What is she Implying (PART 2)

[whatdoido123]

23 hours ago, basil67 said:

Well to be fair, she's probably right in guessing that you can't get a girlfriend anytime soon. She will see right through your pretence of talking to someone and knows that you'll have to get your act together first.   And if she does truly care about you, she will be delighted to know that you've found new love when it happens.  No reasonable person wants their ex to stay lonely and miserable.   All this game playing only hurts you and access with your daughter.

And stop allowing her to contact you with her woes.   Honestly, you really need to pull your big boy pants on, man up and put some strong boundaries in place.  No game playing, no hanging out at each other's houses together for access.    The only contact you should have is about dates and times of access and issues related to your daughter's life.

 

 

i don't want my ex to be miserable, i just want her to get back with me because we have a kid together. The only reason she is contacting me is either A) about our daughter or B) she has drama or issues with her family or her current bf.

 

And we did NOT talk all day today (4-29-2020). And she just texted me this RANDOMLY just like 30 minutes ago. We did NOT talk all day today. I don't understand what she is trying to tell me. Is she trying to get back with me? Or just say sorry for being an ass? What do you think?

 

SHE WROTE:

"I'm sorry for always yelling at you for you being "dumb" and not knowing stuff. To me i think i'm a pretty smart girl. But with me dating last year and this year i am like a dumb blond to them and they get mad and have no patients and get annoyed or whatever. Now i know how it feels to be in your boat"

I WROTE:

"No worries, we all make mistakes but at the end of the day we are all human so i get it...."

SHE WROTE

"yeah and i also don't want a relationship where the guy picks on me you know what i mean. Nor do i want a guy who uses me for my money or a guy that manipulates me"

I WROTE:

"hahahah yeah it goes both ways obviously. Until you realize your flaws/ negativity about yourself you don't know your mistakes until its too late

SHE WROTE

"Yeah"

Edited April 29, 2020 by whatdoido123

[basil67]

57 minutes ago, whatdoido123 said:

i don't want my ex to be miserable, i just want her to get back with me because we have a kid together. The only reason she is contacting me is either A) about our daughter or B) she has drama or issues with her family or her current bf.

What you want is irrelevant.  It's been abundantly proved before that the two of you can't make a relationship work to her satisfaction, so there's no reason she'd try again.   And being together because of a child is probably the worst reason to get back together and she knows this.   If you were be together, it should be because you have a harmonious relationship and truly love each other. But she no longer has romantic love for you.

Regarding wanting exes to be miserable, I was talking about the fact that she won't be jealous or sad if YOU move on because she would not want you to be miserable.    You should not be engaging with her over B.  Only A and not over trivial things like her asking if your daughter has her special cuddle bunny.

Quote

And we did NOT talk all day today (4-29-2020). And she just texted me this RANDOMLY just like 30 minutes ago. We did NOT talk all day today. I don't understand what she is trying to tell me. Is she trying to get back with me? Or just say sorry for being an ass? What do you think?

 

She's conceding that neither of you are very smart.  She's saying sorry for calling you names, but she doesn't want to get back with you.   You are in her friend zone and you are her orbiter. 

Edited April 29, 2020 by basil67

[Marc878]

She doesn’t want you except for a sympathetic ear.

get some type of schedule where you get your daughter. Stay out of the x’s home and do not let her in yours.

cut out contact except child related and only use text or email. 

stop analyzing everything and hoping it’s a sign you still have a chance.

right now you are your own worst enemy. Her actions tell you it’s over then move on.

[whatdoido123]

On 4/29/2020 at 4:52 PM, basil67 said:

What you want is irrelevant.  It's been abundantly proved before that the two of you can't make a relationship work to her satisfaction, so there's no reason she'd try again.   And being together because of a child is probably the worst reason to get back together and she knows this.   If you were be together, it should be because you have a harmonious relationship and truly love each other. But she no longer has romantic love for you.

Regarding wanting exes to be miserable, I was talking about the fact that she won't be jealous or sad if YOU move on because she would not want you to be miserable.    You should not be engaging with her over B.  Only A and not over trivial things like her asking if your daughter has her special cuddle bunny.

