What is she Implying (PART 2)

[whatdoido123]

Hey Guys, its been almost 5 years since i wrote on here about my relationship. We got back together and had a baby. Shes two years old now. Recently she left me again, and has a current boyfriend, but everytime i confront her about it, she deny that they are bf/gf relationship. All the OGS that remember me, please help me again!!! 

[whatdoido123]

Can anyone help me? Like i have been super stressed, she told me to move on, the love is gone.  I known this girl since 2011, so its been over 9 years now. Yeah we had alot of issue and we broke up many times, but officially i think she found the guy she likes alot. IDK what to do anymore, we have a child together so i don't want us to break apart. At least for the sake of the kid. 

[whatdoido123]

but i really miss my ex, like literally we been through so much. The only reason we broke up was because we weren't living together and back then she always asked to live together and i was a fool for thinking it was okay not to. Like i think about her 24/7 and wait for her text, i don't know how to move on. I am very lonely

[whatdoido123]

i don't know, shes the first girl i feel in love with at age 21, and now i am 31, and i feel like shes my everything. I lost my virginity to her and we just did so much together. 

Its hard to explain, we broke up 5 years ago, and she had a bf at the time and they broke it off and moved to another state with me. 

From 2015 to 2020, we had a baby girl and we moved back to her home state of arizona, and i bought a house. We never lived to together, she would just come over on the weekend. She told me she suffered and i thought her mom was helping her so i didn't really know she felt that way until we broke up legitly and she has a bf now

IDK what to do, i feel very lonely. 

[preraph]

The first relationships you have are sometimes somewhat long but they are very rarely ever permanent. 

 

Just because you don't want to let her go doesn't mean she can't let you go. Unfortunately she has told you to get on with your life and that it is over. You still share a child so you can be sure to get 50/50 custody and still take good care of your child. A child is not happy in an unhappy home such as you have described saying you have had many issues. the children always feel it and are terrified of it. 

 

Better she should have two more content parents who are not together than two fighting ones who are. I am having trouble imagining that if you cared so much why you never did live with her, but that is in the past now. And frankly my guess is that if you were already having a lot of issues, living together would have only escalated things and you probably would have broken up even sooner. 

 

You simply got to accept reality and be a man about It and not let your child see or feel this misery that you carry. Concentrate on making your child happy and making your child feel secure. You can go out of your way now to I sure your child by spending time together that just because you and the mom are no longer together doesn't mean the child is losing you. 

 

That's all that's important now. and you might want to get in to see a counselor to help you get through this if you don't have anyone. Just wanting it to be so is it going to change things. A woman who wants to keep you around or even thinks she might want to won't tell you to move on. That's the truth. 

 

The sooner you accept reality and get on with it, the sooner you will start to feel better. 

[whatdoido123]

17 minutes ago, preraph said:

The first relationships you have are sometimes somewhat long but they are very rarely ever permanent. 

yeah she was my first everything, its really hard to let go now

 

Just because you don't want to let her go doesn't mean she can't let you go. Unfortunately she has told you to get on with your life and that it is over. You still share a child so you can be sure to get 50/50 custody and still take good care of your child. A child is not happy in an unhappy home such as you have described saying you have had many issues. the children always feel it and are terrified of it. 

Yes, we talked over the phone yesterday, she confirms that i can see my daughter whenever i want, and i am always going to be able to. Its weird because we are both asian and i just don't want my daughter growing up without the mom and dad together. I know its normal now a days in society, but i always wanted all of us together as one happy family. 

 

Better she should have two more content parents who are not together than two fighting ones who are. I am having trouble imagining that if you cared so much why you never did live with her, but that is in the past now. And frankly my guess is that if you were already having a lot of issues, living together would have only escalated things and you probably would have broken up even sooner. 

The real reason is because her work was 30 miles away from my house. She didn't want to make the drive, plus no one would be able to take care of our baby girl since shes only 2 years old now. The baby sitter is her mom, and she's been living with her mom her whole life. I am 31 years old and she is 30 years old FYI

 

You simply got to accept reality and be a man about It and not let your child see or feel this misery that you carry. Concentrate on making your child happy and making your child feel secure. You can go out of your way now to I sure your child by spending time together that just because you and the mom are no longer together doesn't mean the child is losing you. 

Its really hard, the only reason i know she has a BF is because i went through her phone when she was showering and saw messages saying to come over and spend the night on saturday. She always told me she was just going to the bar with her friends, but i knew something was up. This was happening for about 2 month so i finally spy on her phone and saw that her bf and her are actually offical as of last month. That was really deverstating. I keep asking her if she has a BF and she DENY it everytime and we get it a argument. She keeps saying WE ARE NOT TOGETHER, SO IT DOESN"T MATTER. YOU ARE SINGLE, I AM SINGLE, MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE, BE HAPPY.... and so on

 

That's all that's important now. and you might want to get in to see a counselor to help you get through this if you don't have anyone. Just wanting it to be so is it going to change things. A woman who wants to keep you around or even thinks she might want to won't tell you to move on. That's the truth. 

