What is she Implying (PART 2)

[basil67]

1 minute ago, whatdoido123 said:

And we got in biggest argument last week. I told her I can drive the 40 miles to pick up my daughter. She said no and her excuse is she doesn’t trust my driving.

And here's a reminder of why she doesn't want to be with you.  It's the arguing.  What's wrong with your driving?

[Yosemite]

Do you have a DUI? If not, get a custody order and you can pick up your daughter whether your ex likes it or not.

Why doesn’t she shower at the bf’s place? It doesn’t make sense that she would have sex with her bf and then wait to shower until she gets to your place. 

Why doesn’t she have her own place? Does she work?

[whatdoido123]

56 minutes ago, basil67 said:

And here's a reminder of why she doesn't want to be with you.  It's the arguing.  What's wrong with your driving?

She always say I’m the worst driver, but honestly I feel my driving is safe. I also saw this note on her iPhone notepad. I don’t know if it’s referring to me or her current bf. This is exactly what it said.

 

Mental abuse rel

 

feel insecurity

Overthink

want reassurance

Have trust issues

Afraid to say how I feel

Cry over small things

 

 

so ^^^ exactly how it was written, it showed on the phone it was written yesterday. She is on birth control FYI. I don’t know why she wrote that list or what it means to me. Please help

[whatdoido123]

i've been thinking all day long since i saw that earlier, like only 2 or 3 of them refer to me honestly. Like trust issues because i lie to her all the time and she tells me that. The second one is maybe feel insecurity because i am never around back then and she thinks i cheated on her. And third would be want reassurance. But honestly i don't know.

 

 

[basil67]

Sounds to me like she's doing therapy.  Given all the stuff you put her through in the past, she's probably trying to undo the damage you created so that she can be a better partner for the new guy.   She's probably having trouble trusting him because of all the lies etc which came from you.  If I'm right, you should expect further distancing to come from her in the near future.  

Re the driving, what does SHE say about your driving?  Too fast?  Erratic?  Aggressive?  Drugs or alcohol?

 

Edited April 5, 2020 by basil67

[whatdoido123]

10 hours ago, basil67 said:

Sounds to me like she's doing therapy.  Given all the stuff you put her through in the past, she's probably trying to undo the damage you created so that she can be a better partner for the new guy.   She's probably having trouble trusting him because of all the lies etc which came from you.  If I'm right, you should expect further distancing to come from her in the near future.  

Re the driving, what does SHE say about your driving?  Too fast?  Erratic?  Aggressive?  Drugs or alcohol?

 

Why do u say therapy? Do you think she’s getting help? 
 

she says my driving is terrible. Honestly I feel my driving is super. She complains about my driving cuz if she doesn’t drive she gets super car sick. I’ve known this since day 1 when I met her 9 years ago.

 

today is Sunday it’s 9:22 am, I texted her what time she’s coming back and she said why. I reply with “just wondering” and I get no response from her. I mean what could they be doing now? f*** man 

[preraph]

Oh yeah this is really going to work. You two need a judge's order that you both follow about when there will be kid exchange. She's going to be sick of you taking that opportunity to contact her while she's busy with her boyfriend. And by the way, should you ever get a new girlfriend, do you think then you would have the backbone to take the key away from her so that she can stop coming over and walking around naked and getting in and out of the shower? Because no woman is going to put up with that. I realize you're not really even looking though. But you should be unless you want to be alone forever because she is done.

[whatdoido123]

3 hours ago, preraph said:

Oh yeah this is really going to work. You two need a judge's order that you both follow about when there will be kid exchange. She's going to be sick of you taking that opportunity to contact her while she's busy with her boyfriend. And by the way, should you ever get a new girlfriend, do you think then you would have the backbone to take the key away from her so that she can stop coming over and walking around naked and getting in and out of the shower? Because no woman is going to put up with that. I realize you're not really even looking though. But you should be unless you want to be alone forever because she is done.

U think so? I guess my self esteem is at a all time low. I don't think i can't get a girl as attracted as she is. Even though she had a baby, she has an amazing body that i can adore on a weekly basis. I mean she just turned 31 years old so shes still super sexy in my book

Yeah i am scared to be alone forever, i honestly want her to change her mind about me. But so far, nothing has really happened for her to change her perception about me

[whatdoido123]

But anyways, Today sunday 4-4-2020, she finally texted back around 9:30 and said she will be at my house by 10am. 

i looked at the clock she actually got here around 9:55am so it was right on. Anyways we both played with our daughter for about 1 hour as mommy and daddy. I miss those times so much. 

