max3732 Posted April 5, 2020 Share Posted April 5, 2020 I met someone online who messaged me 1st and we exchanged numbers and texted a few times when this whole pandemic was just starting. The last time I sent her a text was a little over a week ago and she had said she wishes we could meet for coffee or something and then we were talking about a some other things and I said hopefully we will be able to meet in person before too long. When I sent her a text today she asked who was texting her, which really surprised me. I told her and she said she hadn't heard from me in a while. Then we sent a few messages and I suggested doing a phone call. She said it sounded like a good idea and that "we can coordinate". My idea was to call her right then or suggest a time. Before I sent her something suggesting a time I was wondering how to read that. She told me she's home all the time and working from home. So I need to make an appontment or something? Should my next message just be something like "are you free to talk this evening"? Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted April 5, 2020 Share Posted April 5, 2020 (edited) Her setting a time to talk is reasonable if she has a job to do remotely. Because of her working remotely some meetings might be set for odd hours not just 9-5. If parents also have to ho e school their kids then this can happen. the other piece of her not remembering you...I’m assuming you were calling from the same phone you did when you talked/text before. She coukd have forgotten to associate cell phone with your name thus not remembering who you were from the number on her phone. also with prop,e dtuck st home thry may have various social meeting calls scheduled through out the day and if they have kids they may have FaceTime kids interactions. Edited April 5, 2020 by Ami1uwant Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted April 5, 2020 Share Posted April 5, 2020 Think it was just a fancy way of saying a good time for both. Anyway yeah sure message her an idea of when, why not. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 5, 2020 Share Posted April 5, 2020 respond with "I can do X Y and Z times. When is good for you?" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted April 5, 2020 Share Posted April 5, 2020 Yep... just suggest a few times/days that work. Just because you wanted to talk right then... doesn't mean she had time to talk. ALSO... she could have been driving, been around other people, been close to her kids/family, been somewhere loud... or as above... just working. Since you really don't know this person... you can't make a judgment on her response yet. As far as not knowing who it was... well... I personally find that a little shady since txt's last for a while in my phone, and if someone I haven't txt'ed in a while sent me a message, the thread would still be above it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 5, 2020 Share Posted April 5, 2020 You left it too long. She wrote you off as a lost cause and deleted your number. Thar is why she didn't have a clue who you were, your name didn't come up on her phone when you sent her a text. You seem to have resurrected things though. BUT you now have to arrange something concrete. I suggest a video call coffee date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 5, 2020 Share Posted April 5, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, elaine567 said: You left it too long. She wrote you off as a lost cause and deleted your number. Thar is why she didn't have a clue who you were....... I agree you left it too long for her liking but unless she has an extremely short memory span, like abnormally short, after only one week, I highly doubt she would have forgotten who you were. Especially since you had talked quite a bit just one week prior, she suggested coffee etc. A woman is not going to forget a guy like that after only one week, not buying it. A month, a year? Ok maybe, but not one week. I think she knew exactly who you were, but was irked you waited a week to reach out. So she employed a little shyt test to let you know waiting a week wasn't cool and when you or any man does that, you risk losing the girl. I think this little test is even written somewhere of how to's -- "what to do when a man waits too long to contact you again?" Answer: Pretend you've forgotten who he is! lol Happy to hear she was open and flexible enough to not write you off though. May I ask why you waited a week to reach out again? I think when you first meet someone on line and begin chatting, it's important to keep the momentum going. By waiting a week, you broke the momentum and yes you did risk losing her, not because she forgot who you were, but because she might have started chatting with another guy she likes better within that time, who was consistent in his efforts to stay in touch. Oh the games people play.... Edited April 5, 2020 by poppyfields 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 5, 2020 Share Posted April 5, 2020 I didn't say she "forgot" who he was, of course not, but if she had already deleted his details and was also talking to other guys then she may not have recognised his number. Yes I agree it may also have been a little dig at his tardiness in getting back to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted April 5, 2020 Author Share Posted April 5, 2020 17 minutes ago, elaine567 said: I didn't say she "forgot" who he was, of course not, but if she had already deleted his details and was also talking to other guys then she may not have recognised his number. Yes I agree it may also have been a little dig at his tardiness in getting back to her. These little games are crazy. She deleted my number because I didn't text her during the week after saying she wanted to meet for coffee? I guess I need to remember this so I keep the momentum going next time. Anyway, she's the most promising of the people I'm chatting with so I'm definitely going to try and call her. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 5, 2020 Share Posted April 5, 2020 If she said she wanted to meet you for coffee then why the delay? Strike while the iron is hot. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted April 5, 2020 Share Posted April 5, 2020 25 minutes ago, elaine567 said: If she said she wanted to meet you for coffee then why the delay? Strike while the iron is hot. Because right now is not a good time to go meeting people. With this pandemic, everyone needs to stay indoors. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 5, 2020 Share Posted April 5, 2020 (edited) 2 minutes ago, JTSW said: With this pandemic, everyone needs to stay indoors. Of course but he could have still kept in contact. Testing does not involve risk nor does calling/video calling... Edited April 5, 2020 by elaine567 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted April 5, 2020 Share Posted April 5, 2020 You waited a week? Why? She assumed you didn't have any interest, and so she basically deleted you from her brain. Lord knows there's enough worry and tension in the world right now to hijack our attention. You can't wait a week to contact someone in "normal" times. Definitely not right now. As others have said, offer some times and proceed. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 5, 2020 Share Posted April 5, 2020 (edited) No one knows how long we'll all have to stay isolated, but you can certainly continue connecting on line, through text, video chat, email and other means. Make a plan to meet once lockdown is lifted. Re games, a game some "men" play is intentionally waiting a few days up to a week to reach out again as a way to determine a women's interest. One, to see if she will reach out first, and two, if she forgets who you are during that time, then how interested could she have been in the first place? Speaking for myself, when I'm into a guy, no way on god's green earth am I going to not remember who he is after only one week NC. I probably would have shot you a text saying hey anyway, so none of what you experienced would even happen. Good luck with this girl max. Edited April 5, 2020 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted April 5, 2020 Share Posted April 5, 2020 download zoom and schedule a conference call with her. Either that or google hangouts. Link to post Share on other sites
