'Coordinate a phone call' after not knowing who I was?

[kendahke]

2 hours ago, max3732 said:

What happened to skype? That's what I used last time I did a video chat with someone about 10 years ago. Apparently everyone uses zoom now?

or skype.  I just didn't mention it.

[Gaeta]

10 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

 

When I sent her a text today she asked who was texting her...

You're the only one interpreting this as 'she forgot about him'. She asked who he was because she just saw a number pop up on her phone (she had deleted his contact) and when he told her who he was she pointed to him he had not contacted her. He did not have to remind her who he was. 

[chillii]

6 hours ago, max3732 said:

These little games are crazy. She deleted my number because I didn't text her during the week after saying she wanted to meet for coffee? I guess I need to remember this so I keep the momentum going next time.

Anyway, she's the most promising of the people I'm chatting with so I'm definitely going to try and call her.

 

Wasn't a game man if she wanted to go for coffee and you just disappear, she felt insulted and u weren't interested. Anyway , now she's giving you another chance ummm, don't disappear on her again and yeah , talk with her.

[poppyfields]

8 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

When I sent her a text today she asked who was texting her...

You're the only one interpreting this as 'she forgot about him'. She asked who he was because she just saw a number pop up on her phone (she had deleted his contact) and when he told her who he was she pointed to him he had not contacted her. He did not have to remind her who he was. 

Okay fair enough.

That said, have I said something to offend you Gaeta?

If so, my apologies, just voicing my opinion.

If I misinterpreted it my bad, just my own personal take, is that not allowed here?

Edited April 5, 2020 by poppyfields

[Cookiesandough]

Yes just pick a day and time and ask her if she’s free.. Just because she’s home all the time does not mean she’s free or up for a cam date all of time.

 

Also, keep in touch with people regularly if you intend to date them, even if you can’t meet right away. She didn’t recognize you because she must have thought you guys were not going to talk again and  deleted your contact 

Edited April 5, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Lotsgoingon]

That PUA stuff works in limited circumstances, with particular types of people. In the real world, if I delay a week in calling someone, that is a loud signal that I'm not interested. And you're interested in a confident woman, she won't like the game-playing, will think you aren't interested or will think you don't have your social act together. 

You can reach out quickly without seeming desperate. All you're doing is saying you enjoyed talking/connecting and you'd like to get together again. 

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

That said, have I said something to offend you Gaeta?

Nope, not at all, I just felt it was an important detail to clarify. 

[poppyfields]

38 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

That PUA stuff works in limited circumstances, with particular types of people. In the real world, if I delay a week in calling someone, that is a loud signal that I'm not interested. And you're interested in a confident woman, she won't like the game-playing, will think you aren't interested or will think you don't have your social act together. 

You can reach out quickly without seeming desperate. All you're doing is saying you enjoyed talking/connecting and you'd like to get together again. 

I 100% agree with you Lotsgoingon. 

The PUA stuff never "worked" on me, in fact it had the opposite effect, it turned me off.  

But according to the various PUA sites, those games (shyt tests really) do work on some woman, so who knows. 

I am still not 100% convinced max's girl wasn't playing a game either, as Gaeta said, women are notorious for playing such games, but I'm going to go with the majority and say to max - you waited too long, she deleted your number and legit didn't recognize the number when it came in.  Makes sense.

Lesson learned?

 

[max3732]

3 hours ago, chillii said:

Wasn't a game man if she wanted to go for coffee and you just disappear, she felt insulted and u weren't interested. Anyway , now she's giving you another chance ummm, don't disappear on her again and yeah , talk with her.

Not messaging someone for a week is disappearing? In my mind we had made plans to go for coffee when we could so I didn't see an urgent need to contact her again until then. If she wanted to reach out to me she could. It's not like I was ignoring her messages.

[elaine567]

No urgent need?
Is this a girl you like and want to date or not?
If you are going to put dating on hold for months/years till this gets sorted then forget contacting women.
Otherwise you will need to make a special effort to forge a connection with a woman without any physical contact.
Leaving a woman you like on hold  for over a week, when SHE suggested further contact is madness.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

Not messaging someone for a week is disappearing? In my mind we had made plans to go for coffee when we could so I didn't see an urgent need to contact her again until then. If she wanted to reach out to me she could. It's not like I was ignoring her messages.

No, there wasn't an urgent need.  But good manners should dictate that you don't leave it for a week before contacting.   What was so pressing in your life that you couldn't contact her?

[max3732]

21 minutes ago, basil67 said:

No, there wasn't an urgent need.  But good manners should dictate that you don't leave it for a week before contacting.   What was so pressing in your life that you couldn't contact her?

