r321148 Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 So basically just keeping it short. My ex girlfriend broke up with me just before xmas. We were together 2 years and living together. It was fairly amicable. She wasn't feeling it anymore and in honesty I had already tried to break it off a few times in the months previously, so I probably would have done anyway if she hadn't beaten me too it. There wasn't any particular reason for it, we just stopped feeling that way about each other anymore. We pretty much just hugged, wished each other the best and then went our separate ways. We didn't speak much over the next couple of weeks but then had a quick chat the week before xmas. I apologised for a lot of stupid stuff I did and she apologised too. Had a few more text/phone conversations over the xmas period and for the first half of January. All were friendly and ok. As of then we have had no contact whatsoever. So...like 2.5 months now. It was never planned, but I've just been really busy getting on with my life and assume she has been as well. So can I reach out to her as a friend now? If so how do I re-establish contact? I don't particularly want to get back together, but with the current situation in the world I realise that I really care about her as a person. I got on well with her family and hope that they are all safe and well. Her social media has gone completely silent ever since we broke up, apart from changing her profile picture and then a check in about 6 weeks ago, so can't even tell from that if she is safe and well. I just want to reach out to see if she is ok. Not sure whether this is ok or if I should let her be? Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 30 minutes ago, r321148 said: I don't particularly want to get back together Meaning you aren't ruling the idea out. I don't think you should contact her. Being friends sounds great in theory, but rarely works. It just causes more angst and possibly bad feelings that so far it sounds like you've escaped. Keep it that way. Especially if you aren't 100% past wanting anything beyond just friendship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 Agree. Unless you really want her to talk to you like a girlfriend about all her new dates. One of which will eventually ban her from talking to her exes if it gets serious. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JacobJ29 Posted April 2, 2020 Share Posted April 2, 2020 I tried the friends with an ex thing once. It doesn't work. There will always be underlying attraction there, you crossed an intimacy line with them on many occasions and it's very hard to look at them just as a 'friend'. It is incredibly painful when you see them with someone else, even though you thought you were cool with friends, seeing them with someone else or having them talk to you about someone else hits you like a dagger. And it just restarts the whole breakup again. It will seem sad and final, but the best thing is that you just leave it be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted April 3, 2020 Share Posted April 3, 2020 The minute she tells you she's seeing someone else, you're going to get territorial and this friendship guise you're attempting to work is going to crash and burn and you're going to be the one who can't deal with how fast she moved on. Just let her keep going with her life. If she needs you to know about her and her family, she'll send you an email. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Supernova11 Posted April 4, 2020 Share Posted April 4, 2020 It looks like I have nothing to add here. I also believe that staying friend with an ex is a bad idea. If you met a new girl tomorrow who rocked your world, you wouldn’t care about staying in contact. Link to post Share on other sites
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