What is she Implying (PART 2)

[preraph]

Hey, she finally agreed to let you have a solo custody visit, and all you can think about is you're hurt she's with another guy.  You need to grab this opportunity to see your child if you care about your child.  If you don't, stop using her to get to her mother.  

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, whatdoido123 said:

So today is Friday (4-17-2020) and i am suppose to get my daughter tomorrow so i get a text message from her saying this about 10 minutes ago:

"Good morning tomorrow i will drop her off around 10 am ish do you need me to pick her up on Sunday?"

I left it on UNREAD, probably won't answer for a hour or two. I

This is so selfish of you it's almost hard to believe, OP.

This is about your child, not you.  She is the one you'll ultimately hurt if you continue to behave like this and make it difficult for her mom to arrange visits with you. You're weaponizing your relationship with your daughter here which is an incredibly toxic move on your part. 

It's time to actually start putting the best interests of your child ahead of your own. You've spent too long using this kid as a pawn. 

 

[basil67]

6 hours ago, whatdoido123 said:

My schedule is super open. I guess i am just playing the hard to get/reach game. I don't plan to let her have her way, even though she always say i get my way all the time (which is not true). And YES i am pissed she has a bf and has something to look forward to everyday while i am eating the dust. 

It def hurts when she say she is busy. Yeah busy having sex with her bf or whatever the case it. I deserve better, i don't need to reimagine their sex life and how she says all these slang terms and position they need to do in her private text messages. It hurts me deeply inside and i don't know how to NOT think about it. 

Keep up this game playing of being hard to reach and you'll only push her further away and possibly lose any contact with your daughter.  And because you refuse to see a court about a custody schedule, there will be nothing you can do about it.  Your behaviour is juvenile to say the least.

And no, you don't deserve better.  At present, you're getting exactly what you have brought upon yourself.  If you want better, then you need to get your act together - and only then will things start to improve for you.   

[whatdoido123]

4 hours ago, assertives said:

You are the only one keeping yourself stuck in this spot tho. Your ex have explicitly told you it's over and to move on and live your life. She has also followed up with active actions to move on, live and work on building a life that she wants. The world will continue to go on and she will continue to live her life whether you like it or not. If you feel you have nothing to look forward to, then work on building something, anything. Being bitter about others having a life to look forward to and wishing their happiness come to an end says alot about the kind of person you are. Frankly, the more you post the more I can see why she doesn't want to be with you. 

You asked for it, and I don't say this to be mean. She did not rub this information or brag about her sex life to you. You invaded and have refused to stop invading her privacy reading her private messages with her boyfriend. You literally wanted to be updated and chose to keep it at the forefront of your mind. Everyone here have told you to stop snooping around in her messages and what do you do? The next update you come back with even more information on your latest findings from more of your creepy snooping. Your snooping sounds like an addiction at this point. Like I said in one of my earlier posts, you need to start being intentional about moving on. It doesn't happen passively, you need to put in the effort and work at it. And while you are at it, work on being a better version of yourself for yourself and for your daughter. Put all your focus on your daughter. Parenting isn't easy, and comes with alot of sacrifices. Perhaps you can see having to deal with your ex wrt the scheduling challenges and the hurt ego as part of the sacrifice you need to make for her sake.

I wish you were here 5 years ago, before we had our daughter. I was kind of in the same spot. Its actually in this forum 5 years ago, but anyways same situation, she left me and had a bf. They dated for idk how many months and then she left him cuz she told me she had feeling for me still. The only difference was i was begging for her back last time. This time around, i ain't doing the begging (at least in her eye) and i am letting it be. Of course it hurts a whole lot but i am sucking up to it. Last time she dated a white guy. This time around shes with a asian. So that basically is the difference. 

 

I wish i can tell you more, but it hurts just thinking about the past, and the history i had with this girl. Its nothing compared to anything i've ever experienced. Yeah i know i invaded her privacy, but its not my fault she isn't trutful to me to this day. I asked many many times if she has a BF and she say NO. Of course i am super curious so i had to scope through her phone. 