She's conceding that neither of you are very smart.  She's saying sorry for calling you names, but she doesn't want to get back with you.   You are in her friend zone and you are her orbiter. 

She knows clearly that i still have the love for her. The only problem is she doesn't have the same feeling (i think). Its true, we both are NOT smart, and we both knew that from the beginning of our relationship 9 years ago. Its not something new, at least that is what i thought. I got my daughter on Saturday and returned her the next day which was yesterday. She actually wanted to come over and spend the day at my house but i said NO. She asked why and i said because i am over it. 

The last few weeks i have been emotionally drained and yeah i still haven't gotton over it. I keep looking at the old pictures when we first met, and i took everything for granted. Like when we were together for a couple of years yeah i found her super attractive, but i say the last few years i didn't feel that way. It because i took everything for granted, and now i lost everything. It sucks and i regret every second of it. 

On 4/29/2020 at 5:16 PM, Marc878 said:

She doesn’t want you except for a sympathetic ear.

get some type of schedule where you get your daughter. Stay out of the x’s home and do not let her in yours.

cut out contact except child related and only use text or email. 

stop analyzing everything and hoping it’s a sign you still have a chance.

right now you are your own worst enemy. Her actions tell you it’s over then move on.

+1 totally agree, but it just super difficult and i only get my daughter 1 day which is saturday, but once her bf starts working again after this virus i know his days off are only monday and tuesday so i don't know if i will even get my daughter on saturday anymore which is going to suck 

[whatdoido123]

So this coming Sunday, May 10 is Mothers day. My ex gf asked if she can come over and celebrate like we do every year. I said NO, but am i really being stingy? I was thinking i will just buy her cheesecake and maybe grab some lunch and return our daughter to her like usual and just get her some desert, food, balloon and maybe a card with a personal message wishing her happy mother day.

 

Is that going overboard? Or should i let her come over and spend mother day at my house? But then if she does that , she gonna shower at my house and then i will be tempted to look at her phone messages again and its going to hurt me even more

[Marc878]

48 minutes ago, whatdoido123 said:

So this coming Sunday, May 10 is Mothers day. My ex gf asked if she can come over and celebrate like we do every year. I said NO, but am i really being stingy? I was thinking i will just buy her cheesecake and maybe grab some lunch and return our daughter to her like usual and just get her some desert, food, balloon and maybe a card with a personal message wishing her happy mother day.

Its not your place to do this. Keep everything separate.

Is that going overboard? Or should i let her come over and spend mother day at my house? But then if she does that , she gonna shower at my house and then i will be tempted to look at her phone messages again and its going to hurt me even more

She’s an X why would you do anything together? You aren’t in the picture anymore. If you want more visitation with your daughter. See an attorney and get something legal.

Shes dumped you. Do you not get it?

[Marc878]

You are the only one that’s keeping yourself in this. Why?

You want a life you move on. If not you’ll stay where you are. 

[preraph]

You don't have to get her anything for Mother's Day.  Maybe a card, and that is IT.  Her bf is the only one who might have to get her something.  Mother's Day is really for the children to get their mom something.  Don't make a date of it, and stop letting her come over there to USE your shower.  Good grief, man!  You can't seem to stand your ground at all.  Just stop letting her hang out and use you for her shower so then she can go out smelling good to her bf's!!

[ExpatInItaly]

No, it's not a good idea to celebrate the day together. 

You already know this. I imagine you will wind up doing it anyway, though. Be prepared to pissed off and hurt all over again come Monday morning. 

[whatdoido123]

2 hours ago, Marc878 said:

She’s an X why would you do anything together? You aren’t in the picture anymore. If you want more visitation with your daughter. See an attorney and get something legal.

Shes dumped you. Do you not get it?

BECAUSE shes the mother to our lovely daughter? And the point of Mother's Day is to celebrate her being such a great mother correct?

Of course i want more visitation, but i can't complain about that until i have a fixed income

Yeah she broke up with me, but i did many things in the past i totally regret so i don't blame her for dumping me

but now shes with a new boy, so idk.....

 

2 hours ago, Marc878 said:

You are the only one that’s keeping yourself in this. Why?

You want a life you move on. If not you’ll stay where you are. 

