What is she Implying (PART 2)

[assertives]

She has the right to be with whoever she wants to and have kids with whomever she wants. You need to let go and move on. 

You start by stop being creepy and reading her private messages with her friends or partner. You are way overstepping boundaries here. The more you know, the more you're hurting yourself. Also, stop letting her stay overnight or at all at your house.

[ExpatInItaly]

You won't really help yourself, so I am not sure how anyone here can help you either, OP. 

[whatdoido123]

On 4/11/2020 at 9:55 PM, basil67 said:

You must learn to help yourself

ehhhhhh, i am trying. I been trying to not think about it but its really tough

On 4/12/2020 at 3:28 AM, assertives said:

She has the right to be with whoever she wants to and have kids with whomever she wants. You need to let go and move on. 

You start by stop being creepy and reading her private messages with her friends or partner. You are way overstepping boundaries here. The more you know, the more you're hurting yourself. Also, stop letting her stay overnight or at all at your house.

Yeah , you are right. Its hurting more because i know more details about their life together, its super absurd

 

[whatdoido123]

so yeah last weekend she spent the night at my house because our daughter was sick. She said she needs to be there because i wouldn't know what to do, and how much medicine to give her. So i said yes u are welcome to. I find out on her phone on sunday its because her bf didn't wanna spend time with her because he was afraid that she might have the corona virus cuz my daughter has a high fever and was taken to the hospital, so he kept telling her to spend time with the daughter at home and rest up. That is the REAL reason she spent the night at my house, but whatever

They left sunday night, and i bought lunch and dinner for her and bubble tea. She tried to give me $30 cash back for her potion, before she left, and i knew something wasn't right. She hid it under my labtop and called me when she left my house cuz she knows i wouldn't take it. I was smart enough to slip the money in her car so basically she got her money back. I haven't talked to her all day Monday or Tuesday, but i been facebook stocking her. Today i find out she UNFRIENDED me on facebook, so now i am left in the dust

I did tell her i am coming over every wednesday (today) to visit our daughter. IDK if i should reach out to her if that is the plan or not, because we haven't texted all day since sunday when she was over. I been keeping myself busy just playing basketball in my back yard and playing some poker. I don't know what else to do honestly.

 

Do you guys think she is over me 100% now? Like i have no chance to rekindle our relationship? I

 

[ExpatInItaly]

43 minutes ago, whatdoido123 said:

ehhhhhh, i am trying. I been trying to not think about it but its really tough

No, you're really not. Not even close. 

You're still snooping in her phone. Still trying to woo her with lunch and dinner and bubble tea. Still stalking her social media (until she deleted you, at least) That is not trying. You keep shooting yourself in the foot and complaining about how much it hurts. 

But to answer your latest question, yes, I think she is 100% over you. She realized she was sending mixed signals and it was confusing you, so she's cutting the cord as much as she can, given that you're the child's father.  But the relationship you once shared is long gone. 

[whatdoido123]

3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

No, you're really not. Not even close. 

You're still snooping in her phone. Still trying to woo her with lunch and dinner and bubble tea. Still stalking her social media (until she deleted you, at least) That is not trying. You keep shooting yourself in the foot and complaining about how much it hurts. 

But to answer your latest question, yes, I think she is 100% over you. She realized she was sending mixed signals and it was confusing you, so she's cutting the cord as much as she can, given that you're the child's father.  But the relationship you once shared is long gone. 

the truth hurts bro

But u are correct, i i am NOT even over it still. I try to not think about it, but it comes right back in my head, and i ask my self the what ifs.

yawn, i trust and believe the same thing. She is 100% over me, i can just tell by her tone of voice last weekend. I can also tell by the text messages i received.

I asked her if she wants me over today to see my daughter, and shes like "can you come tomorrow".

IM LIKES "NO ITS FINE THEN"

She is supershot on her text message, and had nothing to say

I can tell shes all over her new BF, and doesn't give a crap about me anymore, 

[assertives]

5 hours ago, whatdoido123 said:

I can tell shes all over her new BF, and doesn't give a crap about me anymore

Which she or anyone else who is in a relationship should be instead of being hung up about their exes. It was already over for her when you guys broke up. You need to start being intentional about moving on.