 

I will always put my daughter first. No doubt about it, but there also needs to be standards, like she worries more about her bf than she worries about me????? I mean i was in her life for 9 years. You can't just forget about me right? I love her with all my heart, even though this is the 2nd time she left me for another boy. 

 

4 hours ago, preraph said:

Hey, she finally agreed to let you have a solo custody visit, and all you can think about is you're hurt she's with another guy.  You need to grab this opportunity to see your child if you care about your child.  If you don't, stop using her to get to her mother.  

I do care and love my daughter alot. I know for my daughter sake she wants us both mommy and daddy to be together as one HAPPY FAMILY. Everytime i see my daughter i whisper to her to tell her mama and dada together. I want that to get in my ex gf head. But obviously it is NOT working still. 

 

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This is so selfish of you it's almost hard to believe, OP.

This is about your child, not you.  She is the one you'll ultimately hurt if you continue to behave like this and make it difficult for her mom to arrange visits with you. You're weaponizing your relationship with your daughter here which is an incredibly toxic move on your part. 

It's time to actually start putting the best interests of your child ahead of your own. You've spent too long using this kid as a pawn. 

 

My daughter is the world to me, i would do everything in my power to be with her. There also needs to be a time where mommy and daddy gets reunited and her having a bf is just stright redic. Honestly i thought that having a baby with my ex gf would be enough so that she wouldn't leave me again, but i was WRONG

 

22 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Keep up this game playing of being hard to reach and you'll only push her further away and possibly lose any contact with your daughter.  And because you refuse to see a court about a custody schedule, there will be nothing you can do about it.  Your behaviour is juvenile to say the least.

And no, you don't deserve better.  At present, you're getting exactly what you have brought upon yourself.  If you want better, then you need to get your act together - and only then will things start to improve for you.   

Its not a game, i want her to realize that she misses me and maybe she will come back to me? i been leaving her alone, and just keeping it short, i heard if you don't hear from that person, then you start to miss them more and more, and i guess thats what i am trying to achieve, but its a no go still. 

[whatdoido123]

I did finally text her back after 2 hours and said i will bring her back to her house on sunday. 

She never responded, but i kept it short

I told her i was looking on tinder, bumble etc, and been chatting and stuff, but its not the same

the connection is so different and i can't wrap my head around

at least i get my daughter at 10 am tomorrow even though tonight she is probably spending the night at his house and having sex while i am just bored at home wondering what they are doing tonight........

[basil67]

@whatdoido123 You need interests in your life other than your ex.

[preraph]

It's not right you telling your daughter that you and her mother are still together. Why lie to her?

 

Your daughter's mother is going to care most about her child and then whoever she's dating and that isn't you. you are very childish when it comes to accepting reality and how things work. You have no right to any consideration from your daughter's mother except as it concerns child custody at this point. Your other interest is unwelcome and out of place and irrational.  You need to clean your life up and separate it from your daughter's mother and be a dad separate and apart from any relationship you used to have with the mother. You need to leave that daughter out of the middle of it. Stop putting adult issues on to her and lying to her dragging her into something and trying to use her to get to the mother. Honestly from what I read today, I think you care more about the mother than you do the child. 

[basil67]

I missed that you're telling your daughter that mom and dad will get back together.   Sounds like you're trying to make your ex into the bad guy and have your daughter playing sides.   Keep this up and you'll lose access altogether and your daughter will see you as the enemy to her family.

Edited April 18, 2020 by basil67

[preraph]

He told them they are together.

[whatdoido123]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

@whatdoido123 You need interests in your life other than your ex.

That was what my ex gf was saying to me. Go get a hobby or do something that will kill time. Idk, i never really had interest in anything other than gambling. Its a addiction i guess

 

1 hour ago, preraph said:

It's not right you telling your daughter that you and her mother are still together. Why lie to her?

 

Your daughter's mother is going to care most about her child and then whoever she's dating and that isn't you. you are very childish when it comes to accepting reality and how things work. You have no right to any consideration from your daughter's mother except as it concerns child custody at this point. Your other interest is unwelcome and out of place and irrational.  You need to clean your life up and separate it from your daughter's mother and be a dad separate and apart from any relationship you used to have with the mother. You need to leave that daughter out of the middle of it. Stop putting adult issues on to her and lying to her dragging her into something and trying to use her to get to the mother. Honestly from what I read today, I think you care more about the mother than you do the child. 

