is my girlfriend about to break up with me?

[small_hand_of_power]

I don't even know how to begin. I thought everything was fine, and it was up until last night and three hours ago. We have never been in any serious arguments or had any serious fights. My girlfriend and I have been quarantined together for the last like 11/14 days and everything was fine. We were laughing, having a good time, whatever. She left to go see her family 3 days ago and came back the next day, because she apparently wanted to hang out with me rather than be with her family.

Then last night suddenly she totally just shut down and would barely say anything for about 3 hours, and when I asked whats wrong she just kept saying she was fine. Obviously I knew she wasn't fine, but she refused to say anything about it. Eventually she got out of the funk, and things were again normal. Even this morning we were laughing and having a great time together. Then the same thing happened. She totally shut herself off and would ignore things I said to her, she said like two sentences to me in the last four hours.

Now shes packing up everything that she had in the room we've been living in, including her multiple drawers filled with her stuff and is suddenly leaving and refusing to say anything. She went and sat in her car for 20 minutes and came back and said that it isn't me but that it's that we haven't been able to do anything, due to the quarantine, and its making her depressed and driving her crazy, which is of course understandable, we're all dealing with this messed up situation and none of know what to do or how to react, but then also saying that she doesn't know how to talk to anyone about her feelings, or whats actually really bothering her, because I mean, we're poor college students, we didn't really ever have money to do anything, and now we don't have money or the means. When she left she told my mom that she was leaving because she was missing her grandmother. I don't know if either are true.

I just don't know what to do. On one hand I am hurt that she doesn't feel like she can talk to me about things, and on the other I obviously just want her to be happy, but its just so confusing. I asked her before she left if if she was breaking up with me to please do it to my face but she said she wasn't, but everything she owned here is gone, even her toothbrush. I don't even know what to think.

TL;DR girlfriend up and left with no explanation out of no where, took everything with her including her toothbrush.

[JacobJ29]

I think everyone is finding this situation we're in challenging. People react in many different ways. It's very reasonable to assume she is just missing her family, and if you haven't been dating that long then it's very fair to allow her - in my opinion - to gravitate back towards them and some familiarity, if you guys are 'new'.

You haven't actually said if lived together prior to 'lock down', or how long you've been dating - those specifics will add a bit more context around it.

[small_hand_of_power]

7 minutes ago, JacobJ29 said:

I think everyone is finding this situation we're in challenging. People react in many different ways. It's very reasonable to assume she is just missing her family, and if you haven't been dating that long then it's very fair to allow her - in my opinion - to gravitate back towards them and some familiarity, if you guys are 'new'.

You haven't actually said if lived together prior to 'lock down', or how long you've been dating - those specifics will add a bit more context around it.

Sorry about that. We met in college in the fall semester, we've been dating for 6 months. I had a single dorm and she lived in the dorm with me from January until the coronavirus lockdown around March 6. Since then she had been coming and going from  my parents house for extended periods of time, usually declining my offers to go to her parents house because she apparently found my parents house more private/easier to get along with. I totally get missing family, but, not trying to take a jab at her or anything, but between January and March she did not visit her family once. 

It is just a bizarre contrast. This morning (and I am not making this up, this actually happened) she was telling me she loved me and wanted to do everything with me and then she disappeared. I don't get it.

Edited April 4, 2020 by small_hand_of_power

[snowboy91]

My feeling is that she's been trying to put on a brave face about something which got to her in the end. I'm guessing it's either she's genuinely missing her family, she finds living with you stifling (which isn't surprising normally if you move in so quickly, but the virus situation makes it 10x worse since there's no escape), or a combination of the two.

Whether it's that knocking on into her feelings about the relationship, or her feelings about the relationship have changed and it's making her upset is something I can't tell at this point - hopefully you can discuss it.

[small_hand_of_power]

1 minute ago, snowboy91 said:

My feeling is that she's been trying to put on a brave face about something which got to her in the end. I'm guessing it's either she's genuinely missing her family, she finds living with you stifling (which isn't surprising normally if you move in so quickly, but the virus situation makes it 10x worse since there's no escape), or a combination of the two.

Whether it's that knocking on into her feelings about the relationship, or her feelings about the relationship have changed and it's making her upset is something I can't tell at this point - hopefully you can discuss it.

Why would she be putting on a brave face though? She comes here of her own volition. I did not expect her, nor ask her to come immediately back after having been here for 11 days. She asked me and I said yes. Her family even wanted her to stay with them and she just up and left and was complaining about how it's only "weird" for her to be here for so long because we don't have our own place, like we kind of did with my college dorm. It was not my idea for her to stay for 11 days, every day after the first she'd say "I should go, but I just want to be with you." 

 

[Poutrew]

She wants to see granny again... right.  If she is infectious she could kill dear old granny while she never even has a sniffle. When she went to her parent's house the first time, she probably ran into one of her old boyfriends, and the spark re-ignited. You will never get the truth out of her, but if I were you, I'd let her go and then consider myself single again. 

[preraph]

Ohhhh, you were living with your mother?  That is never ideal for the other person, you know.  Anyway, you have spent so much time together that it's almost like how it will be when you're an old married couple -- and she is bored and it wasn't for her.  So it kind of accelerated getting to know each other and living together didn't work out, basically.  It's partly cabin fever, too much time together.  But honestly, too much time together is bad even for a lot of married couples.  I bet she'll be more comfortable and less stressed with her own family.  Don't panic.  It may not be totally over, but I think she realized she wouldn't want this life.  And like you said, you've been too broke to do much.  If she talks to you, just tell her that one day you will both be working and have a little more money and means to go do fun things.