What is she Implying (PART 2)

[preraph]

Your daughter will adjust.  The most important thing with kids is if you are happy, they are happy, but they can sense if you are not happy.  So do try to give her your full attention and not be stewing about her mother right after she leaves, or she will just sense something is horribly wrong.  Always be happy when she's dropped off and after mom leaves.  Make it fun.  She will be okay.  

[basil67]

1 hour ago, whatdoido123 said:

So yeah she text me again; i ignore for like 20-30 minutes before i reply each time, and its literally a one word answer

example she text me "what time she nap? And did she poop? 

Like she needs to know everything it sucks.

one text she ask : did she ask for ice cream?

I said :yes

she said: LMAO aww so cute daddy

 

Is she flirting with me? I don't understand why she is giving me mixed signals

No, she's not flirting.  To me, this reads like a mother who doesn't trust you with her child.   The last sentence was her trying to not sound like she's being overbearing.

I agree that you need to cut right back on the contact.  This includes you telling her to not message you when you've got your daughter unless it's a actual emergency.  (A forgotten teddy bear does not constitute an emergency)  Assuming you're capable of caring for her on your own, she needs to learn to trust you to do this.   

[assertives]

She isn't flirting. She doesn't trust you with her daughter. I agree that the last sentence was her trying not to sound overbearing.

I have a friend who does this too when she's out with us leaving their daughter in her husband's care. She tells us she doesn't trust her husband to not miss something or to forget something. I hear this all the time and find it common among alot of my friends, especially when the mother is the one who does most of the work looking after the child.

Give it time, it will take awhile before she can let go and trust you with her daughter.

Edited April 19, 2020 by assertives

[whatdoido123]

20 hours ago, Marc878 said:

She’s just dropping you breadcrumbs. Any contact is up to you. You can control that. Stop looking for excuses as to why you can’t. Learn to ignore. No reason to respond to meaningless banter.

If you don’t you’ll continue to dangle like a puppet on her string.

 

 

i did ignore that text, but there also comes a time when it just gets into your head so much that you can't even ignore. 

 

20 hours ago, preraph said:

Your daughter will adjust.  The most important thing with kids is if you are happy, they are happy, but they can sense if you are not happy.  So do try to give her your full attention and not be stewing about her mother right after she leaves, or she will just sense something is horribly wrong.  Always be happy when she's dropped off and after mom leaves.  Make it fun.  She will be okay.  

 

You are correct, and yes yesterday when the ex gf dropped off our daughter, i was smiling and happy to see my daughter. And when she left, i played with my daughter and kept making her laugh. I had a excellent time with her, but deep down i am NOT okay and i feel like crap.

 

19 hours ago, basil67 said:

No, she's not flirting.  To me, this reads like a mother who doesn't trust you with her child.   The last sentence was her trying to not sound like she's being overbearing.

I agree that you need to cut right back on the contact.  This includes you telling her to not message you when you've got your daughter unless it's a actual emergency.  (A forgotten teddy bear does not constitute an emergency)  Assuming you're capable of caring for her on your own, she needs to learn to trust you to do this.   

 

That is tough, ever since i have known my ex gf she was always the type to be nitty gritty. Like she needs to know into detail of everything. At the same time i know she cares deeply of our daughter sake. I respect it and i always told her that we should only talk about our daughter and nothing else. And honestly she has done that even though some of the text messages are meaninless, but it is about our daughter and her well being. 

 

13 hours ago, assertives said:

She isn't flirting. She doesn't trust you with her daughter. I agree that the last sentence was her trying not to sound overbearing.

I have a friend who does this too when she's out with us leaving their daughter in her husband's care. She tells us she doesn't trust her husband to not miss something or to forget something. I hear this all the time and find it common among alot of my friends, especially when the mother is the one who does most of the work looking after the child.

Give it time, it will take awhile before she can let go and trust you with her daughter.

 

I mean who can trust me right? All the things i have done to her, and lied to her about, i don't blame her. I'm a 32 year old retard who doesn't know how to be an adult and acts super immature still. Someone who put her though so much and yeah she even mored to another state with me for 2 years because i wanted to save up money living at my mom house. She broke an ankle and needed surgery in another state shes never been in. I def put her through alot, and i feel bad about it. 