I mean, she always say mama and dada all the time. Or when she see a red car, she says dada cuz i drive a red car. Its funny because our daughter loves both of us, but she is closer to her mama because they live together and i live at my house by myself and only see her on the weekend usually and one weekday.

 

Yeah my life is a mess. I can confirm that, i don't even know what the heck i am doing with my life anymore. Like haven't you heard a saying what goes down MUST GO UP? i mean i am dead to the floor now, something good should happen to my life right? 

 

39 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I missed that you're telling your daughter that mom and dad will get back together.   Sounds like you're trying to make your ex into the bad guy and have your daughter playing sides.   Keep this up and you'll lose access altogether and your daughter will see you as the enemy to her family.

I mean theres a chance right? I mean the chances are slim to none but there is always a chance we get back together as a family. That is my dream, but i doubt that will happen especially by the way how whipped she is to her new bf. Scrolling thorough her phone, it seems like they are both super shy and they get butterfly feeling so i doubt it will be anytime soon that they break up or anything. 

 

7 minutes ago, preraph said:

He told them they are together.

Of course! I want my daughter to always know that i am dada and my ex gf is mama. Its a thing we have together as a family. 

[whatdoido123]

I did see in her messages that my ex gf MOM is pissed at her because she said to abort the baby back then. It makes me very angry but i have absolutely no regrets having my daughter even though my ex gf and i didn't work out. 

 

I mean if we didn't have our baby, it would be alot easier to move on, but now we are forever linked as mommy and daddy and i can't even block her from my life. Like 5 years ago, when we initially broke up, you guys suggested the NO CONTACT RULE, but now since we have a child together that is impossible, and its even harder to move on because we will have some type of communication on a weekly basis

 

Like how bad can my life go..... seriously.....

Edited April 18, 2020 by whatdoido123

[preraph]

Things aren't going to change unless you change. Obviously gambling is no career. Since you like casinos so much why not go apply at one and start working there. 

 

It's your attitude that's got to change. Plenty of people make it through sharing custody of their child even when there's hard feelings. You need to get some sort of real job. I don't know how you can even afford to gamble with no job. but if gambling is what your life centers around and it doesn't make you a living which it shouldn't just by the nature of it, then you need to break your addiction and go to gamblers anonymous. 

 

I would love for you to find a different girlfriend but that's going to be hard because no one's going to want to date someone who doesn't have a job and just gambles. Plus you need to be able to support your child financially. So yeah you are in a bad place. And you're the only one who can do anything about it. It starts with you getting a real job I think. 

Edited April 18, 2020 by preraph

[basil67]

1 hour ago, whatdoido123 said:

Yeah my life is a mess. I can confirm that, i don't even know what the heck i am doing with my life anymore. Like haven't you heard a saying what goes down MUST GO UP? i mean i am dead to the floor now, something good should happen to my life right? 

No.  Good things don't come to those who are at rock bottom unless they work towards change.  If you don't make effort, you will stay at rock bottom

Quote

I mean theres a chance right? I mean the chances are slim to none but there is always a chance we get back together as a family. That is my dream, but i doubt that will happen especially by the way how whipped she is to her new bf. Scrolling thorough her phone, it seems like they are both super shy and they get butterfly feeling so i doubt it will be anytime soon that they break up or anything. 

There is NO chance.   She's done with you.   Look at the mess you're in - would you want your daughter to date someone who's behaving like you are?

Quote

Of course! I want my daughter to always know that i am dada and my ex gf is mama. Its a thing we have together as a family. 

You are family to your daughter and your ex gf is family to your daughter.   You and your ex are not a family to each other and you must stop telling your daughter that you are.