Then we headed to get lunch, Pho to be exact, we got it to go and ate it at my house. She paid for it. We also got boba tea, she paid for it as well.

Now she is putting our daughter to sleep, at 1pm.....

and when she came back she didn't shower right away, unlike last week, but i know so she shower later tonight before they head back.

excited and hopeful i can go through her phone to see what is going on with their relationship.....

help me man, i got f***in issues....

[preraph]

27 minutes ago, whatdoido123 said:

U think so? I guess my self esteem is at a all time low. I don't think i can't get a girl as attracted as she is. Even though she had a baby, she has an amazing body that i can adore on a weekly basis. I mean she just turned 31 years old so shes still super sexy in my book

Yeah i am scared to be alone forever, i honestly want her to change her mind about me. But so far, nothing has really happened for her to change her perception about me

You need to accept reality.  That is not going to happen.  She knows you too well.  She knows you very well and has decided to leave you.  You need to clean up this mess and mourn and then get on with life and date.  You can't do that as long as you've given her a key.  No woman will put up with any of that.  

[whatdoido123]

25 minutes ago, preraph said:

You need to accept reality.  That is not going to happen.  She knows you too well.  She knows you very well and has decided to leave you.  You need to clean up this mess and mourn and then get on with life and date.  You can't do that as long as you've given her a key.  No woman will put up with any of that.  

hey op, u are so pin point on key. She is sleeping with our daughter in the other room, and i asked her to come out and talk. Shes like no,  talk over text, so we been texting, and i keep asking her if there is anything so wants to tell me or vent about, Basically she is saying

"nothing to tell you"

"we are both parents"

"That are not together"

"what else is new"

"why do you start so much drama"

"i swear"

 

These are the text message i  just received, 

 

Bro, please tell me what to do. We have a kid together, but she doesn't want to be with me anymore. And i totally mean it too. 

[preraph]

And there you go.  It is never going to happen with her again.  You need to get your key back and be civil about picking up the child, but keep her out of your home for any extended period and definitely no more showers and using you like a hotel.  Once you accept it's never going to happen with her again, you will eventually want to date and you cannot do that with her around giving her free reign of your life like this.  I don't know why she even feels comfortable coming into your home, honestly.  Most women would be avoiding you for doing this as much as possible.  You don't need to know what's going on with her bf because even if that ends, which it will, she won't come back to you!  She'll just keep dating other guys.  So why torture yourself.  Get your key back and tell her you are going to move on and all you will be doing is exchanging the baby.  

[whatdoido123]

11 minutes ago, preraph said:

And there you go.  It is never going to happen with her again.  You need to get your key back and be civil about picking up the child, but keep her out of your home for any extended period and definitely no more showers and using you like a hotel.  Once you accept it's never going to happen with her again, you will eventually want to date and you cannot do that with her around giving her free reign of your life like this.  I don't know why she even feels comfortable coming into your home, honestly.  Most women would be avoiding you for doing this as much as possible.  You don't need to know what's going on with her bf because even if that ends, which it will, she won't come back to you!  She'll just keep dating other guys.  So why torture yourself.  Get your key back and tell her you are going to move on and all you will be doing is exchanging the baby.  

Not to bring race into the matter, but we both are asian (chinese to be exact),  There was a myth out there saying that all azn parents want to keep the family together. Yes even though we NEVER go married and had a baby i DON'T understand why she wants to break up this trend. I have been very good to her lately especailly after finding out what happened, but she seems to not care.

 

The baby is still napping prob for another 30 minutes, and then she will call me to the room to entertain the baby. She will prob tell me to give her a massage (which i def would cuz i want to touch her) but after that idk what we will be doing. At around 6pm, shes gonna help our daughter shower, and then she will shower. Lets see if she will shower with the door open or not. Like i guess she hasn't admitted it to me that she has a BF still. Why do you think she is hiding that behind my back? Can you answer that question?