Nothing, but I just didn't see the point we had already decided when this subsided we would meet up and I'm not a big texter. I'd rather talk in person on a 1st date than send text messages. It just seems like with texting you have more chances for miscommunication (which has happened to be before) and I thought I'd leave well enough alone.

I was pleasantly surprised with how I did in my phone call today. There was only 1 awkward pause I can remember. Even so I'd rather meet in person. 

Lesson learned though. I sent someone else a text and will talk to her tomorrow. 

[max3732]

2 hours ago, elaine567 said:

No urgent need?
Is this a girl you like and want to date or not?
If you are going to put dating on hold for months/years till this gets sorted then forget contacting women.
Otherwise you will need to make a special effort to forge a connection with a woman without any physical contact.
Leaving a woman you like on hold  for over a week, when SHE suggested further contact is madness.

Well I've never met her before so I don't know yet! She suggesting meeting for coffee when this was over, but texting before then. From her pictures and our texts and phone call I think I may like her. 

[IntBrowser]

13 hours ago, max3732 said:

These little games are crazy. She deleted my number because I didn't text her during the week after saying she wanted to meet for coffee? I guess I need to remember this so I keep the momentum going next time.

Anyway, she's the most promising of the people I'm chatting with so I'm definitely going to try and call her.

 

waiting a week means no interest.     If you get someone's number you should text every other day and call on the other days

[IntBrowser]

3 hours ago, max3732 said:

Not messaging someone for a week is disappearing? In my mind we had made plans to go for coffee when we could so I didn't see an urgent need to contact her again until then. If she wanted to reach out to me she could. It's not like I was ignoring her messages.

I kind of understand, it has to be a back and forth thing.   she initiates contact sometimes and you initiates sometimes.    It definitely cant be onesided

[simpycurious]

12 hours ago, poppyfields said:

No one knows how long we'll all have to stay isolated, but you can certainly continue connecting on line, through text, video chat, email and other means.

Make a plan to meet once lockdown is lifted. 

Re games, a game some "men" play is intentionally waiting a few days up to a week to reach out again as a way to determine a women's interest. 

One, to see if she will reach out first, and two, if she forgets who you are during that time, then how interested could she have been in the first place?

Speaking for myself, when I'm into a guy, no way on god's green earth am I going to not remember who he is after only one week NC.

I probably would have shot you a text saying hey anyway, so none of what you experienced would even happen. 

Good luck with this girl max.

Max, she's right about the duration of this isolation. If you are interested then step up and make it happen.  All this waiting for this or waiting for that is ridiculous.  We have a saying about dudes that can only DO IT in practice (this an athletic analogy) in other words they make every play IN PRACTICE but once the lights come on and the GAME starts they just are not the same.  Don't be that PRACTICE guy be that guy that makes it happen when it matters most. 

Edited April 6, 2020 by simpycurious

[JTSW]

9 hours ago, max3732 said:

Not messaging someone for a week is disappearing?

To most people, yeah. 

Going quiet for a week or longer basically says the person isn't interested. 

[Gr8fuln2020]

19 hours ago, max3732 said:

What happened to skype? That's what I used last time I did a video chat with someone about 10 years ago. Apparently everyone uses zoom now?

No. Skype, facetime, WhatsApp are also do-able. Hangouts/Chat is also other options.

 

[max3732]

17 hours ago, simpycurious said:

Max, she's right about the duration of this isolation. If you are interested then step up and make it happen.  All this waiting for this or waiting for that is ridiculous.  We have a saying about dudes that can only DO IT in practice (this an athletic analogy) in other words they make every play IN PRACTICE but once the lights come on and the GAME starts they just are not the same.  Don't be that PRACTICE guy be that guy that makes it happen when it matters most. 

I just don't know what to text someone I haven't met yet where I'm just going off her profile or the few messages we've had so far. On a 1st date I like to ask more questions about their interests, background, etc. Texting for that seems so cold. 

The last woman I went out texted me nearly everyday things like "how is your day going?", "what did you do today?" , etc and I just feel like this puts me on the spot to come up with something interesting to say or where I run the risk of saying something that offends her. I'd rather talk to someone in person or on the phone, but only if there's something to say.

[basil67]

Face to face meets should put you on the spot even more because you can't miss a beat in conversation.  

[dangerous]

17 hours ago, max3732 said:

I just don't know what to text someone I haven't met yet where I'm just going off her profile or the few messages we've had so far. On a 1st date I like to ask more questions about their interests, background, etc. Texting for that seems so cold. 

The last woman I went out texted me nearly everyday things like "how is your day going?", "what did you do today?" , etc and I just feel like this puts me on the spot to come up with something interesting to say or where I run the risk of saying something that offends her. I'd rather talk to someone in person or on the phone, but only if there's something to say.

I totally agree with this.