What would a girl, who's been hot and cold and playing games, think if she found out I unfriended her on Facebook?

[thebunyip]

My crush, who's also my coworker, teases me a bit, but as soon as I do it once, she freezes and stops for a couple of days. Then the process repeats. There is definitely moments of chemistry between us. Key word: moments.

It's been going on for a month or so.

I messaged her for the first time and she replied with one word. I've had enough, so I unfriended her. I'm gonna ignore her unless she makes a big move on me. Did I do the right thing?

If I ignore her, is there a chance she'll come to me?

[Trail Blazer]

You did the right thing.  She's a waste of time and energy.  She's what I'd refer to as a d!ck tease.  Honestly bro, if you want to be anything other than an orbiter who strokes her ego, just forget about her.

[basil67]

Out of curiosity, what does she say when she teases you?   And what do you say when you teased her in return?  

 

[thebunyip]

24 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Out of curiosity, what does she say when she teases you?   And what do you say when you teased her in return?  

 

A mixture of teasing, playful stuff actually. She only does it to me.

One time she goes, "I've got a bone to pick with you" with a little smile and I said she had 207 to choose from. The thing she pointed out wasn't even important.

Another time, she was about to leave for work and she came up to me and said "Do i have permission to leave?" I said, "no. sit back down until I say you can go." 

One time I was sposed to be on holidays, but I went into the office to get something and she said "Go away!".

We're working at home now due to COVID-19. She emailed me asking for my number so she could liase with me. Thing she told me could have 100% been easily explained in the email.

Stuff like that. If she knows I'm interested, surely she'd only do things like that if she was (a) interested or (b) Just playing games.

I'm guessing B

 

 

Edited April 6, 2020 by thebunyip

[Lorenza]

Doesnt really sound like she was teasing you, just workplace banter. 

[thebunyip]

3 minutes ago, Lorenza said:

Doesnt really sound like she was teasing you, just workplace banter. 

But why only to me? Also when I'm pretty sure she knows I like her. If she's not interested, surely she'd only talk to me if necessary?

Edited April 6, 2020 by thebunyip

[Juha]

 

For one who cares what she would think.

 

Two, don't think you needed to unfriend her, just don't give her much energy unless she initiates.

 

 

[basil67]

I agree that it just sounds like office banter.   Can you give an example of what you've said when you try it on her and she stops talking to you?

Why does she only banter with you?  Perhaps she thinks you're up for some light hearted fun.  But that doesn't mean that she necessarily wants to date you.   And having each other's number while working remotely doesn't mean anything either.   And it is perfectly normal for people to have a bit of light hearted fun in an office.  

Unfriending her on FB will likely only serve to have her stop believing that you're fun.

Edited April 6, 2020 by basil67

[thebunyip]

 

13 minutes ago, basil67 said:

 

 

13 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I agree that it just sounds like office banter.   Can you give an example of what you've said when you try it on her and she stops talking to you?

Eg, Her computer wasn't working and she was out of action for an hour or so. I said, "If you just wanna bludge at work, try to be more subtle next time". She just said ok

Edited April 6, 2020 by thebunyip

[basil67]

Yeah, I can see that joke being taken the wrong way.  It would explain her going quiet for a bit. 

[Ellener]

8 hours ago, Lorenza said:

Doesnt really sound like she was teasing you, just workplace banter. 

Or harrassment! 🙂 Not at work is my thoughts, can backfire several ways.

[preraph]

That's what you said to her.  What has she said to you that you think is teasing or flirting?  Because so far, I'm not seeing anything except you reaching out and getting one-word answers, i.e., not interested.  So what has she said, specifically?

[The Outlaw]

I doubt she'd lose any sleep over it but just be done with it. It isn't worth anymore of your time and energy. 

[SumGuy]

11 hours ago, thebunyip said:

A mixture of teasing, playful stuff actually. She only does it to me.

One time she goes, "I've got a bone to pick with you" with a little smile and I said she had 207 to choose from. The thing she pointed out wasn't even important.

Another time, she was about to leave for work and she came up to me and said "Do i have permission to leave?" I said, "no. sit back down until I say you can go." 

One time I was sposed to be on holidays, but I went into the office to get something and she said "Go away!".

We're working at home now due to COVID-19. She emailed me asking for my number so she could liase with me. Thing she told me could have 100% been easily explained in the email.

Stuff like that. If she knows I'm interested, surely she'd only do things like that if she was (a) interested or (b) Just playing games.

I'm guessing B

You are guessing and there are more than two options than (a) or (b).   Are you sure it is her that is playing games?  If you are interested why not just, you know, communicate that instead of hinting and being cryptic...and trying to infer depths of meaning from what could just be idle work banter.   

[Cookiesandough]

Probably she won’t care and find someone else to string along.  You need to unfriend her for your own sake and move on. She’s not interested 

Edited April 7, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Kitty Tantrum]

"What would girl I'm not dating/banging think if she found out I [DID THING]?"

The answer is probably NOTHING.

On 4/5/2020 at 11:29 PM, thebunyip said:

If I ignore her, is there a chance she'll come to me?

Very little chance. HOWEVER, if she DOES, that means there's a very high chance you should run away. Unless you like drama, playing a constant game of push-pull, overthinking everything, and never actually knowing where you stand.

[HopelessNick]

We've all been stood down from work due to COVID-19. She messaged me on FB messenger (even though we're not FB friends anymore) asking how i was. I said good. She said she was just making sure everyone was doing ok. I can confirm I am the only person she sent a message to. 

What is she doing?

 

[preraph]

You can confirm you're the only one she contacted on messenger, not that you're the only one she contacted.  She's just being sociable.  

[Cookiesandough]

13 hours ago, HopelessNick said:

 can confirm I am the only person she sent a message to. 

 

 

....how?

[Kitty Tantrum]

I was wondering the SAME THING. The only ways I can imagine being able to confirm that pretty much amount to stalking.

[HopelessNick]

I asked other workers whether they heard from her. 

[Kitty Tantrum]

Yeah, that's pretty creepy.

She probably wouldn't think anything or even notice that you unfriended her, but when your co-workers start being like "hey so-and-so, HopelessNick is asking around about you" she's probably gonna like "eerrrrgh."

Also I am perpetually confused by these threads that are started by ONE username, and then picked up by another. If you're going to use multiple accounts, wouldn't you want to keep them separate?

[Angel29]

She sounds more likely a bully. Who needs that drama and guessing games.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Why do people torture themselves like this? Ask her if she'd like to go out on a date after Covid restrictions are lifted. If she says "no, OMG, I don't think of you that way," etc., just be cool about it, 100% light, "No problem!", NO more than that, no apology, just a casual thing, and just treat her as business as usual from then on. If you don't, you will never know, because this girl is NOT going to jump into your lap and take all of the risk out of it for you, 100% guaranteed.

ETA: and please do not ever, ever ask your co-workers about her again, period. If you really have this pegged wrong, she could probably go to HR with that. Ask HER or ask no one. I promise you, this is not a good look.

 

Edited May 6, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl