Emotionally unavailable EX

[ctlguy]

I have questions based on prior experiences with emotionally unavailable girls or "she is not that into you scenario"

My ex and I split for good this week after dating for 5 months. We broke it off a few times and quickly talked but this is the final "lets not ever contact and move on".

So my ex and I had a great connection and were very open and communicated well. The sex was absolutely amazing even up until 2 days before we split

The problem is she had childhood issues, married a narcissist, and got in a bad relationship that ended her being cheated. She adored me but she would often pull away and act very distant and it was all on her terms. 

She did talk about how marriage was not a priority for her and the thought of stresses her out because of her feeling trapped and she admitted she has a fear of commitment becuase she never wants to go through any of her past again. 

I have heard the ole "shes just not that into you", but she did make hints (when things were good) about maybe living together starting in July. She just met my family for the first time.She was VERY private but posted a lot of us on FB after 6 weeks, introduced me to her friends, flew across the country to meet another friend. They all literally said we have never liked anyone in her life, but you are perfect for her and she adores you.

Now she is struggling with our split really bad although it was her decision in the end to totally never talk again. BUT.....literally it felt like I put all the effort in and she didnt although she said she wanted us to work but its just not meant to be. 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

Sorry you're going through this, OP. 

I have to question how great that connection was if you two had broken up a few times in 5 months. Something was not right if it was so on-off in such a short time.  I gather this was more her choices than yours, but perhaps that connection was more one-sided than you realize yet. 

It reads to me like she knows you're a good guy, and she should want to be with you, but something just doesn't quite click for her. Maybe it's her past, maybe it's a simple lack of deeper feelings on her part. Whatever the case, something that is so unstable in such a short time is not a relationship that's going to go anywhere. It's going to be best for you to move on. 

[stillafool]

11 hours ago, ctlguy said:

Now she is struggling with our split really bad although it was her decision in the end to totally never talk again. BUT.....literally it felt like I put all the effort in and she didnt although she said she wanted us to work but its just not meant to be.

It's normal to struggle after a break up even if you are the one who requested the break up.  I'm sure she didn't hate you and will miss you but she knows it's the best.  She knew one day you would want to marry and that's not her so be glad she didn't waste more of your time.  It was the kind thing to do.

[ctlguy]

12 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Sorry you're going through this, OP. 

I have to question how great that connection was if you two had broken up a few times in 5 months. Something was not right if it was so on-off in such a short time.  I gather this was more her choices than yours, but perhaps that connection was more one-sided than you realize yet. 

It reads to me like she knows you're a good guy, and she should want to be with you, but something just doesn't quite click for her. Maybe it's her past, maybe it's a simple lack of deeper feelings on her part. Whatever the case, something that is so unstable in such a short time is not a relationship that's going to go anywhere. It's going to be best for you to move on. 

It was actually me that was the one that stepped away first, and partially mine in the end. She admits she has a strong fear of commitment and honestly she told me many times but was working on it. The connection was amazing but the envisioning a future was not there although she wanted to "work on things" because getting married again was scary to her. Either way I miss her in any capacity.