[ExpatInItaly]

7 hours ago, whatdoido123 said:

i can tell shes all over her new BF, and doesn't give a crap about me anymore, 

Yes, exactly. 

Sorry man, but you need to start facing reality. She moved on. 

[Marc878]

Quit grasping at straws and living on hopium.

if not you’ll stay where you are

[whatdoido123]

12 hours ago, assertives said:

Which she or anyone else who is in a relationship should be instead of being hung up about their exes. It was already over for her when you guys broke up. You need to start being intentional about moving on.

#facts

 

10 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Yes, exactly. 

Sorry man, but you need to start facing reality. She moved on. 

BUT the reality is we were together for over 9 years, yeah we broke up couple times and got back together.....

 

9 hours ago, Marc878 said:

Quit grasping at straws and living on hopium.

if not you’ll stay where you are

HELP me then, what do you suggest i do? 

 

[whatdoido123]

its funny how i texted my ex gf to see if i can come over yesterday. She pretty much said no and that was it. 

Obviously she had plans or something because it was a 1 sentence response.

This morning like 10 minutes ago, she texted me if i want to come over today

Who does she think this is? I don't play around her schedule.

I kept her message UNREAD, Shes just trying to play it cool, because she had plans yesterday (I THINK? IM GUESSIN?)

SHOULD I RESPOND AND SAY NO? OR SHOULD I JUST KEEP HER MESSAGE UNREAD? LOL

 

 

I am bored out of my mind, what should i do?

 

 

Edited April 16, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[assertives]

Dude, get a grip. Everyone has their own schedule and lives to live regardless whether you have one or choose to move on or not. There isn't anything more to read into this. You asked if it was convenient for you to see your daughter yesterday, it wasn't, she told you as much. She knows you wanted to see your daughter but because of scheduling conflict yesterday, couldn't, so she's asking you if you wanted to today. There's no games or anything out of the ordinary here. If your schedule permits and wanted to see your daughter today, just make the necessary logistical arrangements with her accordingly?? End of story. Not sure what's so complicated about this. Stop playing this left on read/unread passive aggressive game. It's so childish and cringey. 

Also, the advice some one gave you earlier on for setting a fixed schedule for visitation and custody is a good one. Please give that some serious thought. It'll do your child some good too to have some kind of routine and regular visitation with both parents. Plus, you need to also think about and plan for the time when she gets married, starts her own family and have another kid. Her schedule will be alot more fluid and probably more fickle than what it is now. It will be good to work out and have a proper schedule for visitation now, and when you are able to afford a lawyer, get it formalized through the courts.

Edited April 16, 2020 by assertives

[whatdoido123]

6 hours ago, assertives said:

Dude, get a grip. Everyone has their own schedule and lives to live regardless whether you have one or choose to move on or not. There isn't anything more to read into this. You asked if it was convenient for you to see your daughter yesterday, it wasn't, she told you as much. She knows you wanted to see your daughter but because of scheduling conflict yesterday, couldn't, so she's asking you if you wanted to today. There's no games or anything out of the ordinary here. If your schedule permits and wanted to see your daughter today, just make the necessary logistical arrangements with her accordingly?? End of story. Not sure what's so complicated about this. Stop playing this left on read/unread passive aggressive game. It's so childish and cringey. 

 

So your saying i should suck up to it. She already knows that i come over every week on the weekday to see my daughter once. I told her wednesday should be a permanent day and she didn't deny or say anything against it

Basically i am saying why do i have to and revolve around her schedule? Just because she might be busy hanging with her BF or whatever the case is. Its not childish in my opinion, and leaving her on UNREAD (still 2 hours later) makes her think wtf.

I know i am still hurt and angry at everything that has transpired, but i honestly think i have a point here. Yes i want to see my daughter, but at the same time i am NOT over my ex still, and i do NOT know when that will be. I honestly still care alot about her, but obviously she doesn't for me or she would make the effort to hang out yesterday. 