Edited April 18, 2020 by basil67

[assertives]

You don't love this girl. You are obsessed with her. Love and obsession are very different things. Love is not selfish, you'll want her to be happy whether that happiness can be found with you or someone else. Not only are you not able to give her happiness, you are giving her grief, and to top that off, you are bitter about her taking actions to live her life and work towards building what she wants and you wish her happiness will end and things fall through for her because your own life sucks because you refused to do squat about anything. You even made use of your daughter to guilt and manipulate her back into a life that she does not want! You literally are the worst kind of partner one could ever have.

8 hours ago, whatdoido123 said:

Yeah i know i invaded her privacy, but its not my fault she isn't trutful to me to this day. I asked many many times if she has a BF and she say NO. Of course i am super curious so i had to scope through her phone. 

You need to completely rewire/throw out your thinking and thought process. You seem unable to take responsibility for your own actions. She is NOT YOUR WIFE, and she does not owe you an account on who she is dating. Also, you obviously didn't just snoop to find out if she and he are dating. You would have already established that fact the first time you went through her phone. You continued to snoop week on week to get a front seat of their love and sex lives. You can't seriously believe she owes you this right to know all these personal, intimate details, no? She did not force you to snoop. Your snooping is an extension of your obsession with your ex.

You are always your daughter's father, although I would say dna isn't what makes someone a parent. Your ex is looking for her life partner, not necessarily a replacement father for your daughter. But your daughter can have 2 fathers or 2 mothers someday down the line. Blended families can work. You need to step up as a parent, and actually do the work of raising and nurturing your child and not see this as a babysitting cum weapon to trap your ex back into this s***ty cycle of yours. If you keep at your current shenanigans, don't be surprised if your daughter chooses not to include you in her life one day.

Lastly, I find I've been saying this alot in my posts lately. You cannot will, beg, guilt-trip, manipulate or even love-bomb someone into loving you or wanting a relationship with you. Also, one can love someone but not want to be in a relationship with them too because of incompatibility, wanting different things in life, different values/life goals, etc. 5 years ago when you posted on this forum, people told you to move on. 5 years later, people are telling you to move on as well. You might as well spend energy in something you can control, like working on yourself and on actually being a father to your child. Someday when you are ready, date again but you actually need to have something to offer people than just a warm body, baggage and bad habits.

Edited April 18, 2020 by assertives

[ExpatInItaly]

OP,  I would urge you to seek counselling when the quarantine is lifted. 

You're you own worst enemy and you have no clue how to manage yourself and your emotions. Your daughter is going to write the paycheck for that later in life. 

[whatdoido123]

11 hours ago, preraph said:

Things aren't going to change unless you change. Obviously gambling is no career. Since you like casinos so much why not go apply at one and start working there. 

 

It's your attitude that's got to change. Plenty of people make it through sharing custody of their child even when there's hard feelings. You need to get some sort of real job. I don't know how you can even afford to gamble with no job. but if gambling is what your life centers around and it doesn't make you a living which it shouldn't just by the nature of it, then you need to break your addiction and go to gamblers anonymous. 

 

I would love for you to find a different girlfriend but that's going to be hard because no one's going to want to date someone who doesn't have a job and just gambles. Plus you need to be able to support your child financially. So yeah you are in a bad place. And you're the only one who can do anything about it. It starts with you getting a real job I think. 

 

hahahaha thats what my ex gf said to me all the time. Why don't you go become a dealer or something

Obviously she knew i gambled, but at the same time the last 2 years i told her i don't gamble anymore and just do other things to make income. I don't want to get into the specifics but she believed it kind of. (basically buy low and sell high)

In reality i gambled the last two years and her not knowing really. Yeah i made enough to pay my mortgage for my house the last two years but its not steady income obviously. Yes i know i have a gambling problem.

I been thinking about getting a real job, after this corona thing is over , but in the mean time i feel beaten and it sucks

Yeah i have been talking to other girls on tinder/bumble but its like a ghost town. They either don't respond or i don't find them attractive to date. Yes i know my child is important to take care of thats why i need some consistent income going forward and not rely on my ex gf to borrow thousands of dollars again. At the same time i don't even know if she is willing to lend me thousands since we are broken up now. 

