Corona Lockdown Affecting My Dating Mental Health Part 1: Breakup

[dangerous]

Two anecdotes relating to my time of isolation, this is part 1, and I'll post a separate thread as Part 2.

1. For over 2 years I had a relationship with an incredibly hot woman, who blew hot and cold, and hot and cold ad nauseum. I suspect she was a narcissist or BPD type. 

The highs were very high, but as sure as night follows day, she had dark moods often. Rages, depression, criticised me, very hurtful. 

As soon as we broke up (for the final time!) she IMMEDIATELY got a new guy and declared him as her SOUL MATE within weeks of meeting him. Although she's a 55 year old woman she posted that for all to see on FB! Even though I had supported her through thick and thin during the 2 years we had been together (divorce, homelessness, redundancy) she painted me to be this guy who treated her terribly. But now she was ok because she had met her 'soulmate'...again. 

I went further than blocking her, I've actually stopped using FB entirely for 6 months now, so I have no exposure or temptation to check on her.

In this time, of Covid isolation, I am feeling retrospective and frankly downright depressed. I think often of the sweet times I had with this woman. But my logic tells me we broke up for a reason: there were lots of bad times and I decided it was best to move on from her, for my own good. BUT the good times keep coming back into my mind! Lucky for me, I kept a journal, so I've been reading back over the last two years, and guess what?

I am astonished at how early, and how many times, she behaved so badly to me. It reminded me why I felt I had no option to move on. I was right. Someday I will find a better partner, one less unstable than her. But in the meantime, I have to remain strong and confident in my choice to be alone/ away from her. 

I just wanted to post this to share: covid isolation experience, benefit of journaling, and NC.