[preraph]

I'm glad you're putting on the happy face for your daughter.  It's what you do for kids.  You just have no idea how much worry they do with an immature brain and how they blame themselves so you have to protect them from adult emotions and disagreements.  

[whatdoido123]

So today is Sunday, i drove my daughter back to her mom house around 10:30 am. It was a crappy good bye to her. I honestly wanted my daughter all day today as well, but i wasn't going to banter her about it anymore. Its a lost argument, and i ain't gonna win. I also want her to feel bad, and maybe get back with me one day....

i doubt that will happen but there is always hope i guess. I dropped off our daughter and left her house within 5 min. I didn't even go inside, she came outside to grab and and i kissed my daughter good bye. It was a sad ending, and i can't wait to see her again.

Regarding my ex gf, looked to me she just got home from her bf house. Her hair was wet, so obviously she just took a shower. I guess i pay attention to the small detail, i wish this wasn't true, but back to me being and feeling like crap for the next couple days. 

She offered to get me a dozen of the krispy kream donut. I said NO THANKS but i appreciate it, and shes like u are rude, and i am like no i don't want anything from you anymore. (this was through text before i dropped her off)

and that was it, dropped her off and drove home. around a 40 mile drive so took about 45 minutes to get to her house. oh well

Edited April 19, 2020 by whatdoido123

[preraph]

Glad you're setting some boundaries.  Just don't argue in front of the daughter, though. Maybe the ex will get more used to you taking care of the daughter once she sees it is going okay.  I mean, she no doubt has things she'd like to be doing.  

[whatdoido123]

5 hours ago, preraph said:

Glad you're setting some boundaries.  Just don't argue in front of the daughter, though. Maybe the ex will get more used to you taking care of the daughter once she sees it is going okay.  I mean, she no doubt has things she'd like to be doing.  

i mean she won't let me have her all day Saturday AND Sunday. Her reason is because she misses her daughter and wants to spend time with her. Even though our daughter lives at her house Monday - Friday and see her all day because she works at home right now so it just doesn't make sense

What i do know is that the BF shes currently with is not working until at least next month and hes off Monday and Tuesday from the text messages i read. So that means its IMPOSSIBLE for me to get her on the weekend because she would have NOTHING to do if i had our daughter both Saturday and Sunday since he works on the weekend

And she just hit me with a dumb message like, how many diapers you have at your house? Like she pretend she doesn't know even though she counted it last week before we started this PICKUP and DROP OFF thing. Maybe shes trying to see if i am busy or something? She is the jealous type where i think if i found a gf she would be hurt because she doesn't think i can find one. Thats why when this corona lockdown is done, i plan to just find a girl as a rebound and let her know about it and see her reaction. 

Maybe she will realize that it hurts her seeing me with another girl for the first time in 9 years, and she will want to get back together? 

Cuz for damn sure i am HURT, seeing her with another guy even though she denied they are offical bf and gf

 

I don't know, just throwing my thoughts out there

Edited April 20, 2020 by whatdoido123

[preraph]

not wanting you and not wanting anyone else to have you is a pretty common thing after a breakup but it's not a healthy reason to get back together. Exes want you to be miserable after a breakup. But you should date but not hurt somebody just because you're still hoping to get back together was someone who clearly doesn't want you anymore. 

 

You're not going to get that baby thing straightened out until you get a job and take her to court. 

[basil67]

59 minutes ago, whatdoido123 said:

i mean she won't let me have her all day Saturday AND Sunday. Her reason is because she misses her daughter and wants to spend time with her. Even though our daughter lives at her house Monday - Friday and see her all day because she works at home right now so it just doesn't make sense

It doesn't need to make sense.  This is why you get your act together and get a court mandated agreement.   If you won't do that, quit complaining.

 

Quote

And she just hit me with a dumb message like, how many diapers you have at your house? Like she pretend she doesn't know even though she counted it last week before we started this PICKUP and DROP OFF thing. Maybe shes trying to see if i am busy or something? She is the jealous type where i think if i found a gf she would be hurt because she doesn't think i can find one. Thats why when this corona lockdown is done, i plan to just find a girl as a rebound and let her know about it and see her reaction. 

No, you said earlier that she overthinks everything related to your daughter.   It's not about seeing of you're busy and she's having too much fun with the new guy to be jealous.  