[preraph]

Because she knows you will go off your nut and doesn't want to talk about it.  Why would you give her a massage?  She treats you like her servant.  Why is it that she can't just drop the baby off and leave and let YOU spend time with the baby?  That's your right.  Again, you need to get a court order and not let her just do whatever she wants.  She is taking advantage of you and knows you'll put up with anything.  

 

Asian or not, these days people don't stay with people they don't want to stay with.  

[JacobJ29]

Seriously mate, WTF is this???

I've never read anything so insane in my life. Read this all back, your behaviour here is ridiculous. You are enabling this. She is a bit of a moron riding on your emotions, but you are letting her.

You keep going around in circles here. There are only 4 things you need to do from here:

-          Tell her to give your key back.

-          Don't let her in your HOUSE, just for drop offs and pickups.

-          Keep an open line of communication just about the child.

-          Work on getting yourself some hobbies and interest elsewhere.

None of this is healthy dude, this is going to destroy you as a person, and you are letting it.

There really shouldn't be a kid involved here if we're honest, but there is and that's that - so you need to make it work for the kid, nothing else. Why you feel like it's OK to be treated like this is beyond me. Have some self-worth and grow some balls.

[whatdoido123]

9 minutes ago, preraph said:

Because she knows you will go off your nut and doesn't want to talk about it.  Why would you give her a massage?  She treats you like her servant.  Why is it that she can't just drop the baby off and leave and let YOU spend time with the baby?  That's your right.  Again, you need to get a court order and not let her just do whatever she wants.  She is taking advantage of you and knows you'll put up with anything.  

 

Asian or not, these days people don't stay with people they don't want to stay with.  

cuz she lets me be sexual with her while giving her a massage, lol idk but its not really a massage its more of a scrach, but lately shes been wanting a massage instead

She can drop off the baby, the thing is the baby misses mama alot because they spend alot of time together and shes only 2 years old. I don't understand how a court order would do anything since we already agreed that i can see the baby on any weekday and then see her Saturday and Sunday. 

5 minutes ago, JacobJ29 said:

Seriously mate, WTF is this???

I've never read anything so insane in my life. Read this all back, your behaviour here is ridiculous. You are enabling this. She is a bit of a moron riding on your emotions, but you are letting her.

You keep going around in circles here. There are only 4 things you need to do from here:

-          Tell her to give your key back.

-          Don't let her in your HOUSE, just for drop offs and pickups.

-          Keep an open line of communication just about the child.

-          Work on getting yourself some hobbies and interest elsewhere.

None of this is healthy dude, this is going to destroy you as a person, and you are letting it.

There really shouldn't be a kid involved here if we're honest, but there is and that's that - so you need to make it work for the kid, nothing else. Why you feel like it's OK to be treated like this is beyond me. Have some self-worth and grow some balls.

Like yesterday she went to her current bf house and they went to Costco to get toliet paper. We split that in half cuz she knows i am low on it. I mean she still cares about me right? I question her about it she said its a "team effort". So idk what to think on that part

We used to have an open line of communication where she tells me EVERYTHING an ANYTHING going on with her life. I loved that, but she is super distant now and rarely tells me anything to a point where i brought it up via text and of course she denys everything.

What kind of hobbies? Like i love to gamble and such but i don't do much and have a boring life. And this quaratinned doesn't help either because i get super bored at home, there is nothing to do here at my house. I live by myself, and its just super boring

 

I understand i need to do something, but what or when should i start? Every second that passes by, i get more hurt and i don't know why i deserved this in the first place. And i am hestitating because she lets me borrow money through out our relationship (i paid her back each time) like $2000, or $3000 or even $5000. If we didn't speak i don't know if she would still let me borrow such a big amount of money. I don't work and i have never worked, always gambled and thats what killed most of my time. Now i am broke, don't have much money in my name so i want to keep her around as well. Its really hard to explain but shes basically my sugar mama at the same time 

[preraph]

She shouldn't let you borrow any money.  You're not even together anymore.  Do you still owe her money?  So is she paying for your place to live?  Is that why she gets a key?  I mean, from her perspective?  You say you have no money and don't work, so...

