what is best?

[sporty]

This is an age old question but one a needs answered before I make any potentially bad mistakes (as I'm particularly good at those).

 

I really like someone whom there is little chance with (fine- I've accepted that pretty much as it is often the way). I know another person who has pursued me for a year. I am coming round to the idea that maybe me and him should just get together- even though I've never really been attracted to him that much (only when i feel lonely or have had a few drinks) and he gets on my nerves at times with his attempts to get us together.

 

But we have a lot in common in terms of background, friends, career etc and I'm wondering if rather than wait for that ideal person to come along, or go through the upset of going for people whom I have no chance with, I should cut my losses and accept second best (horrible expression I know!)

 

I'm just not sure that there is a right person for everyone and it's better to avoid the potential loneliness by accepting something less.

 

Any thoughts?

[Tony T]

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, EVER, NEVER, EVER, EVER, NEVER decide to start seeing someone who you are not attracted to and who gets on your nerves...NO MATTER HOW LONELY YOU ARE. GET A DOG!!!!!!

 

I can't believe anybody would write the above post. You must be depressed right now.

 

The worst, most terrible case of loneliness is not nearly as bad as being with someone you aren't into.

 

Get off your butt and get out and start meeting people. And get an attitude adjustment. You sound in your post like these two guys are the only ones in the world. You are pathetically negative about life and that may be part of your problem. People are attracted to postive people who feel good about themselves and the world.

 

Look into why you have such a low opinion of yourself that you would settle with spending the rest of your life on this planet with somebody you aren't attracted to and who gets on your nerves. YUK!!!

 

Hell, you'd be better off becoming a nun. Forget these chumps and look for the right person for you just like everybody else does. There's somebody RIGHT for everybody. Don't give up...and NEVER, EVER give in!!!

[sporty]

Thanks for your VERY clear answer! I didn't think my letter was that insane but it helps to get another viewpoint on it. I am actually outgoing and have lots of friends (probably sound a bit low as I have just this week completed a very intensive and demanding teacher training course).

 

But you're right, I do very much need to look at things differently and build up my self image as I often feel different from what I project. It just takes a blunt message to realise that I need to do something.

 

Part of me is still waiting to see if things will develop with the other fella I like, but from now on that will stop. I mean it!

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, EVER, NEVER, EVER, EVER, NEVER decide to start seeing someone who you are not attracted to and who gets on your nerves...NO MATTER HOW LONELY YOU ARE. GET A DOG!!!!!! I can't believe anybody would write the above post. You must be depressed right now. The worst, most terrible case of loneliness is not nearly as bad as being with someone you aren't into. Get off your butt and get out and start meeting people. And get an attitude adjustment. You sound in your post like these two guys are the only ones in the world. You are pathetically negative about life and that may be part of your problem. People are attracted to postive people who feel good about themselves and the world. Look into why you have such a low opinion of yourself that you would settle with spending the rest of your life on this planet with somebody you aren't attracted to and who gets on your nerves. YUK!!! Hell, you'd be better off becoming a nun. Forget these chumps and look for the right person for you just like everybody else does. There's somebody RIGHT for everybody. Don't give up...and NEVER, EVER give in!!!

[chick]

i don't think you would necessarily be settling for "second best" with this guy, but why would you want to be with someone you aren't particularly attracted to? this seems like you would be more than likely using him. you will just end up breaking hearts if you go out with this guy just because you haven't come across someone available or someone you can connect with yet. that wouldn't be fair on yourself or on this guy. stop being so impatient and negative and let nature take its course. what's the rush? make the most of your situation and get out there and meet new people. you will eventually find someone, most probably when you least expect it, and you will be glad you waited. this guy sounds like a good friend, but if you aren't attracted to him now, what makes you think you will be in the future.

 

i would definitely suggest to not go out with this guy just for the sake of it or until something "better" comes along. that's downright unfair and you will only be causing more hurt and loneliness in the long run.