Quote

Maybe she will realize that it hurts her seeing me with another girl for the first time in 9 years, and she will want to get back together? 

 

There's no reason to believe she feels this way.  She doesn't trust you and doesn't want you.  She wants the guy she's with.

Edited April 20, 2020 by basil67

[whatdoido123]

1 hour ago, preraph said:

not wanting you and not wanting anyone else to have you is a pretty common thing after a breakup but it's not a healthy reason to get back together. Exes want you to be miserable after a breakup. But you should date but not hurt somebody just because you're still hoping to get back together was someone who clearly doesn't want you anymore. 

 

You're not going to get that baby thing straightened out until you get a job and take her to court. 

at the end of the day i want her to be happy regardless if its with me or not. 

We developed this bond, even though she broke up with me, i know she cares about me, and will always be there for me regardless if we are not together.

I do want to meet a girl, but probably just to rebound, and feel better about myself. 

And to show her that i am capable of finding someone that actually loves me for who i am

yes, i do my hair and look good for her hoping she will come back to me , and also to impress her i guess lol

 

44 minutes ago, basil67 said:

It doesn't need to make sense.  This is why you get your act together and get a court mandated agreement.   If you won't do that, quit complaining.

 

No, you said earlier that she overthinks everything related to your daughter.   It's not about seeing of you're busy and she's having too much fun with the new guy to be jealous.  

There's no reason to believe she feels this way.  She doesn't trust you and doesn't want you.  She wants the guy she's with.

I am not complaining, i know i won't win in court, thats why i don't even bother taking her to court for joint custody, but all i am saying is seeing her ONCE every week is so little. I love my baby girl and she will always be my daughter regardless if my ex likes it or not.

And yes she does overthink everything. Like 5 minutes ago she texted me asking where one of the toy she dropped off where i put it, and if she ate the ice cream i got her at the ice cream cart, did she eat it yesterday? I understand she overthinks it, but at the same time i feel like she wants to talk to me, but i am just keeping it super short

You are right she doesn't want to be with me. I get all that, she rather have sex with her new guy. I get that, i never said i didn't. I'm just putting it in perspective that she tries to rub me the wrong way at times, and i feel like she likes me alot, but just not in a intimate way i guess. 

Edited April 20, 2020 by whatdoido123

[preraph]

I want you to know that once you get a steady job and go to court unless you have something really bad on a criminal record, you will get some custody. There are all kinds of people who have custody of children. Judges want both parents involved. And honestly even without a job, if both parents didn't have money in a job they would still both get custody. I've seen it happen. They go on welfare. But yeah if she's making a lot more money than you are and you're not making any, and she wants to fight you on it, I still think you'd get some custody. 

 

But get a real job and hold on to it and then tackle all that legal stuff down the road a bit.

[basil67]

48 minutes ago, whatdoido123 said:

I do want to meet a girl, but probably just to rebound, and feel better about myself. 

And to show her that i am capable of finding someone that actually loves me for who i am

 

No, this demonstrates that you will use someone in order to make yourself feel better.    And if that woman actually likes you but finds she's been used as a rebound and to try say "look at me with a girlfriend" to your ex, she'll hate you for who you are.

You will be loved for who you are when you've gotten yourself together.

[whatdoido123]

51 minutes ago, preraph said:

I want you to know that once you get a steady job and go to court unless you have something really bad on a criminal record, you will get some custody. There are all kinds of people who have custody of children. Judges want both parents involved. And honestly even without a job, if both parents didn't have money in a job they would still both get custody. I've seen it happen. They go on welfare. But yeah if she's making a lot more money than you are and you're not making any, and she wants to fight you on it, I still think you'd get some custody. 

 

But get a real job and hold on to it and then tackle all that legal stuff down the road a bit.

At the end of the day i am a pretty fair guy. Throughout our 9 year together, we either had joint bank accounts or we pay 50/50

 

Its been pretty fair both ways u look at it, so i don't understand the change here honestly.

 

Yes i get it she has a new bf, but other than that NOTHING else changes between us really. We both are parents to our daughter and we have grown 9 years together. I met this girl at the club through mutual friends, and now all my friends are NOT my friends anymore before i stole her from my friend in which he was talking to her at the time. And they all say that is MESSED UP the way i did it. I guess its a BRO code to never date someone who is hooking up with her at the time. This was when she was like 22 years old or something like that. 