I don't even eat now because i am so sad, i know they hang on on the weekdays too since her mom is babysitting, and i saw on her phone that they hang out on the weekdays too so and she keeps everything a secret doesn't tell me s*** anymore. I know something was up.....

 

The sooner you accept reality and get on with it, the sooner you will start to feel better. 

Its hard, i love her still, but i hope she still misses me, but i saw in the text message to one of her best friend that she said that "HE IS PERFECT, even though they became offical as of last month". Also we stopped having sex as of last year of october or something.....

 

Edited April 2, 2020 by whatdoido123

[basil67]

Looking at your history, it doesn't look like the two of you were an item past the first two years anyway....it's not at all surprising that she's been seeing other people, because the two of you aren't actively in a relationship.   You talked about throwing her out repeatedly....is this why you still refused to let her live with you?

 

 

Edited April 2, 2020 by basil67

[preraph]

You've been in denial that you are not in a relationship with this woman for too long. She's been living her life and she let you know a long time ago that she is not your girlfriend anymore. You have got to accept it. there's nothing at all wrong with her dating and she has no obligation to tell you about it because she's already let you know you're not you're her boyfriend and that she is single and you are single. So you need to snap out of it for the benefit of your child and stop obsessing over her because she is not coming back. Honestly the fact that she has never really left her mother's house pretty much means she is still not very mature because it's not normal to just keep living with your mother. I understand now she needs backup for the child care but she never left to begin with which isn't healthy. 

 

But none of that is your business anymore. I don't know where you live but you need to go to the courts and just go ahead and get the judge to lay down the visitation so there's never any conflict about that. and you should keep communication to a minimum and it should only be about the child. Having a judge put the rules down will end fights between you over the child. 

 

It's you who's got to grow up now. you just been in denial this whole time that the relationship was over. There will be more relationships in the future but only if you move on from this one and accept that it's over. 

 

Make a new beginning.

[whatdoido123]

6 hours ago, basil67 said:

Looking at your history, it doesn't look like the two of you were an item past the first two years anyway....it's not at all surprising that she's been seeing other people, because the two of you aren't actively in a relationship.   You talked about throwing her out repeatedly....is this why you still refused to let her live with you?

 

 

yeah we always argued and we bitched at each other. I always complain that she bitches at me all the freakin time even it gets annoying. Scrolling through the last couple of month of text message of September 2019 she mention that "we are not together" get over it" and shes right we haven't been together i guess? In my eye we still hang out every weekend and in my heart i felt we were together, but shes saying its for our baby girl sake as daddy and mommy. She keeps mentioning that we are just mommy and daddy, that is what hurts me the most. 

[whatdoido123]

34 minutes ago, preraph said:

You've been in denial that you are not in a relationship with this woman for too long. She's been living her life and she let you know a long time ago that she is not your girlfriend anymore. You have got to accept it. there's nothing at all wrong with her dating and she has no obligation to tell you about it because she's already let you know you're not you're her boyfriend and that she is single and you are single. So you need to snap out of it for the benefit of your child and stop obsessing over her because she is not coming back. Honestly the fact that she has never really left her mother's house pretty much means she is still not very mature because it's not normal to just keep living with your mother. I understand now she needs backup for the child care but she never left to begin with which isn't healthy. 

 

But none of that is your business anymore. I don't know where you live but you need to go to the courts and just go ahead and get the judge to lay down the visitation so there's never any conflict about that. and you should keep communication to a minimum and it should only be about the child. Having a judge put the rules down will end fights between you over the child. 

 

It's you who's got to grow up now. you just been in denial this whole time that the relationship was over. There will be more relationships in the future but only if you move on from this one and accept that it's over. 

 

Make a new beginning.

Well i bought a house in Feb 2018, and i always told her she is welcome to live in my house but her work was like 30 miles away so that never worked. Shes living with her mom because of babysitting when she is at work. She did buy a house in August of 2019 but she doesn't live in it because she is scared. She always ask for me to move in with her at HER house, but i said NO all the time. I don't know why, but i always told her i am not moving to HER house because its close to her mom house (5 min away) and i never got along with her mom. My ex gf always was a mama girl, and it was annoying too.

