndry]

On 3/31/2020 at 6:18 PM, TexanGal28 said:

If that's what he wants to do, then that's fine with me. If we are meant to be together, God will make it happen later. But right now, we are not in a loving relationship. It is borderline toxic in my opinion, only because he is too comfortable and I am not okay with being comfortable. I feel like you should always keep chasing your partner as if they won't be there on day for you. That's how you keep love alive after the honeymoon phrase. We just didn't do that.

Pure fantasy.

[Juha]

 

He does not take you out

You do not want to have sex with him

You want him to chase you all the time

He is content maybe, maybe not.  Possibly has deperession/ptsd from his accident that was never handled in therapy

You telling him to leave and saying/thinking this will help the relationship or think it will make it better is confusing

Going from living together to not is putting the relationship in reverse and the only time I see that work is with married couples with kids

Never seen it work in a live in dating relationship

 

I wish you luck

[TexanGal28]

Hey guys! Sorry for the dead silence! I want to give you an update on what’s going on. 
 

So my boyfriend is in the process of signing up for classes with WGU. I bought a book called “The 5 Languages of Love” and him and I both read it. My love languages are quality time and receiving gifts, and obviously we can’t really spend do much together, but he’s been buying me a lot of things lately. It makes me feel bittersweet because even though I really appreciate the sweet cards, love letters, and small gifts, I’m thinking he’s trying his best to make me change my mind about us not living together anymore. 
 

He hasn’t told me where he plans on going by the end of April. But he’s extremely adamant about not moving in with his parents. Maybe he’s embarrassed to do so? 
 

Does anyone have any ideas on how I can gently bring up the conversation about him moving out? I don’t want to hurt his feelings. He’s really trying to make me happier. 
 

Oh! I was fostering puppies at the beginning of April and he ended up adopting one of them. He had asked me if I thought it was a good idea and I said a pro would be the puppy would keep him company once he was moved out 😕 

[basil67]

Of course he's trying to change your mind - he doesn't want to go.   And him doing nice things because he feels he has no other choice if he wants to keep a roof over his head doesn't count as a 'nice thing' anyway - that's why it feels bittersweet.    That said, throwing him out but not breaking up was always going to be a more complicated way to go about things because of all the mixed messages you're giving.

I wouldn't gently bring up the idea of when he's moving out.  That's just more of the same mothering you've been doing all along.  Just give him some packing boxes about three days before he's due to go.   I assume he's sleeping on the couch?    

 

Edited April 18, 2020 by basil67

[Emilie Jolie]

You could say something like 'I noticed all the things you have been doing for me lately. While I appreciate them all, I still think you moving out is the right course of action for both of us. I have a suitcase (or whatever) that you can borrow for your stuff, if you want?'

You can bring it up next time he gets you something if you need a prompt.

[Ellener]

17 hours ago, TexanGal28 said:

Hey guys! Sorry for the dead silence! I want to give you an update on what’s going on. 
 

So my boyfriend is in the process of signing up for classes with WGU. I bought a book called “The 5 Languages of Love” and him and I both read it. My love languages are quality time and receiving gifts, and obviously we can’t really spend do much together, but he’s been buying me a lot of things lately. It makes me feel bittersweet because even though I really appreciate the sweet cards, love letters, and small gifts, I’m thinking he’s trying his best to make me change my mind about us not living together anymore. 
 

He hasn’t told me where he plans on going by the end of April. But he’s extremely adamant about not moving in with his parents. Maybe he’s embarrassed to do so? 
 

Does anyone have any ideas on how I can gently bring up the conversation about him moving out? I don’t want to hurt his feelings. He’s really trying to make me happier. 
 

Oh! I was fostering puppies at the beginning of April and he ended up adopting one of them. He had asked me if I thought it was a good idea and I said a pro would be the puppy would keep him company once he was moved out 😕 

Do relationships really work like that, go back and start over, it seems like there's a lot of mixed messages, 'I love you here's a puppy now move out and change'. 

You have too much power in this relationship for it to be romantic I'd say. 

But good luck.

 

 

[Highndry]

8 hours ago, Ellener said:

Do relationships really work like that, go back and start over, it seems like there's a lot of mixed messages, 'I love you here's a puppy now move out and change'. 

You have too much power in this relationship for it to be romantic I'd say. 

But good luck.

 

 

No, they don't. This one is over for a number of reasons.

[Juha]

 

It seems like this thing is over when you throw him out.  You seem to think things will change for the better by telling him to leave.

 

I really do not follow that line of thinking but to each their own.  You tell him to leave I would say he will be done with you.

He will probably take it as you don't really care for him.  You do seem to have too much power in this relationship and seem to be driving the bus

His recent changes in behavior may be real or just so you don't throw him out.  No idea, seems like it would be the latter but who knows.

 

I wish you luck and hope kicking him out works for you but really don't see it happening

If you want to kick him out then just break up because it will be over anyway...