 

9 minutes ago, basil67 said:

No, this demonstrates that you will use someone in order to make yourself feel better.    And if that woman actually likes you but finds she's been used as a rebound and to try say "look at me with a girlfriend" to your ex, she'll hate you for who you are.

You will be loved for who you are when you've gotten yourself together.

I mean, if i like the girl, i am sure we will be exclusive in one way or another. The only problem is finding someone that is compatible to me, and i am attracted to them physically and emotionally. Being in this lock down, i am home to myself and bored out of my mind. Everyday i don't even know what to look forward to honestly.

And let me tell you something weird, so yeah during the 9 years together we made a couple of video of sex video it was just for entertainment wise, and we were just messing around. She knows i have those video and such, but like i actually watch them on a weekly basis. I don't know if its weird or not, but being locked up in this house there is nothing to do. I look at those video and say to myself wow, what tf did i just do to let this girl get away. And then i read message from her phone before and i see them talk about sex position and blow job and such and i think to myself WTF, LIke literally a knife was stabbed against my heart everytime i think about what they do and such. 

I don't know how to get over that, and i try not to think about it, but i honestly drift back thinking about it each time.....

it freakin sucks.....

[assertives]

Find a girl for yourself, be with her because you want to, and not do all that to show your ex that you can find someone. Again, go and live your life. Find something productive to do with your life. Now that everywhere's in lockdown, it's a good time to reflect, chart out and do a "stocktake" of your life. Throw out all the bad habits and think about what kind of person/partner you want to be. Then set goals and work towards them. You don't have to set goals for so far ahead if it's daunting, just smaller actionable ones that can be achieved in the near and short term, for e.g. eating healthier, going to bed/waking up at whatever times, quit smoking/alcohol, etc. 

17 minutes ago, whatdoido123 said:

we made a couple of video of sex video it was just for entertainment wise, and we were just messing around. She knows i have those video and such, but like i actually watch them on a weekly basis. I don't know if its weird or not, but being locked up in this house there is nothing to do.

I'd really suggest deleting them. Keeping and rewatching sex videos of your ex isn't going to help you move on or stop you obsessing over her sex life with her partner now. Both of which are creepy and unhealthy. There's more to life than sex.

There are alot of things you can do/look forward to in life even now with this lockdown. You can learn a new language online, pick up a new hobby, journal. I've also heard that some ivy league universities are offering free online courses, what better time is there than now to take advantage of that? Do you have any sociopolitical opinions? Causes you believe in? Personal philosophies you subscribe to? Just some things to get started and think about especially when you have all the time in the world now.

Start doing something, anything with your life and build it. Nobody is responsible for your own life but you, and everyone had to work on themselves too and do so as a constant work in progress. Like I said, you need more than just a warm body, bad habits and baggage to form any sort of meaningful relationships or friendships with anyone. 

[whatdoido123]

20 hours ago, assertives said:

Find a girl for yourself, be with her because you want to, and not do all that to show your ex that you can find someone. Again, go and live your life. Find something productive to do with your life. Now that everywhere's in lockdown, it's a good time to reflect, chart out and do a "stocktake" of your life. Throw out all the bad habits and think about what kind of person/partner you want to be. Then set goals and work towards them. You don't have to set goals for so far ahead if it's daunting, just smaller actionable ones that can be achieved in the near and short term, for e.g. eating healthier, going to bed/waking up at whatever times, quit smoking/alcohol, etc. 

I'd really suggest deleting them. Keeping and rewatching sex videos of your ex isn't going to help you move on or stop you obsessing over her sex life with her partner now. Both of which are creepy and unhealthy. There's more to life than sex.

There are alot of things you can do/look forward to in life even now with this lockdown. You can learn a new language online, pick up a new hobby, journal. I've also heard that some ivy league universities are offering free online courses, what better time is there than now to take advantage of that? Do you have any sociopolitical opinions? Causes you believe in? Personal philosophies you subscribe to? Just some things to get started and think about especially when you have all the time in the world now.

