Should I move back in with husband for quarantine

[lil_missy]

Hi, 

for those of you that have read my threads, me and my husband have recently separated and both moved back home with our parents. We share custody of our three year old son. 

We originally planned to sell the house we shared together but now with covid 19 and everything shutdown it’s looking like the house is not selling. And it is just sitting there empty with all our furniture still there.

now our issues are NOT resolved however we are on friendly terms. 

We are now both working from home and our son is out of childcare. 

I still care about him and honestly there is no one I’d rather be spending this qaurantine with. Just him, our son and me  together all day everyday is honest the best way I can think of to spend this time. 

I don’t enjoy living with my parents, we don’t really get along and I’m only living with out of necessity. They look after me but they are very strict on my son and as a result he doesn’t like being there either, he is always sticking by my side and don’t really wanna hang out with my parents. Sometimes he asks me to go home. Every weekend when he comes back from his dad, he tell me he does not want to go my parents and cries. 

I don’t know if me n my husband will work out in the long run, we don’t see eye to eye on some pretty big issues and he has some big deal breakers for me. However just spending time with him has always being pleasant. He is really sweet and caring to both me n our son. 

So basically I just want to spend this quarantine period with him, I mean it could be 3-6 months! At least the three of us would be together. Sometimes I think if the world ended then I’d want the 3 of us together til the end. 

So should I ask him to move back together? 

[preraph]

If all your stuff is still in the house that's probably why the house isn't selling. 

 

I'm assuming you separated for a reason, so I don't know why you would move back in for this. It seems like it's just putting off the inevitable. Get the stuff out of your house and rent it if you can't sell it.

[Ellener]

1 hour ago, lil_missy said:

Sometimes I think if the world ended then I’d want the 3 of us together til the end. 

sounds like you answer your own question!

[lil_missy]

2 hours ago, Ellener said:

sounds like you answer your own question!

Well my worry is yes I know if the world ends he is the one I wanna be with. But if the world doesn’t end, his other issues are still gonna drive me crazy, and if we can’t work it out for the long run then might be good to not drag it on? We have broken up and made up many times now and it’s really taken a toll on us, it has been an emotional roller coaster for the past year. 

[basil67]

Things will be tough for a while, but the world isn't going to end.   

[lil_missy]

2 hours ago, preraph said:

If all your stuff is still in the house that's probably why the house isn't selling. 

 

I'm assuming you separated for a reason, so I don't know why you would move back in for this. It seems like it's just putting off the inevitable. Get the stuff out of your house and rent it if you can't sell it.

Why does having our stuff there affect the ability to sell the house? Where I am in Australia all open inspections are banned and many ppl lost their jobs, I think that’s more the reason the house is not selling? 

We def seperated for a reason and those issues are not resolved. However the reason I wanna move back is bcuz I feel like the world is falling apart and I still feel he is my rock and my family and just who I want to be with in the middle of this mayhem. 

It does not mean we have a long term future though  

[Ellener]

If you love each other, try again. The world is not going to end, and your personal world won't end either if you try one more time and it doesn't work.

The pandemic maybe puts things into perspective? One day at a time.

[IndigoNight]

Living with parents, as an adult with a toddler, can be a nightmare. Unfortunately, you are probably in the best place to be for considering the current state of things.

I understand why you think moving back into your marital home might be a good idea. However, it could possibly turn into a very bad decision. If you think that your husband, from whom you are separated, could live together as strictly roommates, it might work. Then again, it may damage your relationship even further. It's hard to say which way things will go. Offer, a stressful situation, only becomes more strained and stressful when cooped up at home.

These are stressful times for everyone, so don't be too hate to get away from your parents, simply because it would be easy to since you have your marital home as an option.

If he is pushing to work things out, he may view moving back in  together as more hopeful than you mean it to be.

Talk to each other about what moving back in together truly means. If you consider it just a better place to live than with the parents, he REALLY needs to understand exactly what that means, as so you. You wouldn't be sharing a bed, or even a bedroom. To do so would only make a difficult situation more confusing and painful. You would both have to stop doing any and all couple-like things, and live together solely as cohabitating parents.

If you do move back into your marital home, do both of you a kindness, and keep things very honest. Right now you'd be roommates in your marital home. Unless you both consider this time a chance to work on your marriage. If it is, then live as a married couple, and work on your issues together.

My phrasing might be a bit off, sorry, but I believe you get the general idea.

