jennywho Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 ok so my ex-bf broke up with me one month ago. at that same day he said he wanted to be with me forever, and at night after a fight he just broke it off and didn't change is mind since. for the first week I was really begging for another chance, as I knew I had been difficult for the last few months about my insecurities. After that week I found out he was with another girl, has been 3 weeks of them together and her posting a lot of instastories with him, he still didn't post anything with her but already introduced her to all his friends. We work together, but right now we are in quarentine. I stopped contacting him but for the past few weeks he has been calling to talk about work and the corona and all that stuff. I just don't understand why is he calling with excuses to talk, when you tottally replaced me for this nw girl. does he think that we are friends now? the funny thing is that he calls only when he's not with her. I don't want to be rude with him, or show him that he still affects me, but I'm starting to get really mad for the total disregard he's showing. Like for real, he replaced me in a week and this attitude of calling me sounds so selfish. Like she's not saying anything so let me just find some lame excuse to talk with her, and get attention.... IDK, just want to move on, but I find myself just thinking about this... Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 He made his choice, and wants to be with someone else. So, personally... next time he calls, just tell him you don't really want to be friends, and he should stop calling. And honestly... it's not good for either of you to think you can be friends. I'm civil to my exW... but it's because we have kids, and we need to be that way for their sake. But if we didn't have kids... I would have stopped talking to her long ago. (That's after a 20 year relationship) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TeddyBundy1993 Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 Dude is behaving like nothing has happened and treating you like crap even tho you asked for a 2nd chance. Totally disrespectful. What you can do now? I honestly feel terrible for people who work with their ex it's such a horror. You do what you feel is the best for you. Bottom line is hes a jerk not respectful and seems to play around women. However kick him out of your life. Ignore him, nothing from here you should do to downgrade him just protect yourself. Stay minimum contact with him, unless its work nothing beyond that. With time you will get yourself together but only if you deal with this correctly. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 Who cares if he thinks the break-up affected you? He already knows it did. He knew it would hurt you to hear he's moved on right away. He knows you are human and thus have emotions. Don't put so much thought into his opinion of you. You will feel a lot freer when you stop allowing your perception of his perception of you to guide you here. All he's doing right now is trying to keep you warm in case he and the new girl don't work out. He'll have you to fall back on. He knows he can't cut ties with you completely if he wants you be Plan B. But Jenny, don't let him play you like this. He's not a sincere person, and not that into you if he's only sniffing around to line you up in case his new relationship goes sideways. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennywho Posted April 2, 2020 Author Share Posted April 2, 2020 thank you for the advices. Yes I'm really trying to move on, next time he calls I'm going to let him know that we are not friends, and we don't need to talk about anything. at least for now. After all that happened since the break up I don't even see myself with him again, so I'm not mad about him having another girl already, just think that if a person get's out of a relation they have all the time in the world to know another person, don't understand the need to replace me like I never existed and rush things off. He goes with her to the same places we used to go with all the same friends, doing the same things. IDK, when I'm getting to know someone I try to spend time alone with them first. But yes, I don't recognize him anymore. It's kinda sad. You think you really know someone, and after it ends they show how they really are. Not like he's a bad person on purpose, but the lack of empathy for the person he was with it's disappointing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 6 hours ago, jennywho said: thank you for the advices. Yes I'm really trying to move on, next time he calls I'm going to let him know that we are not friends, and we don't need to talk about anything. at least for now. After all that happened since the break up I don't even see myself with him again, so I'm not mad about him having another girl already, just think that if a person get's out of a relation they have all the time in the world to know another person, don't understand the need to replace me like I never existed and rush things off. He goes with her to the same places we used to go with all the same friends, doing the same things. IDK, when I'm getting to know someone I try to spend time alone with them first. But yes, I don't recognize him anymore. It's kinda sad. You think you really know someone, and after it ends they show how they really are. Not like he's a bad person on purpose, but the lack of empathy for the person he was with it's disappointing. I highlighted the bits in your post that I responded to. A few I italicized as well as this is where you need to think differently (in my opinion). I would not even take the call. Send him a quick text or email and let him know, politely, and then block him. He will keep