dangerous Posted April 5, 2020 Share Posted April 5, 2020 I think its really difficult for many of us to keep an OLD connection going in the current time. Personally, I don't like video calls, especially for a first meeting. I'm old fashioned and want to get to a real life meeting, so for me OLD is going to be just to make a new connection and keep it going with sparse texts, but of course running the probable risk of losing interest on either side. That's why personally, I don't feel OLD is going to be very effective for the near future, except for making new contacts that may or may not re-ignite when we come out of lock-down. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted April 5, 2020 Author Share Posted April 5, 2020 2 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said: You waited a week? Why? She assumed you didn't have any interest, and so she basically deleted you from her brain. Lord knows there's enough worry and tension in the world right now to hijack our attention. You can't wait a week to contact someone in "normal" times. Definitely not right now. As others have said, offer some times and proceed. I basically use texting as a way to setup dates and figured we had planned to meet when this pandemic is over so what else is there for me to text her? Obviously I was wrong about that! I just got off the phone with her and she said when I didn't text her in a week she figured I wasn't interested. I didn't argue with her or anything. Other than that I think things went well and she said I should call her again during the week. So I take that as a positive sign! Just to keep things going I asked another match if she'd like to chat on the phone and she said yes and gave her number. So I'm trying to coordinate that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted April 5, 2020 Author Share Posted April 5, 2020 1 hour ago, kendahke said: download zoom and schedule a conference call with her. Either that or google hangouts. What happened to skype? That's what I used last time I did a video chat with someone about 10 years ago. Apparently everyone uses zoom now? Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 5, 2020 Share Posted April 5, 2020 (edited) 31 minutes ago, max3732 said: I just got off the phone with her and she said when I didn't text her in a week she figured I wasn't interested. ^^Not to start a war, but did you ask her why she couldn't have texted you? Apparently you had developed a nice rapport in your prior exchanges so I think it's a fair question. I would have, assuming I was interested. I guess she's one of those women who expects the man to do all the initiating/chasing? I wish you luck max! Edited April 5, 2020 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
Mystery4u Posted April 5, 2020 Share Posted April 5, 2020 3 hours ago, poppyfields said: Re games, a game some "men" play is intentionally waiting a few days up to a week to reach out again as a way to determine a women's interest. Men don't play those games, boys do. Real men know what (who) they want, and they go for it and make their intentions clear. They don't care about low interest and being rejected because they know if their interest is not reciprocated, they can move on and find someone who deserves their attention. 52 minutes ago, poppyfields said: I guess she's one of those women who expects the man to do all the initiating/chasing? That's what all women expect, and rightly so. The man should be the one initiating/chasing/leading and sweeping the woman off her feet. Someone who is confident and not afraid to go for it. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted April 5, 2020 Share Posted April 5, 2020 4 minutes ago, Mystery4u said: Men don't play those games Oh they do! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 5, 2020 Share Posted April 5, 2020 17 hours ago, max3732 said: I met someone online who messaged me 1st and we exchanged numbers and texted a few times when this whole pandemic was just starting. The last time I sent her a text was a little over a week ago and she had said she wishes we could meet for coffee or something and then we were talking about a some other things and I said hopefully we will be able to meet in person before too long. She pursuit you, she gave you a green light and you did nothing with it. I too used to delete numbers from men like you. Yes, women give the green lights, and men put things in motion the couple first time. Remember that. As much as you hate it men pursue at the beginning. Don't worry about her interest level, if she is not interested she'll make it super clear. Now, stop talking and act. Offer a time for a videochat, and keep contact with her on regular basis, offer the 2nd videochat. After that she'll feel you mean business and she'll start reciprocating. If you don't do not initiate the pursuit with a woman you'll be left behind in the dust more times that you can count. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 5, 2020 Share Posted April 5, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, poppyfields said: One, to see if she will reach out first, and two, if she forgets who you are during that time, then how interested could she have been in the first place? How long has it been since you dated? Men don't intentionally wait a few days to gauge a woman's interest, that's women's game. Men pursue, period. Men nowadays know too well with this online dating and women being bombarded left and right with offers they better not sleep on the switch they've got to act. You said twice in this thread she pretends to have forgotten about him, she didn't: **I told her and she said she hadn't heard from me in a while** She did not forget about him or pretended she did. She deleted his number after not hearing from him in a week. She saw an unidentified number appear. Edited April 5, 2020 by Gaeta 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 5, 2020 Share Posted April 5, 2020 (edited) 41 minutes ago, Mystery4u said: That's what all women expect.... Thats a pretty broad generalization mate. I think a fair amount of women do, but certainly not all. Personally speaking, I do expect a man to pursue and indicate interest, but it's not beneath me to reciprocate and initiate a text to indicate "my" interest as well. Goes both ways in my world. Edited April 5, 2020 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 5, 2020 Share Posted April 5, 2020 (edited) 17 hours ago, max3732 said: When I sent her a text today she asked who was texting her... @Gaeta, I've been in a LTR for 1.5 years and before that, I had loads of men (guys, boys, however we wish to label them) play those PUA games with me, some admitted it! Re her "forgetting" who he was, I wrote that based on the above quote taken from max's original post. Hope that clarifies. Edited April 5, 2020 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
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