Feeling a lack of closure at university suddenly ending

[homecoming]

I feel quite low. The virus caused my university to shut - which is a good thing, obviously - but this was during the final month of my three-year degree. I have not seen any of my classmates since then, and had no idea that the last time I saw them would be the last time I saw any of them, or the last time I went to uni.

I wasn't particularly close with anyone there, but having been in the class for three years made me feel part of something. I also dated someone in class and although we were not speaking anymore, I still feel slightly sad at not seeing that person anymore, either.

Just feels a bit weird, all online lectures have now finished and all that's left is for me to do the work that's been assigned. So much happened to me during the time I was at uni, it was such a big part of my life and identity, and now there's just nothing. I know it was coming to an end anyway, but it just feels like a break up with no closure, and I'm sure many people around the world are feeling the impacts of this... it's all very strange and new.

[preraph]

Yes, it's got to be jarring.  None of this generation has really experienced anything like this.  It's like world war type effects, great depression type thing.  We rebounded from both of these, though it can take a while.  

 

It's not permanent.  Maybe reach out to anyone you did know and try to stay in touch.  

[homecoming]

4 minutes ago, preraph said:

Yes, it's got to be jarring.  None of this generation has really experienced anything like this.  It's like world war type effects, great depression type thing.  We rebounded from both of these, though it can take a while.  

 

It's not permanent.  Maybe reach out to anyone you did know and try to stay in touch.  

Sadly, the dynamics of who I knew were a bit disrupted at the end. I didn't make many friends, then I was with my ex and we ended up having mutual friends in class. When we split, I tried to chat to them but it was difficult for me because they'd always talk about/ask about my ex, and sometimes they'd all sit together, so I thought it best to just stop talking to them so much. They seemed very close towards the end, and it reached the point that we didn't even say "hello" to each other - bit dysfunctional I guess, but I had to try and stay away from them because I was trying to heal.

I guess it's not permanent, but my degree has ended now so... 

But hopefully the situation with the virus will start to lift, gradually. Who knows.

Edited April 5, 2020 by homecoming

[Ellener]

1 hour ago, homecoming said:

it was such a big part of my life and identity, and now there's just nothing.

Hang in there. My son's in the same position too, graduates this month; just as everything came together it sort-of fell apart nothing to do with him.

Yes, the pandemic will pass, and there will be lots of opportunities for young people to help recover and rebuild afterwards.

Glad you have the group chat. And you will have lots of other interesting experiences and relationships in life too.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Cornholio12]

Try sending your mutual friend and ex a message by any means you feel that you can. Short, sweet and to the point. Even should you not get a response back from one or either of them, at least you would have done something for yourself. I know that the outbreak has caused many people to think, feel and react differently and this isn't any exception. I'd just say go for it. 

[preraph]

Now that you won't have to see them, though, maybe they will feel freer to be social media friends or email or whatever with you.  It was just awkward because it was in front of her.  You should just reach out and check on everyone and say you hope they're doing alright.  

[homecoming]

19 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

Try sending your mutual friend and ex a message by any means you feel that you can. Short, sweet and to the point. Even should you not get a response back from one or either of them, at least you would have done something for yourself. I know that the outbreak has caused many people to think, feel and react differently and this isn't any exception. I'd just say go for it. 

I did end up sending my ex a message, stating that despite the bad ending I still wish them well, and hope they’re staying safe etc. There wasn’t a response, but, I didn’t expect one. As for the mutual, I don’t have their number or anything so 😕 but I’ve learnt that uni isn’t the only place to have met anyone, although many people do it just didn’t work out like that for me 

[preraph]

Well, don't bother writing her anymore, but you can still write the rest of them.  

[Cornholio12]

Just now, homecoming said:

I did end up sending my ex a message, stating that despite the bad ending I still wish them well, and hope they’re staying safe etc. There wasn’t a response, but, I didn’t expect one. As for the mutual, I don’t have their number or anything so 😕 but I’ve learnt that uni isn’t the only place to have met anyone, although many people do it just didn’t work out like that for me 

But good on you for trying. It won't give you total closure but it should help a little.  