 

And listen, this part of you giving her a massage because that's all you can get is pathetic.  You have no pride whatsoever.  No woman is attracted to that level of desperation.  This is so messed up.  This whole thing is just sick.  You do realize this sugar mama and massages and apartment key is coming to a screeching halt as soon as she gets a serious boyfriend?  Because any man would hit the roof about that ridiculous crap.  

Edited April 5, 2020 by preraph

[whatdoido123]

26 minutes ago, preraph said:

She shouldn't let you borrow any money.  You're not even together anymore.  Do you still owe her money?  So is she paying for your place to live?  Is that why she gets a key?  I mean, from her perspective?  You say you have no money and don't work, so...

 

And listen, this part of you giving her a massage because that's all you can get is pathetic.  You have no pride whatsoever.  No woman is attracted to that level of desperation.  This is so messed up.  This whole thing is just sick.  You do realize this sugar mama and massages and apartment key is coming to a screeching halt as soon as she gets a serious boyfriend?  Because any man would hit the roof about that ridiculous crap.  

I mean shes been a dick about it the last time i borrowed $3000 and this was 3 month ago (when we were broken up already as of last year in Septemeber), but i did give her interest of $100 just to borrow for 2 month and repay her back. And yes i have paid her back all the money i owed her up to today. 

And no, i pay my own rent, through gambling but had a recent bad run at the casino and sports betting so i am pretty broke now.

So if i was to ask her for lets say $1k or $2k i think she would be OKAY...

 

It is said, that all i can get is when i give her a massage i can touch/hold her boobs and just some sexual simulation, but shes been pretty hard headed recently so i haven't really had a long session with that part. You are right, i am desperate, and i mean super desperate to the point where i would pretty much do anything to win her back someway or somehow. And from the recent text message, it seems like they are getting serious about their relationship and the guy shes dating is also asian and seems to be a little bitch and let her decide everything. The thing is he is around 37 years old i heard while she just turned 31 years old last month...........

Edited April 5, 2020 by whatdoido123

[preraph]

Why aren't the casinos closed where you are?  They are here.  Too much virus threat.

[JacobJ29]

This is so unhealthy it's untrue.

The situation we are all in at the mo doesn't help, not at all....but....you coming across as proper pathetic and way, way too desperate - desperation to dangerous levels where I'd actually not be surprised you'd do something insane just for a chance to touch her. It sounds stalkerish.

You need to let her live her life now. You say she's been super distant and not communicating like she used to.

YOU ARE NOT TOGETHER ANYMORE. SHE IS NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND. She is not going to communicate that level with you anymore. 

You have not moved on and you are making a complete fool of yourself. Please, stop. Please have some pride and work on yourself. Until you do that, you'll never move on - and you need to move on, please don't ever think this has a chance again.

I'm not saying anymore because it's just going round in circles. If you take anything from my posts, just take this line:

Make this about your daughter. She is the only girl in your life you should be obsessed over.

[ExpatInItaly]

15 minutes ago, whatdoido123 said:

the guy shes dating is also asian and seems to be a little bitch and let her decide everything.

Get outta town!

Isn't that so weird?

[basil67]

7 hours ago, whatdoido123 said:

Why do u say therapy? Do you think she’s getting help? 
 

she says my driving is terrible. Honestly I feel my driving is super. She complains about my driving cuz if she doesn’t drive she gets super car sick. I’ve known this since day 1 when I met her 9 years ago.

 

today is Sunday it’s 9:22 am, I texted her what time she’s coming back and she said why. I reply with “just wondering” and I get no response from her. I mean what could they be doing now? f*** man 

The way she's noting things down indicates that she's thinking about her own issues, what caused them and how to fix herself.  

Yep, as I suspected with your driving.   I would lay money that you're the kind of driver who is hard on the accelerator and brake, changes lanes frequently and throws himself around corners having fun.   Thing is, your driving makes her sick, you know it makes her sick yet you won't adapt your style accordingly.  Add to that she fears for her child with you at the wheel, then you're NOT a good driver.  A good driver adapts accordingly, and this includes driving appropriately for passengers.   Drivers who scare others or make them sick are not good drivers.  Yet another reason she sees you as a bad option - your driving indicates a high degree of selfishness.

I can imagine many fine things they could be doing.  Having a lovely breakfast.  Having sex.   Still sleeping, wrapped around each other in bed.  Just standard Sunday morning stuff.  