Start doing something, anything with your life and build it. Nobody is responsible for your own life but you, and everyone had to work on themselves too and do so as a constant work in progress. Like I said, you need more than just a warm body, bad habits and baggage to form any sort of meaningful relationships or friendships with anyone. 

Yeah i get where you are coming from. I guess i been lazy too because my mind drift back to thinking about my ex gf when i am bored at home staring at the 4 walls in my house. Living alone sucks, i never really realize that until this lock down. Like right now, having a gf is the best because you can actually talk to a human being in person and not over the phone. And being financially strapped sucks too because i don't have much money to my name, and thinking about the bills i have to pay is really stressing me out.

I would delete those video, but its hard because i can't imagine my life without her. Everytime i get sad, i think about her and all the memories we had together. I know for a fact she has alot of pictures of me and her as well and i know damn well she ain't deleting them either. It sucks to a degree because we did so much together and everything we did is wiped out because she doesn't wanna be with me anymore.

Honestly nothing excites me anymore, maybe beside gambling. I been doing there since i was 16 years old and i am 32 years old now. Like i don't have much friends either because all i want to do is go gamble at a casino or gamble online. I have always been like that, and i guess i suffer from depression as well. When me and my ex gf went to vegas i blew off $20,000 at blackjack and she was like dang you don't look sad. But deep down i felt like s*** and wanted to cry, but i guess i am good at hiding it. 

 

So today is 4-20-2020 and she has NOT messaged me all day. I been looking at my phone hoping she will message me, but NOPE

[whatdoido123]

Hey Guys / Girls,

its almost been a week since i last updated, so i figured i should update this thread. Honestly, its been very stressful on my end and i keep getting mixed signals from her.

 

So on Thursday she texted me to come over to visit our daughter, so i did between 4pm to 6:30 pm. She told me that she was getting in argument with her mother and how stressful it is and everything. I told her that if it came down to no one watching our daughter on the weekday, i can do it if anything, but of course she denied me. She was complaining how she hates her brother because her gf comes over and eats their food. (They all live together in a one story house, ie her brother, her mom, her stepdad, and our daughter). I guess every Friday her brother gf comes over and my ex gf doesn't like that since they got into a fight over a year ago for something really stupid. Anyways from that point on, they never liked each other and neither would give an apology to one another so basically they hate each other. So yeah we texted back and forth , but honestly its not really my problem since we arn't together anymore right? I texted her how i felt and stuff, but idk if she was just using me so she can talk to me or not.

 

Fast forward to today (Saturday), she vented to me about how she hates her brother and how her mom is not fair. Always treated her son better than her daughter and stuff. And i totally agreed with my ex gf. Her mom always favorite her son and she hates that and gets in arguments with her mom how its NOT fair. Anyways she dropped off our daughter at my house and she left my house within 5 minutes after dropping her off. She asked me if she can come over tomrrow instead of me driving her back to her house because supposely she is selling something on offer up and that person lives in my area. I told her sure, but now when i think about it, it seems like a bad decision on my part. Like i am trying to start fresh and forget about our relationship and now she wants to spend time at my house because shes going to be down here anyways. I feel like its an excuse to chill at my house tomorrow morning. On top of that, its going to give me the inch to go through her phone again to see how they are doing when she shower. I feel like s*** honestly, and i don't know what to do. I do want to know how their relationship is going, but at the same time i want to forget about it and just move on

 

It puts me in a bad spot, like i told her my house is pick up and drop off only, but she wants to hang out around 10 am after her bf house and i don't know what to do anymore. I been keeping it short with her, but i feel like shes venting to me more the last couple of days and i feel like she kinda likes me again, but i can't really tell. I dont know if she is confused or what, but i am totally confused what to do on my end since i already promised her she can stay at my place tomorrow and just hang out as mommy and daddy together for one day. What do you guys think? I think she was using offer up and saying that person lives in my area so she can crash at my place tomorrow. That is how i feel, but i honestly don't know... PLEASE HELP

 

[whatdoido123]

any help would be nice.........

[whatdoido123]

this is complete bs, so my ex dropped off our daughter and i had her all saturday, she convinced me that she had some business to do in my area on sunday so i let her spend all sunday at my house (horrible idea)

i find out that they are having alittle problem within their relationship, but i also find out they been lovey dovey still even after 2 months.