10 hours ago, basil67 said:

No.  Good things don't come to those who are at rock bottom unless they work towards change.  If you don't make effort, you will stay at rock bottom

There is NO chance.   She's done with you.   Look at the mess you're in - would you want your daughter to date someone who's behaving like you are?

You are family to your daughter and your ex gf is family to your daughter.   You and your ex are not a family to each other and you must stop telling your daughter that you are.

 

Yeah i feel you. I don't have the mindset or effort to change. I just want everything back like it used to be. How she would text me all day and updates on what she is doing and how our daughter is doing. Having sexual text message, things we are doing for the weekend. Just random stuff that i didn't really intake as much as i should have. Like messages she would write to me, i would give 1 or 2 word response it was really bad and not mature on my part. 

Yes i know i am in a big mess, i wish it was just a dream, but obviously this is reality and it is becoming like a nightmare. 

I always wanted all 3 of us to be together as one happy family, and possiblity have another child down the road, but that ain't gonna happen anymore which is super depressing. 

6 hours ago, assertives said:

You don't love this girl. You are obsessed with her. Love and obsession are very different things. Love is not selfish, you'll want her to be happy whether that happiness can be found with you or someone else. Not only are you not able to give her happiness, you are giving her grief, and to top that off, you are bitter about her taking actions to live her life and work towards building what she wants and you wish her happiness will end and things fall through for her because your own life sucks because you refused to do squat about anything. You even made use of your daughter to guilt and manipulate her back into a life that she does not want! You literally are the worst kind of partner one could ever have.

You need to completely rewire/throw out your thinking and thought process. You seem unable to take responsibility for your own actions. She is NOT YOUR WIFE, and she does not owe you an account on who she is dating. Also, you obviously didn't just snoop to find out if she and he are dating. You would have already established that fact the first time you went through her phone. You continued to snoop week on week to get a front seat of their love and sex lives. You can't seriously believe she owes you this right to know all these personal, intimate details, no? She did not force you to snoop. Your snooping is an extension of your obsession with your ex.

You are always your daughter's father, although I would say dna isn't what makes someone a parent. Your ex is looking for her life partner, not necessarily a replacement father for your daughter. But your daughter can have 2 fathers or 2 mothers someday down the line. Blended families can work. You need to step up as a parent, and actually do the work of raising and nurturing your child and not see this as a babysitting cum weapon to trap your ex back into this s***ty cycle of yours. If you keep at your current shenanigans, don't be surprised if your daughter chooses not to include you in her life one day.

Lastly, I find I've been saying this alot in my posts lately. You cannot will, beg, guilt-trip, manipulate or even love-bomb someone into loving you or wanting a relationship with you. Also, one can love someone but not want to be in a relationship with them too because of incompatibility, wanting different things in life, different values/life goals, etc. 5 years ago when you posted on this forum, people told you to move on. 5 years later, people are telling you to move on as well. You might as well spend energy in something you can control, like working on yourself and on actually being a father to your child. Someday when you are ready, date again but you actually need to have something to offer people than just a warm body, baggage and bad habits.

 

I guess you are right. Thinking back i am obsess with her, because she was everything to me. I just took everything for granted. After we had our daughter, i didn't think she would leave me. Yes i lied to her alot, and her trust towards me is completely gone. I understand that, and i just have to be the bigger person and accept it. Of course she had flaws as well, but at the end of the day i messed up and it ruined our 9 year relationship. 

Of course i want her to be happy, but seeing her happy and me being at the bottom def hurts my heart. I can tell she is living her life to the best, she is super caring when we were together and took care of me like a baby honestly. Even last weekend when she spent the night, i told her going forward my house is just drop off and pick up only so she refilled my soap, emptied my vacumm, clean the dryer hair. Just the little thing i normally have her do regardless if we lived together or not. I miss those times and i know i will never find someone i care as deeply as her. 

Its hard, i always think she will always be there for me, maybe emotionally she might be but at the end of the day she is eventually going to get married and have more kids down the road. She even told me back then, that she needs a husband that can do the physical work for her (ie building her desk, doing yardwork) and i was never there for her. I worrried more about gambling than anything else back then. I had issue and i still have issue till this day. Its not easy for me to write this bs but i admit i wasn't the best bf for her and i could have done alot more to give her that love but i didn't. 