 

No court or judge is needed because she told me always and also reminded me two days ago that i can see my daughter WHENEVER i want. So that is never going to be an issue, but it hurts knowing that we are not together. I LOVE HER, and i will always care and worry about her safety. I don't know how to get over her because she wants to come over to my house EVERY WEEKEND still for our daughter sake, but its hard to let go because i deeply still love her. I can't do the No Contact rule because we still neeed to communicate for our child. Also i want to point out every weekend she would leave around 2 pm when our daughter is sleeping and she said she is going to bars but in reality she just hangs out with her NEW bf. I question her but she deny it everytime. She said its none of my business since we are not together. She doesn't come back to pick up our daughter till the next day (sunday) and i read her text message secretly and i see that they have SEX and that HURTS ME DEEPLY Knowing. This has been happening for around 2 month now

[Blind-Sided]

Everything above is right.  You haven't been together for a while.  You may feel a connection to her... but the reality is you aren't good together.  It's going to hurt... but you need to step away. Everyone here has gone through it, so we understand.

[preraph]

You don't have any romantic relationship left with her and you haven't had for some time. I don't know how else to say that except that the fact you love her doesn't mean you're entitled to have a further relationship with her. Of course she's seeing her boyfriend. Why wouldn't she? you and her are not together anymore and it's over. you need to accept it and stop writing I love you in large letters as if that makes any difference because it doesn't. She does not care anymore. 

 

It wasn't ever going to work out anyway because just like you said she's tied to her mother and you don't want to be tied to her mother. And I do not at all blame you for that. But that was never going to resolve itself. Even if you moved her someplace with you, her mother would likely have followed. But she's never going to do that now because she has moved on and has a new life and your only connection to it now is that you share a child. 

 

I still suggest you get your legal custody in order because I promised you at some point in the future you are going to wish you had. What if she decides to move somewhere sometime and you have no proof that you've even been part of that child's life?

[whatdoido123]

4 hours ago, Blind-Sided said:

Everything above is right.  You haven't been together for a while.  You may feel a connection to her... but the reality is you aren't good together.  It's going to hurt... but you need to step away. Everyone here has gone through it, so we understand.

yes, we broke up like 5 years ago because we had so many issues , i thought once we got back together and had a baby we would be together forever. 

[whatdoido123]

3 hours ago, preraph said:

You don't have any romantic relationship left with her and you haven't had for some time. I don't know how else to say that except that the fact you love her doesn't mean you're entitled to have a further relationship with her. Of course she's seeing her boyfriend. Why wouldn't she? you and her are not together anymore and it's over. you need to accept it and stop writing I love you in large letters as if that makes any difference because it doesn't. She does not care anymore. 

 

It wasn't ever going to work out anyway because just like you said she's tied to her mother and you don't want to be tied to her mother. And I do not at all blame you for that. But that was never going to resolve itself. Even if you moved her someplace with you, her mother would likely have followed. But she's never going to do that now because she has moved on and has a new life and your only connection to it now is that you share a child. 

 

I still suggest you get your legal custody in order because I promised you at some point in the future you are going to wish you had. What if she decides to move somewhere sometime and you have no proof that you've even been part of that child's life?

today is my birthday, she texted me in the morning today saying happy birthday, and that mommy and my daughter LOVES you lots. She keeps using the term MOMMY and DADDY, which makes me really sad. Shes the love of my life, and i care about her alots

 

and yes she complains about many things when we were together, i never really gave much thoughts into it until recently. I guess it really has hit me. I know for a fact i would never find someone i so deeply love and care about. I tried using tinder and bumble, its not the same, i can't see myself being with anyone besides her. I am deeply hurt.

 

I am not worried about custody or anything. I know she will let me see her daughter whenever i want. I trust her in that, she lost her dad when she was 10 years old. She always told me it was never the same about losing him in a car crash. She always tells me that she gets super emotional when she thinks about it. Especially when she gets in argument with her mom, she wishes her dad was here. Thats why i can't let this go. I don't want my daugter to be separated from mommy and daddy. 

[preraph]

Fighting mommy and daddy is worse for kids than happy separated mommy and daddy. So if you care about your kid get happy and accept the situation. Be a happy Dad for your kid. She loves you as a person but she no longer feels romantic toward you.

[whatdoido123]

12 minutes ago, preraph said:

Fighting mommy and daddy is worse for kids than happy separated mommy and daddy. So if you care about your kid get happy and accept the situation. Be a happy Dad for your kid. She loves you as a person but she no longer feels romantic toward you.

You are absolutely correct, she keeps telling me that. She doesn't have the romantic feeling she once had. BUT I WANT TO CHANGE THAT. Everytime i see her the i try to dress up and impress her, but i don't think its working either

[preraph]

You cannot change it. That ship has sailed. You can't get that back. She knows you too well. You are probably more like a brother to her now. That happens with a lot of people when they're together a long time. 