I plan to NOT text her anymore and play hard to get/reach

its hurting me on the inside because i find out she doesn't want to take abortion pill anymore because of the side effect, but her bf wants to go raw style or use the pull out method.

honestly i see them having a kid by accident

this is super unreal and emotional for me to find out on her phone

life is stupidddddd

[basil67]

What they do within their relationship is none of your concern.  If she starts to confide in you, tell her that you don't want to hear it.

What is your goal in playing games with contact regarding your child?   

Edited April 27, 2020 by basil67

[assertives]

Whether they have a kid by accident or through family planning is none of your business. Their sex and love live is also none of your concern. All you need to worry about and expend energy on is the raising and welfare of your daughter. And for the umpteenth time, stop going through her phone and her private messages. There's nothing attractive about your behaviour right now.

As mentioned before, you need to establish some firm and clear boundaries and actually stick to them. Which include not just the no staying at your place but also no more ventilating to you about her personal issues. Shut it down politely but firmly each time she starts. Do not engage anything further than matters concerning your daughter.

[ExpatInItaly]

You need to either quit looking through her phone or quit complaining when you invade her privacy and see things you don't like. 

 

[whatdoido123]

On 4/26/2020 at 9:33 PM, basil67 said:

What they do within their relationship is none of your concern.  If she starts to confide in you, tell her that you don't want to hear it.

What is your goal in playing games with contact regarding your child?   

I guess make her assume i am talking to someone. I know 100% she thinks i am not able to get a gf anytime soon, so i guess try to get her butthurt about it. At the end of the day i know she cares about me whether shes with her new bf or not

 

On 4/26/2020 at 11:13 PM, assertives said:

Whether they have a kid by accident or through family planning is none of your business. Their sex and love live is also none of your concern. All you need to worry about and expend energy on is the raising and welfare of your daughter. And for the umpteenth time, stop going through her phone and her private messages. There's nothing attractive about your behaviour right now.

As mentioned before, you need to establish some firm and clear boundaries and actually stick to them. Which include not just the no staying at your place but also no more ventilating to you about her personal issues. Shut it down politely but firmly each time she starts. Do not engage anything further than matters concerning your daughter.

Its really hard not to, but i told her NO more EXCUSES coming over on Sunday morning. I will DROP her off at your house in the morning. So hopefully starting this weekend no more of this bs. The only reason i went through her phone because i was super curious because i haven't been on her phone for 2 week so i just wanted to see where their relationship is at. Yeah i know its stupid of me, but the only chance i get to see it is when she is taking a shower.

Yeah i told her my house and her house are for PICK UP and DROP OFF only

 

On 4/27/2020 at 12:21 AM, ExpatInItaly said:

You need to either quit looking through her phone or quit complaining when you invade her privacy and see things you don't like. 

 

If she doesn't come over to my house to shower and hang out then yes i can't look at her phone. That is why hopefully going forward i don't get this feeling or tempted feeling because its impossible to look through her phone if she ain't at my house

[whatdoido123]

She still text me about her family problem with her family. And i been giving her suggestion and i feel like she wants to vent to me about her drama. I mean i don't mind hearing it, i hope the bf and her get into some huge argument or something so they will break up. 

She texted me this morning to come over on Thursday to hang out with our daughter. So i will be doing that, and its hard being a daddy to our daughter, we will always be attached to one another and its difficult to move on with a child now....

[basil67]

15 minutes ago, whatdoido123 said:

I guess make her assume i am talking to someone. I know 100% she thinks i am not able to get a gf anytime soon, so i guess try to get her butthurt about it. At the end of the day i know she cares about me whether shes with her new bf or not

Well to be fair, she's probably right in guessing that you can't get a girlfriend anytime soon. She will see right through your pretence of talking to someone and knows that you'll have to get your act together first.   And if she does truly care about you, she will be delighted to know that you've found new love when it happens.  No reasonable person wants their ex to stay lonely and miserable.   All this game playing only hurts you and access with your daughter.

And stop allowing her to contact you with her woes.   Honestly, you really need to pull your big boy pants on, man up and put some strong boundaries in place.  No game playing, no hanging out at each other's houses together for access.    The only contact you should have is about dates and times of access and issues related to your daughter's life.