[lil_missy]

56 minutes ago, IndigoNight said:

Living with parents, as an adult with a toddler, can be a nightmare. Unfortunately, you are probably in the best place to be for considering the current state of things.

I understand why you think moving back into your marital home might be a good idea. However, it could possibly turn into a very bad decision. If you think that your husband, from whom you are separated, could live together as strictly roommates, it might work. Then again, it may damage your relationship even further. It's hard to say which way things will go. Offer, a stressful situation, only becomes more strained and stressful when cooped up at home.

These are stressful times for everyone, so don't be too hate to get away from your parents, simply because it would be easy to since you have your marital home as an option.

If he is pushing to work things out, he may view moving back in  together as more hopeful than you mean it to be.

Talk to each other about what moving back in together truly means. If you consider it just a better place to live than with the parents, he REALLY needs to understand exactly what that means, as so you. You wouldn't be sharing a bed, or even a bedroom. To do so would only make a difficult situation more confusing and painful. You would both have to stop doing any and all couple-like things, and live together solely as cohabitating parents.

If you do move back into your marital home, do both of you a kindness, and keep things very honest. Right now you'd be roommates in your marital home. Unless you both consider this time a chance to work on your marriage. If it is, then live as a married couple, and work on your issues together.

My phrasing might be a bit off, sorry, but I believe you get the general idea.

Thanks for your well thought out response! 

If we were to move back together it would def be to take this chance to work on our marriage. So we would not be living as roommates at all. I really want to keep our family intact especially for our lil boy. 

But actually I haven’t spoken to him about it, I don’t know if he even wants to at this point 😕 

[stillafool]

If your husband is the one you want to be with why were you asking for a divorce.  I think you're scared and lonely.  The virus isn't going to last forever.  I agree if your stuff is still in the house that doesn't show well.

[schlumpy]

9 hours ago, lil_missy said:

 Sometimes I think if the world ended then I’d want the 3 of us together til the end. 

So should I ask him to move back together? 

Does your husband share that thought?

[stillafool]

I notice a lot of people who were split or seeking divorce have put it on hold out of fear now that this pandemic has hit.

Edited April 6, 2020 by stillafool

[Eternal Sunshine]

People are terrified of being alone. I don't get why you don't just move back with your son temporarily if there is an empty house and you hate living with your parents.

Also, there is no need to dramatize, the world is not ending, these measures are only in place to lessen the pressure put on the healthcare system and resources. If you want to work things out with your husband that's another story but don't use the virus and world ending as an excuse.

Edited April 6, 2020 by Eternal Sunshine

[wtm78]

11 hours ago, lil_missy said:

Hi, 

for those of you that have read my threads, me and my husband have recently separated and both moved back home with our parents. We share custody of our three year old son. 

We originally planned to sell the house we shared together but now with covid 19 and everything shutdown it’s looking like the house is not selling. And it is just sitting there empty with all our furniture still there.

now our issues are NOT resolved however we are on friendly terms. 

We are now both working from home and our son is out of childcare. 

I still care about him and honestly there is no one I’d rather be spending this qaurantine with. Just him, our son and me  together all day everyday is honest the best way I can think of to spend this time. 

I don’t enjoy living with my parents, we don’t really get along and I’m only living with out of necessity. They look after me but they are very strict on my son and as a result he doesn’t like being there either, he is always sticking by my side and don’t really wanna hang out with my parents. Sometimes he asks me to go home. Every weekend when he comes back from his dad, he tell me he does not want to go my parents and cries. 

I don’t know if me n my husband will work out in the long run, we don’t see eye to eye on some pretty big issues and he has some big deal breakers for me. However just spending time with him has always being pleasant. He is really sweet and caring to both me n our son. 

So basically I just want to spend this quarantine period with him, I mean it could be 3-6 months! At least the three of us would be together. Sometimes I think if the world ended then I’d want the 3 of us together til the end. 

So should I ask him to move back together? 

 

that depends the reason you are separated. 

perhaps isolation is a chance to spend time together and rekindle the love.

[lil_missy]

1 hour ago, schlumpy said:

Does your husband share that thought?

I think he does, he was the one that told me if things got bad he wants to get a place for the 3 of us to be together. But unfortunately he doesn’t think through things n often can’t follow his word through. 

 

[lil_missy]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

I notice a lot of people who were split or seeking divorce have put it on hold out of fear now that this pandemic has hit.