Edited April 16, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[assertives]

Again, why should she be making any effort at hanging out with you? You guys are no longer together, she has a boyfriend now, and is probably working to nurture that relationship to grow into something meaningful. Why would or should she be spending time hanging out with her ex? She needs to keep things cordial with you so that you guys can work out a co-parenting relationship for the sake of your daughter. 

I don't understand why you see this as "being a little bitch and revolve around her schedule." If you really want to see your daughter, I'm afraid you may need to put up with some last minute changes at least for now until you guys can work out a good schedule and custody arrangements and actually stick to it. Whatever plans she have with her partner is frankly irrelevant. She cannot make it today, how about tomorrow? If it works, cool. If it doesn't, reschedule. The way you are ranting and going about this honestly sounded like you trying to irritate your ex to get back at her/get a reaction out of her was more important and that getting to see your daughter was just a good to have and takes backseat to being mad at your ex. Start making your focus be solely on your child.

[AIJ]

This is quite comfortably the most tragic thread I've read on here. 

My guy, just stop. 

If you want to see your daughter, do that. At this point, your daughter is the only thing you should be even remotely concerned about. 

 

[basil67]

6 hours ago, whatdoido123 said:

So your saying i should suck up to it. She already knows that i come over every week on the weekday to see my daughter once. I told her wednesday should be a permanent day and she didn't deny or say anything against it

Can't speak for the others, but I would again suggest you get a formal custody schedule established.  One which discusses how to deal with cancellations or changes of plans.  

Edited April 16, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[whatdoido123]

7 hours ago, assertives said:

Again, why should she be making any effort at hanging out with you? You guys are no longer together, she has a boyfriend now, and is probably working to nurture that relationship to grow into something meaningful. Why would or should she be spending time hanging out with her ex? She needs to keep things cordial with you so that you guys can work out a co-parenting relationship for the sake of your daughter. 

I don't understand why you see this as "being a little bitch and revolve around her schedule." If you really want to see your daughter, I'm afraid you may need to put up with some last minute changes at least for now until you guys can work out a good schedule and custody arrangements and actually stick to it. Whatever plans she have with her partner is frankly irrelevant. She cannot make it today, how about tomorrow? If it works, cool. If it doesn't, reschedule. The way you are ranting and going about this honestly sounded like you trying to irritate your ex to get back at her/get a reaction out of her was more important and that getting to see your daughter was just a good to have and takes backseat to being mad at your ex. Start making your focus be solely on your child.

because we have a baby together? I mean its some serious s*** right?

you don't want your child to grow up without mommy and daddy together from time to time right?

I mean my ex gf dad passed away when she was 10 years old because of a car accident, she told me she was a daddy girl and she say she misses her dad all the time. She is 31 year old now btw so over 20 years of not having her dad around her life now

Sometime it not about revolving around her schedule, or her bf schedule.  Yes she did try to reschedule for today, but i wrote back to her "no" maybe 3 hour later for the response. I don't need to respond right away if shes trying to play hard to get. Not like she likes me anymore but just saying. 

 

2 hours ago, AIJ said:

This is quite comfortably the most tragic thread I've read on here. 

My guy, just stop. 

If you want to see your daughter, do that. At this point, your daughter is the only thing you should be even remotely concerned about. 

 

I care deeply about my daughter, but i also care about my ex gf still. I been talking to alot of people over chat and phone call its normal to miss them and such. I know she says alot of harsh things about me, but at the end of the day i know she misses me alot, even though she doesn't say that. Like if i was in trouble, she would be there for me. I can confidently say that 100% true. 

 

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

Can't speak for the others, but I would again suggest you get a formal custody schedule established.  One which discusses how to deal with cancellations or changes of plans.  

I don't want to take this to court. I know she is a hard headed, and she probablly doesn't want me to either to get joint custody. At the same time right now i don't have a job and i was told that i would NOT win to get joint custody. I have no income, and have never really worked, so its hard to take this to court. At this time i was told, just let it be, and if she only wants you to see our daughter once a week, then so be it. Maybe when my ex gf and the bf get serious, they might have a baby, and then she will let me have more time with our daughter but right now i don't even have the motivation to do much. I am freaking sad!