[chillii]

Of course it feels a bit weird , the whole world is feeling a bit weird nothing is normal , nothing has closure and people all over the world are as sick as dogs or dying, it's a little bit bigger than your uni and you. Anyway , maybe you can all have some online party or something.

[Ollie180]

It is really weird.. I think it’s because it all happens so fast! I was talking to my daughter about it (she’s only 15 though, so she has one year left of school, so will be going back at some point) but she said the weirdest thing was that literally the week before they were just in normal lessons, singing happy birthday while washing their hands....then she got told on the Wednesday that the school was shutting on the Friday, but for no idea how long - 3 weeks, 6 weeks, the rest of the year, but that the teachers cane out to wave them off at the end of the day and that it was the closest she’s ever felt to being able to imagine what people felt like back in the war!

 

I think it’s hard, you know, I’m 35 now, I’ve had my fair share of big old setbacks and still for me it’s incredibly jarring! I never comprehend my life being effected the way it has been, it’s not something I saw coming! But I feel even more sorry for the people in your age bracket! There’s so many memories to be made at that point of life, so many firsts, so many milestones.. that I can imagine it feels unfair!

BUT if this whole thing can have any gift at all, then it’s to open everyone’s eyes to how amazing our ‘normal’ life is! How blessed we are! And if you get to live your whole life with that kind of appreciation for ‘normal’ life, to not take anything for granted - then that’s the gift mate! ...What an amazing generation of people that could shape!

[Ellener]

1 hour ago, Ollie180 said:

it was the closest she’s ever felt to being able to imagine what people felt like back in the war!

yes, I think that too. 

Intelligent kid!

1 hour ago, Ollie180 said:

BUT if this whole thing can have any gift at all, then it’s to open everyone’s eyes to how amazing our ‘normal’ life is! How blessed we are! And if you get to live your whole life with that kind of appreciation for ‘normal’ life, to not take anything for granted - then that’s the gift mate! ...What an amazing generation of people that could shape!

Well said. So that's where the kid gets it from 😀

@homecoming ((((((((((((((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[homecoming]

2 hours ago, chillii said:

Of course it feels a bit weird , the whole world is feeling a bit weird nothing is normal , nothing has closure and people all over the world are as sick as dogs or dying, it's a little bit bigger than your uni and you. Anyway , maybe you can all have some online party or something.

I’m well aware of what’s going on. I'm allowed to express my feelings, not sure why you’ve taken to trying to invalidate my experience. It affects people in all aspects of their lives, and not once did I claim that this pandemic was all about me.

Online party? Right. What’s that? Our class is made up of people of all ages, including me. Not kids. Thanks for your input. Stay safe.

Edited April 5, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[chillii]

Your welcome

[stillafool]

Actually I've heard of people having online parties since the virus.  Face timing each other talking and drinking.

[Ellener]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

drinking.

The other woman living here has done nothing but drink in recent days...not been much of a party for me. Wish she'd take it online!

[homecoming]

2 hours ago, stillafool said:

Actually I've heard of people having online parties since the virus.  Face timing each other talking and drinking.

That’s fair enough, but I felt like that poster was trying to be a bit snide. 
 

My class is predominantly older people anyway, don’t think they’d be into that!

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Ellener said:

The other woman living here has done nothing but drink in recent days...not been much of a party for me. Wish she'd take it online!

Yeah and I hear the sell of alcohol is way up.  I hope we don't end up with a lot of brand new alcoholics when this is over.

[Ellener]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

Yeah and I hear the sell of alcohol is way up.  I hope we don't end up with a lot of brand new alcoholics when this is over.

I think the fact liquor stores are seen as 'essential businesses' ( here anyway ) says we already do.

 

[stillafool]

I can't believe  they are "essentials".  This would be a great time to dry out.

[Ellener]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

I can't believe  they are "essentials".  This would be a great time to dry out.

Well, a lot of heavy drinkers who suddenly stop have problems like anger and irritation and mild seizures, and about 5 % of people in alcohol withdrawal go on to get delirium tremens which is like a psychotic break episode with really high blood pressure and can be fatal. People don't realise what heavy alcohol use looks like either- 2 litres bottle of wine a day or 7 pints of beer a day for several months is not that uncommon.

Needless to say heavy alcohol use compromises the immune system also makes recovery from infections more difficult.