Maybe the pandemic has just provided a diff perspective on things, it makes you reevaluate what’s really important to you in life .

we weren’t really split we were very on n off . Only off for a few days to a week max at a time 

[lil_missy]

43 minutes ago, Eternal Sunshine said:

People are terrified of being alone. I don't get why you don't just move back with your son temporarily if there is an empty house and you hate living with your parents.

Also, there is no need to dramatize, the world is not ending, these measures are only in place to lessen the pressure put on the healthcare system and resources. If you want to work things out with your husband that's another story but don't use the virus and world ending as an excuse.

I can’t just move back with my son coz I’m still working n I refuse to put him in child care now so I need someone to look after him when I work. Otherwise I would. 

Im not saying the world is gonna end with covid 19! All I’m saying is if you strip it all back, get rid of material stuff n whatever, if we’re only talking feelings n last days n no regrets then I’d be with my hubby. But obviously the real world is not that simple n we have issues to work through

[lil_missy]

29 minutes ago, wtm78 said:

 

that depends the reason you are separated. 

perhaps isolation is a chance to spend time together and rekindle the love.

We separated mainly because of financial issues , he was really bad with money n indebt and I have some doubts where the money went as well, so trust has also being damaged. We basically decided to sell the house bcuz the mortgage was a financial strain on us. 

I wish we didn’t have these financial stress over us, worrying about money everyday took the joy out of everything. Otherwise our relationship was great, we were best friends and joined at hip 

[wtm78]

sorry to hear that.. especially during this time... seems clear that you should settle the financial part first the rest can wait..

 

10 minutes ago, lil_missy said:

We separated mainly because of financial issues , he was really bad with money n indebt and I have some doubts where the money went as well, so trust has also being damaged. We basically decided to sell the house bcuz the mortgage was a financial strain on us. 

I wish we didn’t have these financial stress over us, worrying about money everyday took the joy out of everything. Otherwise our relationship was great, we were best friends and joined at hip 

 

[Gaeta]

Did you terminate your pregnancy?

lil_missy: I am sorry but you are your own worse ennemy. You married a man child, irresponsible and abusive, even though your marriage has been tough you willingly got pregnant in February?? why?? 

If you return with him you're just gonna get more of the same. People don't change, irresponsible men don't become responsible all of a sudden because you go back, men that are suppose to love you but call you names are not good husband-father material. This man is irresponsible to the point of losing your house, you get it?

Endure life at your parents and when the crisis is passed moved in your own place. If you are into wasting your best years on a loser then go back.

Edited April 6, 2020 by Gaeta

[preraph]

Grow up and stop creating your own problems. get the stuff out of that house so that people can see themselves and their furniture in it. Any decent realtor knows it's a lot easier to sell an empty house. The house looks bigger and everything. 

[stillafool]

10 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

You married a man child, irresponsible and abusive, even though your marriage has been tough you willingly got pregnant in February?? why?? 

Wah?  You actually planned to get pregnant knowing you were going to leave because he's irresponsible?

[Woggle]

If you want to work things out again then do so but don't use a pandemic as an excuse. Eventually the world will go back to normal and what will you do then?

[lil_missy]

5 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Did you terminate your pregnancy?

lil_missy: I am sorry but you are your own worse ennemy. You married a man child, irresponsible and abusive, even though your marriage has been tough you willingly got pregnant in February?? why?? 

If you return with him you're just gonna get more of the same. People don't change, irresponsible men don't become responsible all of a sudden because you go back, men that are suppose to love you but call you names are not good husband-father material. This man is irresponsible to the point of losing your house, you get it?

Endure life at your parents and when the crisis is passed moved in your own place. If you are into wasting your best years on a loser then go back.

Most of what you said is true. I guess I’m just scared of change. 

I did terminate the pregnancy. I just really wanted another sibling for my son, I’m an only child n always thought having siblings would be the best. 

Btw I never said my husband was abusive. He is the furthest from abusive, he is just a man child that throws tantrums when he doesn’t get his way. But his never called me names or insulted me. 

[lil_missy]

5 hours ago, stillafool said:

Wah?  You actually planned to get pregnant knowing you were going to leave because he's irresponsible?

I didn’t plan to get pregnant knowing I was gonna leave. 

I was unhappy but we’d been trying for a baby for a while by then, and I always wanted two kids n thought being pregnant would over shadow everything else coz I’d be so happy. 

Anyway I have really given up on the idea of a perfect family with 2 kids close in age with the white picket fence by now. I’ve accepted not everyone’s life is gonna be like that.