I try not to, but like i am stuck at home all day because of the virus, and our state extended stay at home until May 15 now....

its super fraustrating....

i want to move on but the state is still on lock down.....

 

2 hours ago, preraph said:

You don't have to get her anything for Mother's Day.  Maybe a card, and that is IT.  Her bf is the only one who might have to get her something.  Mother's Day is really for the children to get their mom something.  Don't make a date of it, and stop letting her come over there to USE your shower.  Good grief, man!  You can't seem to stand your ground at all.  Just stop letting her hang out and use you for her shower so then she can go out smelling good to her bf's!!

I don't understand why her bf have to get her anything? The point of this holiday every year is to tell every mother how great she has been with the child. The bf doesn't have a child with my ex gf so i don't understand where you are coming from?

Yes this coming Saturday i plan on buying something for my ex gf and write my name and my daughter name on the card just to show how much i appreciate it

I just don't know how far i am going to take it though, maybe get her desert, food, maybe some fancy chocolate with balloon and a card???

Yeah i am like 95% sure i am not going to let my ex gf over this Sunday, just gonna do the usual drop off at her house at 10am probably

plus i dont wanna go through her phone anyways if she did shower at my house

 

10 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

No, it's not a good idea to celebrate the day together. 

You already know this. I imagine you will wind up doing it anyway, though. Be prepared to pissed off and hurt all over again come Monday morning. 

But its freakin Mother's Day.

Its once a freakin year bro. Do you understand?

I want to show my appreciation as well right? even though we ain't together

Shes always going to be my daughter mama

that ain't gonna change!!!!

[preraph]

Spend that money on YOUR mother.

[basil67]

5 hours ago, whatdoido123 said:

+1 totally agree, but it just super difficult and i only get my daughter 1 day which is saturday, but once her bf starts working again after this virus i know his days off are only monday and tuesday so i don't know if i will even get my daughter on saturday anymore which is going to suck 

Again, you must set up a visiting schedule.   Do not allow your custody to be dictated by the her life schedule. 

Re Mother's Day, grow a spine.   Enforce boundaries.  If she wants to play happy families with you, she should actively be with you as a partner.   Honestly, she can never learn to respect you if you roll over each time she tells you to.   No happy family, no card, no gift.   She made you an ex - let her live with the consequences of her actions.

[whatdoido123]

On 5/4/2020 at 1:57 PM, preraph said:

Spend that money on YOUR mother.

good idea! But the point of my post on here is about my ex gf and NOT about my mother. 

I am just saying isn't it normal to give a gift since its Mother's Day 

 

On 5/4/2020 at 3:54 PM, basil67 said:

Again, you must set up a visiting schedule.   Do not allow your custody to be dictated by the her life schedule. 

Re Mother's Day, grow a spine.   Enforce boundaries.  If she wants to play happy families with you, she should actively be with you as a partner.   Honestly, she can never learn to respect you if you roll over each time she tells you to.   No happy family, no card, no gift.   She made you an ex - let her live with the consequences of her actions.

i honestly want to do that. Its been a dreadful week again for me. I can only see her every Thursday for 2 hours and then all day Saturday. That is ALL i get. SUPER UNFAIR

I been enforcing boudaries, or at least trying to. I don't think she respects me at all

 

Anyways she texted me randomly this morning:

She said:

Will you be able to watch her this friday night to Sunday morning

I said:

No i'm busy but i can do next weekend

She said:

Busy with what? 

I said:

No Sorry!

She said: 

Do you have a date?

I said:

More like a one night stand

She said:

I hope you guys work out

 

I guess what i am i trying to tell her is i met someone, but in reality i did NOT. I just want her to think i met someone and we are having sex. I don't know if she got upset or not by those text, but she stopped texting me. I guess i am trying to pull the card where she will miss me and stuff, but i can't tell if she is or not. I am NOT going to text her about it, shes always the one to text me first, and i keep it super short. 

I was just shocked she texted me asking if i can watch her friday night because she NEVER ask me. I feel like she and her bf have some type of plan to hang out somewhere or go somewhere for Mother day weekend, but I do NOT exactly what it is. So i kinda feel like s*** and i dont know what else to do. Do you think she will miss me or at least care about me and what i am doing this Friday? 