Honestly, the more you write on here, the more and more obvious it is why you aren't an option for her.  How can you not see that she could do so much better than what you have to offer?

[whatdoido123]

4 hours ago, preraph said:

Why aren't the casinos closed where you are?  They are here.  Too much virus threat.

Yeah they officially closed last week.

 

3 hours ago, JacobJ29 said:

This is so unhealthy it's untrue.

The situation we are all in at the mo doesn't help, not at all....but....you coming across as proper pathetic and way, way too desperate - desperation to dangerous levels where I'd actually not be surprised you'd do something insane just for a chance to touch her. It sounds stalkerish.

You need to let her live her life now. You say she's been super distant and not communicating like she used to.

YOU ARE NOT TOGETHER ANYMORE. SHE IS NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND. She is not going to communicate that level with you anymore. 

You have not moved on and you are making a complete fool of yourself. Please, stop. Please have some pride and work on yourself. Until you do that, you'll never move on - and you need to move on, please don't ever think this has a chance again.

I'm not saying anymore because it's just going round in circles. If you take anything from my posts, just take this line:

Make this about your daughter. She is the only girl in your life you should be obsessed over.

 

Today we had this exact talk u are telling me. I f***ing BLEW up and said everything u told me, man oh man she was pissed. 

 

3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Get outta town!

Isn't that so weird?

 

I don't have much friends, so where would i go?

 

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

The way she's noting things down indicates that she's thinking about her own issues, what caused them and how to fix herself.  

Yep, as I suspected with your driving.   I would lay money that you're the kind of driver who is hard on the accelerator and brake, changes lanes frequently and throws himself around corners having fun.   Thing is, your driving makes her sick, you know it makes her sick yet you won't adapt your style accordingly.  Add to that she fears for her child with you at the wheel, then you're NOT a good driver.  A good driver adapts accordingly, and this includes driving appropriately for passengers.   Drivers who scare others or make them sick are not good drivers.  Yet another reason she sees you as a bad option - your driving indicates a high degree of selfishness.

I can imagine many fine things they could be doing.  Having a lovely breakfast.  Having sex.   Still sleeping, wrapped around each other in bed.  Just standard Sunday morning stuff.  

Honestly, the more you write on here, the more and more obvious it is why you aren't an option for her.  How can you not see that she could do so much better than what you have to offer?

Yes, that is so true so i f***ing finally blew up, let me write what happen next give me 10 min

[whatdoido123]

so we finally had that talk, and i TOOK EVERY SINGLE advice you guys gave me. I told her to give me my keys back and she did. I told her that i would go pick up my daughter at her house and she yes. But she said i can only VISIT her and not take her back to my house

HOW IS THAT FAIR? I asked to take her Saturday morning and bring her back at night on Sunday and she went off on me saying that i would make her cry. She probably would cry, but i need to get her use to it since i am the daddy. Do i have the right? 

She says i am the manipulator, its funny because shes doing it right at me, and saying i am the worst boyfriend ever back then. She is super strong and i cussed her out it was crazy. Now i feel relived, but idk what else to do. They both left, and i was tearing up because she would question me this and that and how we didn't live together. And how everytime she get a BF , i would try to get her back. 

I also figured out the thing she wrote was ABOUT ME

Mental abuse relationship

feel insecurity

overthink

want reassurance

have trust issues

afraid to say how i feel

cry over small things

 

AT LEAST NOW I TOLD HER TO GET OF MY HOUSE. 

NO MORE EXCUSES IN TRYING TO COME OVER AND SHOWER

HOPEFULLY I AM READY TO DATE SOON....HOW LONG WILL THIS TAKE TO HEAL

 

Edited April 6, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language

[preraph]

I bet you feel better getting all that off your chest. Now see this is why I said you may need to get a judge's order because of course you have a right to see your child 50% of the time if you want to. The baby will adjust. They mainly get upset if one of the parents is upset. So if she's all upset about it that will just make the child more upset. Of course it might be better for you to only have the child a couple of days a week at this age, but you two can work that out or you can get a judge's order. 

You might get some info from the link below about Sherry a toddler. 

 

https://www.custodyxchange.com/ages/toddler.php

 

She may be mad, but I bet she has just a little more respect for you now and more importantly, hopefully you have a little more respect for yourself.