[basil67]

Just now, whatdoido123 said:

I don't want to take this to court. I know she is a hard headed, and she probablly doesn't want me to either to get joint custody. At the same time right now i don't have a job and i was told that i would NOT win to get joint custody. I have no income, and have never really worked, so its hard to take this to court. At this time i was told, just let it be, and if she only wants you to see our daughter once a week, then so be it. Maybe when my ex gf and the bf get serious, they might have a baby, and then she will let me have more time with our daughter but right now i don't even have the motivation to do much. I am freaking sad!

Ok, so if you don't want to take it to court - or even work with a court appointed mediator - stop complaining.  

[whatdoido123]

so yeah i respond 3 hour later from the text if i was coming over

i said "no"

i thought that was it, but noooo she text me asking "are you busy today"

i said "yeah maybe next time"

and then she say "Busy with what if you don't mind me asking"

i said "trying to find my true love haha"

and she DOES NOT respond. 

 

I  mean WHY does it matter what i am busy with? Not like she cares about me, or think about me. Like does she think i am a piece of crap or something? Its honestly NONE of her business but at the end of the day i LOVE HER.  :(((((

 

ALso i been on bumble, tinder, and match and trying to find another girl, its hard.....

They don't meet my expectation, and its hard to find someone i truely love now

Edited April 17, 2020 by whatdoido123

[basil67]

Like I just said - see a court appointed mediator, get it sorted out and stop complaining.   You have the tools to sort this out if you choose.

[ExpatInItaly]

You need to man up and be a better dad, OP. Full stop. 

You're playing needless butt-hurt games with her mom, when the only goal should be to see the your daughter at a time when it's convenient for both parents. Playing "hard-to-get" with Mom is apparently more important you, though, which is sad. You're being ridiculous and your child is going to pay the price. 

Edited April 17, 2020 by ExpatInItaly

[whatdoido123]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

Like I just said - see a court appointed mediator, get it sorted out and stop complaining.   You have the tools to sort this out if you choose.

yup i see that, the only issue is i DONT work so the judge will NOT give me joint custody.....if anything she probably gets FULL custody if i took it to court. I don't want that to happen, so i really have no choice right now but to suck up to it right?

 

41 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You need to man up and be a better dad, OP. Full stop. 

You're playing needless butt-hurt games with her mom, when the only goal should be to see the your daughter at a time when it's convenient for both parents. Playing "hard-to-get" with Mom is apparently more important you, though, which is sad. You're being ridiculous and your child is going to pay the price. 

I am trying to be the best dad that i can. We agreed i visit my daughter ONCE a week on the WEEKDAY (monday - friday) and I get her on the weekend (saturday and sunday). But last week i did NOT get her on the weekday, and on the weekend she spent the night at my house because her bf didn't want to hang out.

Like i am trying to move on, but just the little thing is clinging me on to her. I love my daughter to death, but her mom is being mean to me. Sending me mixed signals, but at least this week we haven't talked much over text.

I do get her this coming Saturday, supposely she is dropping my daughter off in the morning and is expecting her back on sunday morning so we will see how this goes. Honestly i really hope their relationship does NOT work out, thus so we can get back together. I know its a far shot, but WTF else can i do at this point. 

[basil67]

Just now, whatdoido123 said:

yup i see that, the only issue is i DONT work so the judge will NOT give me joint custody.....if anything she probably gets FULL custody if i took it to court. I don't want that to happen, so i really have no choice right now but to suck up to it right?

From what you wrote earlier in the thread, it's that you WON'T work.   Yes, you're right that refusal to work doesn't reflect well on you, but unless the laws are different where you are, non working parents can still get custody.  

But yes, you are right that if you don't want a formal arrangement, then sucking it up is your only option.  Of course, sucking it up also means to accept your lot and not complain about it.

[assertives]

2 hours ago, whatdoido123 said:

you don't want your child to grow up without mommy and daddy together from time to time right?

Not when mom and dad is often quarrelling. It's not good for the child. Things that happen in childhood alot of times can have far-reaching, long-lasting effects into adulthood. These can be hard to undo later and would affect how the child form relationships, bond and see themselves. That's why having the parents stay together is not always a good or conducive environment for a child to grow up in. 