stringing you along until you set a firm line in the sand. You don't need to even think about being "friends" with him at any point. He's not been emotionally mature and I guarantee you if he didn't already see this woman before he broke up with you, he was cheating emotionally or at least mentally before. Even Justin Bieber, George Clooney, Brad Pitt would have trouble getting into a "relationship" in a week if something wasn't already lined up. You'll discover as you age - a lot of people are emotionally unhealthy and/or immature and they cannot be by themselves for a variety of reasons - so they jump from one relationship to the next. Even if you parted amicably and weren't together for too long, a normal guy would take more than a week before jumping in - unless something really blew in out of nowhere - and even then - introducing her to his friends is a big step. So pray for his emotional/mental health and just do you! And yeah - the not doing anything alone with her (or not much) isn't a healthy sign either No one is a "bad person" on purpose. Even the most homicidal/genocidal people in history justified the slaying of millions in their head by some weird morality or psychological process. The question is where does his empathy lie on the scale? And yes, they say that in both relationships and with work/career - people remember you as much by how you left as what you did during that time - regardless of how much time you spent together. I'm assuming you're both relatively younger - early 20 to mid 20s? I'm almost 7.5 months out from a relationship with someone who was 24 (I'm 38). Yeah I know, too young for me. I mistook her lack of hobbies, friends, partying, etc as "maturity" and didn't realize she had a "good girl" fake persona and that she hid things from people, even me and she treated everyone (in a quiet, hard to notice way) as beneath her (though, frankly she wasn't that bright and she looked like she was 16/18 without heavy makeup on lol), and she was very ashamed of her socioeconomic status and she suffered from horribly low self-esteem. She dumped me via text/IM after almost 2 years together - didn't have the courage or empathy to tell me to my face or to even tell me the truth - caught her on the site where we had met 5 days later and waited for 3 months before I extracted my revenge, lol. My point in sharing that is a lot of people suffer from issues and eventually they work themselves out or get pounded out of us through difficult circumstances/failures/life lessons as we age. And sometimes they don't. Don't get hung up on him, what he could be like, what the future may hold for him. It didn't work out with him as he is NOW and he made his choice and he has to live with the consequences. Perhaps he's never dumped anyone before so he doesn't know how to act with you or perhaps he's been hurt before and he's subconsciously choosing to do/say things to hurt you as a way to get back at others for hurting him. Regardless - in either case he's immature, petty, and not ready for prime time yet. So block him and move on and work on yourself for a while and take what you can from this experience moving forward. Unless you make the consequences clear to him no matter what/how you chose to respond, he won't learn or grow (if he's capable of it). Stay strong! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennywho Posted April 2, 2020 Author Share Posted April 2, 2020 thank you so much. We are 26yo, and we were together for a year, and living together for the last 7 moths. He called me today talking about work AGAIN! I told him that I needed my space and don't want him to call me, even told him that if he is with another person it's not a good thing to be calling the ex from one month ago. I was really calm and he just started being with an agressive tone and just saying ok whatever if you don't want me to call I don't call, etc etc. I ended the call and let me tell you. It felt good to cut loose. now that he's angry at least I know that he's not going to contact me for a while. I cannot block him bc we work together and I'm kind of his superior, so when there is a problem he has to call me. But right now with the quarentine I'm just going to enjoy the SILENCE! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 No contact is up to you not him. block him. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted April 3, 2020 Share Posted April 3, 2020 He calls you because he doesn't want you to hate him ... and he doesn't want you to call this new woman and spill the beans about him being involved with you. He's kindness is simple a disaster mitigation strategy. You'd be surprised. Lots of guys just really freak out at the idea of a woman being enraged at them. So they try to let the woman down easy, tell her how great she is as a person and all of that. It's all meaningless. I could basically predict what happened based on this: my ex-bf broke up with me one month ago. at that same day he said he wanted to be with me forever, and at night after a fight he just broke it off and didn't change is mind since. I want to be with you forever (spoken on same day of breakup) = a really bad attempt to make you feel special even as he's dumping you. Do not take that seriously. What you want in a relationship is someone whose actions say they want to be with you forever. BTW: it's highly like that your insecurities were related to the way he treated you ... and not vice versa. Let go and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Supernova11 Posted April 4, 2020 Share Posted April 4, 2020 I don’t know why he’s behaving like this but who cares because he’s a waste of your time. No contact...self focus and so moving on ✌️ Link to post Share on other sites
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