[whatdoido123]

that hurts! Like a brother?

I HATE MY f***ING LIFE

[Blind-Sided]

36 minutes ago, whatdoido123 said:

 

I HATE MY f***ING LIFE

Ok... Time for tough love man.  SUCK IT UP, AND BE A MAN. You have a life... You have a kid who is going to need her dad. So be the best person you can be, for her sake. That means moving on.

ok... I'm sorry for that.  I spent 20years with my exW, and had 2 kids.  It killed me when I heard... "I don't love you, I haven't in a long Time, and I fear for my life around you!". Very literally, if you would have asked me the day before that if we would be together for the rest of our lives, I would have said YES!  That's why my name is blind-sided.  Oh... And I have no idea where the "fears for my life" crap came from, other than her using it to get a free legal help from the abuse center. (Never once touched her). Then she used the abuse story to try to get me thrown out of my house, get my kids taken from me, and destroy my reputation with everyone who would listen.   So you should feel lucky that your ex is being nice, but just told you she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.

Anyway... Sorry about that.  You need to move on, and just be a good dad for you kid.

i truly wish you peace and happiness in doing the right thing.

[preraph]

By your own admission above, you weren't listening and taking her complaint seriously years ago, and now you're not taking the fact that she has told you she's done and for you to move on seriously. As much as you claim to love her, not taking her seriously and listening and fixing things indicates a high level of disrespect for her. That's a deal-breaker to most women.

[whatdoido123]

You guys just don't understand the pain i am going through on a daily basis

I have known this girl since FEB 2011.....i moved out here in 2009 to attend Arizona State University, never had a GF before until i met this girl.....she changed my life....

every year she would celebrate my birthday, but today its NOTHING, and i mean NOTHING

Normally we go out to eat and such but obviously of the virus, we can't, BUT she didn't even come over and want to spend time with me

Like do you guys know how much that hurts me

 

I texted her asking why didn't u make the effort to come over? Shes like "This year is different, stop complaining, the virus"

i ignored her response so far, but i am sad, i don't even want to live anymore,,,,,i don't think my life can get any worst honestly

[Blind-Sided]

36 minutes ago, whatdoido123 said:

You guys just don't understand the pain i am going through on a daily basis

I have known this girl since FEB 2011

Really?  guess you didn't read what I wrote.

im out.

[whatdoido123]

13 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said:

Really?  guess you didn't read what I wrote.

im out.

yes i saw it, ur was 20 years, but the difference between mine and urs was she was my first everything....And like my self confidence finding a girl now a days is very low. I don't want to be lonely for the rest of my life. Yes i have a 2 year old daughter, but it will never be the same without my ex being part of my life. 

 

Its not like we did much when we were together, Mainly just eat, gamble, travel, sleep and repeat. I guess i am scared of the situation of how it would be if this was for realz. I mean there still is a chance of getting back together but as the time passes, i get worried by the second

[JacobJ29]

You can't beg someone, this doesn't read as if it was healthy or right at any point. The fact you had a child together is concerning, but that's happened and that should be your sole 100% focus.

Forget her, forget the relationship and focus on your CHILD. That is the love of your life, that is your one and only...that's what you need to put your passion into. Don't waste time on a dead relationship. Even though you feel it's right in your heart, it doesn't mean it's right.

Focus on the child, and focus on improving your self worth and confidence - get out there and find new love when the time is right, one which will reciprocate the passion you clearly have.

[whatdoido123]

22 minutes ago, JacobJ29 said:

You can't beg someone, this doesn't read as if it was healthy or right at any point. The fact you had a child together is concerning, but that's happened and that should be your sole 100% focus.

Forget her, forget the relationship and focus on your CHILD. That is the love of your life, that is your one and only...that's what you need to put your passion into. Don't waste time on a dead relationship. Even though you feel it's right in your heart, it doesn't mean it's right.

Focus on the child, and focus on improving your self worth and confidence - get out there and find new love when the time is right, one which will reciprocate the passion you clearly have.

THANK YOU!!!!

I reallly try, but its really hard. I try to distract myself playing games or watching shows/movies, but my mind jumps right back to thinking what she is doing right now. I don't know what to do, i got some serious issue

In the meantime, i am driving up to her house to hang out with my daughter and also see my ex and maybe chit chat for a little bit. Like i understand the no contact policy, but its impossible when you have a child. And since i can't do the NC, my feeling for her won't go away because i will always be talking to her, while she is f***ing another guy and having me on the side. I read on her phone the other day they have some crazy sex and i saw the text where they talked about their sex afterward and she admitted that its the best sex she has ever had. IDK if thats for reals or not, or they just in the honey moon stage but it hurts me alot knowing i never satified her in bed either