2 hours ago, whatdoido123 said:

Yes she did try to reschedule for today, but i wrote back to her "no" maybe 3 hour later for the response. I don't need to respond right away if shes trying to play hard to get.

Because..? Is your schedule is full? You wanted to see your daughter, no? You said you were bored out of your mind in your first post, no? So you are available to hang out with your daughter but choose to play games and pretend that you are busy "searching for your true love" because you were pissed she had a life to live and plans to make with her boyfriend. I get that it's frustrating and not cool to have plans change last minute, but this isn't about you or her. This is about your daughter, and you shouldn't hurt your daughter by choosing not to see her because of your fight with her mom.

She told you she was busy. Are you not able to just take that at face value? Why do you even need to accord so much unspoken meaning/motives and anger to it and convince yourself and others on here that she was "playing hard to get"? Get a grip. You need to start putting aside your differences and figure out how to co-parent amicably for the sake of your daughter. Children grow up fast, you won't get too much time to pick her up or put her down on a whim because you think her mother was "playing hard to get" for very long.

Edited April 17, 2020 by assertives

[whatdoido123]

12 hours ago, basil67 said:

From what you wrote earlier in the thread, it's that you WON'T work.   Yes, you're right that refusal to work doesn't reflect well on you, but unless the laws are different where you are, non working parents can still get custody.  

But yes, you are right that if you don't want a formal arrangement, then sucking it up is your only option.  Of course, sucking it up also means to accept your lot and not complain about it.

I mean you are partially right. I can't work right now because of the corona, not trying to catch that bug. I do understand i have the option to work, but for my safety i will NOT work right now maybe in a couple of month i might reconsider.

And no you are wrong. I am in the United State, and i spoke with some friends, i was told its pointless to file for joint custody if i don't have any income coming in. The judge will just reward it to the mother because she works and makes 50k a year and she is working at home now so she has consistent income coming in. 

There is absolutely no way i will get joint custody if i have no income. Yes i do have couple hundred saved up , but at the end of the day that is not enough to take care of my daughter.

 

11 hours ago, assertives said:

Not when mom and dad is often quarrelling. It's not good for the child. Things that happen in childhood alot of times can have far-reaching, long-lasting effects into adulthood. These can be hard to undo later and would affect how the child form relationships, bond and see themselves. That's why having the parents stay together is not always a good or conducive environment for a child to grow up in. 

Because..? Is your schedule is full? You wanted to see your daughter, no? You said you were bored out of your mind in your first post, no? So you are available to hang out with your daughter but choose to play games and pretend that you are busy "searching for your true love" because you were pissed she had a life to live and plans to make with her boyfriend. I get that it's frustrating and not cool to have plans change last minute, but this isn't about you or her. This is about your daughter, and you shouldn't hurt your daughter by choosing not to see her because of your fight with her mom.

She told you she was busy. Are you not able to just take that at face value? Why do you even need to accord so much unspoken meaning/motives and anger to it and convince yourself and others on here that she was "playing hard to get"? Get a grip. You need to start putting aside your differences and figure out how to co-parent amicably for the sake of your daughter. Children grow up fast, you won't get too much time to pick her up or put her down on a whim because you think her mother was "playing hard to get" for very long.

Honestly this week (monday -friday) its been pretty chill. We normally talk quite a bit, but i have backed off completely. WE have not talked on the phone for one bit and text message the last 5 days have been 3 message from her and 3 message from me for the 5 days. THat is called backing away. 

Yes we argue and such, and i understand its not good for my daughter sake, thats why i said lets not even talk much if its not about our daughter. I want the best for my daughter sake, and it sucks but life goes on with or without her. I can't be standing still playing the waiting game. That ain't gonna work at all. 

My schedule is super open. I guess i am just playing the hard to get/reach game. I don't plan to let her have her way, even though she always say i get my way all the time (which is not true). And YES i am pissed she has a bf and has something to look forward to everyday while i am eating the dust. 

It def hurts when she say she is busy. Yeah busy having sex with her bf or whatever the case it. I deserve better, i don't need to reimagine their sex life and how she says all these slang terms and position they need to do in her private text messages. It hurts me deeply inside and i don't know how to NOT think about it.