She always said the last 9 years together i manipulated her, SHe was too blind to see it, maybe she is right. I def wasn't the best and i have alot of improvement to do. Everyday i wake up not knowing what to do, and how to live my life without this girl. With this stay at home corona edition, its even worst because i wake up not knowing if i should go out or not. All i think about is being with her and that ain't gonna happen. 

5 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

OP,  I would urge you to seek counselling when the quarantine is lifted. 

You're you own worst enemy and you have no clue how to manage yourself and your emotions. Your daughter is going to write the paycheck for that later in life. 

 

I probably do need counselling. I have issues and i am freaking 32 years old. I have no money to my name and alot of debt. I just don't know where to start. I keep gambling and losing money and i wouldn't be suprised if i lived on the street one day with my gambling addiction. Its bad to the point where sometimes i don't even want to live my life anymore.

 

Anyways my daughter is coming over around 10am today. She is getting dropped off at my house so we will see how this goes. Hopefully i will keep it short and just have the 1 day bond with my daughter today. 

[preraph]

Well this would be a good time to get help with your gambling addiction that's for sure. That's the first thing you need to deal with. And I hope whatever else you're doing for money isn't drug dealing. Because you will end up in jail. 

 

you just start changing doing one thing at a time and I think getting a real job and then going to gamblers anonymous for your gambling addiction would be a good first step. Or you could get a real job and then pay a therapist but they are very expensive unless you live someplace where it's free and included in your health care. 

[whatdoido123]

2 hours ago, preraph said:

Well this would be a good time to get help with your gambling addiction that's for sure. That's the first thing you need to deal with. And I hope whatever else you're doing for money isn't drug dealing. Because you will end up in jail. 

 

you just start changing doing one thing at a time and I think getting a real job and then going to gamblers anonymous for your gambling addiction would be a good first step. Or you could get a real job and then pay a therapist but they are very expensive unless you live someplace where it's free and included in your health care. 

yeah thats for sure, but honestly i think if i wasn't gambling for the 10+ years of my life i think life would be completely different. I would have persued a different career and life path. Maybe become a social media influencer or something along those lines. Working a 9-5 job seems boring and a waste of time but when you are broke like me, i guess i have no choice but to do it.

 

On a different note, so we agreed my daughter should be here by 10 am, she texted me saying shes running alittle late but will be here around 10:30 am instead. I kept it short and said No problem. I am not trying to cause any more drama. She did request to have her back tomorrow morning by 10 am. So i guess i will be the little b and just return her at that time. I was hoping to have all today and sunday with her but i guess not

 

Since last week, i have been keeping my distance with her. i don't even text her anymore, its hard but i have to be strong and do it. If she text me, i keep it super short. Yeah shes driving her now, and i am excited but i don't know why. I Haven't seen my ex for a week now and i guess i just want to be able to see her pretty face even though she is no mine anymore

 

[preraph]

It's a start.  And again, if you want it to be legal and equitable, you'll need to take it to a judge.  Maybe for the next year, work on getting a job, employment record, and then get an attorney if you want partial legal custody.  Working will take your mind off her some anyway.  I realize it's a crap time out there.   There will be more online shopping and delivery and pickup going forward.  Any job is better than none for all purposes.  Any is better than losing at gambling.  I know you must realize that casinos couldn't be in business if they let people win enough over time to actually get ahead.  

[whatdoido123]

4 hours ago, preraph said:

It's a start.  And again, if you want it to be legal and equitable, you'll need to take it to a judge.  Maybe for the next year, work on getting a job, employment record, and then get an attorney if you want partial legal custody.  Working will take your mind off her some anyway.  I realize it's a crap time out there.   There will be more online shopping and delivery and pickup going forward.  Any job is better than none for all purposes.  Any is better than losing at gambling.  I know you must realize that casinos couldn't be in business if they let people win enough over time to actually get ahead.  

 

yeah and i guess meeting new people at the same time. I always knew you can never win long term at the casino, but it was fun while it lasted i guess.

