turned down after first video chat

[despairingbuttrying]

I met this girl online and we exchanged a few messages and then went onto Whatsapp.  She was very chatty from the start, long messages etc. and we seemed to have a fair few things in common.  We had two phone calls as well which were over 2 hours each so I thought ok this is going pretty well, although I did think she was a little full-on still and wasn't sure where this was going.  That's because usually with online dating, I'm used to meeting someone straight away.  I knew with this virus it might months before we could actually meet in person. 

Anyway, we finally decided to video chat last night and yeah it didn't go too well.  We still talked for over an hour but conversation was a little forced perhaps and I wasn't really feeling the vibe and I'm not so sure whether she was either.  After the call we exchanged a couple of texts but I could tell something had changed.  And then the next day, she was like "it's been fun chatting to you over the last few weeks but I'm not sure I'd like to pursue things further at this stage blah blah."  So yeah a little gutting, can't say I'm that upset as I wasn't sure about it myself anyway but I'm curious as to what really put her off after our first video chat.  

Perhaps she wasn't impressed by what she saw!?  She already knew enough about me, she knew what I sounded like but I guess this was the first time she saw me albeit over video. I don't think I look much different to my photos on my profile so I don't think it's that.  Perhaps like me she just wasn't feeling it.  Either way, it's frustrating as it's more that it feels like a waste of time. 

This is tough, I've been single a long time now and with this damn virus, that may continue for some time yet now. 

[guy45]

Well the truth is you probably looked different on video than you did in your pictures. Many times I've talked to women online and when I actually saw them through video or in real life they did not look as great as their photos, because lets face it we post our very best pictures. 

Be patient you will meet the right one. You don't want to enter a relationship with anyone just for the sake of not being single.

[despairingbuttrying]

Thanks.  She responded saying like me, it was just the general vibe and was nothing specific and perhaps it would have been different in person.  Maybe it was something and she wants to be polite about it but still said to let her know if I'm in her area and we can meet up. 
But yeah that's pretty much it - just not clicking or whatever.  No need to overthink it.  

I guess I'm getting a little fed up, in my 30s now and time is running out. 

[mark clemson]

You just gotta keep playing the field. How many more women are out there? Millions.

Also, FYI time is not running out. As a male things go more and more your way as you get older, particularly if you can maintain yourself physically/looks-wise AND have a decent career.

Don't be too interested or in too much of a hurry. Females interpret that as neediness and it tends to make them less interested. Have an air of casual dominance and seem like you probably have many options.

Women don't so much want a guy "any girl could have" being too clingy. They want a guy "who could have any girl he wanted" (never true, just an expression) who chooses them over other women. That gives them "validation".

In other words, "play it cool". Let any "rejections" slide off you. They're not really rejections anyhow as the girl barely knows you. She's just found what she thinks is a better prospect or simply doesn't find you that interesting. That happens to everyone, even "Chads" and players as many women can be fickle creatures, so don't let it bother you none.

There are a LOT more fish in the sea and they start getting a LOT more interested in "settling" and "settling down" as you get into your 30's and 40's and aging starts to show.

[mark clemson]

This song, written by a woman, illustrates dating realities for women in competitive urban areas. It's a bit overdone and melodramatic, but I strongly suspect there's a genuine core of truth to it as well.

 

[chillii]

 

Pretty simple , onsite is way way different to faceless ph calls and messages , picture tells a 1000 words remember. Face to face she just didn't feel you were her thing.

[Foxhall]

Yes I suppose the video call is more closer to an actual real life conversation,

it can be easy over mails or texts or even a voice call but the in-person meet up is the key really,

one usually finds that if the person is a suitable match, conversation will flow and so on in person and you will feel comfortable together,

if that part feels awkward, usually its a thumbs down.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, mark clemson said:

Don't be too interested or in too much of a hurry. Females interpret that as neediness and it tends to make them less interested. Have an air of casual dominance and seem like you probably have many options.  

As a 'female' I would remind you that we don't all think and act the same way.   If a guy seems like he has many options, I would not have much interest in him.   But if I really like him and he really likes me, then I want him to be about us.   Wanting to be with someone who wants to be with you is not "needy".    

@despairingbuttrying You talk about time being wasted on this.  What would you have otherwise done with the time you spent chatting with her?   

[mark clemson]

Quite true, Basil!

[Ellener]

Sorry you are disappointed ((((((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))))))))))

[GeorgiaPeach1]

My take is that it had nothing to do with your looks, but that you couldn't take the lead and hold a proper, interesting conversation with her. 

[Emilie Jolie]

13 hours ago, despairingbuttrying said:

But yeah that's pretty much it - just not clicking or whatever.  No need to overthink it.  

You are giving yourself excellent advice, despairingbuttrying. Dust yourself off, and onto the next meeting.

Keep your chin up!