[basil67]

In just one post you complain both about how limited contact hours are super unfair and then you refuse to care for your daughter.  If you really cared about seeing your daughter, you'd take any chance you could to see her.  

If she does think about you on Friday night, it's likely to be with resentment because you wouldn't care for your daughter.  

[assertives]

2 hours ago, whatdoido123 said:

I am just saying isn't it normal to give a gift since its Mother's Day 

My dad, as far as I can remember, never got my mother anything for mother's day. To him, mother's day is for the children aka me to do something whether it's a gift or going out to eat, whatever. So no, not really a normal thing. Alot of my friends also do not even celebrate it with their own mothers let alone for/with their spouses.

If you really wanted to do something on mother's day, I would suggest maybe guiding or helping your daughter pick out something for her or it could even be a card you teach her how to make and let her gift it in her own name although in reality, it's you paying for the gift or doing most of the crafting. Something simple and appropriate for your daughter's age/level of difficulty would suffice. It would be a sweet thing for your daughter to do for her mom, and also a nice father-daughter bonding activity for you and your child. Do not send her anything in your own name or make this about you. Let your daughter take all the credit/limelight.

2 hours ago, whatdoido123 said:

Do you think she will miss me or at least care about me and what i am doing this Friday? 

Nah. She'll probably only "miss" or "care" about you in the context of how her daughter is doing in your care of (if you choose to see your daughter). She is too busy enjoying her time with her boyfriend to be thinking about an ex's one night stand. If anything, she may be happy you are finally moving on and living your life.

[basil67]

Agreed on the Mother's Day thing.  These days my dad buy flowers for myself, my sister (we are both mothers) and my mum.  But when we were young, we'd get given $2 to spend at the school Mother's Day fair. 

[preraph]

12 hours ago, whatdoido123 said:

Do you think she will miss me or at least care about me and what i am doing this Friday? 

No. If she wanted to be with you she'd be with you.

[whatdoido123]

On 5/6/2020 at 1:27 AM, basil67 said:

Agreed on the Mother's Day thing.  These days my dad buy flowers for myself, my sister (we are both mothers) and my mum.  But when we were young, we'd get given $2 to spend at the school Mother's Day fair. 

so basically i kind of listened and i went to the store and bought sprinkle cupcake (4) and made a card and a personal message to her. I let me daughter scribble all over the card and the envelope so it was basically written by my 2 year old

 

On 5/5/2020 at 11:51 PM, assertives said:

My dad, as far as I can remember, never got my mother anything for mother's day. To him, mother's day is for the children aka me to do something whether it's a gift or going out to eat, whatever. So no, not really a normal thing. Alot of my friends also do not even celebrate it with their own mothers let alone for/with their spouses.

If you really wanted to do something on mother's day, I would suggest maybe guiding or helping your daughter pick out something for her or it could even be a card you teach her how to make and let her gift it in her own name although in reality, it's you paying for the gift or doing most of the crafting. Something simple and appropriate for your daughter's age/level of difficulty would suffice. It would be a sweet thing for your daughter to do for her mom, and also a nice father-daughter bonding activity for you and your child. Do not send her anything in your own name or make this about you. Let your daughter take all the credit/limelight.

Nah. She'll probably only "miss" or "care" about you in the context of how her daughter is doing in your care of (if you choose to see your daughter). She is too busy enjoying her time with her boyfriend to be thinking about an ex's one night stand. If anything, she may be happy you are finally moving on and living your life.

I bought makers for my daughter to just scribble lines on the mother's day card. My ex wanted to come over sunday morning since it was mother day, but i said NO. I did send her "Happy Mother's Day text message at like 1 am on sunday so she would she it when she woke up from her bf house. 

 

On 5/6/2020 at 8:51 AM, preraph said:

No. If she wanted to be with you she'd be with you.

You are right, she don't give a f about me. I get that, and i finally met someone on the dating app. She seems pretty chill and we been messaging back and forth. Hopefully this week we can meet up somewhere. Its kind of scary because i don't know what to expect since this is the first time i did the online dating. I don't know where to meet up with this lockdown and i think it would be weird if i invited her over to my house for the first time right? I don't want to make it seem like i want to netflix and chill. You know what i mean? Any Suggestion?