 

So anyways she dropped of our daughter at my house at 10:30am. She unloaded some stuff and damn of course she was wearing a super short skirt. The messed up part is during our 9 years together, she rarely wore dresses or skirts. She looked damn good and it sucks because i know she ain't mine anymore. So she left 5 minutes later and of course our daughter crys but she will get used to it.

 

So i just put my daughter to nap and probably go outside and play for the rest of the day afterwards. I'm suppose to drive our daughter back to her house tomorrow by 10am so we will see. Also she been checking up on her and texting me, i been keeping it short like literally one word answer cuz she keeps asking questions about her. 

 

 

Edited April 18, 2020 by whatdoido123

[Marc878]

You’re only path forward is cutting contact.

block all social media, stop pain shopping (it just takes up headspace and keeps you bound)

you have your time, keep it separate, no shared time - holidays, birthdays, etc

communicate by text, email only, civil but short

don't go into her hone keep her out of yours

pickups/drop offs limit to 3 minutes no engagement 

concentrate on getting a job and bettering yourself 

if you want/need a fairy tale end by a book or read a movie. This is the real world

The Calvary isn’t coming. You’ll either deal with it or keep yourself in it.

 

 

[whatdoido123]

10 minutes ago, Marc878 said:

You’re only path forward is cutting contact.

block all social media, stop pain shopping (it just takes up headspace and keeps you bound)

you have your time, keep it separate, no shared time - holidays, birthdays, etc

communicate by text, email only, civil but short

don't go into her hone keep her out of yours

pickups/drop offs limit to 3 minutes no engagement 

concentrate on getting a job and bettering yourself 

if you want/need a fairy tale end by a book or read a movie. This is the real world

The Calvary isn’t coming. You’ll either deal with it or keep yourself in it.

 

 

i can't cut off contact completely, shes the mother to my daughter

And i have been very distance with her since last week. Literally looking through my text with her for the past 7 days its pretty cut and dry. It is very short

tomorrow i have to go to her house to drop off my daughter, idk if i will be going in the house or not- probably not though

exactly today she dropped off our daughter and left within 5 minutes. She did come in the house to get her sprite to drink so she would stop crying.

I do want a job, but at the same time i don't because i am too depressed to work right now. I don't know wtf is wrong with me but i have no motivation at all.

 

So yeah she text me again; i ignore for like 20-30 minutes before i reply each time, and its literally a one word answer

example she text me "what time she nap? And did she poop? 

Like she needs to know everything it sucks.

one text she ask : did she ask for ice cream?

I said :yes

she said: LMAO aww so cute daddy

 

Is she flirting with me? I don't understand why she is giving me mixed signals

[Marc878]

She’s just dropping you breadcrumbs. Any contact is up to you. You can control that. Stop looking for excuses as to why you can’t. Learn to ignore. No reason to respond to meaningless banter.

If you don’t you’ll continue to dangle like a puppet on her string.

 

[preraph]

Your daughter will adjust.  The most important thing with kids is if you are happy, they are happy, but they can sense if you are not happy.  So do try to give her your full attention and not be stewing about her mother right after she leaves, or she will just sense something is horribly wrong.  Always be happy when she's dropped off and after mom leaves.  Make it fun.  She will be okay.  

[basil67]

1 hour ago, whatdoido123 said:

So yeah she text me again; i ignore for like 20-30 minutes before i reply each time, and its literally a one word answer

example she text me "what time she nap? And did she poop? 

Like she needs to know everything it sucks.

one text she ask : did she ask for ice cream?

I said :yes

she said: LMAO aww so cute daddy

 

Is she flirting with me? I don't understand why she is giving me mixed signals

No, she's not flirting.  To me, this reads like a mother who doesn't trust you with her child.   The last sentence was her trying to not sound like she's being overbearing.

I agree that you need to cut right back on the contact.  This includes you telling her to not message you when you've got your daughter unless it's a actual emergency.  (A forgotten teddy bear does not constitute an emergency)  Assuming you're capable of caring for her on your own, she needs to learn to trust you to do this.