He left me, later said Possibly had a breakdown

[Luxy40]

we were once soooo close. 
3 weeks without him, I’m heartbroken. My partner left suddenly, struggling with alcoholism, &  with these issues, it did put a strain on our relationship, we did become distant but I never thought he’d do this. He says he respects, loves & has affection for me, however he doesn’t want to be with me anymore 😞

Edited April 5, 2020 by Luxy40
Incorrect word

[Lilou1988]

Stay strong ❤️

the exact thing happened to me 6 days ago. He said the exact same words, that still haunt me. This storm will pass for us. Xxx 

[Luxy40]

Thanks hun, hope you are ok xx 

[preraph]

That's something he has to decide himself whether to work on or not.  Alcoholics often just abandon people who have conflict with their alcoholism rather than fix it.  

[simpycurious]

On 4/5/2020 at 6:01 AM, Luxy40 said:

we were once soooo close. 
3 weeks without him, I’m heartbroken. My partner left suddenly, struggling with alcoholism, &  with these issues, it did put a strain on our relationship, we did become distant but I never thought he’d do this. He says he respects, loves & has affection for me, however he doesn’t want to be with me anymore 😞

Luxy stay strong.  A lot of people are struggling with a variety of conditions in these difficult times.  I have zero experience with alcoholism so I don't have an advice on that front but you can get through this for sure.

[spiderowl]

He was struggling with alcoholism.  Really, however much you love him, you don't want to be around for the next stage if he continues to drink.  It is very difficult to help an alcoholic and if they do not see a need to stop drinking, you will be wasting your time.

I know you love him and are feeling distraught now but he did you a favour by leaving you.  He might be working on the basis that he does not want to stop drinking at this point and he knows you would not be happy with that.  Rather than face criticism and conflict, he opts out.

I don't know if the above is the case, but if you were trying to help him give up alcohol and it was causing friction, then he may well have chosen alcohol above you.  This is not an insult to you, it is an addiction and you are not the first person to find their relationship ruined by alcohol.  I know this does not make it any better for you; I am just trying to help you to understand that it is not your fault.

This addiction is something he needs to sort out himself.  Accept the relationship is over, until he is in control of himself again at the very least.  Grieve for this relationship which obviously meant a lot to you, and then look forward to a life without that enormous ongoing stress of addiction hanging over you.

 

 

Edited April 11, 2020 by spiderowl

[schlumpy]

Do you also drink to excess?

 

[Luxy40]

Hi thank you for the messages  I understand that what you said is right, I did distanced myself because I knew he was drinking then hid the bottles . We have spoken since, he is very sorry for leaving suddenly, he said he loves me, but felt we were constantly banging heads, I felt we were in a vicious cycle. i also said  I Found  his drinking stressful to deal with,  especially working full time & having a daughter, he is a fantastic guy, successful job , ( though stressful) lovely family , brought much happiness to my life but struggled & I tried to support him wherever I could, he even attended aa meetings, however , would still go the shops to buy “milk” then buy alcohol I don’t drink in the house maybe now & then have a glass of wine with my friends. It’s so hard, I’m in love with an alcoholic, we are both heart broken 💔

[spiderowl]

It must be incredibly hard. You can’t ‘fix’ him. No matter how much you are drawn to him, if you continue in a relationship with him, you will end up in the downward spiral with him.

Please look after yourself and your child first.

 I n the U.K. there is an organisation for the family, partners, even ex’s of alcoholics, call Al-Anon. I don’t know where you are but maybe there is something similar there.