 

[ExpatInItaly]

You shouldn't be meeting up with anyone at all during lockdown, OP. 

The risk isn't worth it right now. Communicate and chat or do video dates, but in-person dating - especially with a stranger -  is not smart at this time. 

On another note: well done for your conduct on Mother's Day. It sounds like you handled it well and stood by a good boundary. That was the best thing you could have done for yourself. 

[preraph]

Sounds like you did pretty good on Mother's Day. You made it about your daughter. Good for you. 

 

It's kind of dangerous dating during the pandemic as you know. For that reason why don't you invite her to something outside and don't try to get close into her or anything physical. either go someplace outside to a patio that is not crowded where tables are far apart from each other or go hike outside if she wants to. Not everyone likes that. 

I think maybe the open-air patio thing is the best idea and be prepared to buy her a little lunch there. maybe someplace like Panera bread but tell her ahead of time that because of the pandemic you'll want to sit outside on the patio. 

[assertives]

I also thought you handled the mother's day thing well.

You said you are not finding work because you are not planning on getting the coronavirus, then you also really shouldn't be meeting up with a stranger in the middle of a pandemic. You could be putting your child at risk. Perhaps just chatting or have a "date" on zoom or gaming together could be fun too.

 

[whatdoido123]

On 5/11/2020 at 8:58 AM, ExpatInItaly said:

You shouldn't be meeting up with anyone at all during lockdown, OP. 

The risk isn't worth it right now. Communicate and chat or do video dates, but in-person dating - especially with a stranger -  is not smart at this time. 

On another note: well done for your conduct on Mother's Day. It sounds like you handled it well and stood by a good boundary. That was the best thing you could have done for yourself. 

Thank you!

 

On 5/11/2020 at 9:04 AM, preraph said:

Sounds like you did pretty good on Mother's Day. You made it about your daughter. Good for you. 

 

It's kind of dangerous dating during the pandemic as you know. For that reason why don't you invite her to something outside and don't try to get close into her or anything physical. either go someplace outside to a patio that is not crowded where tables are far apart from each other or go hike outside if she wants to. Not everyone likes that. 

I think maybe the open-air patio thing is the best idea and be prepared to buy her a little lunch there. maybe someplace like Panera bread but tell her ahead of time that because of the pandemic you'll want to sit outside on the patio. 

Thank you!

 

On 5/12/2020 at 5:21 AM, assertives said:

I also thought you handled the mother's day thing well.

You said you are not finding work because you are not planning on getting the coronavirus, then you also really shouldn't be meeting up with a stranger in the middle of a pandemic. You could be putting your child at risk. Perhaps just chatting or have a "date" on zoom or gaming together could be fun too.

 

Thank you!

 

Sorry i haven't updated, but its memorial day weekend, and my ex dropped off our daughter at my house yesterday morning. Normally i would drop her back off today around noon, but she wanted me to watch her for another day so i said sure.

So i guess she finally admitted that shes been dating this guy for 2 month and their constant issue they are having, so i don't even need to go through her phone for that, but shes been begging to spend the night at my house because her bf doesn't wanna hang out 3 days in a row. She keeps telling me that she will just stay in our daughter room at my house and no where else, and she just wants DADDY and MOMMY to spend Memorial day with our daughter together.

I keep telling her no, but she keeps insisting. I said that would break boundaries and she said her bf would NOT know. I am like okay if you want to play that way lets hookup if you do spend the night and she said NO. So i guess what should i do?

[preraph]

Tell her no and don't let her do it. She is so unreasonable. Just tell her no. She's used to you caving in on whatever she wants. And when she is there, don't help her keep that secret from her boyfriend.

[whatdoido123]

hey! been a long time since i updated. So i guess my ex gf has been having issues with her bf. Shes been telling me the details and she is sad....

she keeps wanting to stay at my place on saturday since her bf works but i keep telling her no. 

she also keeps telling me that she loves her bf and everything. Its odd.... and she calls me to vents about her fraustration...

[preraph]

You've let yourself become her girlfriend. I'm glad you're still saying no to the sleepovers. She is very selfish and just using you and has no sympathy at all for your own feelings. She is truly not worth having.